Through the Deep Waters (25 page)

“God loves you very much.”
Ah, those words again … Just as the nightmares haunted her, the statement Ruthie made on Dinah’s first day in Florence repeatedly played through her mind. No matter how many times she tried to ignore it or argue against it or scoff in disbelief, the comment returned to tease her heart with the desire to accept it as truth.

In the dark room, with distressing images of her frightening dream still lingering in her memory, she chose to let the words soak in and chase away the vestiges of unpleasantness. Just as sunshine sent golden light over shadows, dispelling the murky gray, the simple statement—
“God loves you very much”—
flowed gentle peace through Dinah’s frame. Slowly, hesitantly, she let her eyes slip closed. No leering face appeared behind her closed lids.

And then another voice spoke from past days.
“I hope to see you at service on Sunday …”
An image of Mr. Ackerman, his face wearing a gentle smile and his eyes shining with sincerity, filled her mind. Remembrances of his kindness to her, his sweet apologies, even his tenderness to the floppy-eared dogs and the little boy named Cale paraded through her memory. With each sweet remembrance, the ugly one retreated further and further into the recesses of her mind, and her body relaxed until a grateful sigh whisked from her throat.

She could sleep now. And come morning, when the others climbed in the buggy for the ride to the clapboard chapel where Ruthie’s father preached, Dinah would go, too. She still wasn’t sure that God loved her very much, but contemplating the possibility had given her peace. So she would go to His house and tell Him thank you.

And she’d also give Mr. Ackerman a smile. It was the least she could do after all his kindness to her.

Amos

Amos jolted and stared in disbelief when he entered the chapel. She was there, on the back bench, and the moment she saw him, she smiled. The shock of finding Dinah Hubley in church, of seeing her face light with the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen, stole the bones from his legs. He dropped into his familiar seat, and his backside collided with the wooden surface hard enough to hurt, but what did he care? She was there. And she was smiling.

Smiling. At him.

Cale hadn’t even had a chance to sit down before Preacher Mead invited the congregation to rise for the opening hymn. Amos wasn’t sure his legs would support him—he quivered from head to toe in suppressed happiness—but he pushed himself upright and tried to sing. However, the furious pounding in his chest kept him from drawing enough breath to support the words.

So instead, he stood gazing at Dinah, who peeked at him out of the corner of her eye, a shy smile toying at the corner of her lips and cheeks blushing a rosy red. He’d asked God to open Dinah’s heart to him if he was meant to pursue her. And here she was, in his church, at his bench, with a smile on her face that could melt the hardest soul.

And she chose to offer it when he couldn’t possibly respond to it.

He bowed his head and battled a wave of regret.
God, I can’t court a girl unless I have the means to provide for her. Why would You give me hope that she might find me acceptable when You know the loss I just suffered at my farm?

Caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t realize the hymn had ended and everyone had sat until a rumble of stifled chortles rolled through the room. He glanced first at Cale, noting the boy’s impish grin, and then at Dinah, who gazed to the side. Her face was a bolder pink than before. He sat so quickly the
bench legs squeaked against the floor. A few more titters escaped, but then Preacher Mead began his sermon and people turned their attention elsewhere.

As hard as he tried, Amos could not focus on the preacher’s message. His awareness of Dinah went too deep for anything else to penetrate. He wanted to question her reason for attending. Had she come because of him? Why had she chosen his bench for her place in the chapel? Why had she smiled at him after so many weeks of carefully looking away? But he didn’t know if he’d have the courage to ask the many questions, or if she would have the time to stay long enough to answer.

When the service ended, Cale dashed off with Timothy Mead, leaving Amos and Dinah standing side by side in the little space between benches. He should step aside and let her pass, but she made no effort to leave, so he stayed in place, gathering his courage to ask the questions plaguing him.

With the other people visiting and laughing as they filed from the chapel into the yard, Amos believed no one would overhear him. His heart pounding in both eagerness and apprehension, he leaned forward a little. “Miss Hubley? I wondered—”

“Hello, Mr. Ackerman!” The cheerful voice interrupted from behind Amos.

Amos made a slight turn. Miss Mead stood in the aisle, beaming at him. Cale’s comments about marrying her rose in his memory and a worry struck. Had her younger brother repeated Cale’s words to her? He battled the urge to duck beneath the bench and hide. But courtesy demanded he remain upright and acknowledge her. “Hello, Miss Mead. How are you today?”

“I’m very happy.”

“That’s good.” He started to turn to Dinah again.

“Because Mama told me she finished my new gown for the Calico Ball.” Miss Mead was still talking, and Amos felt obliged to look at her again. She raised her shoulders and clasped her hands beneath her chin as she smiled at Amos. “I’m so excited to attend. I went last year, too, and had such an enjoyable night.” She paused and bit her lower lip. “Are … are you going to the ball, Mr. Ackerman?”

Amos attend a dance? He nearly laughed. He couldn’t even walk gracefully. He’d only humiliate himself by stumbling around on a dance floor. But if Miss Mead was going, then she—and Dinah, too—must have the evening free. If Dinah was at the dance and he went to the dance, then he would have the time he needed to talk to her, to get to know her better, to find out if her smile meant what he hoped it meant. He couldn’t court her—not yet. But he could find out if she would be open to it when he’d built his flock again.

He jerked to face Dinah so quickly he almost lost his balance. When he regained his footing, his voice escaped in a breathless rush. “Will you be at the Calico Ball?”

An odd little squawk, as if someone had swallowed a gnat, sounded from behind him. Then Miss Mead’s disbelieving voice filled his ears. “Are you inviting Dinah to the ball?”

Dinah’s eyes widened and her lips parted in an expression of wonder. He’d seen the same look—a look of pleased astonishment—on her face when he agreed to name the puppies Samson and Gideon. Did it really take so little to delight her? What would she say if he asked her to attend? He had to know.

“Yes. That’s what I’m doing.” He pinned his gaze to her larkspur-blue eyes, noting a sheen of moisture had brightened the pale irises. “Miss Hubley, would you go to the Calico Ball? With me?”

Dinah

Dinah’s heart fluttered like a moth caught in a jelly jar. Maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe, sometimes, fairy tales could come true. Mr. Ackerman—the kindest man she’d ever met—wanted to take her to the Calico Ball. She held her breath, savoring the sweet moment. When her chest felt ready to explode, she expelled her lungful of air and uttered, “Oh, yes,” in a breathy rush.

The smile that broke across his face brought tears to her eyes. After a lifetime of being shoved aside, Dinah finally had someone who wanted to be with her. She had never experienced such deep happiness. Her feet itched to dance right there in the church. Then his smile wavered as a hint of apprehension pinched his features. She flicked a glance at Ruthie, who stood in the aisle as if the soles of her shoes had sent down roots, and a worrisome thought trailed through her mind. Had he made a mistake? Did he want to take Ruthie instead? She braced herself for rejection as he parted his lips to speak.

“Miss Hubley, I need to apologize … again.”

Dinah hung her head, battling tears of fierce disappointment.

“My feet … They’re too clumsy to move to music. So if we go together, I won’t be able to escort you onto the dance floor.”

She jerked her gaze to meet his, blinking to clear her vision to better examine his contrite face. Realization bloomed through her heart, bringing a fresh rush of joy. He didn’t regret asking her. He regretted not being able to dance with her. She couldn’t stop a smile from growing on her face. “I don’t know how to dance, either.”

His eyebrows rose. “A pretty girl like you has never been to a dance?”

“Flo told me you were a pretty little thing.”
The voice swooped in, bringing a chill that shuddered her frame. Dinah hugged herself and shook her head, unable to push words past her tight throat.

“Well, then, you should have the chance to fully enjoy this one. If you want to allow other men to sign your dance card, I won’t mind.”

“Oh! No, I …” She was speaking too shrilly. She unfolded her arms, forcing herself to relax her stiff stance. “I don’t mind just watching.” But she’d not been completely truthful. Hadn’t she always been on the outside, watching others seek and find happiness? She wanted to be part of the circles of people who talked, laughed, and danced. But being invited was so much more than she’d ever expected. She could be happy watching the other attendees dance. She added, with complete honesty, “Thank you for asking me, Mr. Ackerman.”

He leaned forward, bringing his mouth close to her ear. He whispered, so sweetly her heart ached, “Thank you for accepting.”

Ruthie reached past Mr. Ackerman, caught Dinah’s arm, and gave a jerk. “The buggy is here. We have to go.”

Dinah didn’t even have time to bid Mr. Ackerman farewell as Ruthie dragged her out the door and across the yard to the waiting buggy. The moment after they climbed in, Dean brought down the reins and the horses jolted into motion, sending Dinah smartly against the back of the seat and Minnie’s shoulder. Minnie grunted and wriggled sideways a tiny bit. Dinah shot the girl an apologetic look, but Minnie didn’t seem to notice.

As the buggy rolled from the churchyard, Ruthie announced, “Dinah has been asked to attend the Calico Ball.”

Minnie’s head turned so sharply Dinah marveled that her neck didn’t crack. “You have?”

Amelia and Lyla shifted to peek over their shoulders at Dinah, their eyes alight with interest. Amelia squealed, “Oh, myyyy! You’re so lucky. We servers have to take care of the food tables, so we can’t attend with a gentleman.”

Lyla pinched Amelia’s arm. “We couldn’t attend with a gentleman even if we didn’t have to take care of the food tables. Our contract prohibits courting.” The jealousy in her voice startled Dinah. Had anyone ever been jealous of her?

Matilda leaned across Minnie and aimed an interested look at Dinah. “Who asked you?”

Dinah held on to the scrolled-iron armrest. They were all looking at her—well, all but Ruthie, who stared straight ahead with her arms folded tightly over her chest. They envied her. All of them. Delightful shivers raced up and down Dinah’s spine. She allowed herself a moment to bask in their attention before offering a reply. “Mr. Ackerman.”

Matilda’s eyes bugged. “Mr. Ackerman? You mean the man who limps all over town selling eggs?” She burst into gales of laughter.

Lyla and Minnie joined her, their hoots of merriment like knives in Dinah’s heart. Amelia nudged Lyla, frowning, then hunched her shoulders and giggled. Even Dean barked out a guffaw.

Minnie announced, “Of all the eligible men in town, he’s the last one with whom I’d attend a dance.”

Matilda snickered. “I bet he’s good at waltzing, though. With his limp, he’d go round and round and round …”

Dean roared and the servers’ giggles grew louder as they competed with one another in adding teasing comments about Mr. Ackerman’s limp, the bits of feathers decorating his clothes, and the little wooden wagon he used as his delivery conveyance.

Dinah’s frame went hot to cold. Fury built in her chest. Their words were hurtful. Belittling. She wanted to defend Mr. Ackerman, but just as she’d stood mute before the taunts of her former classmates, her tongue remained incapable of forming words now.

“Stop it!”