Three Hearts One Soul (The Soul Series #1) (3 page)

“Sure,” he says. “We’ll fight.”

I don’t believe
him, something inside me is screaming that he’s not telling me the truth.

“Ok Jase, we’ll get you up for your next round of chemotherapy in about an hour.”

I watch Doctor Wilson stand and turn towards the door. “Will you prep him, Nevaeh?”

“Yes sir.”

“Thank you, have you got any questions for me, Jase?”

Jase shakes his head. “I’ve asked them all
, Doc.”

Doctor Wilson nods,
then he turns and leaves the room. I rush around, unable to meet Jase’s expression. I can’t look at him right now, how can I without bursting into a fit of uncontrollable tears? I grip his finger and quickly shove the monitor onto it, then I rush towards his chart, but before I get close enough, his hand lashes out and he grips me, hurling me back by his side.

“Hey, Nev, it’s ok.”

Ok? Ok? How is it ok? My best friend is more likely than not, going to die. How is that ok?

“Look at me, Nevaeh…”

God dammit. God dammit. I clench my eyes shut and my whole body trembles. There has to be a way, we will find a way. I can’t let him die, I can’t…he’s a part of me. He’s…he’s…god he’s everything. I don’t care about the past. I don’t care that he left me. I would take back all the angry thoughts I had about him if it meant he could just stay. I’d never even bring it up again. I’d do anything, god, anything in the world to make this ok. I have to have faith, I have to believe, I have to…

“Nevaeh, look at me.”

His voice is hard, determined and strong. I slowly turn and I let my eyes fall on the brown eyes that haunted me as a girl, the browns eyes I loved oh so much.

“Jase…”  

It’s all I manage to get out before the tears fall, Jase pulls me onto the bed beside him and he wraps his arms around me. Now his body doesn’t seem so hard, it seems fragile to me, like if I move the wrong way he’ll break. He strokes his fingertips over my hair and breathes me in. I can hear his ragged breathing, and I know he’s trying to keep it together. He’s trying to be strong. He shouldn’t have to be strong. He should be allowed to fall apart…

“It’s going to be ok. I’m ok…”

“I can’t lose you Jase, five years was one thing, but…”

“Don’t,” he says in a soft voice. “Don’t say
it, because if you say it then I can’t believe anymore and I need you to believe for me, Nev, I need you to believe this is going to be ok because I don’t have anyone else to believe.”

I clench my eyes
shut, he needs me to be strong, to fight for him. If that’s what he needs, I’ll do it.

“I’ll be anything you want me to be
, Jase, anything.”

“That’s my girl,” he murmurs.

“Jase…does…”

“No, Nev, he doesn’t know I’m sick. I haven’t seen Whiskey for nearly five years now.”

I bolt up out of his arms and stare down at him. “What?”

He closes his eyes a moment. “Nev there’s something you don’t know, that night you and Whiskey…slept together…I saw it. I came home, I was going to see you and I saw it. I saw you in his arms, his body moving inside yours. I ran out and when
Whiskey left your house, I bailed him up. We got into a massive fight. We both loved you Nev, but Whiskey…he didn’t want to share. He knew you loved me too, even though it was deeper with him. He knew you wouldn’t be able to choose and he also knew you couldn’t have us both. He wanted me to walk away, to let him love you, but I was too stubborn. I loved you too, Nev, and he didn’t want to give me a chance to show that. We got into a massive fist fight and it was at that moment we both realized, that one of us was going to get hurt, because we would ask you to choose. You would either say no to both, or you’d pick one and neither of us could live with that. He bolted, and so did I…it was easier that way. We couldn’t do it to you. We couldn’t make you choose. It wasn’t fair. So we let you go. We just…let you go.”

I swallow and my eye search Jase’s face over and over. I was the reason they left? Jase saw me with Whiskey? He was hurt? They fought? They left because they couldn’t ask me to make a choice? Don’t get me wrong, I knew it was coming to a blowout. Things were getting tense between us all as feelings grew. I knew I loved them both, and they knew it too. The closer we all got, the harder it would have been for any of us to walk away. So they made the choice for me. They let me go.

“I ruined your relationship,” I whisper. “It was my fault?”

Jase sits up and grips my face. “No, you never ever made us choose, Nev. We were the ones that fell in love, it wasn’t anything you did. You never lead us
on, you always gave us an equal amount of love and friendship. We let it get to us, it wasn’t on you.”

“I should have never let that night happen
, Jase, I shouldn’t have ruined the friendship by sleeping with Whiskey. I should have never let us get over that line, then it would have never changed. I should never have acted like a horny little…”

“Don’t,” he hisses. “Don’t you dare call yourself any sort of
name. You and Whiskey had every right to do what you did. Every dammed right. We should have never let ourselves get so tangled up. We did what was best at the time, but it turns out that wasn’t the best choice in the long run.”

“You didn’t think to let me decide what I wanted, before you both ran and broke my heart? You never even said goodbye. I woke in the morning and you were gone!”

“We were in love with you, Nev, we both knew we couldn’t just move on from it. Neither of us could have survived if you had chosen between us. It was…it was just too dangerous.”

“I loved you both, you know that?” I whisper, taking his hand and stroking my fingers over his palm.

“I know that, so did Whiskey.”

“You have to find him Jase, he needs to know…”

“I’ve tried,” he sighs. “Whiskey doesn’t want to be found. I can’t…I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been so sick, there’s only so much I can do.”

“Your parents?”

“They haven’t seen or heard from him.”

“Friends?”

“Tried them all.”

“God, there has to be a way Jase, he has to know.”

“I’ll keep trying, Nev, I will…”

“No,” I whisper, stroking a finger over his cheek. “I’ll find
him, you just concentrate on getting better ok?”

He gives me a weak smile and I can see he’s tired. He begins coughing and the sound of his barking, strangled cough has my heart aching. I slip out of the bed, knowing full well I’m taking up way too much time in this room with him. I rub his back and put an oxygen mask on him, helping him until his coughing subsides. I know I have to leave him, I have to do my job, I can’t let my work slip
, but I don’t want to leave him alone. I lean down and check Jase’s obs again before preparing anything that needs to be done for his chemo session. When he’s ready to go, I lean in and I kiss his clammy forehead.

“You rest
handsome, I’ll come sit with you after my shift.”

He smiles weakly. “You don’t have to hang around by my bedside.”

I grip his face. “Yeah I do.”

His eyes search my face. “Thank you Nev, for being here, I…couldn’t have asked for anyone better to be by my side. “

“Always, Jase.”

“Find Whiskey for me,” he whispers.

“I promise you.”

And with that, I turn and leave the room, wondering if I’ve made a promise I couldn’t keep.

Chapter 2

Gathering swabs and cleaning equipment, I make my way towards the dreaded Mrs Anderson. The woman knew how to wind up every nurse in this ward, and she did it well. When I reach her room, I take a deep breath and walk inside. She’s sitting on her bed, knitting. She’s eighty years old, with grey curly hair, big framed glasses and a frail old body. She would look like a sweet grandmother to most, that is until she opens her mouth. The woman really doesn’t know when to stop. When she notices me, she puts her knitting down and turns up her nose. Really? We’re going there?

“Mrs
Anderson, how are you?” I smile forcefully. “I need to change your Dressing.”

Giving me the glare of all glares, sh
e proceeds to inform me that, “The other nurse already checked it.”

Inwardly sighing, I place the clean dressings on the table beside her bed. “Yes, but it’s scheduled to be changed. You don’t want an infection do you?”

She crosses her arms defensively across her chest. “The nurse checked it, if I get an infection it’s on her.”

Closing my eyes and trying to gather some ca
lm, I widen my fake smile. “Mrs Anderson, I appreciate that the other nurse has checked it, but I’m here to change it. I have to change it because if I don’t you will get an infection and have to go back into surgery, which will mean you’ll have to stay here even longer and that’s not what you want, is it?”

She frowns at me. “Well no…”

“Then if you’ll be so kind, I really do need to change this dressing.”

Grumbling, she lifts her shirt.
Finally. The woman can be a handful. I get her Dressing changed with as little fuss as possible which was a task due to the fact that she flinched and jumped every time I put my hands on her. I gather up the bandages and head out of the room to throw them away. I check on my other three patients before my shift is finished. Happy they’re all content and taken care of, I head to the reception desk to sign out for the day. I’m looking forward to going and seeing Jase again.

Once I’m all signed out, I gather my things and head to the ladies
room to get changed. I strip out of my uniform and pull on some slacks and a tank top. I brush my hair and tie it back up before heading back out to hand over my patients to the night nurse. I see Tanya just as I’m heading to Jase’s room. She looks flustered, her cheeks are rosy red and her eyes are bloodshot. She really does work far too hard, she never stops or takes a break. She’s all go, that girl.

I smile at her. “Hey Tan, are you ok?”

“Yeah, just a busy day. Hey, your boy is back from chemo, he’s quite sick.”

My chest seizes. “I’m going to see him now.”

She raises her brows. “You need to go home Nev, you can’t stay here.”

I wave my hand about, dismissing her concern. “I will, I just want to make sure he’s ok.”

She gives me a narrow glare and then nods. “If I come in for my shift tomorrow and you’re sleeping beside his bed, I’m going to kick your ass.”

I hug her and promise I will go home,
then I head down to Jase’s room. When I get in, a young nurse is fluttering around him with a bowl for him to be sick in, but she keeps moving it as he throws up. She’s only new and I know she’s nervous. Seeing Jase hunched over, throwing up over and over has something inside of me dying just a little. I don’t let it affect me though, I promised him I would be there and I will. I won’t let him down. He needs me and I will find whatever strength I can muster up to make sure he has me. I drop my purse and rush over, touching the nurse on the arm. She’s only new, so I don’t know her name.

“Hey, I’ve got it, go and do your rounds.”

She gives me a grateful smile. “Thank you, it’s only my first week and I’m a little nervous.”

I pat her arm. “
It’s fine, I have just finished my shift so I’ll take care of him until another nurse comes.”

“Thank you,” she smiles gratefully before rushing out.

I turn to Jase, and he’s trembling so violently it concerns me. I reach across and touch his back, rubbing gently. He groans and throws up again, even though there’s nothing left in his stomach. Then he begins coughing violently. Laying him back, I put the oxygen mask over his face and rub his chest. “I’m here, Jase, it’s ok. You need to focus on your breathing, it’s ok.”

He doesn’t speak, probably because he can’t. When he waves a hand at me, I remove his oxygen and he throws up twice more. When he seems to have completely
emptied his stomach, I lay him back and put the bowl on the nearby bench and gather a cloth, running it under cool water before rushing back over. When I reach Jase, he has his eyes closed and tears are thundering down his cheeks. I take his clammy hand in mine and bring it to my lips, kissing it softly. Then I run the cool cloth over his forehead. He opens his bloodshot eyes and looks directly at me.

“I don’t want to die…” he whimpers.

Feeling my wall break, I climb into the bed next to him. What do you say to someone in this situation, when you know that there just may be nothing you can do? How do you make them feel ok? How do you make them find peace? I wrap my arms around Jase’s head and pull it down to my chest, where I proceed to wipe his face with the cool cloth and stroke the place where I know was once a mass of thick blonde hair. This is all I can do for him right now. It’s all I have to give. I can only be there and offer him a place to feel some comfort.

“We’re going to fight
, Jase,” I whisper, gently stroking his head. “We’re going to fight.”

He wraps his arms around me and holds me so tightly I struggle to breathe. I continue stroking his hair as the night nurse, Janice, comes in. She smiles at me and walks over, changing the bag on Jase’s drip. He doesn’t move, I think he might have finally passed out. She takes his arms and does his pressure and observations. I sit, just holding him while she goes over everything and marks it all down in his chart. When she’s done, she turns to me.