Tracie Peterson (26 page)

One of the nurses brought a bundle to Tess. For a moment, Tess feared what she might see. Would the baby be deformed? Would it be too difficult to look at?

“It’s a boy,” the nurse said softly.

“I knew it was,” Sherry said, nodding slowly.

Tess looked down as she received the bundled baby. Oh, but he was beautiful. Wisps of blond hair so downy fine crowned his perfectly formed head. Light brown eyelashes lay against his cheeks. He looked as though he only slept.

Tess did the only thing that seemed natural. She kissed the tiny forehead, her tears flowing down upon the baby’s pale face.

“Oh, Sherry. He’s lovely. He’s got such tiny little fingers.”

“Let me see him.”

Tess lowered him to where Sherry could look. “He’s blond, just like you.”

“I want to hold him,” Sherry said, her voice breaking.

“The doctor has to stitch you back up, Sherry,” the nurse announced. “But as soon as he’s done, we’ll put you both in a private recovery area. You can hold him all you want then. I promise.”

Sherry and Tess both looked to the woman as if to ascertain the truth of her words. Slowly, Tess nodded and handed the baby back. She realized there would be plenty of time for good-byes.

Nearly an hour later, they were in the recovery room. Sherry held the baby close to her heart while Tess waited eagerly for Brad to join them. The nurse had just announced his arrival, as well as the news that David had gone to let him know what had happened.

Sherry and Tess had both thought it better that David break
the news. Neither one felt up to the strain of the announcement and neither one wanted to leave the baby.

“What shall we name him?” Tess asked, reaching out to touch Sherry’s cheek.

“I never really thought about it,” she answered. “After all, he was going to be your baby.”

Just then Brad came through the doors. His eyes were red with tears and his expression broke Tess’s heart anew. Leaving Sherry’s side momentarily, she crossed the room and fell into his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, barely getting the words out. “I’m so, so sorry you had to go through this alone.”

Tess pulled back, feeling a strength she hadn’t known she possessed. “I wasn’t alone. I had Sherry and Sherry had me, and we knew you were coming and we knew Laura was praying . . . and we knew God was with us.”

Brad drew her back to him and cried softly against her hair. Tess wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. Shared pain was so much less hurtful.

“Come on,” Tess said softly. “I want you to see our son.”

Brad straightened and wiped his eyes. “He’s gone, Tess. He’s not ours anymore.”

Tess drew him to Sherry’s side. “He’s no less ours now than he was when he was alive.”

Sherry lifted the baby up to Tess. “He still needs a name.”

Brad looked down at the baby and shook his head. “He’s so little.” He glanced to where Sherry lay. “He’s blond, just like you.”

Sherry nodded. “The nurse took his hand and footprints and she snipped some of his hair—once for me and once for you and Tess. She took two pictures, too. That way we’ll always remember him. But he needs a name.”

Brad nodded and seemed to consider the matter for a moment. “My grandfather’s name was Davet. It’s a French name. My mother used to tell me it meant beloved.”

“Davet,” Sherry said, trying out the name. “I like it.”

“I like it too,” Tess said, looking to her husband with great pride. “Davet would be fitting.”

They spent another ten minutes sharing their grief and the baby. When the nurse came to take the baby away, Sherry announced that she wanted to sleep.

“I just want some time alone, okay?” she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

“Come on, Tess,” Brad encouraged. “We need to go tell Laura and Darren anyway.”

Tess looked up at her husband and nodded. She felt so tired her bones actually seemed leaden. Her mind still reeled from the news, but her ability to sort through it seemed to have nestled deep into some strange, protective sleep. There would be time later to realize the full impact.

“Are you sure, Sherry? I could stay with you. We both could.”

Sherry looked to Tess, her face void of emotion. “I’m really tired, and I just want to sleep. I’ll be okay.”

Tess nodded. She could understand how Sherry felt. She herself wanted nothing more than to curl up in a bed and forget this ever happened. She longed to wake up and realize that they were still safely back in the apartment and that the events of the last few hours were nothing more than a bad dream.

Silently, Tess and Brad walked to the waiting room. Laura and Darren immediately got to their feet and joined Tess and Brad. Tess saw movement to the right of her and realized Justin had also come to share their vigil.

“What’s happened?” Laura asked. She put her arm around Tess as if knowing that the news wasn’t good.

“The baby didn’t make it,” Brad answered.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Laura said, squeezing Tess’s shoulder. Tears came to her eyes. “What happened?”

Brad shook his head and Tess felt as though she were a spectator watching the entire matter from some far-removed place.

“The doctor isn’t entirely sure. He said they sometimes never know exactly what went wrong. They think the baby died a day or two ago.”

“Oh my,” Laura replied, shaking her head slowly.

“Brad, Tess, I’m so sorry,” Justin began. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t know what it would be,” Brad answered, breaking down. Tess watched as Justin embraced him for support. It was all like some strange theatrical play.

Tess continued to hear them talk about the situation. Justin and Darren asked their questions and Brad gave the only answers he could. Tess felt almost light-headed. She tried to focus on the conversation but found it impossible.

“Come over here and sit down,” Laura said, leading her to one of the waiting-room chairs. “Do you want some coffee?”

Tess looked at her.
Coffee?
She shook her head.

“Bring her one anyway,” Laura suggested to Brad. “Bring her something to eat as well. Maybe some cookies.”

Brad knelt down beside his wife, his eyes still edged with tears. “Tess, I’m going to go with Darren and Justin to get some coffee. I won’t be gone long.” He got up, then leaned over and kissed her head.

Still Tess said nothing, fearful that if she spoke, the pain might very well consume her. Her strength was fading in the presence of others who could be strong for her. A tightness formed in her chest, making her breathing more difficult. Her throat ached with a strange gripping kind of pain. She wanted to cry, but the tears would not come.

A memory came to mind. It was the moment she had finally understood that her mother was dead. She could see herself as a child, standing in the middle of an unfamiliar school playground. One of the kids came up to her with something in his hands. Other children gathered around, their curiosity washing over Tess in waves of conversation. Chattering, really. Nonsensical words that meant very little to the confused child.

The boy opened his hands to reveal a dead bird.
“It’s dead, just like your mother,”
he had said in a cruel, mocking tone.

Tess had stared long and hard at the lifeless creature.
Dead—like my mother?

The teacher had come then to chide them all for their actions. The boy and the bird were quickly taken away and Tess was left to figure out what was to become of her. Suddenly death seemed more understandable. Her mother hadn’t gone to sleep. Her mother had died and would never come back to life. Her mother was gone forever.

For a moment Tess had been terrified, but then something strange began to happen. If her mother was dead, then Tess would never again have to go out on the streets in the middle of the night. She would never again face the drunken woman who belittled Tess for her meager attempts to please. Without realizing what had brought about the change, Tess remembered being glad that her mother was dead. Her death meant freedom for Tess.

“Tess, darling, are you all right?”

Tess looked up and found Laura looking at her with a gravely concerned expression. “I just can’t believe this. It’s not real.”

Laura patted her hand. “What will happen now?”

Tess shook her head. “What do you mean?”

“To Sherry. What will happen to Sherry now that the pregnancy is over and the baby is gone?”

“I don’t know,” Tess replied, unable to think past the moment.

“What do you want to happen?”

Tess couldn’t understand why Laura would ask her such a question. Worse still, Tess didn’t understand how to answer the question. Finally she said, “I don’t know.”

Another fifteen minutes passed and soon the men returned with the coffee. They talked in hushed whispers while Tess mechanically sipped from the foam cup. The numbness was easing, but behind it came a rush of pain-filled emotions.

Then something in Tess ignited and began to grow. A maternal feeling like she’d never known started to warm her senses and clear away her shadowed thoughts. She thought of the baby she’d held in her arms. Even dead, the baby was so very precious to Tess. But then her heart began to focus away from the child they’d lost. Instead, she thought of Sherry. Something had happened between them in those moments of absolute despair.

Tess had realized a strong desire to protect and nurture Sherry. She wanted to spare the child from any further pain—she wanted to love away the hurt that had crossed two generations of damaged children. Suddenly she knew the answer to Laura’s question.

“She needs me,” Tess whispered. “I need her. I love her.”

“What was that, dear?” Laura questioned.

Tess looked up and met the older woman’s eyes. Brad was absorbed in conversation with Darren and seemed not to have heard his wife’s murmured words. Shaking her head slowly, Tess gripped Laura’s hand.

“I love her. I love Sherry.”

****

With Laura and Darren’s promise to stay at the hospital, Tess and Brad were finally persuaded to go home. Sherry had been given something to help her sleep and reduce the pain of the C-section. They weren’t really needed at the hospital, and yet Tess didn’t want Sherry to wake up and be alone. Laura understood perfectly.

“You go home, have a shower and nap, then come back. We’ll stay here for as long as it takes.”

All the way home, Tess couldn’t help but think of what had happened to her that day. She thought of her life since Sherry had come to live with them. Sherry had worked her way into Tess’s heart without her even suspecting.

“Brad?”

“What?”

“I want to ask you something,” Tess replied. “Something very serious.”

He continued focusing his attention on the road but nodded. “Go ahead.”

Tess didn’t hesitate. “Brad, you know I’ve always wanted a baby. We’ve always planned to have a baby of our own.”

“I know, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I know you’re hurting—I’m hurting too,” he said softly. “This isn’t at all how either one of us pictured this whole adoption thing. I guess I’m sorry now that I pushed you into the idea.”

Tess reached out and took hold of his hand. “Brad, have you ever considered adopting Sherry?”

This caused him to look away from the road. “What?”

Tess repeated the words. “Have you ever considered adopting Sherry?”

He turned onto a side street and pulled the car over, nearly driving onto the front lawn of someone’s yard. “Are you serious?”

She began to nod, praying he might understand. “I don’t want to let her go.” She paused and looked into her husband’s face. “I love her, Brad. Seeing her so hurt, so lost—it was more than any child should ever have to endure. I don’t want to let her go back to the state. I love her and want her to be our daughter.”

He nodded. “You know, I feel that God has laid this child on my heart since she first came to us. I thought maybe it was a simple matter of seeing to her well-being while she was with us, then later I wondered if God didn’t want me to do something more. I never said anything because . . . well . . . you two didn’t seem to like each other much and I couldn’t see making you miserable with yet another of my suggestions. I hope you aren’t mad at me.”

Instead of feeling angry, however, Tess felt energized by his confession. “We could adopt her, couldn’t we? She has no one, and now even the Delbertos can’t hurt us.”

“We’d have to discuss it with Justin, but I don’t know
why it wouldn’t work. Do you think she’d want to have us adopt her?”

Tess considered his words for a moment. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to ask her.”

“Are you prepared for her answer?” Brad questioned. “She might say no.”

Tess shook her head. “I don’t think she will. I think she needs us as much as we need her. I think God has brought us together for this purpose. We’ll grieve the loss of the baby together and we’ll share a hope for the future together.”

“Then I suppose,” Brad replied, “we should talk to her about it.”

“Let me talk to her about it,” Tess said. “At least let me bring the idea to her first. We can sit down as a family after that and discuss it in detail.”

“As a family, huh?” Brad replied. “I like the sound of that.”

CHAPTER 25

A few hours later, Tess and Brad headed down the hall to Sherry’s room. The hospital had secluded Sherry away at the far end of the hall in a private room. Tess was glad for the privacy. What they had to tell Sherry was not something she wanted to share with others—at least not yet.

Pausing at the door, Tess whispered a prayer and looked to Brad for encouragement. She was trembling from head to foot. What if Sherry rejected them? Could Tess bear the pain of yet another person she loved refusing her love?

“It’s going to be all right,” Brad assured. “Either way, God brought us to this place.”

Tess knew he was right. She started to say something to that effect when she heard the sobbing that emanated from the room. The sound broke her heart. Sherry was weeping for her baby—for the loss of the child’s life—perhaps even the loss of her own innocence.

Tess forgot her fears and pushed open the door. “Sherry?”