Thorne (Random Romance) (8 page)

‘It’s supposed to be intimidating.’

She gave a breath of laughter. ‘It’s that too.’ Next she appraised the design on the back of my shoulder, moving around behind me so that I could feel the heat of her against my spine. My tally was there – the eighteen marks along my vertebrae – but she didn’t ask what they were a count of, and I was relieved.

She moved to my front again, bending close to my ribs to look at the bird poised in flight, and the wolf with his head tilted back in a howl that sat over my heart. Oyster shells covered my left arm, and these she traced with fingers that did not quite touch, as careful as if she expected to feel the bite of their teeth. The last tattoo was on the inside of my wrist, a slender rose bud with a stem of prickly thorns.

‘Are they stories, these tattoos?’

‘Pieces of stories, maybe.’

‘And who knows these stories? Who have you given them to, Prince Thorne?’

I swallowed, confused. ‘No one. I … Who would want them?’

She straightened as a strange expression passed through her eyes. ‘Why didn’t you want me to touch you?’

So she’d noticed. I shook my head slowly, unsure what to say. Shame was hot like an iron poker in my belly. Here was the mortifying truth of the kind of creature I was. To tell her meant giving her ammunition, but maybe it would also warn her. And though in moments I truly, deeply disliked her, I would die before I hurt her.

‘The beast wants to destroy everything,’ I murmured. ‘But I think, most of all, he wants to destroy you.’ My voice was low without me meaning for it
to be. ‘I could lose control of him at any moment, and I wasn’t sure, if you touched me, if I could …’

Finn shivered, turning her face towards mine. ‘I’m not scared.’

‘I know you’re not.’ Her scent was nothing like fear.

Then she said, ‘I want to kiss you.’

I blinked, straightening. There was wickedness in her eyes. ‘Because you think me a play-thing. But you don’t understand.’

‘I understand perfectly.’

‘You’re selfish,’ I said bluntly. ‘You would poke the beast because you don’t care about the outcome, you want only chaos, and you don’t have a single thought for what it would do to me to harm you.’

‘You’re scared of him, aren’t you?’

My mouth opened but nothing came out.

‘Thorne,’ she said clearly, ‘I want to kiss you.’

I was angry and freaked out, but the worst thing of all was that I wanted her to kiss me too. ‘And do you always get what you want?’ I managed to breathe.

Finn considered. ‘Yes.’

Without warning a laugh bubbled up inside my chest and escaped me.

It made her lips curl into a grin. ‘There it is,’ she murmured. ‘The first time I’ve heard it. It’s lovely.’ She moved closer. ‘I want to kiss the corner of that laugh,’ she whispered. Leaning closer, I could feel her breath on my lips. ‘Will you let me, Prince Thorne?’

As if, in this moment, there was a way for me to deny her anything.

‘Finn,’ I warned, and then I felt her lips on the very corner of mine. Something erupted inside me. Something so powerful I thought it would break free of my skin and incinerate the earth we stood upon. The cage within shook and I almost lost my hold on it, even so soon after the last loss of control.

But in that instant – in that one, impossibly stretched out moment – she jerked away from me.

Her eyes flickered ebony scarlet azure lime maroon tangerine – and then stopped abruptly on her normal shade of yellow. She was breathing quickly, as completely rattled as I was. She turned her back on me, walking several paces away, and I tried to calm myself, unsure what in Gods’ names was going on.

I watched, feeling utterly dazed, as Finn finally smiled an unbearably cold smile. ‘You’re just a boy,’ she murmured. ‘You’d take it too seriously.’

A deep breath of air left me and I felt the beast quiet down in his cage. It was like being liberated and destroyed at the same time. She felt nothing; she wanted only a thrill, and the idea of danger. She killed people and felt nothing. She had rot in her heart, and cruelty.

‘You’re probably right,’ I said softly. ‘My apologies, lady, for the way I’ve spoken to you tonight. I am not myself.’

Finn’s eyes dropped with disappointment. She left the room, and I knew that even with the rot and the cruelty, my beast wanted her. I didn’t know if he wanted to destroy her, or if he just wanted her, and what’s more, I didn’t know what the difference was.

Finn

Foolish, foolish girl. I had known what it was to touch his skin, and yet I had kissed him anyway.

I wanted nothing and no one except as a distraction. I wanted loud and bright and fast and wild. I didn’t want quiet; I
couldn’t
. I couldn’t bear it. Because in the quiet I heard the screams and I heard her voice whispering to me over and over and I couldn’t make it stop.

And when my lips touched his, even for just a moment,
less
than a moment, I felt the dark heart of him creep out to take hold of me, and the world went so quiet it was like a tomb.

Falco

It was hot under the sweltering sun; I could see a single drop of sweat running down the back of Quillane’s neck and I wanted to lick it off.

‘… which part?’ I heard her ask Petir.

‘That section there, Your Majesty,’ he answered her.

I moved forward to drape an arm around Quill’s shoulder and peer down at the area he’d pointed out. Before us was an enormous training course that had been built and erected on the sand of the city stadium. Volunteers would partake in the course, and only the most successful contestants would be selected to set out in search of what we’d now started referring to as ‘the curse-breaker’. Privately, of course. If anyone who was bonded ever heard Quillane or I refer to the bond as a curse we’d be in trouble.

The section Petir was gesturing to was supposedly the most dangerous bit of the course, a climb that if failed, didn’t look very pleasant.

‘Is that safe?’ Quill asked worriedly.

Petir glanced at me and I shrugged. I’d given him the orders. I stood by them. ‘His Majesty wanted it to be challenging …’

Quillane turned her green eyes to me. ‘Then it’ll be your fault if people die? That’s fine by me.’

‘No one’s going to die,’ I smiled. ‘We’ll have warders at each interval in case something goes wrong. If they can’t get through something like this, then they’re not likely to be able to manage much in the real world.’

What went unspoken was the very real possibility that the curse-breaker could be hidden in any number of the uninhabitable areas of our country, and if that were the case, we’d probably never reach it.

‘Says he who would likely fall to his death on that first rope there,’ she murmured.

‘How cruel you are, my love,’ I replied, planting a kiss on her neck. ‘Have the preparations been finished?’

‘Yes, Majesty,’ Petir answered.

‘And have you tried the course?’

‘I have.’

We both looked at him, waiting.

He blushed bright pink. ‘I … did not do well, I am afraid.’

I snorted with laughter. Quillane sighed. ‘What catastrophe have you cooked up for us now, Fal?’

‘It’s hardly
my
fault! You just love to blame me for everything.’

‘When the shoe fits …’

‘Away with you, Petir,’ I demanded. ‘I want to ravish my Empress.’

Petir vanished with remarkable speed.

‘You may want to, but you’re not going to,’ Quill muttered, shoving me away.

I clicked my tongue. ‘I don’t understand this. When will you let me have you?’

‘You’re not my bondmate.’

‘And we’ll never have one! So why not enjoy ourselves?’

‘Has it ever occurred to you that I’m simply not attracted to you?’

I blinked. ‘No. Never.’

She laughed, turning to descend the steps onto the sand. I followed her and we wandered through the course, peering up at each section. I’d designed it months ago and delivered the sketches anonymously to the architect. I was pleased to see now that he’d followed just about every specification I’d made. It would not be for the faint of heart, this course.

I watched Quill swing up onto a large wooden ladder.

‘Careful,’ I warned. There were no warders here to stop her from falling.

She balanced lithely on the narrow beam at the top, arms flung wide. I moved beneath her, though what I could do if she fell I had no idea.

‘We’re not all as clumsy as you,’ she pointed out.

‘Just be thankful that one of us is an easy target,’ I muttered.

I saw her turn in the moonlight to peer down at me on the sand. ‘What do you mean?’

I shrugged quickly, flashing her a grin. ‘Nothing.’

‘You think you’re a target?’

‘We both are, darling.’

‘But you more so than me? Why?’

I tilted my head, considering how truthful to be. I supposed it couldn’t do her any harm to know what I meant. ‘There is a clear path for anyone to tread should they want to dispose of me.’

‘And what path is that?’

‘Well, consider this. I spend an inordinate amount of time alone in bedrooms with women I’ve never met.’

Quillane’s eyes flashed aubergine with alarm. ‘You think one of the girls you bed is going to assassinate you?’

I laughed. ‘It’s how
I’d
attack me. Anyone with half a brain should see the opportunity in it. I can hardly imagine the Sparrow failing to spot it. And given I have no chance of defending myself …’

‘Then why do you continue to meet with them?’ she exclaimed.

I winked at her. ‘Because, Quillane, I really, really love women.’

She shook her head slowly. ‘There’s something terrifying about how foolish you are, Falco.’

‘Oh, come now –’

‘If you were killed, how do you think I would manage?’

I closed my mouth, good mood fading. Antagonising her wasn’t all that fun when she actually started to get upset.

‘Do you think I can do this on my own?’ she pressed.

‘I know you can,’ I replied honestly.

‘I shouldn’t have to. You should care about me, Falco, and your people, and your country more than you care about bedding whores.’

I didn’t know what to say. The truth was easy: I cared about nothing more than I cared about my country and my people and my Empress. I’d die for any one of the three, a thousand times over. I hated fucking faceless women every night.

But the truth had no place in the life I’d built for myself.

I wondered, not for the first time, if Quillane would love me were she to meet the man behind the mask.

‘All I have to say to that,’ I said bluntly, ‘is that I’d stop seeing every single one of them if you would come to my bed instead.’

Her gaze shifted russet with disgust and she turned angrily to climb down from the obstacle. In that moment I saw her foot slip.

I was moving before she’d even started to fall, no thought for the consequences. Her long limbs collided with me and I twisted myself beneath her, taking the weight of her fall and sparing her the impact that would have broken several bones, if it had not killed her. I hit the sand awkwardly and felt ribs splinter. Air left my lungs in a great rush and stars shimmered in the inky sky, woozy and dancing across my vision.

‘Falco!’ I heard her cry, scrambling to get off me. Her face swam above me; her eyes looked a brilliant aquamarine.

‘By Gods I love you,’ I heard myself say, and then I quite promptly passed out.

It must have been only moments before I opened my eyes again, as no one had yet arrived to help.

‘Fal?’

‘Yes, darling?’

‘Gods. I thought I’d lost you for a moment there.’

‘Please. You
are
heavier than you look, but you’re still not heavy enough to
kill
me.’

‘You’re a delicate flower,’ she pointed out. ‘Who knows
what
could be the end of you.’

‘I’ll try not to take offence to that.’ Slowly I sat up, pain slicing through my chest and side. ‘Are you all right?’

‘I’m fine. Thankful that you were clumsy enough to get in my way. Can you walk?’

I could have, but instead played it up. ‘The pain is terrible.’

‘Wait here then. I’ll get help.’

I watched her dash across the sand towards where our guards would be waiting at the entrance of the stadium, and then I allowed myself to lie back down and wallow in emasculation.

When the Sparrow is dead
, I promised myself.
When the Sparrow is dead, you can be everything she needs you to be. You can win her heart.

Quillane

After securing Falco comfortably in his bed with a warder’s magic healing his ribs, I snuck down the lonely stone tunnel to Radha.

She was curled on her bed and she looked very pale.

‘Are you all right?’ I asked quickly, sinking down beside her.

Her inky eyes opened wearily and she nodded.

‘You don’t look well, love.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘You don’t get any fresh air.’ Staring at her, I made up my mind. ‘I have an idea. Come with me.’

‘This is a mistake!’ Radha whispered as she snuck along the corridor behind me. Her eyes were covered with my blindfold so that if anyone spotted us, they would think I was taking my pleasure with her, and would not realise that her eyes turned gold for me. I would have to deal with the fact that someone knew I preferred the company of women later – a necessary risk in order to get Radha out of that cursed prison cell.

Grabbing some equipment, we crept out to the east wall gate that opened onto the cliffs. Radha was nimble and sure-footed, not needing any help to climb down to the small jetty at the very bottom of the cliff. It sat in a tiny abandoned inlet, this jetty, but had one single boat tethered in case of an emergency. We climbed into it and cast off, taking an oar each and striking out. I could feel her coming back to life surrounded by the sea. Salt was in our blood.

When we reached a calm stretch of ocean we threw our fishing lines in and sat back to wait for any nibbles. We’d fished every day in the first years of our bonding. Now I couldn’t remember the last time we’d gone.

‘You’re not really going to break the bond, are you?’ she asked softly.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. ‘I might have to.’

‘How could you even entertain the idea?’ Radha demanded incredulously.

‘For you.’

She shook her head. ‘I don’t need it. It’s you who is too frightened to make the change this country needs.’

I didn’t rise to the bait. We’d been fighting way too much of late, and I hated it.

‘You would sever what’s between us,’ she whispered, and I could hear the tears in her throat.

I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of this idea settle upon me. The weight of all the bonded Kayans who would feel the grief of it, if I were indeed to order the bond broken. I’d been born with such ambition in my veins. Such a need to help. But the more choices I had to make that felt wrong, the wearier I grew of it all.

I found myself wishing, in the dark quiet of night, for a life in which all that was required of me was to love my mate. That was a big enough burden for one person, surely. An infinite enough joy. Instead I made impossible decisions and I had no one at all to help me.

Taking a breath, I looked at Radha.

‘I don’t need the bond to love you,’ I told her. ‘I will do that no matter what magic exists in the world.’

Something pulled on her line, and when she reeled it in there was a fat, wriggling fish on the end of it. We both burst into laughter for the sheer pleasure of it.

Finn

Around us as far as the eye could see was grass. Endless fields of yellow, waist-high grass. The five of us were spread out, wading through it under a hot sun. Isadora was a few hundred yards ahead, but even though she was short, there was no way we could lose sight of her, glowing under the sun as she was. Jonah watched her without blinking from where he walked beside me. Despite the fact that I had told her she wasn’t welcome to join our travelling party, I’d been out-voted. She’d offered us her swords for the journey, and the boys all thought it was wise after last night to have another who could fight in our party. They were right. I simply didn’t trust her.

Thorne was keeping pace out to the right, his neck on a constant swivel to check for any signs of danger. And Penn brought up the rear, trailing behind with a song on his breath, slashing a long stick through the grass.

My footsteps felt heavy today. I couldn’t seem to shake the remnants of last night from my skin. The idiocy of what I’d done. Of course Thorne wasn’t the right person to relieve my boredom with; he thought everything was a matter of gravest import. Yuck.

Sometimes the darkness that crept in felt like a physical sensation over my skin. It prickled, grew hot and sticky and sore. In my head there were whispers made of shadow, and as they brushed against me they sent revulsion down my spine.

For a few years I spent a lot of time letting this darkness build until it was so thick it felt like wading through tar. I would push myself to endure as much of it as I possibly could. I outgrew that, because as the years passed, the darkness became more frightening, and I now had no wish to toy with it.

‘Inney?’ Jonah said suddenly, pulling me to a halt. ‘You’re too full.’

‘I’m fine.’

He took both my hands and even though outwardly I sighed there was an immense relief blooming within me. I watched my brother as his eyes faded to milky white and he started draining the blackness inside me. With every passing second I felt lighter, more whole, more energised. A bubble of laughter escaped my lips, and Jonah let me go. He smiled at me, but I could see what he worked to keep hidden: the weary ache that all my fury and grief made him endure each time he took it from me.

I felt a moment of purest love for my brother. Of rapturous happiness. He was all I could ever need, he and Penn and my da. I didn’t need anything else but them, and sky, endless sky under which to run.

Thorne and Isadora had come to a stop a few yards away, watching us silently. Neither asked us what we were doing, but I could tell they were
curious and wary both. I didn’t want their eyes on me, dampening the brightness in my chest. So I leapt into a bound over the grass, weightless as I dashed forward, running and running and running.

Thorne

It was like seeing a shadow pass over something and then disappear, leaving it to shimmer in the sunlight. Finn had been different this morning. As if a sea had passed through her, threatening to drown her. It had preoccupied me, thinking it must have something to do with last night. I had been rude, and now regretted it terribly. Ma would be ashamed of me. Despite the fact that I disliked Finn’s character, I hated to think I’d made her uncomfortable – or anyone, for that matter. I had little experience with women, so perhaps I had.

But then I saw Jonah take her hands and she was lifted up and spun around like a leaf in a wind pocket. I stared in astonishment as she took off across the field, Penn dashing after her, the two of them laughing with an abrupt freedom.

Jonah approached Isadora and I. He, on the other hand, had dark hollows under his eyes and stood a little less straight.