This Very Moment (16 page)

“Who is Kylee? Wait, do you mean that fundraising lady you and Nicole knew?”

Bill wanted to tell him to mind his own business, but the love in his brother’s voice was unmistakable. How long had it been since they had really talked? Once they had been as close as he and Nicole. Perhaps even closer in some ways.

“Yes.”

“I was happy when I ran into her here a couple of months ago. To tell the truth, I gave her your address hoping she’d look you up. Seemed like a nice girl.”

“You forgot to mention she goes to your church.”

“What if I did? She’s still a nice girl.”

Bill didn’t reply.

“I guess she looked you up, no?” Jourdain pressed.

“She did. But she didn’t know about Nicole.”

“Oh, no.” There was deep remorse in his brother’s voice. “What happened? Tell me about it.”

Bill began to talk, finding to his surprise that the words came easily. He told Jourdain about the way he had gone to Kylee’s benefit dinner and how they had begun to date. He explained how she made him feel—and the way he had walked out on her.

“So what are you going to do?”

Bill snorted. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me?”

“I wish I knew.” Jourdain seemed not to hear the irony in Bill’s voice—or perhaps he was ignoring it.

“I can’t help her.” Bill let a note of sullenness enter into the words. It made him feel better to be angry at Kylee for expecting too much from him. “That’s what she wants.”

“Why can’t you?”

The harmless question made Bill’s anger mount. “Because I can’t, that why! I won’t have anything to do with it. I won’t!” His voice became low and desperate. “I just can’t.”

“I see,” Jourdain said, as though he really did understand. He was silent a minute before adding, “I remember a time when you talked about using your skills to help children. Don’t you remember?”

“No.” Bill’s reply was short, and also a lie.

“Well, I do. You talked about it when you visited during your schooling. I remember distinctly when you told Nicole. She really liked the idea. You were full of plans. Do you really not remember?”

Bill grunted in response.

“So what happened to the idea? Why can’t you help your friend now? It doesn’t make sense to me, and I bet it doesn’t to her either.”

Bill said nothing. He thought about hanging up.

“Guillaume, are you still there?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t hang up. Please. I want to help somehow if I can. I miss you, you know. A lot. And I want you to be happy.”

The plea in his brother’s voice stopped Bill from breaking the connection.

Jourdain took his silence as encouragement. “I think you have to ask yourself why you turned completely to optional aesthetic surgery, Bill. Isn’t that the real question?”

“I’m helping people.”

“Don’t be so stubborn. I’m trying to help you.”

“Well, you’re not.”

“You know what I think? I think that you do what you do because you don’t want to get your heart involved. I think you’re afraid to care about anyone or anything because you don’t want to get hurt.”

His brother, the genius.
Tell me something I don’t know.

“Well?”

Bill didn’t reply. His emotions swirled around inside him, threatening to break loose.

“One thing you have to understand,” Jourdain continued, “is that accepting Kylee probably means accepting those children. They are part of who she is. It’s obvious to me that you’re in love with her, and it’s not every day that you get a second chance at love. Are you going to give that up, Guillaume? Please don’t. I know the Lord has plans for you, and that He wants you to be happy.”

“He’s done nothing for me,” Bill grated.

“Maybe you’re too blind to see.”

Where does he get his assurance?
Bill wondered.
And Kylee, too?
It was hard for him to digest that after all the devastation in her life she could still believe in God.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Bill confessed softly.

Jourdain was silent a long moment. “You’re my brother, and I love you.”

“Thanks.” Bill meant it. He didn’t agree with all his brother’s words, but knowing there was someone who loved him unconditionally gave him hope.

Was there any chance at all that Kylee could feel the same unconditional love for him?

No, he couldn’t expect her to give everything if he wasn’t willing to give what she really wanted in return.

Bill sighed. “I have to hang up now, Jourdain. I appreciate your call.” Without waiting for a reply, he severed the connection. His stomach rumbled in the sudden quiet, but he ignored it, staring into nothingness.

An urge he hadn’t felt since another lifetime came over him. He jumped to his feet and took the stairs two at a time. In the exercise room, the drawings Kylee had wanted to see that first night still lay scattered on the floor.

He flipped through the old drawings, not really knowing what he was looking for until he had found it—the drawing he had done of Kylee when he found her sleeping on Nicole’s couch in France. With it came the memories of that night. Nicole had gone to the closet to hang up her coat, and he had stumbled into the living room where Kylee was sleeping. She had been so beautiful, lying in innocent abandon, untouched and untouchable, and in that instant he needed to draw her with an urgency he had never experienced before, not even with Nicole. The following week he had gone back to America and had put the incident completely from his mind.

Bill took up his charcoal pencil and a pad and began a sketch of Kylee as she had looked in the glittering bronze and gold dress on the night of his award dinner. Had there ever been a woman more beautiful or desirable? Then he drew one of her as she had appeared later that same evening when she had told him of Emily, and still another of her glaring at him when he had refused to help the children, tears of hurt and anger in her eyes. Next he sketched one of her sobbing on the couch. He continued drawing until his hand ached and his eyes could no longer see through the tears.

At last he set the pad down and stretched out on the floor, closing his eyes. Fresh anguish and loss joined the old pain he had carried with him for so long. He had again lost the woman he loved, but unlike with Nicole, he had made the choice to desert her.

He reached out to the drawings, wishing it was real flesh that his fingers touched. “Oh, Kylee, what have I done?”

He began to draw again. This time what emerged under his stiff fingers frightened him. It was Anna, the little girl from the TV station, and next to her was Jeffery, the burned child who so strongly reminded him of Nicole’s death.

Bill swallowed hard. He couldn’t help them, he couldn’t. And he didn’t want Kylee or anyone else to depend upon him. There wasn’t enough of his heart left to risk losing again.

Or was there?

CHAPTER TWELVE

The days passed agonizingly slow for Kylee. She missed Bill desperately, but she didn’t call him. She busied herself going over bank accounts and trying to find doctors and companies to donate time and resources. She had little success but wouldn’t let herself quit.

Finally, the long-awaited December eighth arrived. That morning Kylee met the 60 Minutes crew at the Hubbard Craniofacial Center for Anna’s surgery. Little Anna and her mother had already arrived and were talking with Dr. Nelson and several nurses. Anna’s face brightened as she saw Kylee. Releasing her mother’s hand, she ran to Kylee’s side.

“Oh, Kylee, it’s finally here. I’m so excited!” Though the words were garbled and the smile twisted, happiness radiated from her beautiful eyes. Kylee felt Anna’s gladness blot out much of the pain she had been feeling. Over time this child would be able to smile without her impairment marring the effect.

Kylee bent down and hugged her. Holding the child partially filled the ache in Kylee’s heart. “I’m excited, too.”

“Why are you crying?” Anna asked.

Kylee wiped at her face. “Sometimes adults do that when they’re happy.”

Anna shook her head and pursed her lips as much as she was able with her unrepaired cleft. “That’s weird. Mommy’s been crying for lots of days.”

Kylee knew that although she had assured Anna’s mother of her continued support, Mrs. Johnson must still worry that there wouldn’t be enough funds to pay for everything. Besides the plastic surgeries and regular doctor visits, there would be dental visits, audio tests, and speech therapy. Anna had a long way to go, and years of medical bills. Worse, Anna was merely the first child on the list.

Suddenly Kylee’s tears took on a new meaning: the costs to help the rest of the children would be staggering, and the only way she could proceed was by faith.

Feeling eyes upon her, she glanced up to see a camera turned in her direction, the red recording light burning. “Everything will be fine,” she murmured to Anna. “For you and your mommy. I’m going to make sure of that.”
Somehow.

“Come on now, Anna,” a nurse said. “We need to get you ready to start. Don’t worry. Your mom can come with you.”

Anna left with her mother and the nurse to prepare for the surgery that would close her remaining cleft lip and rework the badly repaired side. The temporary palate would be replaced at a later surgery after some necessary dental work.

Dr. Nelson came up to Kylee. “I’m really sorry about everything that happened. I had no idea when Ms. Rinehart called to postpone the surgery again that she was going to do something like this. I guess I should have suspected, but I didn’t.”

“
She
postponed the surgery?”

“Yes. Twice.”

So it hadn’t been the doctor after all. That meant Elaina and Troy had been planning their escape since at least the night of the second benefit banquet. Kylee felt sick to her stomach. How could she have suspected nothing?

“Look, you won’t be receiving a bill for my part in this surgery,” Dr. Nelson said. “And you can count on me to help on some of the other surgeries, though for those I’ll have to charge minimal fees to pay the personnel I need to assist me. I can’t help all the children you have lined up, but I can help some. I wish I were more financially established so I could do more.”

Kylee smiled at him gratefully. “You’re doing what you can, and I’m grateful. I wish there were more people like you.”
I wish Bill were more like you,
she added silently. A week and a half without Bill made her admit, if only to herself, how much she missed him.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me.” The doctor nodded at her politely before turning down the hall in the direction Anna and the nurse had disappeared.

As part of 60 Minutes’ arrangement to pay part of the costs of the surgery, their camera continued to record throughout the procedure. Kylee watched on a monitor in the hall, her stomach in a tight ball as the doctor’s deft hands moved confidently over Anna’s still face. Having met him only today for the first time, Kylee was impressed with what she saw.

She continued to worry about money. Though Dr. Nelson had waived his fee for this surgery, the hospital bill would still apply, and she knew the charges wouldn’t be low. But at least Anna had her beginning.

One among hundreds.