Three Thousand Miles (10 page)

“How old is George?”

“Sixteen going on sixty” I laugh and think to Pene
lope, although she is only seven she can certainly
be a little Madam when things do not go her way. She is growing up so fast, I miss her and I must tell my mom to bring her to see me. It scares me to think
that
the last time
that
I saw her was right before I went to London.

“He is still young, he might come around.” I say, shaking off that terrible guilt I have for not seeing my own little sister in so long.

“I hope so
,
for my father’s sake, Alanna can I ask y
ou something?” I flinch a little at his words but I compose myself.

“Yes of course.”

“Your boyfriend, why isn’t he here?” I hate the very fact that Adrian is not here, but I hate to talk about it even more. Somehow, I feel obliged to tell James everything. I don’t know if it is because he is my doctor, or because he might understand about how I am feeling, everything he has gone through with Adrian’s sister, has struck a chord with me and I feel that he would be the only other person who would understand how I am feeling right now. I take a deep breath and
I
begin to tell James all about Adrian.

“It is str
ange he is not here isn’t it?” He briefly smiles at me as he says
,

“Yes, I understand if you don’t want to talk about this.”

“No, I do, he is a very complicated guy.”

“I want to know about him; after all he is the brother of the girl
that
I love.”

“Unlike Emma, Adrian didn’t have the best childhood, his mother was abusive and she brought home different guys
almost every night. T
here was one in particular that took a disliking to him and he would do awful unthinkable things to ten
-
year
-
old Adrian.” I have a lump in my throat as I think of his sadness again. I clear my throat quickly and
I
proceed to tell James about Adrian.

“It wasn’t until Adrian was twelve that he
was
brought into care; he spent two years
in
a
children’s
home
and
then was adopted by Mr Jenkins and his wife.”

“I know that type of thing happens on a daily basis and the sheer fact of that is terrible, however most people myself included don’t think of it.”

“I know exactly what you mean, I never thought of anyone goi
ng through something like that. I
t was mainly because I never knew anyone that had, when Adrian told me all about everything, I was riddled with guilt for my own happy childhood.” I say not taking a breath as I do.

“You don’t see it until it is right
there in front of you.” I am in total agreement with James’s words
. “Alanna, I feel sorry for the guy but that doesn’t explain why he isn’t here.”

“I know, he isn’t here because he blames himself for what happened to me, I know he is crazy for thinking that but if you knew him then you would understand.”

“He ca
lls every day.” I take in a massive gasp of air as I reply
.

“I want him to call me not the hospital.”

“H
e will
,
in his own ti
me. The guy seems as if
he just needs some space, if you give him that then I am sure he will return to you.” I wish that were true, I wish that if I gave him
then
time he would see that he is wrong for staying away. I know that’s not the case, and I worry that every moment he is gone the less
likely it is that he will ever come back. The biggest fear I have and what hurts me more than the pain in my stomach, is the thought of life without Adrian Black.

Three

I rest peacefully in the comfortable hospital bed
w
ith my earphones lodged in my ears. I reflect on yesterday’s events and I have concluded that things can never be the same again. My
m
other came to visit me last night and she was in one of her moods. The kind she only has when my
d
ad does something to
annoy her. The strain she had
in her eyes was alarming; her voice was broke
n
as if she’d been
shouting for hours on end.
Her
usual calm and collective p
resence
was far from there last night. When we talked, everything I said seemed to upset her and she would cut me off before I asked her what was wrong. I cannot say that I am not worried about how she was acting. It alerts me when I have the rare chance to witness my mom like this. However, she did agree to bring in Penelope later on today so I guess that is a good sign. James has also made an appearance today. He came swanning into the room, dressed in a white shirt and black suit trousers. He looked nice
and he was asking my opinion on
whether he should call Emma, he seems
as if
he really loves her, and the only advice I had for him, is to try to work things out with her. I have checked my phone at least twenty times in the last thirty minutes, but there is no contact from Adrian. My heart aches again at the thought of checking the phone; I always build myself up to believe that there will be a text or an email from him
,
every time I check. When I do and I see that there is none, my heart breaks repeatedly. I do not want to conclude that he is gone, there is no way I can accept that feeling. Until Adrian contacts me and tells me that, he no longer loves me
,
then I will refuse to give up hope that he will be back and that
he does love me. I have not heard a thing from Katharine or Michael; I take that as a bad sign. I get Katharine’s problem, but as for Michael, I do not understand why he has not come to see me. After all, he did save my l
ife, I rack my brain for a reason but I cannot find one. I don’t
think
that
Michael was mad at me the last time
that we spoke. H
e was going back to London, but I knew that was bound to happen once Adrian came to New York. I fear that I have done something to upset him. I want to call him, but I do not want to anger Katharine. I did tell her that I would not stay away from Michael. However, if he is not showing interest in me does that mean he does not care anymore?  So many things are swirling around in my head and I feel that it is about
to explode. I close my eyes as I
listen to the words of Adele,

I heard that you are settled down that you found a girl and you’re married now. I heard that your dreams
came
true, guess she gave you things I did not give to you.
O
ld friend why you so shy
ain’t
like you to hold back or hide from the light, I hate to turn up out the blue uninvited but
I
couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it I hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over,

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don’t forget me I begged I remember you said sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead. Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes its hurts instead.

The tears are running down my face as I bask in her words. They are speaking to me on ano
ther level and I can identify with
her words
.  My eyes are stinging and the pain in my abdomen is sharp. I pull out one earphone as the music continues to play. I lift my phone from the table that is in front of me. I scroll through my images until I find the one of Adrian; I gaze at his picture as Adele belts out,

You know how the time flies; only yesterday was the time of our lives. We were born and raised in a summer haze bound by the surprise of our glory days
.
I hate to turn up out the blue uninvited but
I
couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it I hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over,

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don’t forget me I begged I remember you said sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead. Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes its hurts instead.

With salty tears pouring from my eyes, I call Adrian, after about ten rings there is no answer. I hang up the phone and
I
ring him again. I do that repeatedly until I finally conclude that he is not going to answer. I look through my contacts as I wipe away some of my tears. I come across Michael’s name, and I wonder if he would answer me? I deliberate with myself for what seems like hours; until with one fluid motion, I hit send and wait as the phone rings. My heart is racing, I want to hear his voice, I want to thank him for saving me and I want him to know that I still care about him.

“Hello,” he says in his masculine British accent. His voice has me frozen and I cannot respond.

“Hello!” He almost shouts and I jump little. I open my mouth to speak but again no words come out. What is wrong with me? Why can I not just talk to him? What is stopping me? I take a very deep breath and
then I
force out words.

“Hello Michael.” I finally manage to say.

“Is there something
that
I can help you with Alanna?” He says rather sharply. 

“I just wanted to talk to you, how are you?” I say feeling guilty again for him getting hurt.

“I am fine, what do you want to talk about?” He says again in a sharp tone. This reminds me of when we first met and things were very awkward between us, I was so sure that he hated me.

“I want to thank you for what you did, I owe everything to you.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“I do, I owe my life to you, are you still in hospital?”

“No, I was discharged about a week and half ago.” His words annoy me, he has been out for over a week and he has not come to see me, there must be something
that
he is mad at me about.

“I see
,
why haven’t you come to see me?” I say a little sooner than I expected to, but I could not hold back that question any longer.

“If I wanted to see you then I would have.” I am shocked, what is
his reason for not wanting to
see me?

“I don’t understand did I do something to upset you?”

“Actually you did.” I am again shocked what could I have possibly
of
done.

“Can you explain
what I did?” He exhales
, “You upset Katharine yesterday.”

“Is that really what I did to, upset you?”

“Yes.”

“Did she tell you what she asked me to do?” The phone is quiet until Michael says, “No, what did she say?” I do not really feel like tattle
-
tailing on my friend, but Michael means too much to me and I cannot let this go.

“She asked me to stay away from you, she doesn’t want me to see or speak to you.” The phone is again silent and I am worried what he will say next.

“She has no right to ask that of you, I will be talking to her about this.” I fear that I have caused something major between Michael and Katharine. However, I feel that she has crossed a line by insisting that I stop all contact Michael and I am glad just to hear his voice, and I could agree anything with him.

“I don’t want to cause anything between you two, but Michael you know how I feel about you. I miss you and your sarcastic ways.” He does not respond for ages.

“Alanna, I am with Katharine now, you have to respect that, okay?”

“I do, but I still need you in my life.” He sighs.

“I don’t need you in mine.” He says very bitterly and I feel repulsed by his words.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do.”

“It wasn’t so long ago that you loved me, why are you being like this?” I say very loudly.

“Because you chose him,” He shouts back at me.

“Please Michael don’t get into all that.”

“It’s true, you chose him. You want him and I am just a backup to you, now that he is gone, you want me. Well I have news for you Alanna; I won’t be your backup bloke.”

“I don’t want you as a backup; I want you as my friend.”

“Alanna, I have told you one million times that I cannot be just your friend, why won’t you accept that?”

“I know it is selfish of me, but I need you Michael.”

“I take it you still have not heard from Adrian?”

“No, do you know where he is?”

“Alanna, I don’t want to get into this with you, I have to go, do not call me again.”

“Michael, wait,
” I say but I am too late, he hangs up on me
,
and
I am left with nothing but silence.