Toxic Secrets (6 page)

He took the empty bottle, tossing it into a growing pile of trash. Walking back over to where I was standing, he stopped before reaching me and motioned with his hand to the doorway, prompting me to lead the way back inside.

As I walked past him, I felt his fingers lightly touch the small of my back. Chill bumps rose on my skin, and I don’t think it was from the cold air. He was following behind me close enough that I felt his chest brush occasionally against my shoulder. I was enjoying this too much, and I needed to get control of myself. I didn’t want a boyfriend, I didn’t need a boyfriend, and I didn’t come here for any hook-ups either. I didn’t know what he was told or what he may have been thinking, but I needed to let him know very soon this date was going to be strictly platonic.

We reached the make-shift dance floor, waiting for the next song to start before we joined. My heart was hammering in my chest with the words I needed to say. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I stood on my tiptoes to get closer to his ear. “I don’t know what Reed or Kendra told you, but I recently ended a long, torturous relationship, so I don’t want you to think I’m looking for a boyfriend because I’m not. I’m perfectly content on us being friends,” I said loudly.

“No worries, Sweet Cheeks. I don’t do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing anyway. I’m a one-night stand kind of guy,” he said, giving me a wink. “But, if you want to be friends, we can be friends. I’m open to the whole friends-with-benefits thing, too, though,” he grinned with deepened dimples.

Sweet Cheeks? Friends with benefits? What the fudge have I gotten myself in to?

The first few beats of ‘Wobble’ started to circulate the room. Kendra and I titled this our gay-humping song. We liked to throw in our own bit of mix in the line dance and do a little grinding against each other. The first time Phillip witnessed our exhibition, he nearly dragged me off the dance floor by my hair. The whistles and cat calls didn’t help matters either. His reaction had blind-sided me. Most guys I knew we’re ready to engage in a little girl-on-girl action. That was the first encounter of abuse I received from Phillip and one of the worst fights we ever had. A year into our dating, I learned the extremes of how jealous of a guy he could be… er, still was. That should have been my first sign to cut ties and run, but I waved it off instead, feeling ashamed when he accused me of acting like a slut.

Jerked from my thoughts, I felt Kendra tugging on my hand pulling me onto the dance floor.

“C’mon, we haven’t got to perform our dance in public in a long time.” She was hopping around like a giddy little five-year-old.

I was happy to see her ill feelings toward me had subsided.

I tossed a glance over my shoulder to the vacant spot where I was pulled from and saw Jaxon and Reed standing with legs apart and arms folded across their chest. The sly grins spreading across their faces screamed the carnal thoughts reverberating in their minds. I was not one to tease, but I wanted to give them a performance that would have them shifting uncomfortably in their pants. I just hoped Jaxon’s sexual innuendo earlier didn’t backfire on me and bite me in the tail later.

As we got into the third line of the song, I leaned over to Kendra and told her to play it up. She gave me a quizzical look, so I came up behind her and grabbed her hips grinding against her very provocatively. I was being more touchy-feely than usual, and Kendra seemed to catch the drift on where I was heading.

Following my lead, she swung around and came up behind me repeating the same movements. I snuck a quick peek over at Jaxon, trying to gauge his reaction when his eyes locked with mine. He was no longer in his bodyguard stance. His expression looked antsy and hungry with lust. I slacked off from Kendra, fearing the feral animal watching me might attack any moment.

“What’s wrong?” Kendra asked.

“Don’t look now, but Jaxon is watching me as if he could devour me with his tongue.” He was unconsciously licking his lips.
He was the lion, I was the gazelle.

Kendra nonchalantly looked over their way and blew a kiss to Reed.

“You’re right. He is watching you as if no one else is in this room exists. Damn, girl, that’s hot!”

I rolled my eyes at her. “I told him earlier I wasn’t looking to hook-up.”

“Why did you do that?” Kendra huffed.

“Duh! Because I’m not. Do you ever listen to anything I say?” I breathed out.

“Oh, good gosh, Courtney, hooking up doesn’t mean you have to have sex with him. A little kissing never hurt anybody,” she sneered.

“Kissing never hurt me,” Reed said, grabbing Kendra around the waist then gnawing on her neck.

Oh God! How long had he been standing there and how much had he heard?

I gave Kendra the ‘oh shit’ look. I was so wrapped up in our conversation, I didn’t notice when the song ended. Looking at Kendra’s surprised expression, neither had she.

Cripes! Please don’t let Jaxon be standing behind me.

I was afraid to turn around.

“You girls going to dance with us, or stand here and talk all night?” I heard Jaxon say over my shoulder. “After that show you two just performed…” he blew out a whistle, “I’ll be honest, I’m in no mood for talking,” he said, shaking his head.

I didn’t know what mortified me more—him possibly hearing my last piece of conversation with Kendra or the fact I just aroused a famished beast with an appetite for sex. Before I was given the chance to answer, Jaxon moved up behind me, wrapped his arm around my waist and placed his hand across my stomach grinding to ‘Pop, Lock and Drop It.’ I stiffened instantly before letting the music and swaying of Jaxon’s hips lull me. We started grinding together, matching each other’s moves. I rested my hand on top of his hand splayed across my abdomen, feeling intense electricity surge through me. Beads of sweat formed between my shoulders from the heat permeating off his body. Instantaneously, the music bled right into ‘Down on Me’ by 50 Cent. He apparently liked the way my booty was grinding against him as he grabbed my hips, pulling me into him firmly. I could feel his hot, heavy breathing down my neck, and the smell of mint on his breath was intoxicating. I closed my eyes, relishing in the moment.
This felt good.

The sound of Kendra’s laughter sprang my eyes open, releasing me down from the clouds. I welcomed her interruption, feeling shameful for my actions. This behavior was so much out of character that I didn’t even know who I was at that moment. Jaxon was forming a haze in my brain, and all moral thoughts were swiftly getting tossed out the window.

“I need a break,” I said breathlessly, twisting myself from his embrace.

“Is something wrong? We only danced to two songs.”

“No!” I blurted a little too loudly. “I mean no… everything’s fine. I just need a pee break,” I replied, giving him my best fake smile.

“Okay, I’ll be here when you get back.” From the expression on his face, I figured he knew I was feeding him a line of bullshit.

Waltzing over to Kendra, I grabbed her arm and dragged her behind me.

“What the hell!” she exclaimed.

“Shut up and just come with me.”

“This better be good. I was having a good time back there,” she said, glancing back at Reed dancing.

“Yeah, well, rolling tongues around in each other’s mouths is something you can do anytime. You don’t need the dance floor for that.”

We stumbled through the labyrinth of bodies looking for a bathroom. I caught sight of a long line of girls waiting their turn and spun us around in the opposite direction, heading toward the front door. Squeezing through the crowd became more of a struggle as we encountered our share of intoxicated people. I swear I felt a couple of hands squeezing my butt. I just wished I had some way of knowing which one of these drunks was trying to cop a feel. We finally made our way outside, and the cool, fresh air was inviting.

“Will you now tell me why you so rudely interrupted my lip-lock with Reed by nearly jerking my arm out of socket?” Kendra asked rubbing her shoulder.

“I lost myself in there,” I blurted as Kendra gave me a puzzled look. “It’s like I was having an out of body experience, and I didn’t know who I was. That’s not me. I’m not that type of girl.”

“Court, you’ve lost me. What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about my behavior with Jaxon. It’s not me. I don’t rub all up on guys I’ve just met, guys that inform me that they are only interested in sex. That’s not me!” I exclaimed. I walked over to the porch swing and sat down. “I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea, and right now I’m pretty sure he’s probably thinking third base is a possibility tonight.”

“Courtney, you are not doing anything wrong. You are just paranoid because you’ve never had a guy other than Phillip show any interest in you or find you attractive. Well, you actually have, you just never noticed.” She took a few steps closer to me then leaned against the railing on the porch. I started to protest, but she stopped me. “It’s true, Court. Everybody knew you were off-limits, so no one ever bothered giving any attempt to pursue you. What you are doing in there tonight is normal,” she said pointing to the house. “Look around and watch, you will see what I’m talking about. You are on your way to experiencing life the way it should be, not under that damn rock where Phillip kept you hidden. Phillip scrutinizing your every move for the last four years has really screwed you up.” She sat down beside me on the swing. “Nobody is judging you but yourself. Stop questioning your morals, and let’s have some fun tonight,” she smiled, wrapping her arm around my shoulders for a quick hug.

“You know you’re the big sister I never had. I know I’ve told you that a million times, but I just want to remind you again. You always know how to get me back in check. I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you for being my best friend and sticking with me these past few years. I know Phillip didn’t make our friendship easy,” I whispered, laying my head on her shoulder.

“Whoa, easy on the shoulder, I seriously think you dislocated it,” she winced, rubbing her shoulder again.

“Well, we’re not going to dwell on the past right now. What’s done is done, and I love you regardless. Now we have two hot guys waiting for us inside. C’mon, let’s head back in before they start thinking we had to take a shit.” Kendra stood up stretching her hand out to me. I took it, letting her pull me up off the swing.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot I told Jaxon I needed a potty break,” I snorted.

Kendra stopped before opening the door and smiled at me. “I have an idea. We should have a toast to your first real night as a single lady. I know you’ve been single for a month, but this is your first date with another guy to do whatever the hell you want.”

Her excitement made me laugh. I think she was happier about me being single than I was. We walked back into the house, entering a whole different atmosphere compared to the serenity we left outside. It felt as if a hundred more people had shown up, draining every keg available. Kendra hooked a finger into my belt loop, trying to keep up with me as I guided us through the massive swarm of drunks. I threw my arm in the air, giving a little fist pump to the beat as we got closer to everyone dancing. I felt more relaxed and was ready to throw my insecurities out for the night.

“Hey,” Reed said, drawing the word out like a true southerner. “Look who finally decided to join us. Did everything come out all right?” He let out a bellowing laugh.

Kendra smacked him in the arm, and called him an asshole. She reached up, grabbing his head and putting her mouth to his ear. I assumed she was giving him an edited version of our previous conversation. Reed started shaking his head, eyes roaming from me to Jaxon, and then started to nod his head in agreement to something Kendra was saying.

I shot a quick glance at Jaxon and quickly looked away when I saw he was staring at me. I considered glaring back at him, but he seemed comfortable enough in his skin to not let my stares intimidate him. Someone like him would probably see it as a challenge.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable, I walked over to Kendra and Reed, nudging them. “Hey, you two lovebirds. Are we going to dance or stand here and talk all night,” I said, repeating Jaxon’s words earlier.

“Oh, we’re dancing, then celebrating later,” she said giving me a wink. More than likely, she was planning on getting a little tipsy tonight.

Saddling up close to me, she spoke lightly in my ear. “As for your earlier qualms about Jaxon, he’s not that type of guy. He’s not looking to score tonight. Maybe a kiss, but nothing more than that,” she laughed at my blank face and sauntered back over to Reed.

Chapter 6 ~ A Toast to New Beginnings

We danced a while longer before Kendra decided she needed a drink. Reed, Jaxon, and I headed out to the patio for a breath of fresh, cool air while Kendra made a detour into the kitchen. Moments later, she breezed through the door with a bottle of tequila tucked under her arm and four shot glasses threaded between her fingers. She wasn’t fooling around when she said we were celebrating and making a toast to me. I’d never taken a sip of liquor before, so, with my beginner level of throwing back shots, I knew things were going to turn interesting pretty fast. Taking charge of my festivities, she grabbed a salt shaker and placed several slices of lime on a party plate decorated with Christmas trees.