Touch Slowly (Red Light: Silver Girls series) (25 page)

Her cousin sashayed closer to the house and threw a cheeky grin back at Nova. Opening the car door, Nova hurried to catch up, unable to deny Shayla her fun. She might not be able to live like a superstar, but she could admit to being curious to see how the other half of the world lived.

S
omeone shouted Nova's name from outside the trailer. She turned the television up louder. The front door opened and bounced off the back of the chair she sat in while trying to ignore the gathering taking place in front of Emmett's house.

"Get outside, Nova." Nick stepped around the chair, grabbed her hand, and hauled her to her feet. "Caren wants to see you. Kirkland has held a beer in his fist all night for you. Shayla's telling everyone about your house hunting struggles, and frankly, I'm tired of seeing you mope around the place. You're back with your family now, and we'll take care of you. That means I'm not going to let you hide away inside while the world is going on outside."

Nick still believed she suffered from a bad relationship. She saw no reason to correct his mistake, and she was thankful Emmett hadn't told him the truth. She also had every reason to believe that Emmett hadn't gone to the authorities and turned her or Red Light in for illegal prostitution, not that there was a legal kind.

She reached up and patted Nick's cheek. "You're cute when you're bossy."

"Damnit." He pulled her toward the door. "Slap a smile on your face, not mine."

Her shoes dug into the carpet, and she stopped. "Emmett won't want me out there with his friends."

"How do you know that?"

She glared. "Common sense."

"Bullshit." Nick lowered his voice. "Emmett's got a close relationship with Jim Beam tonight. He ain't going to care if you're out there. He's whiskey drunk."

Emmett drunk? She'd never seen him drink more than a couple of beers or take a shot of whiskey.

"Come on, Nova. Time to join the living." Nick escorted her out of the house.

Caren stood at the bottom of the steps to the trailer and eyed Nova carefully. Nova smirked. The park tramp probably wondered how much competition Nova would be now that she lived in Space 37.

"Don't sweat it." Nova hooked her arm behind Caren's elbow. "I have no interest in staying here permanently. I'll be gone before you know it and your life will go back to normal."

"I wasn't asking you about your travel plans, girly." Caren grinned. "Though, I'm not surprised. You're not cut out for life in the park."

Nova's head whipped back at the statement. "Who are you to say I'm not."

"That attitude you're giving me right now. You think you're above us, and maybe you are because you've only stayed in the trailer for three nights and haven't joined everyone right outside your door." Caren shrugged and leaned closer. "You went after the one man here who is better than any person living in Bitterroot Trailer Park, screwed around, and blew your chance. Now, it's none of my business what you do with your life, but I'm going to give you some advice because I like you. Either hop up on that high horse of yours and let Emmett settle back down or fix your mistake before I get the idea that I stand a chance with him."

The wounds on her heart tore open at the threat of someone else taking her place in Emmett's life. She gazed through the crowd until she spotted him standing alone clutching a bottle in his hand and staring at the fire burning low in the metal container. Someday, someone would be holding his hand, receiving the kisses he once gave her freely.

Kirkland walked into her view. "Saved you a beer, sweetheart."

"Thanks." She reached out and rubbed his forearm. Her funk slipped deeper into her soul the more apparent it was that these people were Emmett's friends and community, not hers. In every park, there was always a Kirkland standing on the sidelines ready to pick up the broken pieces. That was his job, and he treated everyone the same.

"I heard you weren't having any luck finding a house to buy." Kirkland pointed toward the road. "If you go down about a mile, turn at the tamarack tree with the split trunk, and hang the first left, there's a good-sized house for sale. Old man Carver died and didn't have any relatives, so the county is auctioning it off to the highest bidder who can pay the back taxes. It's vacant, and I'm sure if you try the door, you could get inside. It shouldn't cost you much."

She had no idea who Carver was or where Kirkland's directions would take her. "Did he die of old age?"

"Nah." Kirkland chuckled. "He was only fifty."

"Oh, geez, that's not old. How did he die?"

"Suicide." Kirkland grimaced. "Shot himself, but missed the brain. I heard he lived for almost a week with half his head gone and bleeding out all over the house."

She punched his arm. "Stop that."

"I'm serious." Kirkland rubbed his upper arm and grinned. "I bet you'd get a hell of a deal."

"As enticing as you made the place sound, I think I'll pass." She pushed him away from her. "Get out of here with your creepy stories. I think Shayla was looking for you."

"Yeah?"

She cocked her brow. "Yeah."

Kirkland hightailed it to Shayla's side. Her cousin could thank her later.

"At least you're smiling," said a familiar rough voice behind her.

She stiffened and found Emmett standing within a foot of her. All at once, she sagged in comfort and pressed her hand to her stomach to stop the ache growing inside of her. The mixed reaction stunned her much in the way he affected her the first time she talked with him, except ten times stronger because she understood what she was missing.

"I don't know what you'd want me to do, Emmett. I've only known how to climb upward after disappointment," she said softly. "Besides, Nick pushed me outside, or you wouldn't have seen me. I'm trying to keep my distance while I'm here to make it easier on you, on both of us."

He eyed the bottle in his hand. "So, that's it. You move on like nothing happened between us?"

His soft spoken words rattled her. She crossed her arms and cupped her elbows. What could she do?

She'd told him the truth.

She'd apologized.

She'd confessed to falling in love with him.

She couldn't make her past disappear. She couldn't erase all her lies. She couldn't force him to accept her the way she was with all her faults and baggage.

"I will never forget how I felt when I was with you. You've set the bar so high for what I want in my life; I can't see myself with anyone else." She paused to steady her voice. "If it helps, I will regret lying to you for the rest of my life. If I could do it all over..."

Nothing would change. She'd still be a prostitute, and that's what Emmett couldn't wrap his head around. Lies could stop, and she could promise to always be honest with him for the rest of her days, but she couldn't erase the six years of prostitution.

Bloodshot, angry eyes stared back at her. Alcohol came off his breath and fanned her face. She'd destroyed what they had, and he'd never forgive her.

She moved away and Emmett grabbed her wrist, pulling her back against him, and whispered, "How could you go from spending your nights with me to fucking other men? How?"

Not wanting to lie, she braced herself to admit the truth out loud. The truth she never willingly admitted, even to herself.

"I became addicted to the control handed to me every single day when I worked. Being in charge of someone else's pleasure allowed me to disconnect from them. It meant nobody could hurt me or leave the way my mother had left me. I was responsible for myself, and I never depended on anyone. I could walk away from the business. I could drop off the edge of the earth and not feel an ounce of pain. That's not the luxury I had growing up when I relied on my mother, and she left me. I never wanted to put myself in a vulnerable position again of relying on someone for my happiness. But, you were different, Emmett. I willingly opened myself up and took the chance that you could leave me, and I'd be hurt."

"That I'd leave you?" he slurred.

She nodded and looked away. "Working for the Network was never about sex. It was all about finding myself, and unfortunately, it wasn't until I met you that I learned how to love myself and believe I deserved happiness, too, and I took what little time I had believing you'd never leave me. That you would allow me to be me and stay, no matter how awful I treated you."

Several people walked past them, glancing their way out of curiosity. She ducked her chin, knowing the tears she'd held back were on the brink of falling over her lashes.

"Nova-girl," whispered Emmett, putting his hand on her lower back.

Her body seized, and she flinched. She couldn't take anymore tonight. Open and raw from the discussion, she moved away from him and went back into the trailer. To the same bedspread that held her tears when life became too tough to handle on her own.

A
car door slammed. Emmett rolled off the couch and stumbled to the window. Half asleep, he hooked the blind with his finger and looked out. Relief shocked him awake.

Nova stood outside Caren's yellow burgundy mini-van. His cock hardened with his thundering pulse. He'd thought she'd left.

For two days, he hadn't seen Nova milling around Nick's trailer or her walking the loop through the trailer park with Shayla.

Too pissed off at the world, he refused to ask Nick where she'd gone or if she hid in the trailer. It took all his energy to go to work, come home, drink himself stupid to forget what she'd told him, and crash for a couple of hours before starting his routine over again.

After coming home tonight and seeing Shayla take off by herself with no sign of Nova, he skipped the drink and went straight to sleep on the couch. He couldn't face going outside and having everyone gather around him as if nothing had changed.

Everything had fucking changed.

Nothing brought him pleasure.

Not the auto parts store, not his friends, and not knowing Nova stayed next door, and he'd made the choice to leave her.

His forehead fell forward, and he caught himself before he banged into the window. The second she explained the reason why she worked as a prostitute he wanted to go back and change the way he'd handled hearing the truth.

All he could see in his head was men touching Nova, taking advantage of her, treating her less than a three-dollar porn show on the internet.

He barely held in his anger, his rage, his disgust, when his whole position changed at hearing her confession of finally feeling loved by him. Then empathy sobered him up fast. She'd gone through hell on her own. For years, she'd hid behind determination and strength to protect herself from getting hurt as deeply as when her mom abandoned her, and she'd finally opened up to him.

She put herself at risk for him.

She hurt because of how he'd rejected her.

He followed Nova with his gaze up to Nick's trailer and stared at the door when she went inside. A young girl needed a mother's love, and while he imagined Nick and Shayla's mom provided Nova with a home and a family before she died, Nova had never once forgotten that she was left behind and that her mom chose someone else over her at a time when Nova needed her the most.

He'd seen her look off into the mountains many times when she came over to visit. She'd stare at the peaks in the distance lost in thought and to the activities going on around her. He'd loved watching her concentrate on a distant point, unreadable and mysterious, believing the Bitterroot mountains had swept her into loving Idaho. Looking back, he could now see where he'd mistaken her silent moments for heartbreak and instead of gazing at the beauty around her, she looked for a mother who left her behind and probably wondered if her mom was out there, just over the ridge in another town. And, he had no doubt she wondered if she was missed.

He loved Nova, and he couldn't imagine leaving her. The kind of connection and comfort he had with her could never be severed. Even now, the thought of walking away killed him. When he believed she'd left Federal, his meaning of life ended.

Kirkland spotted him in the window and motioned him to come outside. He lifted his chin and let the blind snap back in place. His nap had refreshed him, and he could go for hours. He grabbed his cap and went outside.

Jason opened the cooler and offered him a beer. He declined and headed straight to Nick. He was under no obligation to prove himself to Nova's family. She was the only person who needed to hear what he had to say.

But, he'd feel better letting Nick know he was going to deal with Nova—however it came out, and hopefully his friend wouldn't stop him. He owed Nick as the head of Nova's family to let him know what he planned to do.

What went down between him and Nova, how he'd acted, and why he refused to communicate with her and instead let her go a few days thinking he stopped loving her needed to remain private.

Nick's mouth hardened at his approach. He held out his hand and appreciated Nick accepting the shake. Without talking to Nova, he wouldn't assume Nick understood what was going on or what brought Nova to Federal.

"I'd like to talk to Nova." He looked Nick in the eyes. "If nothing else, I need to apologize to her."

Nick glanced over his shoulder and returned his gaze to Emmett. "She's in the house."

"I think it'd be best to get her away from here and the others. She doesn't need anyone hearing her business."

Nick inhaled deeply. "You can ask, but it's up to her whether she wants to talk, man."

"Right." The possibility of her slamming the door in his face seemed more likely than her wanting to listen to him. "Thanks."

He walked over to Nick and Shayla's trailer, climbed the steps, and knocked on the door. Normally, he'd knock and enter. They'd always welcomed him into their home as he had let them know they could come over anytime to visit in his trailer.

He knocked again. The music blared outside, and he knew how loud it could get inside the house.

The door opened, and Nova stood in the opening. Closer than he'd been to her in days, he struggled for that first breath being within touching distance of her.