Transcending Nirvana (Dark Evoke #3) (17 page)

With a raised brow, I watched him expectantly, coaxing him. Our eyes met and with a painstaking sigh, he pointed to one on his lower torso. “My first.”

“I needed control,” I offered the explanation with my touch shifting to another blemish further down my inner thigh.

My action was copied as he moved to another one of his self-inflicted wounds. “I was to blame.”

We were a mirror image, each of us drawing attention to the mutilations strewn across our bodies in our time of need, of desperation. I continued with my explanation, “When I realized it was no longer an aid, but a necessity.”

“I wanted to save her…”

“I was lost…”

“I lost you,” his finger drifted over the slash on his ribcage.

My left arm outstretched, I hovered over the slashes that were done the day I was lead to question my sanity. “I should have called you.”

Deepening creases in Walker’s brow, the profound intake of air he sucked in and the shimmering of his eyes told me which one he was going to next. “When the first woman I ever loved, left me without saying goodbye.”

My left foot met the cold, hard floorboards. Towering over him, I draped my arm over his shoulder and lightly trailed my fingertips up the length of his back, the evidence of the lashes I had given him, present in the form of tender, raised welts. “My strength…my last…” The side of his face was cradled in my free hand, he leaned into my touch. “You can say what you want, but this is us. We’re equal, Walker. This woman standing right in front of you, after everything that we’ve been through, isn’t going to leave you. I’m not the first woman, or maybe not even the second woman you’ve loved, but I am a part of your life now. I want to own this––”

When I peeked down at his scarred flesh protecting his heart, he muttered, “You do.”

“Then stop freaking out and pushing me away when I try to touch what’s mine.”

I was answered by a simple closing of eyes and a small nod.

“I’m going to touch what’s mine, now. Okay.”

He nodded as my hand left his back and for the first time, the intake of breath wasn’t as pained as what it had been. It was…accepting. As my hand trailed over the pink and white flesh, he was calm. And finally, when my lips replaced my hand, his arms wrapped around me. “Kady,” he breathed.

Pulling back, I tucked my hair behind my ear and waited for him to continue.

“Let me love you.”

I was smiling as we sunk into the bed, and into each other’s arms. Naked, exposed and accepting of each other’s physical flaws, which displayed our inner strength.

Dusk was already greeting us when I opened my eyes. The continuous soft music emitted by the CD player created a background noise while I peeked around with hazy vision, finding my bearings. I couldn’t tell who was wrapped around whom. Legs twining together; his muscular thigh was pressed between my legs, while my right hand was held in his, pressing against his heart.

That was exactly how we made love, with his body shielding me, his weight braced through his right forearm at the side of my head, while his left hand clutched mine over his chest…his constant reminder of so much grief and pain. With each skillful stroke he made as he pulled back and sunk back into my body, I could feel his heartbeat increasing. As his excitement raised so did the thumping beneath my palm.

“You own me, Kady. You always have,” he whispered time and time again into the curve of my ear. My toes curled when he slid his tongue up my throat, nipping at my chin before our eyes locked and his intense gaze told me everything. He did love me. And I loved him, and for the very first time ever, we were showing each other’s bodies how consuming the feelings and emotions were––how deeply they ran.

A chiming noise sounded faintly at my side. Striving not to wake him, I slipped out of his hold and retrieved my cellphone. When I saw Laurie’s name flashing across the screen, I, as stealthily as I could manage, took my naked ass out of the bedroom, pulling the door ajar and treading down the hallway before accepting the call.

“Thank God you finally answer. I’ve been calling every thirty minutes for an hour and a half,” she spewed down the speaker.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that we were…umm…”

“I don’t need to know what you were doing, I can already guess.”

Her disgusted yet highly amused tone had me giggling once I rounded the corner into the kitchen. Boiling the kettle, I fetched two mugs and spooned in some instant coffee from the cupboard.

“How’s he been today?”

“I tried to take his mind off it so we went to the zoo.”

“The zoo?”

“Yes, the zoo.” Holding the handset against my ear with my shoulder as I poured a little milk into the mugs, I muttered, “And we had fun, thank you for asking.”

“Glad to hear it. Now listen. We’ve just finished setting up the bar so can you get him down here at about 7:00 p.m.?”

I peeked down at my watch, gasping when I saw that it was already 6:15 p.m. It’s crazy how tired an amazing lovemaking session can make you.

“He’s asleep at the moment, Laurie. I’ll wake him up now but there’s no way we’ll be there at 7…7:30?”

“Be where at 7:30?” a sleepy, Irish brogue sounded in the doorway. His hand brushed through his brown, fuckable hair as he lifted his eyebrows, then stretched his torso by lifting of his arms above his head, grasping the top of the doorframe. Holy fuck, that body…My heart was already beating a frantic, uneven rhythm, I’m sure I could feel the pounding in my stomach.

“Don’t stand there like that,” I ordered, my salivating going ill-disguised.

“Eh?” Laurie sounded down the speaker.

“And go and put some clothing on––”

He flashed a roguish grin, “Easy access, darlin’.”

“Ew, Ew, Ew, gross,” I didn’t need to see her face to know that Laurie was cringing. “Just get him down here by 7:30 p.m. You animals,” she spat humorously before hanging up.

Staring unabashed with my jaw open at the sexy as fuck, naked Irishman in the doorway I dropped the handset to the counter. “What are you doing?”

“Standing…staring…” he murmured. “Debating whether to have you over the counter, on the floor, or against that wall over there…”

My mouth was suddenly bone dry. I licked my lips but it wasn’t helping. All moistness had evaporated from my mouth and was coating my thighs. “As tempting as it is, we don’t have time.”

Walker dropped his arms to his sides and began prowling toward me. “We have all the time in the world, Kady.”

“I don’t want to rush with you.” When we were toe-to-toe, I trailed my hands over his ribbed torso and got lost in his gaze. My hands, not only bumping as the trailed over each muscle, but each scar, also. “I don’t want you to rush when you’re taking me. I want to enjoy and savor each moment, I want us to get lost in each other…a place where time doesn’t exist.”

The heat and roughness of his hand was placed against the side of my face as he hunkered down minutely, a smile kissing his lips. “I’m sold. Later is it then.”

“Yes, later. Now come on, get that down you, have a shower and let’s get ready. We have somewhere to be.”

For the second time that day, Walker let me drive the truck. I had him blindfolded the entire journey. What can I say, payback’s a bitch.

Stopping at a set of lights, I pressed my hand to his thigh, offering a reassuring squeeze. “Can I ask you something?” I queried.

“’Aye, darlin’.”

“Why did you ask me to wave on my birthday last year when we were on the way to Sky Zone?”

Glancing between the lights and the man beside me, he threw his head back on a throaty chuckle before turning his blinded gaze on me. “The last time I checked, it’s illegal to kidnap someone and stuff someone in your car in the US.”

Furrowing my brow, I gasped, “Huh?” which was shaded by another throaty chuckle.

“A patrol car pulled up alongside us, darlin’. They looked quite worried.”

“You had me wave to a patrol car?! Oh my God, Walker…” I playfully swatted him on the thigh before pulling off as the light turned green.

Pulling into a space in the parking lot, Walker complained, “There was no need to blindfold me, you know.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I know where we are, Kady. You have no idea how many times I driven over this gravel lot, do you?”

I swatted his upper arm. “Okay, I admit I didn’t think it through thoroughly.”

“Hey,” his voice was velvet soft and although his eyes were covered, I could sense the intensity of his gaze beneath the cloth. “It’s the thought that counts.”

I smiled. The small snort ousted as I did so, caused Walker to smile, too. “Can I take the blindfold off now?”

“Umm…no,” I teased, opening the truck door.

“Touché!” I heard him breathe as I slammed the door behind me.

Walker was standing alongside the truck, waiting for me to meet him. I took hold of his hand and guided him to the door of McGinty’s, asking one thing of him along the way, “One thing. This was in no way my idea, so don’t shoot the messenger.”

The first thing I noticed when we stepped through the door was the ridiculous amount of balloons. Helium balloons with weights attached to the twine were lining the bar, and in the center of the two tables which had been pushed together to form a single table, easily seating eight people. Gifts with an assortment of wrapping paper and shiny bags were set on the pool table.

Standing behind him, I lifted myself up onto the balls of my feet and removed the black cloth. As his eyes fluttered open, everyone jumped up from behind the bar, shouting, “Surprise.”

Walker simply shook his head before studying me instead of the five other people in the room. Three of which were strangers to me. I took a step backwards, my hands lifted defensively. “I told you, don’t shoot the messenger.”

My left hand was taken in his. Planting a kiss on my knuckles he smiled down at me, a shy, warming smile which caused my heart to billow. “Well, I guess it’s time to introduce my woman to the family.”

A fleeting moment of unease caused my body to stiffen and a deep, worrying breath was sucked into my lungs. Meeting the family…that was something I wasn’t good at. Liam’s had taken an instant disliking to me on my first visit with their upturned noses and constant enunciation corrections. In saying that, I knew Laurie and Carriag and what’s more, they knew me. I didn’t have to hide myself from these people. They may not have been family by blood, thank God, but I still classed them as that. At that moment in time, I was being accepted into theirs.

As the five rounded the bar, I began trailing behind Walker, the soft skin of my palm grazed and surrounded by his workman hands, as he held me in his possession. With a small, gentle tug, I was drawn to his side to walk beside him.

“Kady,” Carriag was the first to welcome me with open arms. Loosening his clutch, Walker stepped away, allowing his father to embrace me. “I’m glad you could make it. It’s not been the same without you.”

“Thank you.”

Although he had pulled away, his elderly hands remained on my shoulders, his wrinkled face crumpling more so with his frown. “I thought you were pissed at me. For everything that…”

“Oh God, no. Please don’t think that. It’s umm…” I peeked over the old man’s shoulders, seeing Walker smiling and embracing a woman I didn’t know. “It’s difficult to umm…to hear and accept how the people around you were helping when you were in a situation that you couldn’t see for yourself, if that makes sense.”

“It does. But I promise you one thing, Kady. You’re a part of this family now, just like Laurie. We look after our own. God help that arse wipe if he so much as contacts you.”

I was smiling sweetly at the old man with an indebted nod of my head when a familiar endearment summoned my attention.

“Go on, I’ll fetch ya a drink.”

Mouthing the words “Thank you,” I veered from Walker’s father and over to Walker, where my shoulders were instantly draped by his arm and a loving kiss planted on my head. “This is my Uncle Les; he owns a gym not too far from the apartment. His lovely wife Joyce, who happens to be Laurie’s Auntie, and Joyce’s son Seth.”

“How ya doin’, Kady?” Les asked as my hand was held out to shake, however, both Les and Joyce took my gesture as way to pull me closer and smother me in welcoming hugs. The family was a tactile one, that was apparent. Their embrace was returned, although somewhat lightly, before I withdrew and sunk back into Walker’s side. “It’s nice to meet you all.”

We mingled and talked and by the time I checked my watch, an hour had already passed. Everyone was easy to get along with, even Seth––the seventeen year old rock star dreamer, from Joyce’s first marriage. His blond hair was slicked back; trails of where the comb’s teeth had been pushed through it looked like furrows on a farmland. Even the stud through the center of his lower lip didn’t have me retreating into my cocoon of solitude. I had been molded into someone who hated and feared social situations, and I was unsure as to what was changing. Were these people surrounding me so down to earth and welcoming that I felt more at ease with the situation? Or was I melting that ball of wax that Liam had spent almost three years molding me into, and finally letting me be myself? Either way, I was grateful.

From beneath the table Walker’s hand massaged my naked thigh gradually, with sensuous and addictive strokes, hitching my black, front zipper dress up my legs. I shifted in the wooden seat as I took a bite out of a triangle section of a cheese sandwich.

“So what’ve you both done today?” asked Carriag from the left head of the table, taking a draw from his bottle of beer before diving back into the spread of party food on the table, and placing it on the paper plate.

“We went to the zoo,” I murmured around my food while I risked a sideways peek at the man beside me, his secretive touch from under the table becoming lighter the further up my leg he traveled.

“The zoo?” Les repeated from across the table as he began waving his bottle of beer in the air as he gestured. What was it with everyone and repeating that one damn word? “Our Da used to take me and Roz to the zoo all the time when we were kids…”

As soon as Rosaleen’s name was mentioned, I felt Walker’s hand pause on my flesh.

“…She had this fascination with the big cats, always had. She’d say, ‘Big cats are both predators––”

“And protectors,” Walker finished, his hand completely withdrawn from my thigh. The expression on his face was enough to make my skin erupt with the shudders paving up my back, while a thread of understanding regarding the spectacle I’d witnessed a few hours before with him and the big cat, was snatched.

Mirroring his intimate touch of only a moment ago, I muttered, “That’s a lovely thing to say, and very true,” which caused him to give me a sideways smile.

After some party games of ‘what am I?’ and ‘never have I ever’, along with the grand arrival of the truck birthday cake, which Laurie took up on herself to create, we all sang terrible renditions of Happy Birthday before digging into the creation that had probably taken hours to create, and less than thirty seconds to destroy, I was getting tired.

“You getting sleepy, darlin’?” he pulled me close and I breathed in his scent, his heavenly, masculine, I-want-to-rip-your-fucking-clothes-off-and-fuck-you-right-now scent.

“’Aye,” I muttered, burrowing my face into his neck, feeling his pulse against my brow.

“Someone’s looking tired,” Laurie teased, yet I lacked the energy to battle back, so I simply shooed her away with a dismissive wave of my hand. “That’s what happens when you spend most of the afternoon ha––”

“Yes, thank you, cuz. We don’t want Da to lose what’s left of his hair now do we?”

“I was young once, son. Make the most of it while it still works.”