Tonight and Forever (17 page)

“Oh, by the way, Justin. I think Lorren’s a lovely girl.”

He took a sip of coffee. “So what else is new?”

Marilyn Madaris stared at him. “Why are you getting upset? Don’t you think she’s a lovely girl?”

“Of course I do. I just don’t want the family reading more into my relationship with Lorren than what’s really there.”

“Then you tell us, Justin. How should we read this? She’s the first woman you’ve brought home since Denise died.”

“But that doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll be the last. That’s all I’m saying, Mom. I like Lorren. I like her a lot. We enjoy each other’s company but…”

Marilyn Madaris raised a brow. “But what?”

“Nothing.” He set his cup of coffee on the counter. “Good night, Mom.”

Marilyn Madaris watched her oldest son walk out of the kitchen. It was her guess that his “song singing days” were coming to an end. She couldn’t help but wonder how he would handle it when that fact hit him?

Justin slid into bed after doing one hundred push-ups and just as many jumping jacks. He really hadn’t expected to get much sleep, especially since he wasn’t sharing a bed with the one person he wanted to sleep with.

His mother had put Lorren down the hall in one of his sister’s old rooms, and the thought that she was so close yet so far irritated him. He tossed and turned most of the night.

He arose at the crack of dawn and went downstairs for coffee and was surprised to find Clayton and Dex already up, drinking coffee and eating toast. Clayton was the first to speak.

“What in the world was happening in your room last night, Justin?”

Confused, Justin raised a brow as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “Nothing that I know of.”

Clayton grinned. “Then that explains why you were making all that racket working off your frustrations. Leave it to dear old Mom to put Lorren in the bedroom next to theirs, out of your reach.”

Clayton plopped the last piece of toast in his mouth and washed it down with coffee before adding, “Whatever it is you’re afflicted with, you got it bad, Big Brother. And I hope it’s not contagious.”

Justin shot Clayton a dark look. He refused to ask him what he meant by that comment. He then threw a thunderous gaze in Dex’s direction.

“Don’t look at me, Justin,” Dex said, grinning. “I haven’t said a word.”

“Good. And see that you don’t.”

Justin was still in a testy mood when the rest of the family came down for breakfast a little while later. He found himself staring at Lorren as she made her way around the kitchen, helping his mother prepare breakfast. The sight of her dressed in something simple, like a denim wrap skirt and peasant blouse, made his entire body ache. His hands felt damp and a film of perspiration began forming on his upper lip.

And to make matters worse, he found his two brothers watching him and grinning from ear to ear. They didn’t seem the least bit threatened when he shot them a murderous look.

That afternoon didn’t come fast enough for Justin. Although he had enjoyed the time he’d spent with his family, he was more than ready to leave. Bidding them farewell, he loaded both the luggage and Lorren into the car in record time and headed back to Ennis.

He kept a firm grip on the steering wheel and fought the temptation to reach out and run his hand over Lorren.

He took a deep steadying breath. They couldn’t get back to Ennis quick enough to suit him.

“A
ren’t we going to bring in our bags?”

“Later,” Justin muttered, guiding Lorren through the door and locking it firmly behind them. He didn’t waste any time pulling her into his arms. “Do you have any idea how much I want you? How much I need you?”

Not as much as I want you to want and need me,
Lorren thought, seeing the heavy look of male hunger in his eyes.

Justin kissed her, and she arched herself against him, forgetting everything except the touch of his lips, the taste of his mouth, and the feel of his hands moving over her body.

In one smooth motion he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. Lorren felt the heat of his gaze touch every part of her skin as he undressed her.

Then he quickly removed his own clothes and took time to prepare himself for her, to keep her safe.

Wordlessly, they stared at each other. She wanted to tell him she loved him, but knew she couldn’t. Instead, when his mouth met hers again, she kissed him with all the longing in her heart.

Lorren put into action what she dared not say in words. Letting her love for him be a guide, she gave to him a passion the likes of which she’d never before given, wrapping him in the sensuous warmth of her feelings. She became bold, she became daring, she became a tormentor, and, in the end, she became a pleaser. She would always remember the exact moment their bodies became one, fitting together perfectly.

Closing her eyes against the surge of fierce pleasure clutching her, she urged him deeper into her, absorbing the tremors of rapture that flowed through her body.

“Lorren!” Justin breathed her name sharply in her ear at the same time he drove them both over the edge.

Lorren woke early the next morning, sprawled across Justin’s chest and securely cradled in his embrace.

Last night they had made love with a hungry intensity she’d never imagined possible. It was as if they couldn’t get enough of each other. His body had claimed her as fire bolts of desire raced through her.

Her body had understood his rhythm and, instinctively, arched to meet his steady thrusts of possession. The fires burning between them had somehow gotten out of control, becoming a fiery blaze of ecstasy. After their hunger had been temporarily satisfied, they’d slept, then wakened and made love again and again.

Justin stirred slightly. Lorren slowly eased off him, not wanting to wake him. “Where’re you going?” he murmured, pulling her back firmly against him.

An easy smile played at the corners of Lorren’s mouth. “To make coffee and get something to eat. We sort of skipped dinner yesterday.”

Her eyes glowed with playfulness as she continued. “So let me go, Justin Madaris, or suffer the consequences. You know how testy I get whenever I’m hungry.”

Lorren felt the pressure of his hands loosen some. “All right, baby. I’ll let you go, but only if you promise you’ll come back.”

She smiled down at him, marveling at the handsome features looking back at her. His dark eyes were soft with slumber. She took his face in her hands and kissed his lips. “I promise.”

He released her completely then and, when she stood, rolled onto his stomach and buried his head in the pillow.

Lorren took slow steps to the bathroom. The tenderness in her thighs and deep in her body reminded her of the strength of Justin and the intensity of their lovemaking.

After taking a shower and changing into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, she went into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. Opening the pantry, she took out a box of cereal and opened the refrigerator for the milk when the phone rang.

She answered it absently. “Hello.”

“Where have you been the last couple of days, Lorren? I needed to talk to you.”

Lorren immediately recognized the voice, and her body stiffened as rage engulfed her. “You just wait one minute. I don’t owe you an explanation about anything. I don’t want to talk to you, and if you call here again, I’ll notify the police. There are laws against harassment. Do you hear me?”

The only response Lorren received was a click in her ear. She placed the phone back in the cradle and leaned against the counter to catch her breath, fighting to control her shaking body.

“Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

Lorren whirled around to find Justin leaning against the kitchen door. He was completely awake now, and he wasn’t smiling.

When she didn’t answer him, he walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, gently squeezing. “Who was that on the phone, Lorren?”

Somehow she found herself leaning against him, absorbing the strength that was an innate part of him. “It was Scott.”

Justin muttered a soft curse. The arms that surrounded her stiffened. “What did he want?”

“He wants to talk.”

His mouth tightened. “Has he called you here before?”

Lorren nodded. “Yes. He’s called a few times since the day I saw him—”

“Saw him?” Justin asked, easing her away from him, cutting off her words. “You saw him? Here in Ennis?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

Her voice was quiet. “At the Polka Festival last week.”

Justin exhaled through clenched teeth. “Why didn’t you say something?”

She cast her eyes downward. “Because I didn’t want to bother you. It was my problem.”

Justin lifted her chin with his finger so their eyes could meet. “Baby, your problems are my problems. Don’t you know that?”

“No, and it really doesn’t matter. I’ve brought enough emotional garbage into this relationship without adding more.”

“Emotional garbage? What are you talking about? You had a bad first marriage, but you’re not the first and certainly won’t be the last. There are problems in every marriage.”

A part of Lorren didn’t want Justin’s tenderness and understanding at the moment. It was the part of her that couldn’t forgive herself for being a fool and staying with Scott as long as she did. That part of her wanted to lash out, and, unfortunately, Justin was the target.

Her eyes flashed with fire when she looked at him. “What do you know about problems in a marriage? Yours was perfect. You got the person you wanted and the two of you would have lived happily-ever-after had she not died.”

Lorren’s eyes filled with tears as she continued. “You don’t have any idea how it feels to believe you’ve chosen the perfect mate, and then have that person turn on you and try to destroy your self-respect and dignity. You can’t begin to imagine how it feels when your inability to pleasure him in bed becomes something he belittles you with, day and night.”

Justin reached out. She moved a few inches away from him. “No, you can’t imagine any of those things, Justin, because your marriage was perfect. It was made in heaven. All of us aren’t that lucky.”

The last thread of Lorren’s composure crumbled, and she gave in to her tears. She was powerless to resist Justin when he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the living room, while she sobbed into his chest.

“That’s right, baby. Get it all out. Let yourself cry. Get rid of the anger, the frustration, and the hurt. And after you’ve finished, I’ll give you as much tender, loving care as anyone could possibly receive. I will make you feel loved, and I’ll show you just how special you are.”

“But you don’t understand,” she got out between sobs.

Justin sat on the sofa and cradled her in his lap. “Baby, I
do
understand. Nobody’s marriage is perfect, and I’m sorry I gave you the impression that mine was. Denise and I disagreed about a number of things. But we didn’t allow our disagreements to come between us.”

He placed his lips against her cheek, kissing away the tears there. “You don’t have to experience pain firsthand to understand it, Lorren. Someone I love and respect very much, my brother Dex, met and fell in love with Caitlin at a time when all of us thought he never would. He had promised himself years before that he would never give his heart to a woman after a close friend of his committed suicide after receiving a ‘Dear John’ letter.”

Justin’s thumb absently traced circular motions on Lorren’s arm while he continued. “Greg and Dex were as close as brothers since the time they were kids. They attended Morehouse together. Greg met and fell in love with someone who attended a neighboring college.”

Justin pulled Lorren closer. “To make a long story short, the girl broke things off. Dex was the one who found Greg when Dex went back to their apartment in between classes. Greg had shot himself in the head. He left Dex a note that said…‘Don’t ever fall in love. It hurts like hell.’”

Lorren drew back, remaining absolutely motionless as she absorbed Justin’s words. Her heart went out to the man who had taken his life on account of love. “But Dex eventually fell in love, didn’t he?”

“Yes, nearly twelve years later. He met and fell in love with a younger woman, a lot younger. Caitlin was barely twenty-one and fresh out of college when Dex married her at thirty-two. They met when she came to work at my uncle’s ranch for the summer. Dex and Caitlin fell in love immediately, and were married in less than two weeks. The company Dex worked for was sending him to Australia for two years.”

Justin’s hand slowly stroked her back. It was a soothing feeling. “Caitlin was to join Dex in Australia.”

“Did she?”

“No. What she did was send him a ‘Dear John’ letter along with divorce papers and her wedding ring. None of us really knows the complete story, and Dex refuses to talk about it.”

“It must have been awful for him.”

“Yes, it was, and he still hasn’t completely gotten over it. He was in a foreign country without his family and friends for support. He had to go through that painful period in his life alone.”

Justin gave her a level look. “So you see, Lorren, I
do
understand the depth of your pain, just as I understand Dex’s. You aren’t the only person whose life was nearly destroyed by falling in love. Even I was hurt by love, but in a different way.”

Lorren knew Justin was right and her anger began dissolving. She appreciated him for sharing Dex’s story with her. It made her realize she wasn’t in a class by herself. Pain hadn’t singled her out for attack as she wanted to believe at times.

“Lorren?”

“Ummm?”

“What are you planning to do about your ex-husband?”

Lorren’s eyes met Justin’s, then glanced away. She wondered how much of her phone conversation with Scott he had overheard. “Hopefully, I won’t have to do anything. I’m praying that he finally realizes I won’t talk to him and leaves town.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

Lorren turned to face Justin again. She stirred uneasily at the thought of Scott remaining in Ennis, trying to persuade her to talk with him. “I really don’t know, Justin. I’ll probably talk to Rod to see what can be done to stop him from calling me. Legally, Scott is out of my life.”

“Do you have any idea why he’s here?”

“He claims he wants a reconciliation, but of course I don’t believe that for one minute. It’s my guess that he’s found out about my possible deal with Corvel Toys and wants a piece of the action. I can’t believe he thinks I’ll be stupid enough to take him back. There’s no way I’ll ever do that.”

Justin was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “There’s more to it than what you’re telling me, isn’t there?”

She swallowed. “What do you mean?”

“What did he do to you to make you afraid of him? I can detect it in your voice.”

She shrugged. “You know that already. He tried convincing me that as a woman I was worthless.”

“No. I think there’s more to it than that. What aren’t you telling me, Lorren?”

She chewed on her lower lip as she looked at him. “What makes you think I’m not telling you something?”

“Just a hunch.”

He saw the wary look in her eyes. “Knowing about the emotional abuse you endured while married to him, I can understand your anger at him for being in town. I can even understand your being furious at the thought that he’s contacting you, wanting the two of you to get back together. But I can’t understand your being afraid. Unless…”

“Unless what?” she asked uneasily.

Justin didn’t reply for a long time. Lorren knew he was seriously considering what he was about to say. “Unless he was physically abusive to you as well. That would explain your fear.”

Lorren looked away from Justin quickly. She tried to move away. His hands tightened around her waist. When he spoke again, his voice was velvet edged with steel. “Was he, Lorren?”

“I’d rather not talk about it, Justin.”

“Tell me. Did he hit you?”

Every fiber in Lorren’s body shook with the anger she heard in Justin’s voice and the hardened look in his features. He rested his hand lightly against her chin, his voice husky with tenderness when he said, “I have to know.”

His touch acted like a catalyst that destroyed the last of the self-protective shield surrounding her. She loved him and wanted to share everything with him. Even if it was a part of her life she’d rather not remember.

“Yes. He hit me, but only once. That was the night I finally left him.”

She wished she could expunge the memories of that night from her mind. “He’d been out with his friends, and I gather I’d been the topic of their conversation for the evening.”

“He discussed your personal lives with his friends?” Justin asked, his voice incredulous with rage.

“I found out later that night that he had. They had given him advice on how to whip me into shape. And he came home and tried to do just that, literally. My only advantage was that Syneda had talked me into taking a self-defense course after there had been a series of rapes in the LA area. I effectively used the right maneuvers to defend myself from his attack and get away from him.”

Her eyes were misty. “But he did manage to hit me a few times, since he’d caught me unawares. I’d been asleep when he’d come in. He jerked me out of bed and began whipping me with his belt. I got a few bloody cuts from the buckle and had to get medical attention.”

Justin’s eyes conveyed the fury within him. She tried ignoring it as she continued. “That night I saw a different side of Scott. It was a side I’ll never forget. I knew then that, when pushed to the limit, he was capable of anything. That’s why I don’t want to talk to him.”