Tonight and Forever (14 page)

Justin continued to stare in the direction Lorren’s car had taken, even when it was no longer in sight.

“Let her go,” he angrily told himself, going back into the house and slamming the door closed behind him. “I don’t need this,” he muttered, pacing the floor between the kitchen and the foyer, looking for his medallion. “I should never have gotten involved with the woman. She’s…she’s…”

He stopped talking to himself, unable to complete the sentence. When he did moments later, the words echoed loudly in the room. “She’s the first woman to bring some real happiness into my life since Denise.”

Justin took a deep breath and slumped against the wall. He was stunned at the confusing feelings he was experiencing. Lorren couldn’t be more wrong in what she’d said. He had let go of yesterday. But he could see why she thought he hadn’t. He had to talk to her and make her understand.

He turned to leave and his gaze caught sight of the medallion on the floor near his feet. He reached down and picked it up. Several emotions passed over him while he looked at it—love, joy, pain…and fear. The first three emotions had been for Denise. The last one, for Lorren.

He was suddenly afraid that she had just walked out of his life.

Lorren jumped when she heard the sound of the doorbell. She stood. Her muscles were stiff and cramped. Glancing at her watch, she saw an hour had passed since she’d come home. She’d been sitting on the sofa all that time. Walking to the door, she opened it.

Justin stood in the doorway with the picnic basket in his hand. “May I come in so we can talk?”

Lorren drew in a shaky breath. She’d known she was going to have to see him sooner or later, but a part of her wished it could be later. Much later.

She wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear whatever it was he wanted to say right now. He looked tense and exhausted, and his voice sounded ragged. She relented.

“Yes, come in,” she replied, trying to keep her voice neutral, but knowing she’d failed miserably. She took a step backward and Justin entered the house, closing the door behind him.

Lorren walked across the room and sat in the wing chair. After placing the basket on the table, Justin stood with his back to her, gazing out the window at the lake. It seemed he stood that way for hours instead of minutes. When he finally turned around, his eyes were glazed with remembered pain. He stared at her, studying her, before he began speaking.

“It seems I’d known Denise forever, when actually we first met in high school. Her parents moved to Houston from Dallas in our sophomore year. Even then, I knew there was something special about her. We dated through high school and decided to wait until we’d finished college before marrying. She got a scholarship to Spelman in Atlanta, and I attended Howard.”

There was a pause before he continued. “During the time we were apart, we were miserable. One day I couldn’t take it any longer and purchased a plane ticket to Atlanta. When I got there, I asked her to marry me. Since there’s no waiting period in Georgia, we got married that same day. Our parents, though surprised, were very supportive. Denise completed her semester at Spelman, then transferred to Howard to be with me. We got a small apartment near campus. It was hard at first, but we had each other and plenty of love.”

Justin took a deep breath. “She’d finished college and was working at an accounting firm when her headaches began. At first we thought they were the result of stress. She’d been doing a lot of heavy studying for an upcoming CPA exam. But when she began having dizzy spells, we became alarmed and had her checked by a doctor. A CAT scan revealed an inoperable turmor at the base of her brain, and she was given less than six months to live.”

Lorren watched the man she loved in the grip of emotional pain, reliving his tortured memories. A part of her wanted to put her arms around him and comfort him. However, she didn’t move. She sat still while he continued.

“For us it was a lifetime of happiness and dreams to be snuffed out in less than six months.” Justin paused suddenly, sucking in a deep gulp of air.

“Toward the end, she wanted to talk about my life without her, but I couldn’t. For the first time in my life, I felt completely helpless. With all my medical knowledge, I could do nothing to prevent the inevitable. I felt like I had failed her somehow. I even began questioning whether I wanted to continue in the medical field. But Denise refused to let me blame myself and give up. She said life was too short for regrets.”

He cleared his throat. “Although I knew the cold, hard facts surrounding her condition, a part of me kept hoping, kept praying. Deep down she understood what I was going through. The only thing she asked was that her last breath not be taken in the sterilized confines of a hospital. She wanted to be at home with me. During her final days, her body had weakened from the chemo treatment, but she maintained her good spirits until the end. We spent our days and nights together—alone. We wanted it that way, and, thankfully, our families understood.”

The sound of Justin’s voice became more hoarse. “She died one night while I held her in my arms. With the very last of her strength, she clutched my medallion and held it in the palm of her hand.”

Lorren felt heartsick. The pain he’d endured watching the woman he loved die must have been devastating for him. Just like her parents’ death had been to her. Fighting back tears, she stared at him and saw misty, pained eyes staring back into hers.

“Losing Denise,” he continued, “was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. We shared so much. And I feel I lost so much.”

He sighed deeply and walked over to the chair and knelt in front of Lorren, gripping her hand. “Whether or not I wear the medallion won’t change the fact that I respond to you in ways I’ve never responded to any woman, including Denise. I never thought the void left in my life after her death would be filled. But you’re doing it, Lorren. I just can’t make any promises about anything right now.”

New tears welled in Lorren’s eyes as she tried to hold back her emotions. After hearing his story, her love for him gave her the strength to accept things as they were for now, and pray one day a change would come. She knew there was a chance he would never love her. There was a very strong possibility that the only woman he would ever be capable of loving had died ten years ago.

“Thanks for sharing that with me, Justin. It explains a lot of things.”

He stood and nervously rubbed the palm of his hand over the back of his neck. “So, where do we go from here?”

A wry smile touched Lorren’s lips. She wanted things back the way they’d been between them, and he was letting it be her decision. “Why don’t we finish eating. I’m starved.”

Justin stared down at her. His expression was one of heartfelt relief and thanks. A smile curled the corners of his mouth. “Me, too.”

Lorren’s gaze traveled over his handsome features and saw the sparkle had returned to his eyes. She stood. “So, did you find your medallion?”

He hesitated before answering. “Yes, I found it.”

“Where is it?”

“Here.” He touched his pants pocket.

She took a step toward him and reached into his pocket, pulling out the medallion. Accepting the reason why it was so special to him, she stood on tiptoe and placed it around his neck. “Now it’s back where it belongs until you decide differently.”

Justin grabbed her wrist. “You don’t have to do this. If you prefer that I not—”

“No, it’s okay. I’m fine now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”
I’m doing the right thing,
she told herself.
The decision to stop wearing it has to be his.

When Justin gently pulled her into his arms, she reminded herself she was nothing more to him than the woman he enjoyed sharing his passion with, the woman who was helping him decorate the house he’d ultimately share with someone else.

And unknown to him, she was also the woman who loved him.

“Y
ou better have a darn good reason for pulling me over,” Justin said to the tall, handsome man wearing a huge grin on his face and a badge of the law on the blue shirt covering his broad chest.

“I believe I do,” the man answered lazily, leaning down and resting both elbows in the car’s open window. A wan shaft of sun struck his hair and it gleamed like dark gold. His grin broadened and his ocean blue eyes shone mischievously. “I have a deep appreciation for beautiful women, and the one sitting next to you looks too stunning for words.”

“You haven’t changed a bit, Roderick Clark,” Lorren said, laughing. “You’re still quite a character. Becoming sheriff hasn’t changed you at all.”

“Sure it has. Now I’m giving the tickets to speeders instead of getting them all myself. The reason I stopped you guys is because of Rhonda. That wife of mine sent me on a mission. She ordered me to find you, Lorren, and invite you over for dinner Friday night. We were out of town the night of Ms. Nora’s birthday party and missed Justin’s cookout because of Rod, Jr.’s little league game. Rhonda is determined for the two of you to get together so she can bring you up to date on the latest gossip in Ennis Place,” he said jokingly. “It’ll be a small gathering of a few couples.” Then, seemingly as an afterthought, he added, “I guess that invitation also extends to you, Justin,” he teased.

Lorren smiled. “That sounds like a great idea. I’d love seeing Rhonda again.” She turned to Justin. “Is Friday night okay with you?”

“Sure. I wouldn’t miss the chance to sample some of Rhonda’s peach cobbler.”

Rod raised a brow at his friend. “What makes you so sure she’s making peach cobbler that night?”

Justin laughed. “Your wife wouldn’t miss the chance to serve her prizewinning cobbler. I’m depending on you to keep her in a good mood till Friday. You know how testy pregnant women can get at times.”

“Rhonda’s pregnant?” Lorren asked, breaking into the men’s conversation.

Rod beamed proudly. “Yep. She’s pregnant with child number four, and the doctors have already said it’s a boy.” He checked his watch. “I’d better get going. I’ll see you guys Friday night around seven.”

“All right, Rod,” Justin answered. “See you then.”

The sound of loud music and laughter could be heard as Justin and Lorren walked up the sidewalk to the Clarks’ home. Numerous cars were parked in the driveway.

“I thought Rod said this was to be a small gathering with a few couples,” Lorren whispered to Justin when they reached the front door.

Justin chuckled. “If you know Rhonda well enough, you should know her small gatherings often get out of hand, especially where the number of people are concerned. She loves people and, because of it, she loves to entertain,” he said, pressing the doorbell. “I met Rod a few years ago, when he worked with John a short while as a Texas Ranger, before becoming sheriff. A couple of weeks after I arrived in town, Rhonda invited me to dinner. She failed to tell me that half of Ennis would also be there. Her small dinner party turned into a full-scale welcome-to-town affair.”

Amusement lurked in Lorren’s eyes. “Remind me to tell you about the time Rhonda gave an all-girls party one night. You won’t believe how it turned out.”

Before Justin could ask for the details, the door opened and they found themselves greeted with hugs from a very pregnant woman.

“Lorren! Justin! I’m glad you made it,” she said, pulling them into the house.

Justin and Lorren had been right. This was no small party. As Lorren looked around she eyed all the other guests. Some of them she recognized, and some she did not. A good number of them were crowded around a table laden with food.

“Let me take a look at you, Lorren Jacobs. I can’t believe it. You haven’t changed a bit. I bet you can still fit into your cheerleading outfit.”

Lorren laughed. “Don’t count on it. But what about you, busy lady? Three kids and a fourth on the way,” she exclaimed with an I-don’t-believe-it look. “What happened to your plans after high school to take Hollywood by storm?” Rhonda Clark was indeed a beauty, Lorren thought. She was a Jennifer Aniston look-alike and appeared even more radiant pregnant.

“What happened is a man by the name of Rod Clark. Surely you remember him,” she teased. “I don’t think anyone who has ever lived in Ennis could forget him. He’s the guy who used to ride that Harley-Davidson motorcycle and wear that black leather jacket. He’s also the guy all the mothers used to warn their daughters about.”

She laughed. “Well, somehow he managed to put a ring on my finger and an even bigger one in my nose. The next thing I know, my plans of becoming an actress were history. What I do now, in between babies, is teach drama at the University of Texas in Dallas.”

“It’s about time the two of you got here,” a loud male voice boomed from behind them. Wearing a huge grin, Rod walked up to greet the latest arrivals. He leaned down and gave Lorren a peck on the cheek and Justin a warm handshake. “I was just about to send my deputy out to find you.”

He turned to his wife. “And what’s this nonsense about mothers trying to keep their daughters from me?” He pulled her into his arms. “If that’s true, your mom didn’t do such a good job, did she, honey?” he drawled lovingly.

Rhonda giggled. “See what I mean, Lorren. I’m putty in this man’s hands.”

Love clearly shone in both of their eyes, Lorren thought, looking at the two individuals. She was touched by their warm, open display of affection.

“If the two of you are going to get mushy, Lorren and I will leave.” Justin grinned.

“Why, Justin. We never get mushy.” Rhonda laughed “Come on, let’s pah-tay.”

The four of them were still laughing when they were joined by the other guests. After quick introductions to the people Lorren didn’t know, Rhonda proceeded to be the perfect hostess. Lorren was also introduced to the Clark clan. The two boys were clones of their father, and the little girl looked just like her mother. Lorren thought it was cute that all the family members’ names began with “R.” Rod and Rhonda’s daughter’s name was Rochelle, and their sons were Rod, Jr., and Randle.

An hour or so later, Lorren and Justin found themselves in the kitchen, escaping the crowd. They were enjoying the party but decided to sneak away for a moment of privacy. Justin had just reached out to take Lorren into his arms when the kitchen door flew open and Rhonda walked in.

“Not in my kitchen, you don’t. Now who’s getting mushy?” she teased, opening the refrigerator to take out another tray of food.

“Where’s Rod?” Justin asked.

“He’s somewhere out in the backyard showing David Myers his skill at gardening. He has a little vegetable garden on the other side of the house away from the pool.”

“Rod’s growing a garden? This I gotta see.” Justin gave Lorren a quick kiss on the lips before going out the back door in search of his friend.

“I think I’d better open the windows,” Rhonda said jokingly. “I don’t know if I can stand the heat the two of you generate.”

Lorren almost choked on the punch she was sipping.

“Don’t you dare get embarrassed, Lorren Jacobs,” Rhonda said sternly. “You’re in the home of friends. Besides, you and Justin deserve to be happy. Everyone knows he’s a widower, and news about your divorce got around pretty fast. I think the two of you getting together is pretty neat.”

“But it isn’t what you think. Justin and I are just friends,” Lorren protested.

“Wow! Some kind of friendship,” Rhonda said as her eyes lit up. “It hasn’t slipped by me that this is the first time Justin’s let you out of his sight all night, and I bet he’ll be back in here before you know it.”

No sooner had the words been spoken than Justin reentered the kitchen. Lorren met Rhonda’s teasing I-told-you-so eyes from across the room before their laughter broke to the surface.

Justin looked at them both curiously. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s a private joke, Justin,” Rhonda said teasingly, wiping the tears coursing down her cheeks.

“That could be dangerous, knowing the two of you.”

Rhonda grinned. “Relax, Doc. We’re completely harmless.”

Justin extended his hand to Lorren. “Let’s rejoin the party.”

“All right.” Lorren enjoyed being around him. His presence was like a safety net and she felt thoroughly entwined in it.

When they rejoined the others, she couldn’t help noticing they were the object of a lot of people’s curious stares. Although Justin joined in the conversations around them, he never once left her side for long. And when he did, she was always within range of his watchful eyes.

“Enjoying the party, baby?” he asked, when they found themselves alone on the patio overlooking the pool.

“Yes. What about you?”

Justin stared at her for a moment. “I’m having a blast, but wish I was someplace else right now,” he said softly.

Lorren was entranced by his chocolate-colored eyes. “Oh? Where?”

“Your bed.”

A soft gasp escaped her with his words. There was a tingling in the pit of her stomach. “I wish you were someplace else, too,” she whispered, her heart fluttering wildly in her breast.

Justin’s gaze was soft as a caress. “Where?”

“Deep inside of me.”

For a long moment neither of them spoke. They gazed into each other’s eyes, their breathing becoming heavy.

Justin’s words broke their silence. “Shall we find Rod and Rhonda and tell them good-night?”

Lorren nodded. “Yes. That’s a good idea.”

Later that night, Lorren sat in the dark watching Justin. From the way he was breathing, it was evident he was very deep in sleep. He hadn’t even stirred when she’d left the bed.

She pulled the spread around her naked shoulders to guard against the late-night chill that crept through the room. Leaning back in the chair, she felt moisture gathering in her eyes.

“You’re a very special man, Justin Madaris,” she whispered softly. In his own unique way, using what he’d often referred to as tender, loving care, he had helped her overcome the sexual inhibitions that had been deeply rooted inside of her. Thanks to his patience, understanding, and tender, loving nature, she no longer felt panicky whenever she recognized her body’s need for him, those tremulous sensations within her that were still new and unfamiliar. Like the ones she’d experienced tonight at the party that had made her bold enough to say what she’d said to him.

Justin had repeatedly shown her that the driving, physical longings she felt were a natural, normal, and healthy reaction to the attraction between them. Yet at the same time, he had unknowingly proved that her desire for him wasn’t the only thing she felt. Her love grew stronger each day.

Lorren knew in her heart she had never known or truly loved a man until him.

Main Street was lined with people eagerly waiting for the parade to begin. Each year, on the first weekend in May, the township of Ennis and its neighboring counties came together for a jam-packed weekend of laughter and fun, highlighting the National Polka Festival. The festivities began Saturday morning with a giant parade. It was a sunny morning with hordes of people and children.

Justin and Lorren were dressed in shorts and festive T-shirts commemorating the event, and had conveniently found a shady spot under a huge oak tree, providing them a good view of the coming procession.

With a camera firmly in her hand, Lorren began snapping pictures as the gaiety and excitement made her relive some of her most cherished memories of living in Ennis.

Participants in costumes, bands from various schools, and floats from numerous organizations dazzled the spectators. A giggle of excitement bubbled up in Lorren’s throat when the float from the Children’s Home Society came by.

“Look, Justin!”

“I see it, baby,” he answered. “That’s a nice-looking float. The kids really did an outstanding job putting it together.”

Lorren twisted her head to smile at him, not realizing because of the crowd, they were standing so close. Another inch and their lips would have made contact. Not giving in to the temptation, she simply turned her head back to watch the float. The feel of Justin’s arms around her waist tightened and sent her a message that he understood.

“Later,” he whispered for her ears only.

After the parade, they wound their way through the crowds of people. They walked hand in hand, darting along paths, around babies in strollers, and stopped at various booths to try out a variety of treats.

“I want some popcorn, Justin,” Lorren said, pointing to a nearby vendor.

Justin dug a bill from the back pocket of his shorts. “For a woman who usually doesn’t eat much, you’re costing me a bundle today,” he teased. “What do I get in return?”

“Are you being obnoxious?” she asked, as a grin tilted her lips.

Reaching across her to share some of the popcorn, he whispered in her ear, “I refuse to answer that. Just wait until I get you home, lady. For punishment, I’m going to make love to you over and over again.”

Lorren slid her gaze to his. “Promises, promises.”

They came to a group that was watching boys and girls perform precision gymnastics routines. She leaned back against Justin, letting her head rest intimately on his chest.

“What time is it?” she asked silkily, raising her eyes to his.

Justin checked his watch. “Almost three. The Festival dance starts at four. Do you want to hang around until then?”

“No.”

“Where would you like to go?”

Lorren shrugged sheepishly. “Pat’s Bookstore.”

He lifted a brow. “The bookstore? Why?”

Lorren smiled. “My books are arriving today.”

Justin returned her smile. “Then by all means, let’s go check them out, Ms. Famous Author.” They began walking hand in hand away from the crowd.

“Dr. Madaris! Yoo-hoo, Dr. Madaris!”

They turned to the short, bald man racing toward them. “Hello, Mr. Coleman,” Justin greeted.

“Hello,” he replied, and acknowledged Lorren with a nod when Justin made the introductions. “I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of questions about the medicine you mentioned that would work wonders for my back pain. You don’t mind if I borrow him for a few minutes, Ms. Jacobs?”