To Have and To Hold (26 page)

Resting his arms on the table so that he was leaning towards Bert, Dave lowered his voice and

said, “Do you remember last night?”

Bert turned his red eyes in his direction and sighed. “Barely. Sorry you had to see me like

that.”

Mary came back into the room to gather the rest of the dishes, and Dave waited until she was

out of the room before he continued talking to Bert. “You had a gun. I thought you were going

to—” he shrugged—“kil yourself.”

He rubbed his eyes and kept his hand over them.

“Look, I’m not trying to stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong, but to be honest, I was afraid

you were going to go through with it. I didn’t realize there were no bul ets.”

“I don’t have enough courage to put the bul ets in. Not yet anyway.” He put his hand down and

made eye contact with Dave. “You don’t know how it is to live with her.”

“You’re right. I don’t. I have no idea what you’re going through, but I can see you love your

son.”

He nodded.

“I don’t know what to tel you about Katie. I suppose there’s not much that can be done on that

count. But you got your son to live for. He looks up to you, you know. I’ve been watching him

during breakfast, and I think it’d break his heart if you actual y did put bul ets into that gun one

day and fol ow through with it.”

Bert wiped the tears from his eyes. “I didn’t think of it like that.”

Unsure of what else to say, Dave gave him an understanding nod and left the room so Bert

could have time to himself to think things through.

***

Mary’s cheeks burned with a mixture of shame and anger. She dried the last dish she’d

cleaned and placed it on one of the shelves lining the wal s. Setting the damp cloth on the

worktable, she turned to Katie who offered her a sympathetic smile. If Grace hadn’t been

standing next to her, Mary wouldn’t have believed her. But Grace had no reason to lie.

“Mother forbids me to go to the wake?” Mary repeated, needing to hear the words again.

Grace stepped toward Mary. “Maybe we can work something out. Everyone wil be there.

The place with be crowded.”

Katie placed a hand on her hip and shook her head. “Mother wil stil notice her.”

“But with al the people there, she’l be too busy to worry about it.”

“I don’t know,” Katie replied. “Mother doesn’t like to be upset, and I’m sure losing Father is

hard enough on her.”

Grace groaned as she gave Katie a pointed look. “Losing Father is hard on al of us. We are

his children.”

“But Mary doesn’t even remember us. Wel , not real y.”

Mary wondered if she should tel them she remembered everything now, minus some things

from her life in Nebraska. But did she dare? Katie was intentional y messing with her by

changing things on her and blaming it on her faulty memory, like saying her husband was

Clifford when it was real y Bert and then pretending she’d never cal ed him Clifford. It seemed

to Mary that as long as Katie didn’t know what Mary remembered, it worked to Mary’s

advantage. Who knew what else Katie would do because she found it humorous?

Grace wrapped her arm around Mary’s shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze. “It doesn’t

matter how much Mary remembers. She’s stil his daughter, and he was stil glad he got a

chance to see her again.”

He was? Mary glanced at Grace.

Grace smiled at her. “He was very happy he talked to you and Dave. He said he’s grateful to

Dave for taking such good care of you.”

Touched, Mary blinked back her tears.

“I don’t see what that has to do with Mother,” Katie spoke up with a slight scowl on her face.

“This isn’t about Mother,” Grace replied. “It’s about the entire family, and Mary is a part of it.”

“A part that left for Nebraska,” Katie added.

“And since I left for New Jersey, am I also no longer a part of the family?”

“You had to leave because your husband needed a good job.”

“I don’t see the difference.”

“The difference is that Mary could have stayed but didn’t.”

Grace’s cheeks grew pink. “Because she wanted to get married. You can’t fault her for that.”

Mary cleared her throat before Katie could reply. “I’l be leaving tomorrow, so no one has to

worry about me overstepping my bounds at the funeral.”

Mary knew her voice held a bitter edge to it, but in al honesty, she couldn’t help it. Was this

what everyone but Grace thought? That it was a sin for her to leave Maine to seek out a better

life? Was she real y supposed to be stuck here, never knowing the joys of a husband and

children? They wanted her to confine herself to quiet misery while she cooked and sewed and

did their bidding? So they al agreed with Mother? That she had betrayed them when she left?

“You’re not overstepping any bounds, Mary,” Grace quickly assured her.

“Don’t lie to me, Grace,” Mary replied. “You’ve never lied to me before so don’t start now. I’m

not welcome here.”

“I’m not lying. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“It doesn’t matter if I’ve done something wrong or not. What matters is that I’m no longer of

use to them.” Mary took a deep breath to steady her nerves. She real y hated confrontations,

but she didn’t see a way out of this any more than she’d seen one when it came to her mother.

“I’m glad I got to see Father again, and I appreciate that he stood up for me when Mother

didn’t want to let me become a mail-order bride. While I won’t be at the funeral, I wil attend

the wake. I know he’s not there, but I stil want to tel him good-bye.” Looking at Katie, she

added, “And you don’t need to worry. I won’t stay longer than five minutes. Surely, Mother can

bear with me until then. And if she can’t, I suggest you take her to the kitchen so she doesn’t

have to see me at al .”

Katie narrowed her eyes at her, but Mary decided not to pay her any mind. That was al she’d

do to upset Katie. She’d keep her mouth shut on everything else.

Turning her attention to Grace, Mary straightened her shoulders back, her mind set. “Dave and

I wil be at Mother’s in fifteen minutes.”

Grace nodded, and Mary left the room to find Dave.

***

Fifteen minutes later, Mary and Dave approached her mother’s house. Her gaze swept the

two-story structure. This was where she’d grown up. To her surprise, she didn’t feel the

anxiety she expected to experience in coming here. In fact, she was at peace with it. It wasn’t

something she anticipated since she had such a difficult time sleeping last night, but she felt it

al the same. She glanced at Dave who, in many ways, was her pil ar of strength. Perhaps

some of her calm came from him.

“Are you sure you want to go in there?” he asked.

“You’re with me,” she replied with a nod.

“Always.”

That was al she needed. She pressed forward and he joined her. As they approached the

porch, her brothers Chet and Stan glanced her way. She didn’t know if they agreed with Katie,

that she’d do better not to show up. If they did, then that was their problem. Not hers. She

avoided the stares from them and the other eight family members who quietly talked on the

porch.

She crossed the porch and opened the storm door, scanning the large group of people in the

house. Dave fol owed her into the entryway, and three of Mary’s sisters-in-law turned toward

them.

“Mary,” one began, her eyes wide, “we didn’t think you’d be coming.”

Mary cleared her throat. “I wanted to say good-bye to my father. There’s nothing wrong with

that, is there?”

The woman blushed. “No, of course not.”

“Good.”

Before the woman or the other two could say anything, Mary walked by them and wove her

way through the crowd. She avoided eye contact with everyone and headed straight for the

coffin in the parlor. No one spoke to her, though she could feel their eyes on her, probably

shocked she dared to show up when her mother specifical y forbade her to. Though her face

warmed, she ignored the reminder. Her mother wasn’t anywhere in sight, so Katie must have

heeded her warning. That was good, she supposed. It meant there wasn’t the chance of a

fight where everyone could see it, but it also proved how little her mother thought of her. She

couldn’t imagine treating Isaac or Rachel this way.

Forcing the thought of her mother aside, Mary turned her attention to her father’s body. Now

that she remembered him better, it was easier to understand the man she was now looking at.

She’d never been close to him while growing up. He’d been the provider and spent a lot of his

time at work or reading his paper when he came home. But he understood her in ways her

mother never did. While he wasn’t often vocal about his feelings, she now knew he’d often

spoken on her behalf when there was something she wanted to do that real y mattered to her,

whether it was cooking at the restaurant so she could gain a sense of independence or going to

Nebraska so she could have a family. Had it not been for him, she wouldn’t be where she was

today.

She smiled at him and said the only thing that came to mind. “Thank you for everything, Pa.”

Sensing the moment was complete, she turned to Dave. “I’m ready to go.”

“Is that it?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Nodding, he took her by the elbow and walked with her as they made their way back through

the crowd of her relatives. To her surprise, Stan approached them. Unsure if this was going to

lead to something unpleasant, like perhaps her mother asking that he escort her out, she

studied his face for an indication of what she could expect.

He smiled and she relaxed. “It was good seeing you again, Mary.” He held his hand out to

Dave. “You take care of my little sister, you hear?”

“Of course,” Dave replied and shook his hand.

“Thank you, Stan,” she added, realizing he might receive some criticism for speaking to them so

openly in front of their family members.

Grace and Calvin came up behind him. “Did you get to say good-bye to Father?” Grace asked

Mary, her eyes shifting to the people around them who were watching everything with more

interest than Mary thought they should have.

“Yes, I did,” Mary replied, her face stil warm from al the attention. “We were on our way out.”

“We’l walk with you back to Katie’s,” Grace said.

“Actual y, I’d rather go for a walk, perhaps go back to the lighthouse and see it one last time.”

Mary looked at Dave who indicated the plan was fine with him.

“Alright.” Grace smiled. “We’l be at Katie’s tonight for supper, and it’l be just you and me in

the kitchen. I can’t let you leave before we have another chance to talk like we used to.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” And she was. It’d be nice to talk to Grace again, especial y since

she remembered how much they used to enjoy each other’s company. “I’l see you then.”

Holding her head higher than she could ever recal doing in the past, Mary left the house with

Dave at her side.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Mary inhaled the fresh air as the waves lapped lazily in the distance. Once again, she sat next

to Dave at the same bench close to the lighthouse. Last time, she had trouble sensing the calm

her father spoke of, but this time, she felt it. Now she could understand that in the whole

scheme of things, everything about Maine real y didn’t matter. And maybe that was what he

was trying to show her—that she didn’t have to feel guilty for embracing her new life because

what mattered most were her husband and children. Her first responsibility was to them. If her

mother couldn’t accept it, then there was nothing she could do about it.

With a contented sigh, she leaned against Dave and rested her head on his shoulder. She

closed her eyes and final y recal ed the parts of her past she’d wanted to desperately

remember ever since she woke up in the parlor back home and wondered who she was and

how she got there.

She recal ed that day she met Dave at the train station. Before the images had been snippets

of pieces here and there. Now they flowed together into one cohesive memory…

There was the anxious excitement of stepping off the train to see what awaited her in Omaha.

She’d clutched the handle of the beige travel bag in her hand. The sea of unfamiliar faces

swarmed around her, and she scanned them for the man who matched the description of the

one she’d come to marry. Neil Craftsman. Dark hair. He said he’d be wearing a brown suit

with a red handkerchief. He said he chose the color red so he’d be easy to spot, and as the