Transcending Nirvana (Dark Evoke #3) (2 page)

“You’re done darlin’.” I closed my eyes allowing the mind-altering heat of his breath to paste to my flesh before craning my neck over my right shoulder to face him.

Have you ever had those moments where you felt you want to say something, and the timing was perfect, but just didn’t know what to say? Well that was the moment. I opened my mouth only to have a small sigh take place of my words as he traced my lower lip with his thumb, tugging it downwards with a delicate force. My body was concrete heavy, my will to move nonexistent as he lingered over the flesh, and then grasped my chin lightly between his thumb and index finger. “Put that on and get in the bed to warm up. I don’t want you ill.”

It felt like minutes had passed as we studied each other’s eyes, getting lost in all our unspoken desires and yearnings which were being betrayed by our regard. Finally, neither of us could fight the whisper of temptation any longer.

The dress skated down my body to pool heavily at my feet as I released my arm from my middle. His lips twitched then parted on his gasp before resealing, while his eyes faltered to my mouth and neck.

And that was all that needed to be said.

His head dipped as I twisted on my heels and lifted up onto my toes. I wrenched him down to me with my hands in his hair, while frenzied and ravenous tongues invaded the others mouth with needy sweeps. Gliding and caressing hungrily over one another, our bodies were the playground for roaming hands.

As I fingered the hem of his tank top and began lifting it, he breathed almost painfully against my lips, “No––”

He was like a wildcat in the city as I pulled away and stared him in the eye, pleading with the alarmed and timorous animal inside him. I knew what lay beneath the material. I knew that there was a story behind each painful scar, and more importantly, I knew the reason why he was wired that way because he was the one who explained it to me, when I was clueless. “Please…There’s nothing to be ashamed of, right?”

Moments passed in deep, repetitive breaths. With a roll of his eyes, he reluctantly nodded his head and I felt a wave of relief. Pushing the fabric up over his body, the heel of my hands brushed against the warm flesh as my teeth sunk into my lower lip. When I dropped it to the floor, I watched his eyes screw tightly, almost disgusted, as I resumed paying attention to his body and skimmed against the four inch silver slice along the right of his ribcage.

“Look at me.”

Eyes which were filled with moisture, fluttered open. He looked down upon me with such hurt and repulsion; all I could do was maintain eye contact while stroking each physically healed scar that remained raw beneath the surface. How a brutally flawed body could be so perfect and faultless, I had no idea. But his was. It added character, it made him human. It displayed his strength, because that’s what it takes to know when to stop. It’s what it takes to aim that anger and hate and bear it upon yourself, and not inflict it on another.

“We’re cut from the same cloth, right? It makes us strong. I’m not hiding from you, so please don’t hide from me, Walker.”

Before either of us could say anything more, I was led back so the mattress was pressing against the back of my knees while his hand worked its way into my hair anew. The springs squealed in protest under our weight as we lowered ourselves onto the bed.

That night, we rediscovered one another. And with the impassioned music playing in the background, we wrapped our bodies around each other, touched, stroked, caressed and tasted each other until the sun peeked up along the horizon, and our jaws ached.

Never had I enjoyed such degree of intimacy and rediscovery without actual sex in my life.

My eye lids fluttered open as a rumbling, “hmmm,” coming from in front of me pulled me from slumber. Through the window the sun seared, creating a thick beam in the halfway point of the room and over the bed. Walker was sound asleep, his thick, black lashes fanned out over the arch of his cheekbone, his full, pale lips outlined by that temptingly arousing stubble, were more tempting than an apple in Eden.

The rumbling noise which caused my stirring to return and bring me back to reality was released again, accompanied by a momentary furrow of his brow. He looked adorable. The snowy white sheet pooled around his hips, showcasing the band of his gray sweats, while his upper body remained visible. I smiled, recalling the way we coiled around one another and spent hours simply kissing. Some people wouldn’t understand how heady that is, participating in something so intimate, so intense, yet not lead into sex or mutual masturbation. It shows constraint, it takes you on a journey like no other; it holds you steady at that peak of bliss and never wanes. It was phenomenal.

With his right hand snug under the pillow, his left settled on my hip, I observed the destructive scarring coating his left pectoral. The mass of sympathy clogging my throat was swallowed harshly as I cautiously shifted and brought my right hand up to it. Last night, with the combination of darkness and light contact, he allowed me to touch and to feel him. My fingers slipped over each jutting gash, each round blemish. Still, as soon as I made my way to linger over his heart, my intention was painfully halted.

It was blatantly obvious that this was the one which held his most anguish.

With the tip of my middle finger, I kept vigil, and with extra care not to wake him, I softly traced around the edging of withered, pale flesh. His chest rose and dipped with each leveled breath, and as I began to take the journey into the midpoint of the mutilation, the flesh feeling somewhat like leather against my fingertip, Walker stirred. His lashes left the arch of his cheek as they flickered open.

“Morning,” I smiled and discreetly lowered my inspecting hand.

“Mornin’ indeed, darlin’.”

I giggled and bit my lip while he rubbed his eyes.

“What’s so funny?”

“I never thought that your voice could sound any sexier, boy was I was wrong? Sleepy Walker’s voice is something else entirely.”

The bed springs groaning alongside the slight girlish giggle as Walker shifted his body, seizing behind my right knee and hooking it over his hip, couldn’t be helped. Before I knew it, my body was molded against his, every part of his amazingly toned and decorative body slotting into just the right places. “I’m glad I could please you. How long have you been eyeing me for?”

How long? Really? If my memory serves me correctly, too damn long. I rolled my eyes and added a serving of over exaggeration to my voice. “Oh, I don’t know…too long,” I teased.

Muscles beyond my hips clenched in delight when he countered my verbalized teasing with a suggestive, physical taunting of his own. Traced on my thigh were tiny circles, and try as I might, clenching my legs together to create a blockade for the bolts of electricity shooting to my core, proved impossible with the obstruction of Walker’s hip between my legs. “You like that?” he asked, the delicate circles altering to a gratifying hold. The pliant flesh of my upper thigh and ass was gripped and molded by his keen, desirous fingers, and my eyelids fell as I gasped at the contact.

“I…” I couldn’t think. I had no idea what day or time it was, let alone muster enough intelligence to answer his question, regardless of how easy the answer was.

“I know you like it,” he answered for me in a tone which radiated sexual knowledge and gratification. When his teeth were scraping lusciously over my chin, a guttural moan of pleasure escaped my lips.

“How?” I breathed.

“Your breathing’s changed for one, your temperature, the way your brow tightens and upper lip curls.” His tongue, running its course from my shoulder and up the tendon of my neck, had me shuddering. When he reached the corner of my mouth, my lips parted and my hands gripped his amazing, just-fucked hair to wrench him closer. I didn’t care about morning breath; all I cared about was having him.

It wasn’t until Walker pulled away all breathless and appearing somewhat restricted in a battle I had no idea was even being fought, that he muttered, “The fact you’ve been riding my hip was a dead giveaway.”

Shit…It wasn’t until I focused on my hips and brought an end to the rhythmic rocking, did I realize what I had been doing. Well, that was a mood changer. I flushed fifteen shades of red and attempted to disappear beneath the covers.

“Hey, there’s, nothing to be embarrassed about, darlin’.”

“Shut up.”

“C’mon, what are you embarrassed about?”

“I said shut up, Walker. This is humiliating,” I berated from under my fabric shield.

The bed vibrated and irritation spawned as he laughed. “No, darlin’, humiliating is you being under these sheets, and Junior feeling deflated because he’s not seeing any action.”

His playfulness had me, with a rather dramatic air, flinging the cover from over my head. I peeked up at him and his goofy looking grin. “Mornin’,” he drew out the word and I couldn’t help but follow his gaze as it fluttere south. Seeing the evidence of his arousal jittering and straining under his sweats lightened my embarrassment and I finally laughed. “You’re lucky you’re female, darlin’. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, at least you lasses can hide your sexual frustration.”

Our moment of sexual hunger diluting more and more by the second, he laughed when I playfully slapped his shoulder. I licked my lips, rolled my head over the pillow, and peeked up at the ceiling, “You never did tell me about the mirror.”

“Not today, darlin’.” When I redirected my attention on him, an expression both hard and angry stared back at me, and I was soon wincing as his hand lifted to brush across my wounded cheekbone. “You’re starting to bruise,” he whispered almost apologetic as though he was the cause of the injury. He had nothing to feel sorry or answer for. Liam on the other hand, had everything to answer for.

My head shook and before I could reel it in, a snort of absurdity left me.

“What is it, darlin’?”

Being overwhelmed by such degree of discomfort and unease had made it impossible to look him in the eye. Instead, I focused on his Adam’s apple and took a deep breath. “I can’t believe how much I changed and how much I justified what was happening––how I let him get away with it for so long…” When an encouraging hand cradled my face, his thumb settled peacefully at the hollow behind my ear, I peeked up and continued, wistful, “How twisted is it that my natural thought just then was, ‘I’m used to it’?”

He breathed my name with a combination of sadness and rage hardening his ocean eyes into ice. “I’m going to fucking kill him for this. He’ll not get away with what he’s done to you, darlin’. That, I can swear down on.”

The scary part of that statement was that I felt the determination behind his words. I didn’t for one moment think he wouldn’t do it. Over the time we had spent together, Walker had proven to me on more than one occasion that he would do anything to insure I was safe, to ensure my wellbeing was maintained.

The secretive part of me was terrified because I knew that getting away from Liam wasn’t going to be as simple as any other breakup. Liam DeLaney had connections, he had money, and what’s more, he had the determination and the sick, twisted views and judgments that I knew he would put into play, just to get me back.

Liam DeLaney, manipulator extraordinaire.

But I kept that information to myself. That was another element I was used to: secret knowledge.

“Don’t, it’s not worth it,” I sighed, cautious that Walker would see through my façade, that he would uncover my unspoken trepidation.

His fingers combed through my hair. “Don’t go back,” he whispered almost unconsciously.

“Never.”

That sexy as fuck dimple roused from slumber as he smiled favorably at my one-worded promise. “Well then, today, darlin’ is your first day of freedom.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I wasn’t entirely sure of that statement. So I merely filled my lungs and plastered on a smile. If time and experience had taught me anything, then that was another thing I was good at.

Once my world was sent out of orbit with a head spinning kiss, I was left feeling bereft when my leg was unhooked from his hip. I could have stayed there with us glued together all day, and been exceptionally happy. Riveted, I watched as his back tensed and shifted as and he pushed himself from the bed, causing, not only the panther to writhe and alter, but my heartbeat to intensify also. And when he shoved his burly, tattooed arms through his tank top, each sinew of his back tormented my increasing hunger before he whipped it over his head.

“Coffee?”

“Actually, I really could do with a shower first,” I told him, at the same time, my hands sinking into the mattress when I pushed myself free, resulted in the iron headboard colliding with the cracked, terracotta plaster of the back wall. He was already waiting by the door, his hand casing the doorknob, when I dropped from the bed and strolled towards him in nothing more than his T-shirt, covering the flesh to my mid-thighs.

“’Aye, I’ll get it running for you now, darlin’. Have a look through the drawers and pick something to put on for when you’re done.” Before I even had time to answer, he was already out of the door, whistling his way to the bathroom.

For a man, the contents of his drawer was surprisingly tidy, with boxers folded and placed in order on the left, while his T-shirts were settled on the right with not a crease insight. He could have removed them straight from their plastic sheathing, they were so precise. It felt somewhat regimented, and in a sense, intimidating. I didn’t want to be the sole cause of any disorder in his well-organized drawer, so I simply chose the white T-shirt and pair of boxers which were lying on top.

The discordant noise of screeching pipes and low rumbling, like someone was drilling a hole through next door’s wall, startled me through my brief inspection of his CD collection, which was stacked haphazardly on the chipped, wooden surface of the dresser. Nickelback, Linkin Park, Placebo…Although it was rock and not my usual taste in music, there was one thing I was sure of: I wouldn’t be able to listen to Nickelback without thinking of him, and without thinking of last night, ever again.

Walker was standing alongside the tub, his hand under the torrent checking the temperature of the water which was spewing from the steel showerhead, when I entered with my chosen articles of clothing. It reminded me of the old fashioned showers we used to have in the girls locker room in high school, only this one had a cream curtain. On the lid of the toilet, I set the clothing down and snaked my arms around his middle. “Jesus, Kady, you scared the shite out of me,” he gasped.

“I’m not surprised with the argument your pipes are having.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. A quiet shower is another thing I can’t offer you; think I should start making a damn list.” Not only did his head and hip drop along with the weighty sigh of his words, but the degree of agitation and frustration hanging over him, was palpable. It made my heart constrict and I inwardly kicked myself for being so insensitive. I already knew how he felt about how many worlds apart we were…or to be more precise, how many worlds apart he
thought
we were.

With my arms falling loosely from around his waist, I urged him to turn away from the tub and face me. When he did, his eyes were equally rueful and chagrined. “Hey, stop this. It’s not like you picked me up last night and this is the morning after. We had a friendship, Walker, a foundation, and we grew from that. I know you, like you know me. It’s us, no shame…no judgment.”

My words seemed to pacify him, because the frown which was cemented in place a second ago became loose, and a timid smile broke free. With that boyish grin gazing back at me and slightly raised, dark brows, my hands lifted into his hair and locked at the nape of his neck. He breathed me in, and through my matted tresses, pressed a kiss against the hollow of my ear before burying his face into the crook of my neck. “I just want to give you the world, darlin’. I want to make you happy.”

“Then join me.”

From my shoulder he freed himself and I was held steady at arms length. Somehow, only Walker could make the deer in the headlight expression look both adorable and sexy.

“You said you want to make me happy, so join me,” I gestured to the empty tub behind him with a tip of my head, emphasizing my answer.

“Kady,” he breathed and with an uncertain shake of his head, his lips twitched. “I…I don’t want us to…I like…”

“Jesus Christ, Walker, spit it out,” I joked.

“I loved what we did last night. It was intense; it was on some kind of higher level, it meant more to me than sex. I want us to discover each other in a way that was taken from us too soon. You have no idea how much I was holding back this morning, darlin’, but trust me, if I get in there with you…I don’t think I could help myself.”

I beamed, warmed by the flooding of relief through my veins just by hearing the confirmation that he had felt it, too. That last night was as perfect and intense as going round after round, orgasm after orgasm. Neither of us touched one another sexually, there was no wave of euphoria that lasted all of a few seconds before subsiding. The euphoria began when our lips first touched and lasted all night long as one continuous tidal wave, never peaking, and never easing, just pure, unbroken bliss. To know what the other wants, to have a night of intensity and exploration without the need of sex, but being pleasured just by the heat and tenderness of having the other around you and caressing…there are no words for that.