Transcending Nirvana (Dark Evoke #3) (6 page)

“Doing here?” he finished in the most nonchalant way that he could. Looking a little unkempt, the good few days’ worth of unshaved scruff coating his jaw, and the black shirt unbuttoned at the collar didn’t faze him. “Well, when my girlfriend up and leaves and I hear nothing from her in five days, I decided it was either meet you here, or call the police and report you as missing.” The grin broadened as he folded the paper and rested it in his lap. “I thought this way was better for everybody. It gave you some time to reevaluate things and come back home.”
Home? Reevaluate things?
Did he think I was insane? He tapped the padding of the seat beside him as if beckoning a puppy. “Come and sit.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“No?” It was barely a second passing before his expression grew to be hard and defiant. Seeing me refusing to relent, he sucked up a deep breath. “Fine,” he grinned, and before I knew what had happened, the seat beside me squealed and griped as his weight was lowered into the pleather stuffing.

“I should get them to call security.”

“Ah, but you wouldn’t.” He sounded almost jovial at my predictability. I went to crane my neck to face him, but instead stiffened as he leaned into my personal space, the overpowering smell of too much cologne, the warmth of his body and breath had me screwing my eyes tightly and silently kicking myself for insisting that I would be fine when Walker offered to accompany me. “You see, that will result in the involvement of further authorities, and say whatever you will, but remember that I’m not stupid, Kady baby,” he whispered into my ear before resuming after a few torturous seconds. “Strong, documented medical history carries more weight than hear say, if you catch my meaning.”

“Why are you doing this, Liam? Please, just leave me––”

“Leave you? No, no, no, no, no, Kady,” he chided. “I can’t leave you. Well, actually,” he sneered, “you can’t leave me. I won’t let you. I own you.” His hand gripping at my thigh turned every muscle in my body rigid. Forcing myself to chance a glance up at him, I silently cursed Laurie for taking so fucking long in the cafeteria.

“Wha––?” I began, but seeing the terrifyingly jovial smirk on his face, had me faltering. In that moment, I was sure that I would have been less intimidated seeing the Joker gut a rabbit. “What do you mean?”

“Financially, I may have kept you and the business running for years, but you have always been the nucleus, Kady. You’re the center––little Laurie and that Irish prick gravitate towards you. Still, you all seem to be forgetting how much of an influential man
I
am,” he scoffed. “I’m the fuel, the flame if you will…”––his upbeat tone and sickening smirk were replaced by one of hostility and menace as he leaned in closer––“One spark from me, and see everyone you love burn.”

My heart and lungs ceased right then and there with those words––that threat. In the back of my mind, I knew all along that this would have been a possibility. For days I had repeated the imagined words and possible events which Liam could easily set the wheels in motion for. Nothing could have prepared me to hear the actual words, however. The probability of that threat had just changed course. It wasn’t a ‘
what if’
any longer, it was very much real.

It was the moment a voice calling, “Kady Jenson, please,” traveled from beyond the waiting area doorway, which saw to it that my heart resumed its duty. I had never been as thankful in my life as I was then, finally being called away from the life-sucking monster that, only a few weeks ago, I called Lover.

Jell-O legs barely sustained my weight when I shunted myself out of the chair and made my way shakily toward the opening. Sensing him behind me, I turned around. “What are you doing?”

Wry pity blazed in his blue and green speckled eyes, his head cocked. “You don’t think I’m going to let you go in there alone do you? You were released into my care after all. My presence here and the words I speak carry a weight that you couldn’t possibly comprehend.”

Fuck,
he was right. I was released into his care…panic seized me. The instant my head dropped, a commanding finger hooked beneath my chin, wrenching my gaze upward. The gesture brimming with intimidation would have gone unnoticed by any viewers, simply being recognized as a connection between a devoted man and his woman. He really was a master manipulator. And now I could see it for myself.

“And that reminds me,” The man I once loved, but now filled me with terror, took a menacing step forward and loomed over me like a cursed threat from the heavens, as he whispered through gritted teeth, “They will question you on how come there were traces of valium in your bloodstream the night of the accident, just like they questioned me when you were unconscious. I’m sure you can think up something…believable…”

Slanted pale blue eyes and the bright blond hair of Dr. Leviton had me inwardly questioning how so much could change in such a sparse amount of time. It had been only three weeks since I was discharged from the care of the hospital and into the care of my partner, a man who should have cherished me, not harmed me. How devious could one person possibly be?

The natural light searing through the window to my right rebounded from the magnolia coated walls, making the office appear larger than it actually was. I occupied one of the seats on the opposite side of the oak desk, as Liam occupied the one beside me. Every nerve in my body trembled, every muscle tensed due to my mind racing in fear. While Dr. Leviton flipped through my notes, I wrung my fingers in my lap, anticipating a destructive hand to be laid upon me in some way or form by the time the appointment was bought to an end.

His primary questioning sliced through the awkward silence. “So how have things been since your release, Kady?”

“It’s been fine.”

Leviton studied me from across the desk waiting for me to expand on my answer. Well, irrespective of his urging expression, he was going to be waiting a long time for it. What did he expect me to say? That everything was fine and that life can resume as before? I couldn’t say that. Nothing was fine––the situation as it stood couldn’t possibly be further away from fine. With my abuser sitting beside me, I knew that the words Walker spoke earlier that morning about telling the doctor everything, were never going to happen. Well, not now anyway.

“Mr. DeLaney, have you noticed any difference in Kady’s behavior at all? Do you have any concerns?”

My body immediately stiffening, I waited, restless, for Liam to excavate my grave with his answer.

“She has been quite…aggressive. Her moods swings are, once again, somewhat erratic.”

“That’s highly common with patients with PTA, Mr. DeLaney, so I wouldn’t say that there is a high cause for concern regarding that.” He peeked up from my notes in front of him. “What about your memory, Kady? The duration of PTA gives us an indication as to how severe the head trauma sustained was. Has anything sparked?”

“Actually it has. It is the small things I’m having problems recollecting.”

“But the majority of the three yea––”

I may have been answering Leviton’s question, but it was aimed at the rather unkempt man beside me. Looking at him intently for a brief second, I indirectly made it crystal clear for him, spitting, “I remember,” before turning back to the doctor.

“Well, that’s fantastic news, Kady.” Pushing back in his seat, he opened a drawer behind the desk. “I apologize for this, but it’s just a little problem solving task that we require patients to complete.” He offered a tightlipped smile then set the puzzle on the surface.

Within minutes the puzzle was completed and Leviton smiled with an approving nod before placing it back into the drawer. However, the almost perplexed look he was sporting when he muttered my name caused my stomach to lurch, and beads of sweat were gradually increasing down the crevice of my spine. “I had asked Liam when you were here but maybe you could shed some light now that you can remember…”
Here we go…
“When you were rushed in, there were traces of tranquilizer in your blood work. Now, I’ve been looking through your medical notes, and I see that you have had them before…”

I nodded.

“You know that you really shouldn’t drink, drive or operate heavy machinery while taking them…”

“What are you trying to say, Doctor Leviton?” my voice was small and weak. I had no idea what he was implying, and that feeling alone made me feel, once again, inferior. When he flashed a rather pleading gaze towards Liam, it become crystal clear…

“It’ll be okay, Kady baby. I know it’s hard, but please, tell us what happened? We’re here to help you.” Unjust fingers bore into the flesh of my thigh causing a gasp to pass my lips. In a feeble attempt to get the pain to stop radiating up my leg, I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing.

If I believe my lies, others will believe them, too.

“I was feeling a little anxious about work so I took one before bed…”

Even as the words left me, my mind was replaying the disturbing images of that night.
Being trapped between Liam’s legs, his hand grasping forcefully at my jaw, coaxing my mouth open. His violent hand balling tightly and crashing against my ribs. The air being knocked from my body. The taste of salt and blood upon his fingers as he rammed them down my throat and dropped the pill on the back of my tongue…

“I remembered that we had run out of milk, and I can’t function without my morning coffee. I didn’t want to disturb Liam in the shower…”

Cascading water echoing. The pop of the shower gel overshadowed by his cheery voice singing: “Well, I guess you’d say what can make me feel this way? My Girl…”

Swallowing harshly, my blood turned to ice, a shudder paved its way up my spine and down again. “It was less than twenty minutes after I’d taken it, so I thought I would have been fine just popping to the store, but…”

“But it wasn’t. What it resulted in could have been much, much worse.”

“I know. It will never happen again.”

“One more thing which alarmed me: you”––the notes before him suffered his rapt attention as he flipped over yet more pages and spoke to the table––“have been under Dr. Oleman at Pinewood for just over a year.” He sighed as his inspection left the accumulation of medical bullshit and lies in front of him and crossed his arms over the desk anew. “I see that he had discontinued your stabilizers after a few months, and the tranquilizers were eventually the only ones that he would prescribe. Even so…he only covered you with two weeks maximum upon discharge at each time, and refills of further prescriptions hadn’t been noted.” His attention flittered from me to Liam and back again. “Theoretically, Miss Jenson, you shouldn’t have had
any
valium left to have taken that night.”

“So what are you saying, Dr.?” Liam interjected, is voice booming.

“What I’m saying is that there is no record of anyone prescribing further tranquilizers to Kady. Common sense dictates that she shouldn’t have had those pills, Mr. DeLaney.”

I was sitting there, I know I was, but everything felt like a dream.
You shouldn’t have had those pills,
were the only words being reiterated in my mind.
You shouldn’t have had those pills;
you shouldn’t have had those pills.
My ribs ached with the assault my heart was issuing on them. Enraged, my hands shaking with adrenaline, I turned to Liam, glowering. “You were the one who had con––” his right hand instantly clamped further down on my leg, causing the burning sensation to score through my muscle, yet his eyes were hard with worry. I winced, losing my words to his façade.

“Kady, where have you been getting those pills from?” I jolted at the tartness of the familiar voice, one which dared not to be messed with.

“I told you,” I squeaked, overcoming the smarting of his fingertips, “Yo––”

I looked down to see the connection; his fingers were white with force, his hand practically trembling with the intensity of his hold. “This is important, Kady. Where were you getting those pills from?” he asked again. How he could keep his tone level I had no idea.

What I did know, was that he wasn’t going to let me finish that damn sentence.

Everything before me was swimming and distorted. Blinking my eyes, twin tears escaped over my lids as I turned to face the doctor once again, resigned. “I can’t remember small details. I’m sorry, I just can’t remember…”

“This is a safe environment, Kady. You can talk openly here.”

Oh, how wrong he was.

“I really don’t know,” I whimpered, at the same time, Liam’s hand loosened on my thigh, and I immediately sagged in relief. Although I knew that that relief was going to be short-lived, in the calm before the storm type way: trying to explain to Walker the bruise which was surely going to be left, was going to be impossible…

Laurie

I must have kicked myself and damned myself to Hell over a thousand times as I waited, sitting in one of the grouching padded chairs which filled the waiting area. With my final sip of coffee, my self-scolding was redirected at the trainee working the cafeteria counter. If it wasn’t for her constant screw-ups and redoing order after order, then I would’ve been here with Kady like I promised I would be.

Instead, my stomach knotted and devastation overtook at the sight I was left to witness when I approached the area, coffee in hand. Kady, the old Kady, the timid Kady who bowed to each demand of The Devil himself as he whispered in her ear, was being steered to the consultation room with her head hanging low and Liam smirking behind her like the sick, sadistic bastard he is.

Walker. Was going. To kill me.

Another riled, shaky sigh was expelled at the exact same moment that the door I had been silently willing to open for God only knows how long, was finally opened. Finding my feet, I dropped my empty, plastic cup of coffee into the small corner garbage can, and headed out to meet her.

“Kady,” I called out, though my beckoning rested on deaf ears. Her pace sped up, her hand lifting to cover her mouth when she barged her way to the restroom. In my veins, my blood was boiling, the glare I shot that despicable man DeLaney, when the door forced shut as it rebounded with her hasty, desperate shove, spoke volumes. “What the fuck are you even doing here?” I scolded.

“What am
I
doing here?
I’m
her boyfriend; she was released into
my
care.
I
deserve to be here, which is more than I can say for some.”

I shook my head, my finger scornfully pointed at him. “You stay the fuck away from her. Do you understand?” I was taking lengthy strides down the hallway to the bathroom to offer comfort, when my elbow was snared by a cramping grip. My protests, while being dragged further down the corridor, away from where Kady took refuge, went ignored. Out of earshot and prying eyes, I was forcefully turned to face him.

“I suggest you,” he grated through clenched teeth, his fingers pressing painfully on my bone, halting my already shaky efforts of breaking from his hold. “Stop with all these demands and warnings, Laurie. It’s really not polite. You wouldn’t want to see your friend get hurt now, would you?”

The way his lip curled had me fighting an inner chill, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing my unease. I wouldn’t give him my power. “You wouldn’t,” I challenged, the slight quivering of my voice betraying the mask held in place.

“I’ve warned you and that Irish prick once, I won’t repeat myself again.” The grip on my arm tightened more so, until a pained whimper escaped my lips. All that did was spur him on, the glassy look of gratification shimmered in his eyes, while my wince was reflected against them. One more step and we were toe-to-toe. “You seem to have forgotten who funded that business you both like to call your own. It was my money that was used to sign that lease. My money and men that gutted it open and refurbished. My money and connections that got it off the ground. Do you know what else is mine, Laurie?”––His head dropped to find my ear, and although my eyes were wide with discomfort, my shoulders remained back, my head held high––“You. I own you, and I own her, and I own him…you’ll do a fine job of remembering that.”

With a slouch of my shoulders as his hand fell from my arm and his mouth was nowhere near my ear, the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding was expelled through tightened lips. Kady was making her way towards us, I watched her from over his shoulder, her hands fisting into her hair. He must have noticed my attention shifting because his menacing, sanctimonious sneer softened marginally.

“I’ll be seeing you soon, Kady baby,” he sang, the warning in his tone spine-chilling. When he kissed her cheek, her lips compressed, her brow crumpled. He began to walk down the hallway, but not before spinning back on his heel to face us as he resumed walking backwards. Tethering us with an invisible line and a glint in his eyes, he called, “I’ll be seeing you
both
, very soon.”

I hated watching my best friend being torn up and spat back out. Her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks blotchy. I knew she had been crying. How many tears she had cried over that one fucking man was ridiculous, and I hated knowing that I couldn’t help her. I hated knowing that I didn’t act sooner and attempted to get her away from him before it escalated to the shit storm we were now in. I rubbed her upper arm as consolably as a friend could while she sniffled. “How did it go in there?”

“Don’t ask.”

So I didn’t. Instead, I allowed my acts as her friend to help aid her. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

Walker

For miles and fucking miles I drove, praying to Jesus Christ himself that the haunting words which were echoing in my head would just stop. I could handle most shit that was tossed at me: ‘
you’ve got broad shoulders for a reason, my boy’,
as my Ma would say. But this…this was something I couldn’t take. Being told that my concern for a loved one was being compared to the acts of someone I wanted so desperately to put in the fucking ground, hurt more than any physical pain I’ve braved.

I sat in the gravel lot, my head pushed back into the headrest, my hands fisted in my lap. I had no clue how long I had been there for. It must have been a while though because the CD was starting its cycle for the second time. From the pickup’s speakers, Nickelback resonated about
feeling too damn good
. I sighed and rolled my eyes thinking of how goddamn right he was. Don’t get comfortable when things go well; instead be fucking guarded, because something’s bound to fuck up and drag you down to the shit pits.

I loved the bones off that woman. I’d do anything for her. Jesus fucking Christ, I had done. If only she fucking knew how much I had done in her name, then surely she would understand how much she means to me. Instead, I just got fucking compared to the prick that scarred her body, but worst of all, had scarred her mind.

That thought had my blood boiled and my heartbeat speeding.

Fuck, was I really like him?

How can one woman drive you stir crazy with just three words? In the end I gave up sitting and stewing in my own shit, booted open the truck’s door, and made my way inside.

“Alright, son?” Da called over from behind the bar.

Pulling out a stool, I slipped onto it and with my elbows on the edge of the bar, rubbed the palms of my hands in a circular motion. “Grand.”
Fuck was I
. The words she spoke troubled me since she said them.

“Stop lying.” I peeked up from under my eyebrows. His blue eyes were bright, much brighter than mine, and his long silver hair was pulled into a ponytail. “The tips of your ears go red when you lie––have done ever since you were a lad. Now, tell me. What’s bothering ya?” The clanking of glass being stacked came to a halt as he tossed me his, ‘I’m not stupid’ look.

“Am I anything like him?”

Da’s head cocked, the thin skin of his brow wrinkled more than it was already, his silver, bushy eyebrows pulled together. “Who?”

Continuing their circles, I looked back at my hands. I hadn’t come here for this. “Me and Liam, are we the same?”

“Jesus Christ, whatever made you think that, boy?” I didn’t have to look at him to see the disappointment on his old, creased face. His tone told me everything I needed to see.

With a defeated sigh, I finally filled him in.

“Son, there is a line between being protective over the one you love, and confining them. I loved the bones off your mother; I would’ve done exactly what you did. Hell, I did many times. Does that mean I was abusive? No, it doesn’t. Liam abused the power to be protective and crossed the line.” His old hand clawed around a pint glass on the bar and set it in position on the opposite side. “Even so, you’d never lay an abusive hand on a woman. You know I’d fuckin’ kill ya if ya did!”

An abusive hand on a woman…

The image of every time I laid my hand on Kady flashed through my mind like leather cutting through air. My hand…my belt. The thoughts of countless fucking times she wailed, begging for a help that I could give, trailed behind in my memory. I had helped her. I wrapped her numb, slaked body in my arms after every single time I aided her. That was nothing like Liam at all. My reflective thoughts quickly became a task of comparison, one which differentiated between my goals, and His.

He inflicted for power and purpose.

I inflicted to save and aid.

“Thanks, Da. I need that,” I smiled.

“What else is the Old Man for, eh?”

He coughed and spluttered a few times before I drew a deep breath and pushed aside my pride. “Da, is there…do you need anything done, a hand around this place, behind the bar, handyman or anything?”

“I really wish I could help, but things are tight at the moment, son, I––”

“It’s alright;”––I held my hands up already feeling embarrassed and rejected––“I shouldn’t have asked.”

“You could always talk to Les. I know it wouldn’t be the first or the second time that you would have been to him.”

His tone didn’t sit right with me. It was almost brash. Twenty-five I may be, but was he really giving me approval to go to Les?

Les was Ma’s older brother. The boxing gym he runs a few miles south wasn’t enough for him. He soon found that dabbling in some bare fist fighting was a way to secure his rep. Not the most honorable man and definitely something that my Ma would be turning in her grave over, knowing that I had mixed myself up in a scene she warned me never to get involved in.

“For fuck sake, Da. I come here, swallow my fuckin’ pride asking for help, and you’re quick enough to stick my head in the lions fuckin’ den.” Ready to leave, I slipped off the stool, and skirting the pool table, paced toward the door.

“Hold your horses just one minute, son. I’m not sticking anything in the lion’s den. I’m just reminding you that you’ve done it before without my approval, so what’s stopping you now? You’re a guaranteed win. How can they knock someone down when they welcome it?”

“You speak about it like it’s a fuckin’ gift,” I spat in my defeat, my back still facing him.

“Gift?” When I turned around, his eyes were like stone, his face equally hardened by my words. “You think it’s a fucking gift”––the pint glass in his hand was slammed down on the counter. How the hell it didn’t smash I had no clue––“pulling up outside the fucking door after your mother’s wake and hearing my baby boy’s screams from inside? You think it was a fucking gift having to spend months tending to that bastard wound when I should have been mourning your mother? Jesus fucking Christ, Ger––”

Oh, no he fucking didn’t.

As soon as my glare toughened, the old man saw sense. My jaw worked ferociously as anger raged through my veins. I was hit by a wall of memories within seconds. I fought it, I had to. I was scared of what I was capable of if I didn’t.

In surrender, Da held his hands up and licked his withered lips. I shook my head. “Walker––”

“You know what,” tears were already threatening to spill, as my own father used the one thing against me, which could bring me to my knees. “I’m so fucking sorry that I disappoint you.”

I saw that my words and reaction hurt him. He was my father, I loved him, but at that moment, all I wanted was my mother. To have her stand on tiptoes, reaching up to hug me and make me feel…wanted, because at that moment, I had never felt so Goddamn shunned in my life.

With a shaking of his head, he moved around the bar and walked toward me, a slight gait in his old age. Wrinkled hands grabbed the sides of my face firmly, as I towered over him by a few inches. “You are my son,” he gritted, and then pulled me down to rest his brow against mine. “You could never disappoint me. I love you, even if you are bat shit crazy.”

I snorted, sarcastic.

“What I meant was: in life, you have to take every flaw you have and turn it to an advantage. They’ll never expect it. You have strength, son. You’re the strongest person I know. Even your mother agreed with that, and that, Ger, is a gift.” I wished he’d stop calling me that. It was too painful for me––too bittersweet. I closed my eyes and fought to recover my wits. His hand fell instantly into his back pocket when he pulled away. “Here, I don’t have much, but there’s two hundred dollars.”

I tried to shake off his offering, but he wasn’t having any of it; typical of Carriag Walker. “Take it,” he thrust the bills into my chest. “Now, you’ve got a woman who you’ve waited nearly two years for, waiting for you. Get out of here.”

Nodding I turned around and lifted the bills in silent thanks.

“Do something I didn’t do. Cherish every moment with her. You only get one chance.”

My face broke with so much emotion, yet all I could do was smile. “Nah, we’ve had three, and the third time is the charm.” I sighed when I turned to the door only to be stopped again. “Yes, Da,” I breathed.

He looked around a little ill at ease. “Bring her with you next time. I fuckin’ miss the girl.”

“’Aye.”

He waved me off. “Go. Go and get your woman.”

So I did, before he called me back again.