To Cherish and To Hold (Love of a Rockstar #1.5) (9 page)

A light bulb clicked on over my head. Luke did say he wanted to be my support system yet I’d run to my best friend instead of him during a state of panic. Old habits die hard.

My duh moment must have shown because my grandmother patted my hand. “He can’t stay mad forever.”

“How could I be so stupid?” I bemoaned.

“Pregnancy hormones. They are a killer on relationships.”

I lifted myself from the chair, determined to set things right between Luke and me. We both said things that should have been kept in the privacy of our own heads. Lesson learned, now we move forward and enjoy the future that awaited us.

My grandmother tugged on my sleeve. “Don’t act rash. He needs to calm down and so do you.”

“I’m calm.”

“You are emotional.”

“I’m always emotional. That isn’t going to go away.”

Her mouth set in a thin line, she forcefully pointed to my chair. I plopped back into the hard wooden seat and crossed my arms.

“Do you want to know what will prevent divorce?” she asked.

“Never going to bed angry?” I guessed.

“The opposite. Whenever your grandpa and I fought, we walked away before it got too heated and didn’t speak until the storm blew over and the seas were calm.”

“Isn’t that called sweeping things under the rug?”

“No that’s called forgiveness.”

Her infinite wisdom killed my cheekiness in its track. My knees jangled restlessly while I battled against the desire to talk to Luke. Most likely, he was lost in a world of music. He retreated there whenever he got upset. I should dip my toes into his coping methods. Mine involved copious amounts of chocolate, which sounded amazing right about now. Walking to the fridge, I grabbed a dark chocolate bar from behind the milk and leaned against the counter as my teeth bit off a chunk.

“You should eat healthier, Marlene. The baby requires nutrients,” Grandma lectured.

“My fiancé is currently avoiding me. I’ll eat a salad after we kiss and make up.”

“It’s your body.”

Her statement made the candy bar I was enjoying suddenly taste like chalk. Cursing, I threw it in the trash and settled for a green juice. Grandma pretended as if she wasn’t delighted that her tactic worked.

“I promised Nil I would sneak her a piece of cake if she stayed in her room while we discussed grown up things,” she said.

“We don’t have cake. Only that healthy gluten free, dairy free whole-wheat zucchini loaf that mom sloughed off on me.”

She tapped the side of her nose with a mischievous grin. Catching onto her game, I laughed. Nil couldn’t be fooled with imitation cake, trust me, I’d tried, but if my grandmother wanted to give it a go, she had my permission. After I cut off a thick slice, she grabbed the plate along with a glass of chocolate milk and retreated to Nil’s bedroom. When there weren’t any cries of despair, I deemed my grandmother’s trickery a success.

Hours later, Nil had gone to bed and Luke still hadn’t shown his face. Sitting at the dining room table, I stared blankly into my mug as if it held the answers to life.

“Hey.”

My chin jerked upwards. His hands buried in the front pocket of his vintage sweatshirt, Luke wore a sheepish grin.

“Hey,” I breathed. “You’re alive.”

“Yeah, although starving. The mini fridge in the basement only contains beer and an old packet of hot dogs, which is weird because there isn’t a stove down there. I’m starting to think we should do that, though. Put a kitchen in. It would make for a nice addition if anybody wants to stay with us.”

Luke’s nervous ramblings put the butterflies in my stomach at ease. Any emotion besides anger and cold distantness meant that our fight had gotten knocked down a few notches. We could actually discuss our issues reasonably.

“Come sit,” I patted the chair next to mine. “Do you want some tea or a peanut butter sandwich?”

“Both would be amazing. Thank you.”

As I set about making him dinner, he tapped his fingers on the table. It sounded like a new riff.

“Did you write a new song?” I asked.

Polite chitchat wasn’t my thing but considering Luke and I had been at battle most of the day, I missed hearing his voice when it didn’t hold contempt for me.

“Not new exactly. It’s one I wrote a couple of years ago right before Nil was born.”

“What’s it about?”

He unfolded a piece of paper from the pocket of his jeans, crumbled and stained at the edges. “It’s an apology letter to Nil about how much I love her and miss her. I’m turning it into a song but spinning the ending into a Happy Ever After.”

My heart squeezed as a smile lifted my lips. “You can’t spin something if it’s the truth.” I set the sandwich down in front of him. “I keep thinking how crazy it is that we are here together as a family when just a couple of month ago that didn’t even seem like a possibility.”

Luke wiped his palms on his jeans. Regret clouded his eyes, but before he could open his mouth to utter an apology, I beat him to the punch.

“I’m sorry. I know you want to be my support system and you are. However, so are group of amazing women—but from now on, they will support me in matters you don’t want to, like chapped nipples, breast feeding versus bottle feeding, etc. I’ll save the big moments for you.”

Luke bowed his head to gather his emotions. Either that or he was praying. Since he believed in a power no higher than Jimi Hendrix, I bet the former.

After a moment, he spoke. “I’ll support you on all matters and I’m glad you have friends that do as well, but that’s not why I was upset, which granted was the wrong reaction. It should have been jumping on the couches elation because that’s what I felt inside.” Luke cleared his throat. “It’s just I wanted to experience that moment together and every single moment here after together. No matter how big or small they are. This baby is my second chance to do right.”

“Remember where you were when you got the call about Nil?” I asked.

“Yeah, I was at band practice. I didn’t want to leave you at home because you were sick with what we thought was the flu.”

“I practically had to shove you into your car.” Luke and I laughed at the memory. “But once you did, I crawled to the bathroom and crossed my fingers that my hunch was correct. It took me an hour to muster up the courage to call you with the news. We were young and sure as hell not financially ready to take care of a child, but I didn’t doubt for a minute that there wouldn’t be enough love.” My eyes shined with unshed tears. “Two miles spread before us that day and a thousand when you left but you were always with me in spirit, Luke. Maybe that’s not the same but….” I shrugged. “Your presence is stronger than any ghost. Some days, I forget you weren’t physically there. Even though you are back, that hasn’t changed.”

Luke came around the table, tugged me by the hand to my feet and into his arms. I melted into his loving embrace, our fight forgotten.

His mouth inches from my ear, he spoke. “I want to have a million babies with you, Marlene Anderson.”

My heart tripled in size when my future last name dripped from his lips. I had wanted his last name to be mine since the first day we met.

T
he next four weeks were a blur of sleeping and sawdust. Since we were on such a tight schedule, Luke and I spent every last waking minute at Norma Jean’s. My dear fiancé wouldn’t let me wield any saws, hammers, power tools, or even a paintbrush due to my knocked up state. I acted as an interior designer instead and the employees at Home Depot became my best friends, which was a nice change from the hostility pouring from the construction crew. They were pissed because I’d decided to add a wedding package to Norma Jean’s. That meant a bride and groom could rent the whole restaurant plus the upper two levels of the house for guests. The second floor needed minimal work but the attic had to be completely reconstructed from scratch.

I’d told Hendro that it didn’t have to be finished by opening date. A ball of good cheer, he’d growled and thrown his hands in the air, mumbling my name like a curse word. I’m almost positive if Matthew hadn’t been around, he would have spit on my shoes as well.

Matthew had been at Norma Jean’s alongside Luke nearly every day, repairing the crown molding to its former glory. The man deserved a thank you dinner.

That night, I was in charge of the food while Luke took it upon himself to act as bartender. Our tiny house could scarcely host three people, but at the last minute Luke had invited his other band mates, my grandmother, and my mother over. He said our baby deserved a party. When I’d reminded him the real reason we were having this dinner, he’d convinced me that Mathew would prefer if the focus weren’t entirely on him. Besides, Luke had added, who complained when free food was involved?

Unable to disclaim that, the gathering morphed into a celebration. My exhausted self couldn’t bear the thought of cooking for a crowd, so I ordered two large pizzas. I made the chocolate cookies because the inner pastry chef would have scoffed at a store-bought dessert. What can I say? I’m a sugar snob.

Luke set up a makeshift bar in the living room. High priced liqueurs, soda water, and garnishes were placed elegantly on the vintage teacart.

Dressed in a drop waist dress, Nil asked Luke for a Shirley temple, her voice heavy with a southern accent. It was by the far the highlight of the evening and the party hadn’t even begun yet. A feverish excitement buzzed in the air.

“Hey, Luke!” I called from the kitchen. “Would you mind grabbing the wine glasses for me?”

Straining to reach the highest shelf in the cabinet, my fingers brushed the stems. Sometimes, I really hated being short.

Luke laid his palm against my lower back. “Whoa there! I know you’re mighty, woman, but it might be time to retire the cape until the baby has arrived.”

He assisted me off the step stool and took my place. I watched as he effortlessly gathered the eight glasses. “Where do you want them?” Luke asked.

“On the dining room table is fine. I’m thinking wine in the kitchen, hard drinks in the living room.”

As he walked past, his lips skimmed my cheek. “You are a genius, love.”

So far my favorite thing about pregnancy was how Luke acted like a prince, massaging my feet, fetching random cravings no matter what hour, and uninvited flattery.

With his back turned, my arms encircled his waist. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Breaking our hug, he turned around and got down on his knees in front of my stomach. “And I love you, baby.”