Tracie Peterson (25 page)

Sherry allowed the emergency-room staff to put her into a wheelchair while Tess parked the car. Tess prayed fervently as she searched for a space. It was only then that she realized she hadn’t called Brad. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to use her phone in the hospital, Tess grabbed her cell phone. Dialing as she walked, Tess paused outside the emergency entrance. She felt only a moderate amount of relief when Brad answered after the first ring.

“Honey, we’re at the hospital. Sherry was having pains and I think her water has broken.”

“It’ll take me a little while to get there,” Brad answered. “I’m just about to start an important meeting.”

“Don’t worry,” Tess countered. “We probably have lots of time.”

“I’ll get there as soon as I can. This is really happening, huh? We going to have a baby.” He sounded so pleased.

“I know,” Tess whispered. Her dreams were coming true and soon she’d hold a child in her arms and know the feeling of being a mother.

Sherry found herself hustled through a maze of people and corridors. Without saying a word or instructing anyone, the orderly had brought her to Labor and Delivery. A woman probably a little older than Tess smiled and welcomed her.

“I have some paper work for you to sign,” the nurse said.
“My name is Mary and I’ll be helping to get you checked in. I’m going to need a urine sample from you. Do you think you can go for me?”

Sherry nodded, wishing Tess was here with her. She knew her baby would be born soon and it terrified her. What if it was a boy and looked like Joey? Would it be like the doctor had warned? Would she suddenly find herself wanting to keep it?

Sherry got up out of the wheelchair and started to step toward the counter where Mary held out a urine cup. All at once the sensation of warm, wet liquid flowed down her leg.

She looked to the floor and then to Mary. Stunned, she was speechless. The nurse immediately assessed the situation, but frowned. Sherry knew she’d made her mad and waited for the older woman to chew her out, but instead she very gently took hold of Sherry’s arm.

“Don’t worry about that. We’ll get it cleaned up. Let’s get the papers signed and get you into a bed.”

Sherry nodded and quickly did as she was instructed and then Mary directed her to a room. “I want you to get undressed in the adjoining bathroom. Give me a urine sample if you can and then we’ll get you into bed.” Just then another nurse, this one younger with a bouncing red ponytail, came and conversed with Mary in hushed tones while Sherry headed into the bathroom.

The pain came again as she tried to pull off her wet jean shorts. It felt as though she were being torn in two and all Sherry wanted to do was run away—away from the pain and the misery of what was to come.

“Are you doing okay, Sherry?”

“I’m fine, just having more pain.”

“Sherry, has the baby been very active?” Mary called through the door.

“No, not really. He hasn’t been moving much at all.”

“Oh, so you’ve decided it’s a boy, have you?” Sherry thought
the woman’s voice sounded less than relaxed. Maybe the nurses got uptight when people were in labor.

“Well, when was the last time you felt the baby kicking?” Mary called again.

Sherry wished they wouldn’t ask so many stupid questions. She was hurting and this wasn’t helping at all. Feeling more than a little irritated, she replied, “I don’t know, okay?”

She finished pulling off her clothes, got the urine sample, and put on the hospital gown before opening the bathroom door. “Here,” she said, shoving the half-full cup toward the nurse.

Mary took the cup and set it aside. “Let’s get you into bed and hook you up to the fetal monitor. We’ll want to keep track of you and the baby.”

“Sherry?”

It was Tess. Sherry felt a whole lot better just knowing Tess was there. Funny. A few months back she wouldn’t have wanted to admit that. Now she knew she didn’t want to have this baby alone. Tess and Brad were both supposed to help her in the labor and delivery of the baby, but it was Tess who offered her the most comfort.

“We were just getting Sherry hooked up to the fetal monitor,” the nurse announced. “I’m Mary, and I’ll be working with you through the delivery.”

Tess smiled. “I’m Tess Holbrook, Sherry’s guardian. We’re just so excited, aren’t we, Sherry?”

Sherry caught Tess’s enthusiasm and forgot to be afraid. She was about to have a baby—her own baby. Sherry frowned and looked away as Mary led her to the bed. No, it wasn’t going to be her baby. This baby belonged to the Holbrooks.

“Okay, let’s get you hooked up,” Mary said patiently. She worked over Sherry while Tess came to take hold of Sherry’s hand.

“Do you remember the Lamaze classes?” Tess questioned.

“I remember, but I don’t think they’re going to help much,” Sherry replied. “I never thought it would hurt so much.”

“Well, it won’t last forever,” Tess replied, looking happier than Sherry had seen her in weeks. The smile seemed to radiate out from her lips and flow right up into her eyes. Sherry thought she had never seen Tess look prettier.

Tess looked up at the nurse, who continued to fuss with the fetal monitor. “How’s it looking?”

Mary seemed preoccupied. “Hmmm, well, I’m not sure what’s happening just yet.”

“Don’t tell me the machine is broken,” Sherry said, remembering another time when the nurse had tried to listen to the baby’s heartbeat in the doctor’s office, only to have to change equipment. “I’m comfortable here, so please don’t make me go to another room.”

“Is something wrong?” Tess asked, her hand suddenly letting go of Sherry’s.

At just that time, Dr. Zeran walked into the room. His face revealed concern as he looked first to Sherry and then to Tess and finally to Mary.

He went immediately to the machine and looked to Mary for information. “I’m not picking anything up,” Mary replied.

“Is something wrong?” Tess asked again, this time her voice more frantic.

Sherry took immediate notice of the tone. The look on Tess’s face had changed from happy to worried. “What’s going on?”

The doctor worked with the monitor for a moment, then asked, “Sherry, when did you last feel the baby moving?”

Sherry felt the pain of contractions beginning again. The tightening in her stomach was nothing, however, compared to the tightening in her chest. Something was wrong. What weren’t they telling her? Why were they all acting suddenly so serious? She licked her lips and turned to Tess.

“I don’t remember when the baby stopped moving. I told you I thought he was mad at me because I wished him away—I wanted him to be gone. It’s been at least a day, maybe two.”

Tess gently patted her shoulder. “It’s okay, Sherry. You’re in the best place if there’s a problem. David, what is it?”

“I’m afraid we’ve got some complications.” He looked to Sherry. “Remember when I saw you last, I told you the baby was lying sideways?” She nodded and he looked to Tess, then back to Sherry. His expression said it all. “The baby is still transverse, but it’s dropped since I saw you a week ago. There’s no way you could deliver naturally.”

“What else?” Tess asked. She took hold of Sherry’s hand, while Sherry fought back the urge to cry.

“Yeah, what’s going on?” she finally asked.

“I’m afraid we’re not getting a fetal heartbeat,” the doctor finally replied. “Mary said your water broke and the fluid was green in color. And now you’re telling me you haven’t had movement in one or two days.”

“My baby doesn’t have a heartbeat?” Sherry questioned frantically. “Well, cut him out. Save him. Don’t you have those machines where you can shock their hearts and make them beat?” She looked desperately to Tess. “Make them save our baby.”

Tess bit her lip and nodded. She looked at the doctor, emulating Sherry’s desperation. “Save him, David.”

“I can’t,” he replied flatly. “It’s been too long. The baby’s probably been gone for a day or more. The color of the amniotic fluid suggests fetal distress.”

“No!” Sherry screamed. “Don’t say that! My baby isn’t dead! Tess!” She looked to Tess for hope. Tess had dissolved into tears and stood there shaking her head slowly back and forth.

“He’s not dead. You just have a broken machine. Get another one,” Sherry said, trying to get out of the bed. “I’ll walk to another room.”

The doctor put his hand on Sherry’s shoulder. “Sherry, I know this is difficult to understand, but these things happen sometimes. We’re going to prep you for a Cesarean and take the baby out, but I can’t bring the baby back to life.”

Sherry looked into his eyes and fell apart. She hurt so badly inside. Falling back against the pillow, she shook her head from side to side. It was just a bad dream. That’s all it was, she told herself. It had to be just a bad dream.

David ushered Tess outside while a nurse worked to put an IV into Sherry’s hand.

“Where’s Brad? He should be here with you.”

Tess felt her world falling apart. Numb from the shock of the moment, she asked, “David, what happened? Why is this happening?”

The baby she had dreamed of was gone in the blink of an eye. Dead for a day or more without anyone even knowing. How could she have sat so casually at breakfast and not have known? How could she have gone about her routine, all while her baby was dying?

“Did we do something wrong?”

David put his arm around Tess’s shoulder. “There’s no way of knowing for sure what happened. You took good care of that girl, though. I know that and you know it too. These things happen sometimes.”

“But you said she was healthy,” Tess sobbed. “You said the baby was healthy.” She buried her face in her hands. “Oh, God, please don’t let this be true.”

“I’m so sorry, Tess. You can be with her during the C-section. In fact, I think both you and Brad should be with her. It will help to keep her mind occupied. If Brad’s still not here by then, we can break the news to him and have him join you when he gets here.”

Tess looked up, barely registering all the words. “What do you mean? Does Sherry have to be awake for this?”

“I’m afraid so. It’s safer than risking a general anesthetic. She’ll be given an epidural and we’ll deliver the baby and let you hold him or her.”

Tess knew that she wanted to be with Sherry—knew she had to be with the girl. This wasn’t the kind of thing that
she’d be strong enough to endure alone. Tess wasn’t sure she could bear it alone, herself.
God, give me strength
, she prayed and squared her shoulders.

“Brad will be here when he can, but I need to make a phone call. Do I have time?”

“Sure. It’s going to take at least twenty-five minutes for the epidural to take effect after they administer it. I can’t operate until then.”

“I don’t want to use the phone in the room, but I don’t want to leave her alone.” Tess kept remembering the anguished expression on Sherry’s face. Compassion and mercy flooded Tess’s heart. She had to help Sherry bear this devastating news.

“She’ll be all right. Just make your call and then the nurse will have you change into scrubs.”

Tess found a phone and dialed Brad’s cell number. He didn’t answer, but then, she hadn’t really expected him to. He generally turned it off for meetings. Still, she had hoped he might have left it on, knowing the situation as it was. She left a message, hoping he wouldn’t be too upset to drive.

“Brad, David thinks something horrible has happened to the baby.” She couldn’t say the word
dead
. Somehow telling him this softened the blow. “David’s going to do emergency surgery on Sherry. I’ll tell you more when you get here. Please, Brad, hurry.” Then she called Laura Johnson. Laura had been such a pillar of strength and Tess needed her most desperately now.

“Laura, it’s Tess. I need you to pray.”

“Tess, what’s wrong?” Laura asked without hesitation.

“I’m at the hospital with Sherry.” Her voice broke, and for a moment, all Tess could do was cry. “Oh, Laura, the doctor thinks the baby is gone. They’re going to operate to take the baby out, but they think it’s too late.”

“I’ll be over as soon as I can,” Laura replied. “In the meantime, I’ll be praying. You just sit tight. Maybe the doctor is wrong.”

“I don’t think so, Laura. I don’t think so.”

CHAPTER 24

Tess felt awkward in the hospital scrubs. She tried hard to concentrate on the sights and sounds of what was happening around her and Sherry in the operating room, but her mind kept freezing on the words,
“The baby is dead.”

There were no words for the way Tess felt. The emptiness she’d known as a child seemed diminished, almost foreign, compared to the vast wasteland left in her heart after Dr. Zeran’s announcement. How could it be? How could the baby be gone, just like that?

David said the baby had been dead for a day, maybe even two. Tess thought back on the events of their last week. There was nothing there that should have indicated a problem. Nothing happened out of the ordinary. Of course, they had been enduring the stress of the Delbertos’ custody claim.

The Delbertos. Tess realized they would no longer be a problem. What would they say or think when they learned of the death of their grandchild?

“Tess, will you pray with me?” Sherry asked softly.

The question brought Tess out of her labyrinth of thoughts. She leaned down. “Of course. I’ve been praying all along.”

“I know, but I just want to hear the words,” Sherry replied.

Tess closed her eyes. “Oh, Father, our hearts are so broken. There are no words. No words at all.” She drew a ragged breath and held it a moment. Letting it out slowly, Tess continued. “The pain is so great, but we know you still love us. We know you’re watching over us. Oh, Father, be merciful, ease our suffering.”

She opened her eyes to see Sherry’s closed eyes swamped in tears. Reaching out, Tess gently touched the child’s face with a tissue.

Sherry’s eyes opened and her expression was one of gratitude. “I know this changes everything,” she whispered. “I
know it ends all your plans. It ends mine too.” She looked away and added, “I don’t know why I can’t die with the baby.”

“Oh, Sherry, please don’t say such things,” Tess declared. “I don’t want you to die.”