This Too Shall Pass (27 page)

“Okay,” Riki sadly replied.

Alexis held back more tears and dialed Cory.

“Lex? Everything okay?” he answered.

“No, Cory. I want Riki. I’m going to get my girls.”

“No, you’re not, Alexis. You’re not stable enough to take care of yourself right now.”

“I need them.”

“Then I will go get them and take care of all of you. I’m not leaving you alone with them.”

Alexis stood and walked to the window, seeing the pile of fresh dirt below the tree. “Did you tell her about Mr. Dog?”

“No, I couldn’t. She barely understands why she can’t see Grandpa Kinney. I don’t know what to say to her.”

“Please go get them.”

“I’m staying.”

“Whatever, but don’t try to talk to me about anything. It is what it is, and it’s too broke to fix. I don’t want to fix us Cory.”

“Okay,” Cory agreed in a hurt tone. Alexis didn’t care about his hurt tenor. He didn’t even know the meaning of hurt. She dressed in flannel pants, a tee, and a baggy hoodie. Impressing Cory was the last thing she wanted to do.

Waiting for them to get there was torture. It seemed to take hours instead of minutes. She stoked the fire, flipped on the television, and yawned. The next thing she knew she was waking up from the recliner with a blanket over her arms. Riki was asleep at one end of the couch and Cory and Kinley were on the other. Alexis stared at all three of them, and started bawling. What the hell? Looking at a family that never had a chance hurt her heart. Her entire life hurt her heart.

Cory woke when he heard the clunk from the recliner handle, lowering the footrest. “I didn’t even hear you come. I must have fallen asleep.”

“It’s okay. They both needed a nap. You hungry?”

“I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“You don’t need anything these days, do you, Lex?”

Alexis stared at Cory, but not into his eyes the way he might have thought. It was more through him. “We’re not doing this. You’re here because you refuse to leave. That’s it.”

Cory’s rebuttal was cut off by the ringing phone. Alexis went for it in the kitchen without another glance.

“Hey, girl. How are you?” Bernie asked.

“I’m okay, just woke up from a nap. Long night.”

“Is he there?”

“Yeah, he’s like a bad rash. He won’t go away.”

“I’m sorry, Lex.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Guess what?”

“What?”

“Mr. Dog died this morning.”

“Oh my, God. Are you serious? What happened?”

“Nothing. He died peacefully, laying on his rug in front of the swing. I didn’t get to say goodbye to him either.”

“Wow, your luck, girl.”

“Right? My dad says when you stop fighting for things, you start a new life. Maybe this is my new life.”

“Said,” Bernie corrected.

Alexis’s eyes went to the two silver bowels. One full of water and one empty. “I don’t know how to be me without Mr. Dog or my dad.”

“Want me to come over?”

“No, I’m going to make the girls some lunch and spend the day with them. I’m okay. I promise,” Alexis looked to the beep in her ear and told Bernie she had to go. Her mother was calling.

“Okay, call me later. Love you, chick.”

“Love you back, chick.”

“Hi, how are you?” Lola asked. If one more person asked how she was…

“I’m okay, mom. I’m sorry I scared you. I guess I lost it a little.”

“As long as you’re okay. You can come over for supper if you want. There’s a houseful, but there’s always plenty.”

Alexis snorted. “There’s always a houseful there. I’m going to pass. Cory just brought the girls home. I need them right now.”

“And him?”

“No, Mom. I don’t need him,” Alexis assured her mother while her eyes darted right to Cory’s, entering the kitchen with Kinley. She smiled at reaching Kinley while Cory placed her on her lap.

“Hate paralyzes you, Alexis.”

“I don’t hate him, mom. I’m just not overly excited about his existence.”

Cory smiled at Alexis and her comments toward him while he emptied the dog bowels and carried them to the pantry.

“I’m going to tell you just like I told Sam. It’s not over with you and Cory any more than it is her and Doug. You hit a bump. People do crazy things when they love someone. Step over the hurdle and move on. Life is too short for hate. I’m here if you need me. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“I am, Alexis. You tend to look at death different when you get older. Your dad’s in a good place and I know I’ll see him again.”

“But how do you move on without someone you love so much, someone you let be a part of your soul like that?”

Cory squatted to the floor when Kinley slid from Alexis’s lap, bringing him her little cowboy boots, listening as Alexis asked her mom about him. He knew it was him she wanted to get over. He knew she was seeking advice from her mother, and Alexis knew he knew. She wanted him to know.

“You can’t tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart’s still in love. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”

“I don’t think we should tell Riki about Mr. Dog. I think we should tell her he wondered off and we can’t find him,” Cory suggested, still squatted to the floor.

Riki made her sleepy-eyed presence next, walking right to Alexis. Alexis slid her to her lap and hugged her.

“I sweetie.”

Riki looked up with sad eyed, right into Alexis’s, drooped shoulders and a puckering lip. “I’m sorry your dad died, Lexis.”

Alexis cupped her little cheeks and kissed her lips. “Thank you. Grandpa Kinney is okay. He’s probably in heaven right now, fishing in a pond.”

“And flowers are there too, and a shade tree,” Riki stated as her little mind visualized the scene.

“Yes, maybe roses. Grandpa Kinney always loved roses. Are you hungry?”

“For bacon.”

Alexis snickered and hugged her tight. “That sounds good. How about a bacon sandwich with soup?”

“Okay, and we can eat it in the play house?”

“Yes, if you want to.”

“You girls, go. I’ll make lunch. I’ll be the waiter and bring it up to you,” Cory suggested while coming to his feet and tossing Kinley in the air with a squeal.

Once again, Alexis avoided the eye contact, Cory was insistent on having. She led her troops toward the steps, one in each hand. Kinley crab crawled the stairs with Riki and then Alexis right behind her. The girls played around the attic, Riki engaged in the magnetic playhouse, rearranging furniture, and Kinley into everything. Her attention span was lucky to make it two minutes before she was on to something else.

Alexis sat on the padded window seat and watched, trying to come up with the right words. She smiled at Kinley when she held a remote control for a car to her ear and said hello.

“Riki, come here for a minute,” Alexis requested while her eyes focused on the fresh dirt below the oak tree by the pond. Riki came to her carrying a pink checkered sofa and blue curtains.

“What?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“Something sad?”

Alexis patted the seat and pulled a loose string from one of the daisy’s her mom had sewn for the bench. “Yes, it’s sad.”

“About Grandpa Kinney?”

“No, about Mr. Dog.”

“What? Wait. Where is Mr. Dog? I didn’t see him.”

Alexis looked toward the pond again. “Daddy, buried Mr. Dog below his favorite tree, right there,” Alexis pointed. Riki turned and looked out, too. “He went to sleep on his rug this morning and didn’t wake up.”

“That’s because he wanted to go to heaven with Grandpa Kinney. He didn’t want him to be alone. He’s probably under another tree like that and Grandpa Kinney is fishing, you think?”

Alexis smiled and hugged her tight. What a joyful little angel she was. “Yes, I think that is exactly right. You’re so smart.”

“Well, I’m going to miss him.”

“Me too, baby.”

Riki didn’t return to her redecorating. She sat with Alexis and watched out the window. “I think we should name the baby Paisley,” she suggested out of the blue. Just like that, the conversation about Mr. Dog was over.

“Paisley?” Alexis repeated, snuggling her close and kissing her head.

“Yeah, Uncle Doug is going to take Aunt Sam there for their wedding day birthday. It’s in Scotland. She showed me the pictures and it’s really pretty, with real castles. Maybe we could go there sometime.”

“Maybe,” Alexis agreed. Her forehead fell to the cool glass while her mind wandered to Sam and Doug. She could hear her dad’s voice, telling her how everything happened for a reason, and she wondered if he needed to go for them. To bring them back together. Life…

“Who’s ready for the best bacon sandwich in Brady County?” Cory called from the bottom of the stairs. Kinley ran to the gate and looked down excited. Alexis and Riki didn’t move.

“Mr. Dog died, too,” Riki told him like he didn’t already know. Big tears swelled in her eyes and Alexis squeezed her tight.

“You can cry, sweetie.”

“But, I don’t want you to be sad.”

“It’s okay. I cried, too.”

Riki did cry. She buried her face in Alexis’s chest and wept, soaking the front of her shirt with tears and snot. Alexis brushed her hair with her hand, consoling her with light kisses. Cory didn’t speak, he sat at the little table and chairs and began feeding Kinley. His eyes did lock with Alexis’s that time, and she let them, feeling she didn’t know what. Nothing was what it seemed anymore, life was nothing more than an illusion, and her heart would never be the same. Ever.

Thirteen

Cory didn’t leave for the next couple of days. He did however leave her alone. Alexis didn’t give him a choice. She mostly ignored him, devoting her attention to the girls, and only them. Every time he tried to talk to her about anything real, she shut him up, reminding him that it didn’t matter, that he made his choice, and she wasn’t interested in moving past it. She didn’t want to go in that direction. She wasn’t going in that direction, and by Sunday night she was ready for him to go home.

“You don’t need to come back here after work tomorrow. I can get Riki on the bus and you can pick the girls up from Sam’s if you want.”

“I don’t think you should go back to work. I think you should take maternity leave now. You’ve been through a lot over the past few days.”

“Yeah, and you’re not my doctor. I know what I need to do.”

“Okay,” Cory said while placing both hands into the air, backing off. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Alexis was fixed on what she was doing, and Cory Baker wasn’t it.

Alexis walked upstairs to bed without another word. No words were needed. She wondered what he expected while she moved the limb from her ribcage, ascending the stairs. Did he really think he was just going to waltz in and pick up where he left off, where he just up and deserted her because of his narrow, closed off mind? Hell no. Alexis didn’t work like that. The hardheaded McKinley in her wouldn’t let her do that.

****

Breakfast was just as strained, maybe even more so. Cory acted almost pissed with glares and smart comments.

“Daddy is going to pick you up from Aunt Sam’s after school,” Alexis explained.

“No, I want daddy to stay here. I don’t want to go there,” Riki whined.

“Lexis has to think about herself, Riki. I’ll pick you up.”

Alexis glared at him without words from across the table. Asshole.

“Well, I want to come here.”

“I’ll pick you up from Aunt Sam’s tomorrow. Go with daddy today.”

“Come on, eat up. We have to go,” Cory coldly responded. What the hell? What gave him the right to be pissed at anyone? “I’ll drop Kinley off. Is her bag ready?” Cory asked not even glancing her way. Whatever. Jerk.

“Yes, it’s by the door.” Alexis helped get their coats on them, promising to call Riki later that evening. An eerie quiet fell upon the room once the door was closed behind her. For a split second she almost opened the door to let Mr. Dog in. Her mind imagined him going to the rug in front of the crackling fire, turning in circles, and plopping down to warm his old bones. That’s what he would have done. He would have also eaten the scrambled eggs Kinley left for her on the floor.

A deep audible breath mixed with the quiet room filled the air. Alexis walked to the kitchen and cleaned up the breakfast dishes and Kinley’s mess. Her attention was drawn to the bright sun, shining in the back yard, right to the oak tree where Mr. Dog lay. Her eyes turned to the freezing cold temperature on the thermometer, stuck to the outside window. Seventeen degrees with the wind was like zero.

Alexis slid her shoes into her muck boots, omitting socks, and pulled on her coat. She walked out the kitchen door, tromping and waddling through frozen snow. Forget zero. It was more like negative twenty. The frozen, crisp wind burned her skin it was that cold. She covered her mouth and nose with her coat, and walked to the sun, shining on Mr. Dog. The warm winter coat was the best barrier, warding off the winter chill, but the thin pajama pants did absolutely nothing. Her plan was to make it quick. Tell Mr. Dog how much she missed him, say goodbye, and leave him to rest. Just a quick goodbye.

“Hey, boy,” she sadly spoke while dropping to her knees, feeling the instant wet cold on her legs. “I’m sorry things turned out this way. I’m sorry I let other things get in our way. Things sure were a lot easier when it was just you and me, huh, boy? Riki is going to miss you like crazy. You know I am going to have to clean up the food around Kinley’s highchair now, right?” Alexis smiled with both her hands over the cold dirt. “I love you, Mr. Dog. You were always loyal, my best friend. Thank you for all the great years of being there for me. Rest in peace, buddy, and take care of my dad. Goodbye, boy.”

Alexis blew warm air to her frozen hands and swiped away tears as she came to her feet. Her face held a puzzled look at first while her mind comprehended what was happening. The warm felt between her legs was welcoming at first, comforting her cold body. Alarm set in a fraction of a second, remembering the last time she’d felt the same warm water, in the exact same place. Great.

Alexis moved her hand between her legs and alarm set in for the second time. It wasn’t the sweet smell of amniotic fluid like the last time. It was sticky, bright red blood. Alexis quickly made her way back to the house, feeling more and more blood. What was going on? What was happening?

Her breaths became rapid with the panic and they were heard in her words. Cory answered with the same phlegmatic attitude he’d left with. 

“What?”

“Cory!”

His tone changed instantly to the same panic as hers. “What’s wrong, Alexis?”

“I’m bleeding. A lot. Where are you?”

“I’m on my way. I just dropped the girls off. I’m calling a squad.”

“It’s a lot,” Alexis repeated with her eyes dropped to the once pink pants, soaked in red. Something was seriously wrong. Something bad. “I don’t want you to hang up.” Alexis felt faint. Afraid to sit, afraid she’d lose consciousness and never wake up.”

“I’m going to call you right back. I’m coming, baby. Let me call for the squad.”

“Okay.”

Alexis held the edge of the table and slowly dropped to her knees. She needed to sit before she fell. Sweat beaded on her forehead and her stomach felt bloated, like it was going to explode.

The next thing she remembered was people yelling her name, but it wasn’t Cory. It was other people. People yelling and calling out orders in front of a bright white light. Were they angels? Was she dying? Questions moved in and out of her mind along with concentration, awareness of where she was and what was happening. Drifting in and out of consciousness, Alexis heard Cory. And Bernie! Bernie was there? Where was there?

“Who was her doctor, Bernie?” Cory yelled. Alexis squinted her eyes to Bernie. They were moving. Running. Why were they running?

“I don’t know, Cory. She wouldn’t talk about the baby. I don’t know.”

“She didn’t go to the doctor, did she?”

“I don’t know! Cory. I don’t know anything about this baby. It was just like when she was pregnant with Kinley. She wouldn’t talk about it. What’s wrong with her? Is she okay?”

Alexis fought for control while unconsciousness once again took over. This time for good. She never heard another word, never saw another face, and the white lights were now black. Nothing but darkness.

***

The first sound Alexis heard after that was a steady beep. She tried to open her eyes, but they wouldn’t move. Nothing would move. The pinch in the bend of her arm was felt, but she couldn’t move that either.

“We did an emergency C section,” the strange voice explained.

“The baby? Is the baby okay?”

Bernie? That was Bernie.

“Alexis had a condition called Placenta Previa. It’s a condition where the placenta is implanted in the lower uterine segment,” the strange voice explained.

Wait, what about the baby?

“I’m a doctor. I know what it is. I don’t need a lecture on Placenta Previa. How is she?” Even unconscious, Alexis knew that was Cory’s voice.

“She’s had three blood transfusions. She’s stable now.”

No! Wait! What about my baby? Where’s my baby?

Alexis screamed the words in her head, but she couldn’t speak them. Witlessness was felt, her mind went blank and the darkness once again took over.

Unaware of the time, the day, or even the hour, Alexis opened her eyes and looked around. She was in a room, a hospital room. A boxy television hung across from her and the same beeping sound filled her ears. The darkness outside the window assured her that hours had passed since she had been taken from her house, unaware of any of the logistics. Cory sat with his elbows on his knees, staring directly at her, weary covering his face.

A sense of guilt was felt when Alexis moved her hand to her flat stomach and tried to swallow. She couldn’t handle this. This would be her undoing. One can only handle so much loss before all is lost. “Cory?” she questioned with despair, praying that he had good news.

Cory stood and took her hand, kissed her knuckles, and smiled. What kind of smile? That was the puzzle. Was it sad? “How do you feel?”

“Where’s my baby, Cory?”

“Let’s go see. Let me go grab a wheelchair.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Hang on a second, Ms. Impatient.” Cory smiled a happy smile. That was good. She hoped. Alexis moved, trying to sit up. She felt the pain of an incision, just above her hairline.

A nurse entered with a smile. “How do you feel?”

“I have to pee. How is my baby?”

“I’m sworn to secrecy, but I will help you to the bathroom.” That had to be a good sign, too. The nurse was happy and cheerful. She wouldn’t be that way if something was wrong.

The burning sensation that she remembered having after Kinley wasn’t there, but the pain from the unplanned surgery sure was. The nurse helped her sit and she felt the worst pain in the world. The pain of natural child birth was way better than this. This was horrible pain, a different kind of pain. The work it took to squat and pee, wasn’t worth it. Sweat beaded on her forehead and she felt faint, sure she was going to pass out.

“Oh dear God. I can’t get up. I have to stay here,” Alexis assured the friendly nurse.

“You okay here for a second? I’ll go get you something for the pain.”

“Yes, I’m not going anywhere.” Where the hell was she going to go? She needed a crane to help her up.

“You okay?” Cory asked, wheelchair in hand.

“No, and I’m on the toilet. We don’t have this kind of relationship.”

Cory laughed. That was a good omen too. “You’re impossible to get over, you know that?”

“Hmph,” Alexis grunted. Nope not going there.

“Let me help you up, come on. I want to show you the most amazing miracle in the world.”

Alexis wanted to argue, but the nurse wasn’t back yet. She wanted to see the miracle. Her breath was held while she held the tight wrap around her stomach and let Cory help her to her feet.

“Oh, my God. Ahh,” she groaned doubled over in pain. “Should I be in this much pain?”

“Yes, you just had surgery. You’re going to hurt.”

“Here, you go. This will help,” the nurse said, using the IV to relieve her pain.

Alexis moved a little, trying to get comfortable in the chair. Cory squatted in front of her and dropped the foot ledges. That helped a lot, but did little for the adrenaline, pumping through her veins.

“Did you get your boy?” Alexis asked while Cory moved behind her, wheeling her out to the miracle.

“I’m still not telling you,” he whispered, his breath felt on her skin. Cory wheeled her to the window and another nurse came to the door.

“Come on in here, mommy,” she gleefully cheered. This was good. Everyone was happy. Her baby had to be fine.

Cory wheeled Alexis to the far corner where a teeny-tiny baby, wearing a pink T-shirt with a knitted, pink hat. “Oh my, God. Is she okay?” Alexis questioned. She didn’t feel the pain at all when she came to her feet to see her beautiful baby girl.

“She’s doing great.”

“Look behind you, Lex,” Cory said while sliding her hand into his. Alexis let him for the simple fact she was happy.

Alexis turned to see the exact same baby in the bed right beside her. This baby had a tube running down her nose. Her perplexed expression went back to the other baby. That’s when she noticed the letter A on her little shirt. She turned back to baby B not understanding.

“We didn’t know what to name them. We didn’t know you were planning on sleeping through all the excitement.”

“Two babies?” Alexis didn’t understand. “Two babies?”

“Yes, and guess what? You would have known this had you gone to the doctor,” Cory said in an accusing yet lighthearted tone.

“I’m sorry. I meant to. I was going to, I just, things got, I planned on—.”

“It’s over. Forget it. They’re fine, you’re fine, and that’s all that matters.”

“Two babies?” Alexis questioned again, trying her best to let it sink in.

“Not just two babies. Two more girls. I am going to be surrounded with five girls,” Cory teased with a dimpled smile, moving behind her and wrapping his arms around her. He kissed the side of her neck and Alexis let him, mostly for the support. She needed to lean on him, or at least that’s what she tried to tell herself. The truth was, it felt good to be in his arms, to share this with him, even if she still couldn’t believe it.

“Why does she have a tube in her nose? What’s wrong with her?”