Three Hearts One Soul (The Soul Series #1) (14 page)

“Need anything?”

He grins and looks over at Whiskey. “No, you’ve given me everything I asked you to give me, Nevaeh. My brother and you.”

“You asked her to find me?” Whiskey says, it’s not really a
question, it’s more like him confirming something he already knows.

“Yeah, she promised she would. She did a good job
too, I’ve been looking for years.”

Whiskey looks up at me again, and I can’t quite read the emotions in his face. Is that…disappointment? Did Whiskey think I was looking for him for myself, too?

“Anyway, you two catch up, I’ll be back later.”

“Later baby,” Jase whispers.

“Later sugar.”

I swallow and walk out, right before my legs begin trembling.

~*~*~*~*

I decide to get away from it all, and go to the shops. I ring Tanya and she meets me at a local café. We order some coffees and sit down. She smiles over at me, no doubt wanting to ask how I’m recovering after my little drunken break down. I feel bad for putting that on her and asking her to be there for me when she doesn’t even know the
entire story. Poor Tan, she’s always such a good friend and I am just outright awful sometimes. 

“How are you feeling?”

I shrug and force a smile. “As good as can be expected.”

“So, you ready to tell me why you went on a drinking rampage?”

I sigh and when the waitress brings me over a coffee, I sip it and enjoy the feeling of the hot liquid sliding down my throat.

“Whiskey,” I say, it’s a simple word but it’s enough.

“Whiskey, Jase’s brother right?”

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Oh…”

Her eyes widen and she smiles, no doubt intrigued by the story. I can’t say I blame her
really, I would want to know too if I was in her position.

“It’s not just Whiskey. It’s Jase too.”

She sympathetically and pats my hand.

“After what happened between us, his mum blamed me and the drama began. Whiskey stayed at my house…he’s been staying at my house since. It’s just all so over the top. All he’s basically done is go over and over how much he doesn’t want me in his life and how he doesn’t, I quote, give a fuck about me anymore.”

“Ouch, babe.”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“Have you still got feelings for Whiskey?”

I put my head in my hands. “I’ve always loved Jase and Whiskey, and yeah, when we were kids Whiskey did capture me in a deep way that Jase didn’t. But he’s different now, and I’m trying to tell myself that but…”

“You still feel it, don’t you?”

I look up. “I can’t help it
, Tan, he just gets to me in a way no one else ever has. He…digs right into my soul.”

“Have you told him?”

I shake my head furiously. “He told me he doesn’t give a fuck about me, of course I haven’t. I am confused. I don’t know what these feelings mean. It’s probably best if I just leave it. It’s not about me anyway, it’s about Jase.”

“Fair enough,” she agrees. “But make sure you don’t hide how you really feel if it’s going to cause you pain.”

“I’ve lived with pain for five years, I can deal with it now.”

“How does Jase feel about it?”

I sigh again. “Can I tell you something Tan? Something I’ve never told anyone but Jase?”

“Of course.”

I look down at my coffee mug. “Whiskey and I had sex when I was eighteen, right before he left. A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I decided to keep the baby, because I just couldn’t get rid of her. I had my daughter just before thirty weeks and she was sick. She died…”

“Oh god,” Tanya gasps. “Oh honey. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t,” I cry, feeling my hands tremble. “I couldn’t…”

“You went through that alone, for all these years?”

“Only my dad knew, and I made him swear he’d never tell anyone.”

“Oh sweetie.”

She stands and rushes around the table, sitting beside me and wrapping her arms around me. I tremble as I try to push the flooding memories from my mind of my baby daughter, with her thick black hair and precious little face. I let out a loud, wracking sob and Tanya quickly stands me up, leading me from the café and taking me to her car. When we get inside, she takes my hand and stokes it over and over.

“Oh sweetie, you should have told someone.”

“My daughter, she died. She was…she was…”

“I know,
shhh, I know.”

“Whiskey doesn’t know
, he doesn’t even know I was pregnant and I think Jase is going to tell him, even though I told him not to.”

“The choice is yours honey, and I think Jase will respect it.”

“He deserves to know,” I sob. “But I don’t know how to tell him.”

“You take your time. You don’t have to tell anyone anything until you’re ready.”

“She was so small, so perfect. What did I do wrong Tan? What did I do?”

“Oh sweetheart, nothing, you know you did nothing. Sometimes it happens and we don’t know why. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Was I too young? Was it punishment? Why would it happen to me? She was…perfect.”

“Of course she was, of course she was.”

“I am breaking apart, I can’t deal with all these emotions. I can’t bear to lose my best friend. I don’t know what I’ll do without him Tanya, I don’t want him to go.”

“Oh honey, I know. I know you don’t. You’re going to be ok. We’re going to be here.”

“Whiskey will leave me again,” I wail. “He’ll leave me and I don’t want him to. I can’t control anything. I can’t.”

“
Shhhh.”

“C-c-can you take me somewhere?” I whisper, feeling the desperate need to be somewhere I haven’t been for months.

“Anywhere.”

“Take me to the cemetery.”

We drive in silence, I hiccup and sob the entire way. When we arrive, I shudder. I come once a year, but I know I should come more. She deserves me to come more. I get out of the car and Tanya doesn’t move. I look in at her and she nods, letting me know she’ll wait as long as I need. I walk with shaky legs towards the grave covered in pink flowers. When I get to the head stone, I feel my chest heave as I look down at the words written in beautiful italics.

Amy Jane Levanox – Daughter of Nevaeh and Jarred Levanox.

Taken before you even got a chance to live, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

Forever in our hearts.

Forever in our souls.

I think about her sweet face, about the way she clutched my hand in those days before she passed. People think that just because you don’t get years with your child to learn to love and grow with them, means that it hurts less if they pass. It doesn’t. You love your child as it grows inside
you, you love it when you see that beautiful face for the first time. You love it when you’re watching it fight, age doesn’t matter, the time spent together doesn’t matter. I watched my daughter fight for two months, and then I watched her pass away in my arms. I never even saw her first smile. The pain of that broke a part of me that can never be put back together.

I lower to my knees and run my fingers over the stone. I know Jase is right, I know that Whiskey would be devastated if he knew about Amy. He would be broken. But right now I can’t tell him, because right now it’s not about him. It’s about Jase and his last moments, and they need to be everything he wants and more. He doesn’t need us to make his last days filled with drama and arguing. For now, this just has to stay as the secret I’ve held close for years. Sucking in a deep breath, I kiss my fingers and place them on the head stone before standing. I have to suck it up now, for
Jase, I have to find my strength.

It’s not about me right now.

Chapter 11

When Tanya drops me home, I see Whiskey’s Harley out the front of my unit. I love how he just assumed he could stay with me. The asshole didn’t even ask. When I get out of the car, I lean down and peer at Tanya. Her blue eyes sparkle with emotion, and I know she feels bad for me. I feel relieved I got it all off my chest, and I’m so truly grateful to her for listening to me break down and simply understanding.

“Thank you
, Tan, for everything.”

She smiles up at me. “Anytime honey, I’ll call you later ok?”

I nod, reaching in to squeeze her hand. She smiles at me once more and then I stand up, shutting the door. I watch as Tanya drives away, then I turn and make my way towards the unit. When I open the front door and hear the sound of a female screaming, I know I’ve walked in on something that really won’t go down well. I step into the living room to see a woman leaping off Whiskey’s lap, he’s on the couch, leaning against it, fully clothed except for his…oh god.

Whiskey was having sex. He was having sex on my couch. I want to be angry, but I can’t move my eyes from the hard, long cock standing on alert between Whiskey’s legs. Funnily enough, the only thought I can seem to get into my mind is “At least he’s wearing a condom.”  Whiskey meets my gaze when I look up, and with a smirk, he tears the condom off, giving me a glance of not one, not two, not three but four piercings. Men get…those pierced? He yanks his jeans up and stuffs the condom into his pocket. Yuk.

The woman, who is scurrying to find her panties, looks up at me and flushes. Her eyes swing to Whiskey’s and she gasps. “You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” I drawl. “There’s no way he’d be lucky enough to get into my panties.”

“You should go,” Whiskey says in a slow, sexy tone. He doesn’t move his eyes from me even though he’s talking to her.

The girl stares over at him with disgust,
then snaps a curse and storms out, slamming the front door. Whiskey turns to me, and it’s only then I notice his eyes are glassy and red. Is Whiskey…high?

“Are you on drugs, Whiskey?”

He shrugs. “Maybe, maybe not.”

“What has happened to you?”

He walks forward and I flinch away. He smells like sex and…booze. I shove at his chest, snarling a curse at him.

“Don’t be mad sugar, I’m not all bad. I saw you looking.”

“Ugh, Whiskey, what the hell is wrong with you? When did you become so heartless?”

He shrugs.
“When some chick broke my heart.”

“Who do you think you are?” I snarl in a vicious, hurt voice. “I hurt you? Are you
freakin’ serious? How dare you! You left me and now you’re back having sex in my house, which you didn’t even ask to stay in. This is my house, Whiskey, it’s not yours. Does Jase dying mean nothing to you at all? Have you really become so disgusting?”

He loses his smile, his face hardens and he flinches.

“We all deal in different ways, Nevaeh. Don’t you ever fucking tell me my brother means nothing to me.”

“If this is your way of dealing, go and do it somewhere else. I don’t need this shit hanging around.”

I turn and begin walking down the hall when he murmurs. “Didn’t seem to worry you when you couldn’t move your eyes from my cock.”

My temper flares and I spin around, charging towards him. When I reach him, I raise my fists but he catches them in his hands and forces them down by my sides.

“How dare you!” I cry.

“That’s what all this is about, isn’t it? You’re pissed off that I didn’t come back, that I didn’t call or make contact. You’re hurt and angry. You’re punishing me. So don’t you charge on about me not thinking of
Jase. He’s not on your mind right now either.”

“Neither are you…you…you…man slut!”

He chuckles and steps closer, pressing himself against me. “Really? And seeing that did nothing to you.”

“No,” I snarl.

“Tell me, Heaven, how long has it been since a man has made you scream? Aside from my brother, that is.”

My cheeks flush and I look away. I swallow over and over, not wanting him to see how my face changed, knowing that he’ll know the answer to his question if he sees my expression. It’s too late though, I hear his sharp intake of breath as it pieces together in his mind.

“No…” he whispers.

I spin around, tugging my hands from his. “Yes Whiskey, you were the last dick to be inside me before your brother. Does that make you happy? Does it make you feel better? Let’s get one thing straight here, we’ve both established that you don’t give a fuck about me and I don’t give a fuck about you so how about we get along for your brothers sake and then move on as though this never happened. You ruined my life Whiskey Levanox, ruined it. I won’t let you do it again and if you bring another woman into my house, I’ll cut your dick off myself.”

I turn to walk away, but he grips my arm again. He really doesn’t get a hint. My mean words don’t even seem to bother him. Maybe that’s because he knows, deep down, that I don’t mean them.

“Why sugar? Why was there no one else?”

I tug my arm, trying to loosen his grip, feeling my emotions getting the better of me again. Jase, our daughter, Whiskey with another woman…I just can’t deal with it.