Three Hearts One Soul (The Soul Series #1) (6 page)

“You were always the cheeky one.”

He shrugs looking innocent. “A man knows when he needs a kiss.”

“You need a kiss, you ask Jase.”

He raises his brow and smiles at me. “So there’s not a boyfriend for me to battle with?”

“No,” I murmur, pressing my lips against his cheek.

“No? I find that hard to believe, you grew into a real gorgeous girl Nevaeh.”

“You have to say that, you’re my friend.”

“You know I mean it. I’ve never looked at another girl the way I look at you. You know I’ve always loved you.”

I stiffen, but force myself to keep calm. Don’t feel guilt now Nevaeh, he needs you.

“So, when was the last boyfriend?” Jase asks, not letting this one go.

“I…well…I haven’t…had one.”

He pulls back and his eyes meet mine. I can see the question in his brown depths.

“You haven’t had one?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’s a long story and…”

“Because of Whiskey or because we left?”

“It doesn’t matter, I am just…”

“Have you been with another man at all, Nev?”

His voice is soft, gentle and encouraging. I don’t want to answer him, but I don’t exactly want to tell him a lie either. I just don’t know how to explain myself. I know he’ll want to know why as soon as I tell him I haven’t been with anyone, and that means opening up old wounds I don’t know if I’m ready to share but…I’m not going to lie to Jase, so I give him as simple an answer as I can. “No.”

I hear his sharp intake of breath, I stare down at my fingers which are rapidly fumbling together. Jase takes my face, forcing me to look over at him.

“Why Nev?”

“It really doesn’t matter, I have to get back to work.”

I jump from the bed, making sure my clothes aren’t crumpled before hurrying towards the door.

“Nev!”

“I’ll come see you later Jase, love you,” I call out.

I rush out before he can say another word. When I get to the elevator, I punch the button over and over, desperate for it to open.

“It doesn’t matter how many times you hit the button, it won’t hurry it up,” an older man grumbles, coming up to stand beside me.

“Right, sorry.”

I wait for the door to open,
then I leap in. When the doors close I exhale loudly and let my back slump against the cool steel. The older man stares at me for a moment, then turns to wait for the elevator to move. When we stop at my floor, I hurry out. Thank god. I couldn’t bear to answer Jase’s questions right now. I know for a fact he won’t like the answer. He doesn’t need anymore pain. He doesn’t need to know my reasons for not being with another man since Whiskey.

“Hey, there you are.”

I turn to face Tanya, she’s smiling and coming towards me with an arm full of charts.

“I was on break.”

“Yeah, I know. How’s Jase?”

“He’s good.”

“Awesome, hey Mrs Simpson in bed four is complaining about the drip irritating her hand.”

“All right, I’m onto it.”

“Sweet, hey, you wanna catch up tomorrow night?”

I smile. “Yeah, I could use a break.”

“Sweet, we’ll grab a few drinks after work.”

“Sounds great.”

“Well, I better get back to it.”

With a sigh, I do the same.

~*~*~*~*~

I head to the store after work to get some things for Jase. I pick up a few books, some magazines, a portable DVD player and some movies, plus a few games we can play together. I head home and decide to get changed and eat before I go back to see him. I know he wants to see me, he’s been texting me all afternoon wondering why I ran out. I know he’ll want answers, I just don’t know if I’m ready to give them. They won’t change
anything, they’ll only open old wounds.

Once I’m showered, changed and my hair is tied up in a loose ponytail, I sit down to a bowl of leftover
Chinese food and fire up my laptop. I log onto Facebook and see there are no new messages, feeling my stomach sink, I open the email. The first few messages to come through are a load of crap, junk email, things like that. Then I see one ping up from an unknown user, with the subject “What do you want with Whiskey?” Feeling my stomach clench, I open it and read the message.

I won’t warn you again, back off. This is the last chance. Stop looking for Whiskey.

Whoever and whatever is protecting Whiskey really doesn’t want him found. I contemplate not replying, but I promised Jase I’d do everything I could, so I reply.

I’m not backing off, I need to see him. His brother needs him. Stop threatening me and pass on my message to him, please.

I shut down the email and turn off the laptop, then I gather the bag of goodies for Jase and head out, making my way back to the hospital. Honestly, it feels like I can never get away from that place sometimes, but there’s nowhere else I could be right now that I would be comfortable. Jase needs me. I won’t let him down. Not now. It seems to me I’m the only one he has right now. I wonder about his parents, and why they aren’t here supporting their son. He is the golden child in their eyes, after all.

They always favoured Jase, giving him everything he wanted and leaving Whiskey out. I’m not really sure why, I know Whiskey was a handful as a child and a teen, but he loved his parents just as much as Jase. Katie, Jase’s mother, couldn’t deal with Whiskey and their father John was always spending his time yelling at him for not being the perfect son, or getting good grades, or being sensible like Jase. It must have been hard for Whiskey, living under his brother’s shadow. Maybe that’s why he disappeared? Who knows, part of me wonders if I’ll ever find out why he really disappeared.

Probably not.

Chapter 4

When I get into Jase’s room, he’s sitting by the window again. He seems to enjoy that spot. He’s hooked up to a drip again, so my guess is he had more chemo this afternoon. When he turns to look at me, and I see how pale his face is, I know I’m right. I drop the bag of things and rush over, touching the back of my hand to his clammy forehead. He feels warm, and he looks so pale it’s frightening. He shouldn’t be out of that bed.
Where’s the damn nurses?

“Honey, you should be in bed,” I whisper, taking his hand.

“I’m always in bed,” he croaks.

“I know, but it’s where you need to be.”

“My last moments of life will be spent in a damn bed,” he barks, causing himself to have another coughing fit. I rub his back furiously, trying to ease the pain I have no doubt he’s feeling.

“That’s not true, ok?” I whisper.

He looks up at me, his eyes are bloodshot and parts of his beautiful thick lashes are falling out. My heart breaks in half, it literally just snaps in two. Seeing him like this is testing every bit of strength I have inside. I don’t like seeing him fading away. It’s not fair. It’s just so completely wrong to see someone you love in this situation, knowing there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

“It is true.”

“I’ll get in with you, if it makes it better?” I say, giving him a weak smile.

He gives me such a weak
smile, it looks like it pains him just to lift his lips. “Well, if that ain’t a way to get a man to bed.”

I laugh softly and grip his arm, helping him up. When he slides into bed, I tuck the sheets over him and then lay on top of them, putting my head on the pillow beside his. We both stare up at the faint light above for long moments, neither of us speaking.

“Why did you run before?” he croaks.

“We’re not talking about that now, you need to rest
, Jase.”

“I want to talk about it now,” he says, his voice as firm as he can manage.

“Jase, please…”

“Nev, don’t let me die wondering what went on. Don’t do that to me.”

I feel hot tears burn my cheeks as the reality of his words hit me hard.

“Jase, you’re not going to die, we’re going to fight…”

He grips my hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Don’t pretend this isn’t what we both know it is.”

“Jase, please, don’t give up,” I plead, my voice a desperate whisper.

“There’s nothing to give up, Nev, I am sick…I am dying.”

“No,” I sob, gripping his hand. “Jase, stop saying that. People get better all the time. The treatment could work and this will all be a bad dream.”

“Hush Nev, you and I both know that’s not going to happen here,” he murmurs, lifting my head and putting it on his shoulder.

“Jase, please, I need you to fight.”

“I am fighting,” he whispers.

“Then fight harder!” I cry.

He stiffens and I feel incredibly selfish. How dare I tell him to fight when I have no idea how it feels for him. Feeling shame rise through me, I do the only thing I can to make it better. I tell him the truth he wants to hear. I owe him the truth, it’s what he wants and he has every right to hear it. Closing my eyes, I prepare myself for the painful memories that come flooding back into my mind as I begin to speak.

“Do you remember that night, Jase? The night I had sex with Whiskey?”

He nods, stiffly. What a stupid question. Of course he remembers
, it probably broke his heart.

“Well…I never quite forgave myself for it. I felt so wrong sleeping with him, when I knew you both wanted me. I should have said no. I should have turned him down but I didn’t even though I knew it would hurt you. I felt like such a…whore.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You made a choice, it was your choice and you had every right to make it how you wished.”

“And because of it, Whiskey is gone and I missed five years of your life…”

He sighs. “That’s what this is about, isn’t it? Guilt.”

“It’s part of it. Jase, I…I…after that happened, and I woke up in the morning to find you both
gone, I thought maybe it was all a dream. Then when I went looking for you both, I couldn’t find you. I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t understand what I did wrong.”

“You did nothing wrong Nev, that’s the problem. We were both mad about you, and we both knew that you would be forced to pick if we stayed and the friendship would slowly fall to pieces. Everything we knew and loved, would crumble. We both knew a choice had to be made, and so we made it.”

“You made it for me, it hurt me Jase, I was devastated. My best friends, my life lines, just disappeared. Then…”

“Then what?”

I close my eyes. Jase wants to know everything that happened, and he has that right, so I’ll tell him. I close my eyes and come straight out with it.

“Whiskey and me…we didn’t use protection that night. I found out I was pregnant two weeks after you both left. I went mad, I wouldn’t believe it. I searched and searched, I looked everywhere I could but I couldn’t find either of you. I knew I had to deal with it on my own, and I honestly didn’t know how I was going to do that,” I whisper, feeling my voice quaver.

“Oh god, Nev, I’m so sorry.”

“I…I…god I didn’t know what to do. Maybe it was my fault it ended badly. I was so broken.”

“You were only eighteen, you were hurt, you were scared. God, Nev, I’m so sorry. Whiskey would be devastated if he knew…”

His words stab me right in the heart. I lurch out of the bed, the emotion of everything getting the better of me. I scurry into the bathroom, feeling my stomach turn. I drop to my knees and lean over the toilet and gag, my tears blending with my saliva as I retch and retch. Whiskey would be devastated. Whiskey left me. Whiskey fucked me and then left me. Jase is dying. It’s all falling apart. I hear the door open a moment later, and Jase carefully leans down by my side. Like a waterfall, I fall to pieces.

“Don’t leave me, Jase, I can’t lose you,” I scream, gripping my hair.

“Hey, come on,
shhh.”

He sits on the floor beside me and wraps his arms around me. I cry so much my body heaves and shakes.

“Jase no, I can’t lose you. Jase…no…”

“Sometimes life goes this way Nev, we can’t change it.”

“Jase, you can’t die,” I scream, my voice so full of pathetic desperation for something I know I can’t change.

“
Shhhh, hey, shhhh. You have to be strong, remember?”

“Jase,” I gasp.
“Jase.”

He rocks me gently and then carefully he stands, bringing me up with him. I force my legs to move, knowing he doesn’t have the strength to pull me. When he positions us back on the bed, with my body wrapped in his arms, I continue to cry until my
body is out of tears and I lay shaking in his arms. When I look up at him, I know my eyes are puffy, red and ugly. He smiles weakly and runs his finger over the puffy lump under my left eye.

“You always did get big and puffy when you cried.”

“What will I do without you, Jase?” I whisper.

“You’ll go on, because that’s what I want for you.”