Tracie Peterson (23 page)

Sherry had been doing enough soul-searching of her own to know that Tess was right. She had listened to the weekly sermons at youth group and honestly believed that God did have a reason for everything that He allowed to happen. She hadn’t been able to figure out the reasons for her own life and the problems she’d had, but Sherry was certain that God really did exist and that He really saw it all.

“Look,” Tess said as she got to her feet, “I just want you to know that I intend to stop being so childish. I don’t want to keep putting a wall between us. I do care about you, and if that gets me hurt, then so be it. I want you to be healthy and safe and I want you to be able to talk to me and share whatever thoughts you have. Can we possibly agree to start over?”

Sherry felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. No one had ever truly cared what she thought or how she felt, and nobody had ever asked Sherry for a second chance.

Words failed her and all she could do was nod. She was
afraid if she did try to speak, she might start crying, and her head already hurt bad enough.

Tess smiled. “Thank you. Look, when Brad gets back I’ll bring you some pills and hot tea. For now, just try to rest.”

Again Sherry nodded, even though she had no real intention of resting. She had a great deal to think on and rest seemed the least of her worries.

****

Brad accompanied Tess when she delivered Sherry’s tray. “You sure took a beating, kid,” he said, his voice full of affection mingled with relief. “You worried at least ten years off my life, too.” He smiled, hoping she wouldn’t feel chastised.

Sherry nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Brad could see she was sincere. “I hope you won’t feel the need to leave again. We might not have done everything right, but we’re just human. We’re trying, Sherry.” She looked up at him and nodded again.

Tess handed her two pills and a glass of water. “Look, the doctor said these should help with the pain but not hurt the baby. If they—”

“I never wanted to hurt the baby,” Sherry interrupted, as if suddenly needing to explain herself. “I wasn’t going to keep the baby even if I had stayed away.”

“Sherry, we don’t want you to feel the need to stay away,” Brad replied. Tess had told him about the talk she’d had with Sherry, but he felt it necessary to reinforce her words. “Please don’t do it again. If you feel so upset that you want to go elsewhere, Laura and Darren have said they’d be happy to have you spend some time with them.”

Tess nodded. “That’s right. We don’t want you to feel like we don’t care. We’ve handled this all wrong, and we’re willing to admit our mistakes. Please give us another chance.”

Sherry nodded. “I won’t run away again.”

Smiling, Brad took the glass of water and set it on the
nightstand beside her bed. He motioned to the tray. “Drink your tea and get some rest. We can talk more in the morning.”

Tess followed him out of the room and down the hall to their own bedroom. He closed the door before saying, “She’s really swollen. I can’t believe anyone could do something so inhumane.”

Tess began unfastening the barrettes that had held her hair back. “I know. I just want to cry when I see her lying there so helpless and small. Oh, I’d give anything if I could take back what I said last night and turn back time.”

Brad came to her and put his hands on either side of her face. Tenderly he rubbed his thumbs along her cheeks. “I know you would, but we can’t change the past. Only the future.”

“Oh, Brad, I really want to change—for the better.”

She put her arms around his waist and lifted her face. Brad lowered his lips to hers, knowing after all their years of married life that this was what she desired. Better yet, it was what he wanted as well. She responded warmly—eagerly—as if his touch might somehow heal her of her regrets.

“I love you, Tess,” he whispered, pulling away just enough to see her face.

She opened her eyes to him and he lost himself in their depths. “I love you, Brad. I’m sorry for all the wasted years—for my blindness. I don’t want to be the cause of anyone else’s pain, yet I know I’m bound to make mistakes.”

“We both will,” he said, stroking her hair, “but as long as we keep trying to change . . . to make it better . . . I know God will bless us.”

Tess nodded. “I know He already has.”

CHAPTER 22

“Are you sure she doesn’t know anything about this?” Laura asked Tess several weeks later.

“No,” Tess said excitedly. “Sherry thinks we’re just here to visit you like any other time.” Tess threw a cautious glance over her shoulder, to where Sherry and Brad stood talking to Darren.

“I think this surprise party will make her feel very cared about,” Laura admitted. “It’s hard to believe she’s fifteen—she looks twelve.”

“I know. It makes it even harder when people see her in her condition,” Tess replied. At nearly eight months along, Sherry’s pregnancy could not be mistaken or hidden as it could have been in the early half of her pregnancy.

“Poor little mite. It’s not going to be easy on her.”

“No,” Tess admitted. “But David said she’s in good health and the baby is as well.”

Laura shook her head. “I keep them in my prayers constantly—you too.”

Tess smiled, reassured by Laura’s deep commitment to pray for them. “Thanks. I know it’s making an impact. Since Sherry ran away, things have been different.”

“When does she get the cast off?”

“Another week. The doctor says she’s doing just great, but I know she still has bad dreams about that night.”

“If I were her, I’d have bad dreams about my life,” Laura said without thinking. Realizing her words, she shook her head. “That wasn’t very nice of me.”

“Maybe not, but it’s true. I’ve thought the same thing. She’s resilient, you have to give her that much.”

They walked up the lane to Laura’s condo, and Tess noticed the curtains flutter as if someone had been peeking out.

“You’re awfully brave to leave the house with ten teenagers hiding inside.”

Laura laughed. “Mr. Dearborn is also in there.”

Now it was Tess’s turn to laugh. “That might just make it worse.” She turned around to call to Brad and Sherry. “Come on, you slowpokes. I’m hungry.”

Sherry left the men and waddled after Laura and Tess. “I’m hungry, too. Let’s eat!”

It was only as they came to the door that Tess began to worry about the shock Sherry might sustain when everyone yelled, “Surprise.”

Turning to Laura, with Sherry right beside them, she said, “Laura, do you think our plans will cause problems for Sherry and the baby?”

Laura cocked her head to one side and threw Tess a questioning look. “Huh?”

Sherry looked at Tess with the same puzzled expression. “What are you talking about?”

Tess fumbled for words. “Well, it’s just that I made some plans, and, well . . . I don’t want you to be too startled.”

Sherry looked at Laura and shrugged. “What’s she talking about?”

“I think she’s worried,” Laura said, seeming to finally understand, “that surprises might cause harm to the baby or even send you into labor sooner than you expect.”

“Why would I be surprised?” Sherry asked, looking first to Tess and then to Laura.

“Oh, just don’t be,” Tess replied. “What I mean is . . . well . . . when we go inside, be prepared for a surprise and don’t get too worked up.”

Sherry laughed. “You guys are goofy.”

Tess nodded. “Yes. Yes, we are.”

She opened the door and allowed Laura to go in first, then Sherry stepped inside to a rousing chorus of “SURPRISE!”

Then, without waiting for the shocked teen to recover, the group began to sing “Happy Birthday.”

Sherry turned to Tess. “How did you know it was my birthday?”

“I asked,” Tess said rather smugly. “I figured a party might be fun, and I wanted the day to be special for you.”

“So this is why I wasn’t supposed to get too excited,” Sherry said, smiling. “A birthday party. Wow, I sure never expected this.”

The kids rushed up to Sherry as soon as the singing stopped. Brad and Darren stood in the doorway behind Sherry and were nearly forced back out of the house at the onslaught.

“Wait until you see the cake!” Stacy Aznar declared. “It’s huge.”

The group pulled Sherry toward the kitchen, but not before she glanced over her shoulder at Tess. For a moment, their eyes met and Tess knew without words that Sherry’s heart was full. Tess couldn’t help but smile. “Happy birthday, Sherry.”

****

Sherry crawled into bed that night with her mind still reeling from the day’s events. She had a pile of unexpected presents, and to her surprise, not one thing was for the baby. She’d figured they’d give her things that the baby could use—after all, the baby was staying and she’d be going.

Now, too big to sleep comfortably on her back, Sherry rolled to her side and stuffed a pillow between her legs. This helped her with the back pain she was always suffering.

Just a few more weeks
, she thought. A few more weeks and she would have the baby and everything would go back to the way it was. She would be slender again and . . .

“And what?” she whispered. “What then?”

She thought of the party and all the fun she’d had. Everyone had been so kind. She had laughed and eaten, played games, and even joined in some impromptu singing. It had been like nothing she had ever known. Sadly, she faced the fact that she would probably never know anything like it again.

She had broken her own cardinal rule: Never get close to
anyone. She had done that before, with Joey, but she’d vowed she’d never again give away her heart. Now she found herself in jeopardy once again.

Sherry admitted she cared about these people. She enjoyed their company and loved being with them. Ever since the mugging, Tess had treated her with an open warmness that had made her long to be with her, share everything with her. Sherry had told herself that it was all right, that she was only allowing it for the sake of her baby. But now she couldn’t lie to herself any longer.

She had friends at the church, people she liked to be with. Mr. D had helped her to understand more about herself and God than anyone else had ever even attempted. She knew she was on the verge of deciding to accept Christ as her Savior, but there were still lingering fears that if she did accept Him, He might not accept her.

Beyond this, Sherry knew that she cared deeply about Laura and Darren. They were like the grandparents she had never known. She remembered once when Joey’s grandparents had come to stay with them around Christmas. They fussed over the grandchildren and played with each one—even the younger foster kids were lavished with attention. Sherry had avoided any contact, but even watching from afar, she knew that what they offered was something she wanted. Laura and Darren fussed over her and made her feel like they really cared—maybe even loved her.

That’s a lie!
a voice seemed to call out in the recesses of her mind.
No one loves you. You aren’t worth loving
.

She hugged her pillow and tried not to hear the ugly thoughts.
Your mother didn’t love you. Your father didn’t love you. Joey didn’t love you. There’s no way that Laura and Darren love you
.

Sherry closed her eyes and thought of Tess. Tess had said she cared about Sherry, but no doubt that was just because of the baby. Sherry knew the baby was everything to Tess. Tess fussed over the nursery and the baby clothes, and while she
often included Sherry in some of the choices, Sherry knew she was no more significant to the scheme of things than the doorman downstairs.

Tears came to her eyes and oozed out from behind her closed lids. Silently, Sherry cried. She thought of God and how Mr. D said you could talk to Him anytime. She thought for a moment that she might talk to God and explain how much it hurt to feel this way—how scared she was. But even as she considered it, her heart told her she would never be good enough to talk to God. And so she tried her best to sleep.

****

Sometime in the night Tess awoke to the sound of crying. She had thought it was a dream at first and then she realized it was real. Yawning and trying her best to wake up, Tess realized it had to be coming from Sherry’s room.

It wasn’t the first time. Sherry was always trying hard to put on a front of indifference or strength, but Tess had heard her muffled cries on more than one occasion. Always before, Tess had whispered a prayer and left the girl alone. After all, she didn’t want to embarrass her or make her feel worse. Then, too, as ashamed as Tess was to admit it, she knew that she had often left Sherry to cry alone for fear of letting down her own defenses. It had terrified her to see Sherry so vulnerable and needy.

But this time was different. This time the sobbing sounds cut clear through Tess’s heart and there was no way of avoiding it. Getting up, Tess pulled on her robe. She knew she should go and confront Sherry, but still she hesitated.

“What if she doesn’t want me there?” she questioned to the darkness. “What if I only make it worse?”

But Tess didn’t want Sherry to bear her sorrow alone, even if it meant Tess would pay for her actions later on. For the first time since deciding to adopt and learning of Sherry’s plight, Tess cared more about the lonely teenager than she cared about herself.

Silently she crept out of her bedroom, down the short hall, and, without knocking, entered Sherry’s room. No matter what Sherry did or said, Tess would help in whatever way she could.

“I heard you crying and thought you might need help,” Tess said as she switched on the lamp. “Are you all right?”

Sherry buried her face in her covers. “I’m fine. Just go away.”

Tess didn’t think the words sounded very convincing. “Sherry, you don’t have to bear this alone. Whatever is troubling you, I want to help.”

“Nothing is wrong. Go back to bed,” came the muffled response.

Tess knew she couldn’t leave. She sat down on the bed and laid an arm on the form beneath the covers. “Sherry, just talk to me.”

Sherry struggled to sit up. She looked as though she might say something in anger, then her expression contorted and she burst into tears anew.