Trace + Olivia Series Boxed Set (170 page)

I clung to him like he was the only thing holding me up and maybe he was. He was my strength. My rock. He kept me whole.

I tucked my head beneath his chin, my tears dampening his skin. I hadn’t cried this hard since I lost Graham. I thought maybe I’d been keeping all the tears bottled inside me all these years. Now, the dam broke free.

Jude whispered sweet words to me, but I couldn’t understand any of them. It was like my mind shut down all-together. It was the only way I could cope. It’s what I always did: Pretend it wasn’t happening. It was so much easier to ignore everything around me than to face it straight on. Maybe that made me weak, but I didn’t care. 

His lips brushed the top of my head. One of his hands wiped at my cheeks while the other rubbed my back in a soothing gesture. 

I gasped for air. This was probably the most epic ugly cry in the entire universe and Jude handled it as if he dealt with this kind of thing every day. Most guys would have run away from me, screaming their heads off. I was pretty sure it was a fact somewhere: Tears scared guys. But not Jude. He was different. I think deep down I’d always known it, but I’d clung to my hatred of him. I needed someone to hate and he became my scapegoat, but now that hate had nowhere to go but to my parents. I could feel the anger rising in my body to boiling levels. It would only take one more interaction with my dad and I’d lose my ever-loving mind. 

“Let it out, Tate,” Jude whispered, kissing my forehead in a tender gesture. “Let yourself feel.”

I was letting myself feel. All of it. All the pain, and hate, and heartbreak, and a million other things I’d kept bottled inside for far too long. I felt it everywhere and it was the most painful thing in the world, but also the most healing.

I pushed away from Jude’s arms and was out of the truck before he knew what I was doing. 

We were on a back road and there were no cars or people for miles. Just animals, and I wasn’t worried about them.

I walked a ways, a hundred feet or so, and let my head fall back.

I opened my mouth and I screamed.

I was doing what Jude told me. I was letting it all out and this was the only way I could truly do that.

I screamed again, because it felt so good the first time.

After another scream, I fell to the ground on my knees, my chest heaving as I gulped greedily at the air.

Jude had gotten out of the truck at some point and his arms wrapped around me.

He was quiet for a moment, just holding me, but finally he spoke.

“Feel better now?” He asked.

I nodded. I couldn’t seem to find the words to speak. 

“Good.” He picked me up bridal style and I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning my head against his chest. His heart thumped steadily against my ear. I decided in that moment that the sound of Jude’s heart was my favorite sound in the whole world. It eased my pain and brought me comfort. 

It was kind of funny actually, how falling in love with the wrong person could be the most right thing in the world.

Everything about Jude was made for me and I was made for him. We completed each other in every way.

Jude set me in the truck like I was a doll.

He kissed me gently, as if he hoped his kiss alone could heal me. He looked down at me, his brown eyes full of warmth and caring. “It’s okay to be sad, it isn’t a bad thing, unless you let it be. When you’re sad, you have to remember not to let it eat you up so that you can find happiness again.” He traced his index finger lightly over my parted lips. “I used to be angry all the time, because of my parents, but my anger never solved anything. It just made me a miserable person. I don’t want that for you, Tate. Don’t let it eat you up. Find your happy.”

“You’re my happy.” I whispered.

He grinned crookedly and cupped my cheek, rubbing his thumb against my skin. “And you’re my happy.”

To others our words might’ve seemed cheesy, but they were one-hundred percent true. Before Jude I hadn’t realized how rarely I was happy. He gave that back to me. No, not just that. He gave me back me. He resurrected the Tatum who’d died with her brother. If that didn’t make him special—us special—I didn’t know what did.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him. He seemed surprised by the gesture and slowly wrapped his arms around me, which was hard since he was still standing outside the truck while I sat inside. 

“Thank you,” I whispered in his ear.

“For what?” He asked with surprise in his eyes.

“For you.”

He smiled. “That’s one thing you never need to thank me for, Tatum.”

He backed out of the cab of the truck and closed the door. He jogged around to the driver’s side and climbed inside. 

“To Pap’s?” He asked, seeming unsure if I still wanted to go or not.

I nodded. “Absolutely. I’ve missed that man.”

Jude grinned, looking in the rearview mirror before pulling away. “I should be jealous. I’m pretty sure you’re using me to get to my grandpa.”

I laughed, flipping down the visor so I could check my makeup in the mirror. Wiping away streaks of mascara I said, “You caught me. I’m in love with your grandpa.”

“I knew it!” He laughed, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of the song on the radio. “I’m cuter though.”

“Yeah, I’m not so sure about that,” I smiled, and it was genuine, “your grandpa is kind of hot.”

He gasped and then we dissolved into fits of laughter.

It was amazing how one minute we could be having a serious conversation, involving buckets of tears on my part, and the next we could be happy and joking. I guessed when you found the right person that’s what happened.

I tilted my head to the side, studying Jude’s profile. From the slope of his forehead, to the arch of his nose, and down to his pouty lips he was perfect for me. But it wasn’t just his looks. It was him. I was connected to him in a way I knew I’d never be with anyone else.

I hadn’t been looking for the one, or anyone for that matter, but love doesn’t wait till you think you’re ready. It comes along when you least expect it and turns your life upside down. It sends you on a journey of epic proportions and changes the course of your life. It completes you.

WE SPENT THE WHOLE afternoon with Jude’s grandpa, but when it came to be evening time Jude made me wait in the living room while he did something in the kitchen.

I was desperate to know what he was up to, but I was sure it had something to do with our ‘date’. 

After my cry-fest things had settled down and I let myself relax and have some fun. 

“What’s that grandson of mine up to?” Jerry asked me.

I shrugged. “Who knows?”

Jerry grew quiet and I could feel his eyes on me. I wondered what he was thinking.

“Jude is lucky to have a girl like you,” he said.

I smiled, turning to face him better. “Thank you. I’m lucky to have him too.”

“There’s something I want to show you,” Jerry stood slowly. His back creaked as he stretched.

“Uh…” I started. “He might get mad if I leave the room and spoil his surprise.”

Jerry waved a hand dismissively. “He’ll have to go through me first to get to you. Don’t worry.”

I couldn’t help laughing at that. 

Jerry led me upstairs and into his bedroom. He shuffled stuff around on the dresser and looked through the drawers. “Aha,” he cried with joy when he found the box. He smiled proudly as he handed it to me. I lifted the lid and gasped at what I found inside. Nestled in the box was a silver bracelet with a single heart charm on it. “It was my Mae’s,” he smiled. “She’d want you to have it.”

“I can’t except this.” I thrust the box back into Jerry’s hands. “It isn’t right.”

“Yes, it is,” Jerry said adamantly. “I see the way Jude looks at you. You’re going to be in this family for a long time and I want you to have this. Please.” He tried to hand me the box again, but I refused to take it.

“I can’t take this, Jerry,” I shook my head, backing a step away with my hands raised. “It was your wife’s and I’m just Jude’s girlfriend.”

“Fine,” Jerry huffed, and I thought he was going to put it away. Instead, he tried a different tactic. “Then accept it because you’re my friend.”

“Jerry,” I whined desperately. “The bracelet is beautiful and I’d be honored to wear it, but it’s special to you. I can’t take it.”

He shook his head. Stubborn old man. “Because it’s special to me I want you to have it. It deserves to be worn, not sitting in this old box. Please,” he handed me the box again and I took it, “it’s yours now. I look at you as if you’re my granddaughter and I want you to have something special. If it makes you feel better think of it as a graduation gift. You’re graduating soon, right?”

I nodded in answer and was about two seconds away from crying again. “Are you sure?” I asked, cradling the box protectively against my chest. 

“I’m sure,” he smiled, patting my hand. 

I set the box down and Jerry looked ready to argue with me again, but he closed his mouth when he saw that I was simply removing the bracelet to put it on my wrist. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his wrinkled cheek. “Thank you.”

He wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug. “You’re welcome.”

I picked up the box once more and held it carefully. The bracelet jingled against my wrist. I’d never worn a lot of jewelry but the bracelet felt like it belonged.

I started to walk out of the room, but something that had been bugging me for a while forced me to stop. I turned to Jerry and asked, “Do you remember a girl named Julia?”

Jerry’s eyes filled with surprise. “I haven’t heard that name in a long time, but yes.”

“Did Andrew love her?” I asked. I don’t know why, but it seemed important to know.

Jerry sighed, scratching his chin. “I’m not sure my son ever loved anyone but himself. Why are you asking?”

“Just wondering,” I shrugged. I sucked on my bottom lip and decided to ask one last question. “Do you happen to remember Julia’s last name?”

Jerry rolled his eyes in thought. After a moment he answered, “Hansen. Julia Hansen.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

We headed downstairs and found Jude waiting by the front door with a smile on his face. “What are you two up to?” He asked.

I held my wrist out. “He wanted to give me this.”

“That was Grams,” Jude smiled wistfully, his fingers brushing lightly against my wrist. “It looks beautiful on you, Tate.”

“Thank you,” I smiled.

Jude started to say goodbye to his grandpa, but Jerry interrupted him. “There’s something I’d like to give you too.” He nodded his head back up the steps.

“Oh,” Jude sobered. “Yeah, okay.”

I started to follow, but Jerry said, “Tatum, would you mind waiting down here?”

“Not at all,” I smiled. I stood by the door, looking out the window.

They must have been having a long talk, because ten minutes had past by the time Jude returned. Jude seemed oddly serious, and I worried that maybe Jerry had told him something that upset him. Something told me not to ask though.

Shaking his head free of his thoughts, Jude smiled. “Date time.”

“Bye Jerry!” I called to the man who stood at the top of the steps. He nodded in acknowledgement, watching the two of us.

Once in the truck, I asked Jude, “Where are we going?”

“Not far,” was his reply.

I knew Jude well enough to know that was all he was going to say on the matter.

A few minutes later he was backing his truck up to the pond. I couldn’t help grinning. I’d been picturing a restaurant or the movies for our first real date—something cliché—but leave it to Jude to surprise me.

He grabbed a blanket and hopped out of the truck. I followed.

He put the tailgate down and grabbed a picnic basket. I noticed the bed of the truck was covered in blankets and pillows. 

He strolled over and found a spot he liked. He unfolded the blanket and fluffed it, spreading it down on the ground. I kicked off my shoes, grinning.

“A picnic?” I asked, although I already knew the answer.

He grinned. “Was it a good idea?”

“It was a great idea,” I smiled back, my body filling with happiness. Only Jude could make me feel this happy without even trying.

I sat down on the soft blanket and he took the spot beside me, kicking off his boots.

“I wanted our first date to be special…something you’d always remember.”

My heart swelled at his thoughtfulness.

Looking around the field and the pond in front of us, I smiled. “This is perfect.” It was the truth too. He couldn’t have come up with anything better.

“Good.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

My heart swelled. I’d never known someone could make you feel so…loved without even saying it. But I guess that was the thing, love was more than just the words, you had to feel it, because at the end of the day words weren’t everything. They would’ve been nice to hear, but I knew neither of us was ready. So, for now, I was content in what I felt. Words could come later.

He grabbed the picnic basket and lifted the lid. He placed several different types of sandwiches, bottles of water, chips, and an assortment of fruit. He’d even packed paper plates, napkins, and forks. He hadn’t forgotten anything.

I was so incredibly touched that tears pricked my eyes—and after my day, I was a tad over emotional.

Jude didn’t seem to mind though.

He unwrapped the sandwiches and said, “Those two are turkey and these two are chicken salad, and those two are ham. I wasn’t sure what you’d prefer so I thought I’d give you some options.” 

I reached out and grabbed a plate with a turkey sandwich. 

He chuckled. “I thought you might pick that one.” He handed me a small bag of chips and grabbed one for himself. He wiggled around, getting comfortable on the blanket. He set the bowl of fruit between us and handed me one of the forks. “I thought it would be easier if we shared,” he explained. He picked up his own plate—one with a ham sandwich.

I took a bite of sandwich, staring ahead as the sun started to lower. Sunset was fast approaching and we were going to get to watch it. Out here, in the middle of a field and surrounded by nature, little things like a sunset seemed magnified. You were able to watch it in all its glory as it was meant to be seen. People tended to get too caught up in their lives and forgot to appreciate such simple beauty. Not Jude. He saw the beauty in everything, and that’s why he picked this as our first official date.