Torn (Torn Heart) (3 page)

When he started dating Amber, we grew apart. He didn’t talk to me much when he was around her. But when I’d come over
to see Jared, he was always polite, so it became confusing.

I look up and say, “I don’t have a
‘crush’ on him, Jared. But in case you’ve missed it, I’ve always had a thing for your brother. Or maybe not always, but in the recent years. Where’ve you been?”

He laughs, “I know. I always knew. You two were a pair for the longest time.
I always wondered if you’d ever start dating. I hate that he settled for Amber. She does treat him like crap. But, if he can’t
see
it, then it’s his own damn fault.” He pats my leg in comfort. “You’re too special to let it bother you. Find someone who’s gonna see your beauty and passion on their own.”

Beauty?
I’ve never thought of myself as pretty or special. My chocolate brown hair and plain brown eyes are quite boring compared to Randa’s blonde locks or hazel eyes. I sit here and stare out into nothing, just wishing, that Jackson would wake up and see what a meaningful connection we had, could have. I may not be pretty like Amber, but I know I’d be a much more respectful and caring girlfriend than her. I’ve got the biggest heart when it comes to those I care about. Not to toot my own horn.

Thanks to my parents. They
had set a good example for me. They were loving people and always put me first. My mother worked a lot of hours but she always made sure I got the attention and love I needed. My father was a role model dad, one that most kids would have killed for. He always felt that family was most important and he never failed to show me his love and he even showed Jackson and Jared love too. I wish he were here, during the years that I have to discover who I am and who I want to be. And who I want and need to be for a future partner. I know their mother leaving had screwed things up for them growing up, especially Jackson.

Jared was a great friend, always. He still is. But in my head and heart, he’s only ever going to be just that.
A friend. Someone to confide in. Besides Randa, he’s all I have now. Life sometimes sucks when you don’t have a lot of friends. But that was the path I chose to take, a path that I was confident I wouldn’t regret. And though I don’t regret taking up art and painting, I do regret not having others to share it with. I just like the bubble I created for myself. It’s hard to know who to trust. Even if he’s changed, I know I could always trust Jackson, though.

Jared stiffens next to me, then pats me on the back and gets up, making the swing teeter back and forth beneath his weight. He stretches and rolls his head, popping his neck a few times. I wince at the sound. “Ugh, you’re going to get arthritis
, my friend.”

“I probably
already have it.” That’s so true. He’s always popping something whether it’s his fingers, neck, back or knees. Oh and knuckles too. Just the cracking sound makes me cringe.

“Hey, I’ll drive you home.”
He lifts off the swing.

I shake my head, “No I’d like to walk home today.” I did walk over here, plus a walk with the cool breeze hitting my face sounds pretty great right now. I
get up and start strolling down the steps. I look back at Jared and say, “You can walk with me. Exercise is good for the body.”

He joins me
. And with a teasing smirk, he asks, “Are you trying to be all therapeutic on me, now?”

“Well, my mom
is
a nurse, you know.” I shoot back, even though it’s not exactly the same field.

“Touché.”
He retorts.

We walk with a steady pace in silence. Across the way, I see the park that is filled with special memories of Jackson and me. We called it our park, because in a way, it was. We went there every day after school and played for hours on the playground or soccer. It’s also the place where we first kiss…we were five, but still. We did some exploring and I have to say, it was bizarre. We were both nervous and had no idea what we were doing. But even after that fiasco, we went back to being the same kids. We never let that day affect us.

“Hey,” I speak through the silence, “I’m gonna hang out at the park for a little bit.”

We stop walking and Jared looks at the park and then back at me. He scratches his
head for a minute, “Do you want some company?”

I
ponder the idea of having him tag along, but then I shake my head. “Nah, I think I just wanna be alone for now. I come here when I wanna think and I need to think about some stuff.”

“Are you sure?” He asks once more. When I nod, he wraps an arm around my shoulder.  He’s much taller than me, probably standing at six-foot-two. I’m just five feet-three. I hug him, silently thanking for his presence and comfort. He pulls away and smiles. “If you ne
ed me, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thanks.” I watch him walk away before heading to the park. I sit at the top of the slide and look out at the houses, wondering what I plan to do with my life. I have ideas, but they’re not set in stone. Though once I graduate, I plan on moving to New York and going to art school there. That’s still up in the air. Also, for the summer, my mom and I are going to travel around Europe. A plan we’ve had since I started high school. It’s supposed to be a graduation present from her, which I won’t complain. I’ve had my heart set on Paris and Rome for so long. I can’t wait to go to the Eiffel tower. It’s my biggest inspiration for painting.

“Hey dad, wherever you are.” I talk to the wind. “I hope you’re watching over me. But mainly mom. She misses you. I miss you too, of course.” I hold onto the bar and lean back, closing my eyes. “I need her to be happy again. I know you don’t want her spending the rest of her life mourning. Right? Help her move on, help her
want
to move on.” A tear slips out of my closed lids. “I love you. I hope you’re having fun.” The honest truth is I don’t know where he is. My parents were semi-religious. We went to church and all, but I’m still uncertain of life after death. I’d like to think he’s somewhere peaceful and free of pain. I should read the bible more.

I grip the top of the slide and twist around to climb down the steps when behind me, I see Jackson. A loud gasp slips out
. “Hi.” I say weakly, trying to gather my bearings.

Chapter 4

Jackson

Coming face to face with Skylar was the last thing I anticipated on my way over here. I shove my hands into my pockets. “Were you just talking to yourself?” I ask curiously. It’s weird to see her here. We haven’t been here together since a few years ago, or so. But it always was our park during our childhood.

She turns away embarrassed. “
Sorta. I was talking to my dad. I mean, obviously he’s not here. But-“ She looks back at me, “What are you doing here, anyway?”

I should leave, but I came here to be alone. My dad and Jared were interrupting my quiet time so I needed to find a place where I can clear my head. I kick at the ground, avoiding eye contact. “I come here when I need to be alone.”

She lets out a breath, almost a laugh. I look up at her and watch her bite her lip. “I guess some things never change.”

“What does that mean?” My voice comes out harsher than I intended. I clear my throat and try a different approach. “What are you doing here?”

“I come here for the same reason. That’s all I meant. We’ve been coming to this park since we were kids. And now that we’re older, we’re still doing it. I just find it pretty funny.” She adds, “And ironic.” There’s nothing ironic about it, it’s peaceful when you need a moment of clarity.

I get up on the merry-go-round and sit stretched out. When my phone digs into my hip, I shift a little and take it out. “You still painting?” I know she is, but aiming for small talk, that’s the first thing to pop into my head.

She shrugs. “Of course. That’ll never change. You still playing football?” She sits down on a step.

I cross my legs at the ankle and fold my hands in my lap, failing at ignoring the way her hair blows across her face.
“Obviously. That’ll never change, either.” A sly grin tugs at the corners. Or maybe it will, who the hell knows anymore.

“I’ve
gotta go home for dinner. Have fun.” She gets up but keeps her head down as she walks by. She does a subtle wave before she’s got her back to me.

“You too.”
I reply softly.

A text comes in from Amber so I spend the next twenty minutes sitting here, before I go home to eat too.

On the way to my room, I run into Jared in the hall. Not literally. He gives me a sidelong glance, studying me. I squirm, wondering what his problem is. “Where’ve you been?”

“I had to get out for a bit. I went to the park. Why?”
What does it matter to him, anyway?

He raises his brows in surprise. “Did you happen to run into Skylar? She was there too.”

“Yep. I’m done talking now.”

I walk out of my room
shortly after head down the stairs to the kitchen where my dad has dinner laid out on the table. I catch a whiff of the deliciousness of roast beef and fried potatoes with biscuits. My dad’s not the best cook, but he does try to give us everything we need. When my mom left, he stopped functioning for a while. It was such a slap in the face to him, and unexpected. He was a mess, and it took him time to deal with reality that became his life; a single father of two. But thankfully, we had Rose to help out. She’s an amazing cook, and she helped pull him out of the dark. I’ll forever be grateful to her.

I sit down at the table and grab a plate. My father clears his throat and says, “So how was school today
Jackson?” I sit in silence and look down at my empty plate, momentarily spaced out. I swallow and look at him. “Uneventful, as usual.” I respond shortly. My dad nods and fixes his plate.

Dinner is quiet, which is how it usually is. I remember all the times we had dinner with Skylar and her mom. Those were the days. Now Rose is too busy to come around anymore. I miss her care-free spirit. We need that in this house.

“So Jackson,” Jared’s voice gets my attention. I shovel a fork full into my mouth. “Why are you with Amber? She’s such a brat.”

“What do you care?” I ask with force.

“I’m just asking. Skylar’s been put through enough crap because of her. Don’t you think it’s time to set her straight?” Why are we talking about Skylar now?

“I don’t know what you mean.” I ignore him when he goes on and on, and wonder if he’s secretly harboring feelings for her too.

Amber picked me up after dinner so I could cool off. Part of me wanted to a
sk if he likes her, I guess it’s not really my business. “Seriously Jacks, you’re gonna get out of here.” I try not to let that name bother me. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Soon you’ll be on your own and we’ll be together.” The fact that Amber thinks we’re gonna be together after high school makes me wonder; do I want that? I shake my head, already knowing the answer.

“I think Jared likes Skylar.” I blurt out.
Well shit, that was stupid. Amber blinks and laughs then looks serious. “Well good for him. Then maybe she’ll stop bothering with you.” See? Jealous. I bite my tongue. I don’t even know if she likes me that way. We’ve been best friends and the last few years, I’ve been cordial with her and we’d talk outside of school in passing. But I never implied I liked her more. And it’s not like I was all sweet to her, either.

She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me close. “
Seriously Jacks, let your brother have her. They make the perfect loser couple.”

Actually Jared is quite
the opposite of loser. After high school he went to law school, though he dropped out and got a job at a bank on the management side and is doing pretty good. He lives at home to save money for now. He graduated from high school at seventeen with pretty close to perfect scores. I always wanted to play for the Dallas Cowboys. But I’m thinking of playing for another team, in another state. Maybe. Either way, as long as I keep my grades up, I’ll get out of Houston. And either way, I’ve never been able to squash my jealousy of my brother because he’s a better candidate than me in so many ways. I wish I was as smart, or at least half as smart.

I kiss Amber, hungrily and urgently to get my mind off everything. My hormones are all over th
e place, needing this physical connection. And with Amber sitting so close to me, I can smell her luscious fruity scent and it’s making me dizzy.

She
pulls away and looks at me. I grab her shoulders and kiss her again forcefully pulling her to the bed. I hover over her and look into her pretty greenish-gray eyes. I bend down and bite her bottom lip, sucking on it briefly. She groans in pleasure, urging me on. When I dip my head, I kiss her lips gently this time. My tongue slips out, searching for hers. She runs her fingers through my hair and it feels so fucking good. I keep both of my hands on the bed holding me up.