This Very Moment (21 page)

“I’m sorry, Kylee.”

“Thanks. Me, too. I appreciate all you’re doing. I know it’s not easy for you to help Jeffery.”

He laughed. “A lot easier than I thought.” There was a loaded silence and then, “I missed you when I woke up.” Bill’s voice held an odd note now, one she didn’t recognize. “I imagined what it would be like to have you next to me.”

“You did? And then what?”

“Then I went downstairs and unloaded the dishwasher. We certainly used a lot of dishes last night. Usually I run it nearly empty.” His voice had returned to its normal timbre. “What about dinner tonight?”

“Your place or mine?”

“I know this little Chinese restaurant near your place, and the food’s good.”

“What about money? You’re already going to take a big hit with Jeffery’s surgery.”

“Anyone can afford this place. Besides, I’m not going broke for a long time yet. I’m a plastic surgeon, and you should see my surgery schedule the rest of this week.” He chuckled. “Pre-Christmas presents, you know. Not only do people have time off, many of them have to use the rest of the funds in their Cafeteria plans before January, or they lose them. This is my busiest time of the year. So how about it?”

“I’d love to. Thanks.”

“I’ll come by after work. Not sure when I’ll get done, though.”

“I’ll be here. I have work to do here, so whenever you’re ready, come over.”

“Okay, I will.” He hesitated again. “If you need me, call. You have the number.”

“I will.” Kylee hung up the phone, warmth flooding her senses. It was kind of silly that he worried about her because she could certainly take care of herself. Yet after so long on her own, it felt wonderful to have a man other than one of her church leaders be concerned for her welfare. Her faith was important to her, but maybe she could give Bill a few weeks and see what happened. At the very least, she could share her testimony with him.

She sat up and swung her feet off the bed. Time to face the world.

After calling Mr. Rivers and Mrs. Johnson, Kylee went down to the newspaper office. She was interviewed almost immediately by a reporter, a sure sign of a hot story. When she left the office, she felt confident they would print an accurate version.

She drove almost reluctantly to the post office where she checked her box, fearing to find stacks of letters from the people on her charity lists, censuring her for losing their contributions. Instead, there were only a few letters with donations that had trickled in from the TV commercial before it had been pulled. She sighed with relief, though she knew that the dreaded letters probably hadn’t had time to arrive yet. Kylee drove to the bank and deposited the new donations. The total of the checks was less than a hundred dollars, but anything would help the children.

Back at the apartment she busied herself with the paperwork that remained from her frantic letter-writing sessions the two previous weekends. Without realizing it, she picked up the list of children waiting for Children’s Hope to answer their dreams, and she couldn’t stop herself from looking at the next name—Chantel, the baby with Apert syndrome. Kylee remembered well the infant from the video shoot. Elaina had said that she had bumped the child to the top of the list because of the immediacy of her situation. Chantel would need several operations on her skull throughout her life to avoid mental retardation. She also required surgery on her mittened hands and feet to make fingers and toes. It would be a long process, but the memory of the angelic baby on the video tugged at Kylee’s heart. Chantel reminded her of Emily. “It won’t be long now,” Kylee said aloud to Chantel. “We’ll get you fixed up.”

When Bill came to pick her up, she told him about Chantel. “I remember that baby,” he said. “From your video.”

“You’ve got a good memory.”

“Not really, she just stood out. You’ll need a craniofacial surgeon and about seven other specialists to help her. I’ll be glad to help with the parts I’m qualified for.”

Kylee hugged him. “Thank you. I’m very grateful.”

“I think I like you being grateful.” His arms tightened about her.

She laughed and pushed him away when she really wanted to hold him closer. “Don’t think it’s going to get you anything.”

“That’s okay. It’s the right thing to do.”

Kylee’s heart filled with hope. “The right thing? That sort of makes it seem like you believe in God. I mean, the right thing versus the wrong thing.”

Bill shook his head, his lips curved in a gentle smile. Instead of replying, he asked, “How’d it go at the newspaper?”

“Good, I think. But your name might be in the paper tomorrow. Sorry about that.”

He smiled ruefully. “Guess I’d better get used to it if I’m going to help you. At least now they have the real story.”

“Hopefully. I’ll bet they’ll call it late-breaking news even though they printed my news release two Sundays ago—way in the back of the paper.”

“Probably.”

The Chinese restaurant was perfect, and the mood between them romantic. Yet Kylee couldn’t help thinking about Suzy’s comments and what Bill’s attitude against religion might mean to their relationship in the long run. He didn’t seem particularly antagonistic toward her faith, but rather apathetic about all churches in general. For Kylee’s part, her faith in Jesus Christ had been a mainstay in her life since Emily’s death. Could she really consider having a serious—hopefully a lifetime—relationship with someone who couldn’t share that part of her life? Though she had once thought Bill’s love might be enough, now she wasn’t sure. She had made a terrible decision by marrying Raymond. What if she was making a similar mistake with Bill?

He hasn’t asked you to marry him,
she reminded herself.

“Do you like children?” she asked.

Bill chuckled. “Where’d that come from? We were talking about seasonings.”

“Well, I guess I wondered if you and Nicole had planned on having children.”

“Of course we did. She was nuts about kids.”

“I knew that, but I didn’t know how you felt.”

“I like children. At least the few children I know.”

“I mean, you didn’t want to do any surgeries before and—”

“It wasn’t the children,” Bill retorted.

“Then what?”

There was a flash of irritation in his face that made Kylee feel rebuked, as though he had told her she had no business delving into his feelings. But if she didn’t, who would? He said he loved her, and that meant sharing their inner emotions, didn’t it?

Her hurt must have shown in her face because Bill sighed and reached out to touch her hand. “I’m sorry. I guess you deserve to know, but I’m not very proud of my reasons.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want them to depend on me. It doesn’t make sense but I didn’t want to have to care about them. To . . . to . . .”

“Feel?” Kylee supplied.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s it.”

“Because of Nicole.”

“Those children need someone warm and loving to help them. Someone who will care about seeing them through. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to even try. All I saw when I looked at them was Nicole on that day in France, with her skin as dark and full of ashes as my dreams.”

“What happened to change your mind?” Kylee felt she was beginning to understand him.

He didn’t say anything for a long time, but stirred the Chinese food with his chopsticks. “You.”

“You want to help the children because of me.”

“It was a start.” He gave her a small grin before becoming serious again. “But that’s not all. Someone—my brother actually—reminded me of how I had once wanted to help children when I was in school. I had forgotten that.” He dropped his chopsticks and put his hand over hers. “Truth is, I didn’t make the decision until I saw Jeffery yesterday. I had come to convince you to forgive me, to accept me as I was, despite the fact that I didn’t want to help the children. I thought maybe I would agree to do something minor, if that’s what it took to get you to talk to me.” Bill grimaced. “I know that doesn’t sound very good of me, but it was all I could do then.”

“You told Jeffery you wanted to help him.”

He nodded. “When I saw him standing there with that ragged mitt, I wanted to run away. But he looked so scared and helpless . . . I knew I could help him. I could make a difference. He wasn’t Nicole, and ignoring his need couldn’t bring her back.”

“Maybe helping him can—at least in some way.”

His eyes met hers for a long, silent moment. “I’m glad you understand.”

Kylee nodded, remembering the moment she had let the love of the Savior heal the wounds of Emily’s death and Raymond’s betrayal. Yes, she knew intimately the feeling of tossing away fear for the hope of a new future. Bill’s decision to help the children meant that he was finally ready to move out of the past—and perhaps into her future.

His grip on her hand tightened. “I figure if you could go through what you did with Emily and still have the ability to love, then I can also find that strength. Even if I have to lean on you for a while. I can help those children. And I love you, Kylee. I really do.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered. There was no going back now. She loved him, and either they would continue together and be happy, or they would both get hurt. Would it be her faith that separated them?

After dinner Bill took her home and said good night. “I have to get up early to make up for the time I was off yesterday.” He kissed her, and her doubts were banished to the deep recesses of her mind.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked against her ear, their bodies pressed together.

Kylee laughed. “My place or yours.”

“Yours.”

When he left, Kylee stood for a long while staring out the window into the dark, starless night. Her heart felt full and tender, but for some reason she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.