Trouble & the Wallflower (14 page)

Gavin scowled at him. “Shut up. You’re fine.”

Davy wanted to kiss Gavin for sticking up for him. He had been picked on quite a bit for his shyness. It warmed him to his toes to hear someone other than his mother or Uncle Drew tell him he wasn’t a total freak. And to hear it from Gavin was enough to give him wings.

“Well, she tried to stop it, but I finally got Uncle Drew to talk her into letting me get a job at Bart’s when I was sixteen. He said I needed to learn practical skills.”

“You’ve been there six years?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re not a manager?” Gavin sounded offended on Davy’s behalf.

“Gavin, I
am
a manager.
The
manager. Haven’t you noticed how often I’m there?” Gavin looked completely surprised. “I have been for a year.” Davy laughed when he realized “You actually hit on me the first time on my second day as manager. I’m the general manager. There’s an assistant under me who works nights, but it’s mostly me and the owner, Henry, running things. It pays well enough until I finish school.”

“You don’t mind that your mom kept you in a bubble for so long?”

It was certainly not the first time Davy had heard that question. But definitely the first time he’d wanted to answer it honestly.

“I struggled a lot to forgive her after she died, and I had a hard time adjusting. That’s why my uncle checks on me. Those first few months were ugly. I didn’t know shit about paying bills or apartment hunting or what areas of town to move to. All I knew was even with my inheritance and my job I couldn’t afford to keep her apartment.”

“Wow. But you forgave her?” Gavin seemed perplexed by the idea.

“Of course. She was my mom. Eventually I realized that, though it wasn’t fair, she did it all out of love. Some parents do worse things out of love. Am I still bitter? At times, yes, but she did her best with the situation she was handed.”

Gavin hummed his response and sat silently. Davy hated to ask, but he was curious now. “Are you having trouble forgiving your mom for something?”

Davy thought for a moment Gavin wouldn’t answer, but finally he spoke. “It’s different.”

“Okay.” Davy was a bit annoyed that he couldn’t get a straight answer since he’d been so honest, but maybe the damage was deeper than just an overbearing mother.

“I never knew my dad.” It was a matter-of-fact statement. Gavin sounded as though he had no opinion on that one way or the other.

“I’m sorry?” Davy didn’t know what to say to that.

“Nah. No big. I had Ray. He was awesome, even though Carmen did her best to keep him away.”

“Carmen?”

“My mom. If you can call her that.”

Davy didn’t say anything. He just let Gavin figure out in his own time what he wanted to tell. Quite frankly, Davy was still on overload from the last two days, so he thought he might fall over from shock if Gavin actually shared his past.

“My mom’s a drunk,” Gavin said angrily.

Okay. Now he might fall over from shock.

Gavin nodded as though he had made up his mind about something. “She spent my whole life talking about how she never wanted to be a mother. She had new men over all the time. She bitched about how much her parents expected of her. Then when I got a job to save up for college, I got my first bank account and she’d take money from it to pay for her booze. When my grandma died and we both got trusts, she blew through hers in less than a year and tried to get at mine, but Ray made sure he was the secondary on that account so she couldn’t touch it. She was so mad. She made me buy my own school clothes and everything from that point on. I just kept working and putting away to move here when it came time for university.”

“I’m so sorry” was all Davy could think to say when Gavin stopped talking.

“I was an idiot. I still loved her. I mean, she’s my mom.”

“Of course.” Davy rubbed his knuckles down Gavin’s cheek.

Gavin flinched, then jumped up from the couch and started pacing. “No. I was stupid. And I want you to know this because I want you to know why I have been such an idiot with you, so just let me tell you this because I don’t think I’ll have the nerve again.”

“Okay,” Davy said encouragingly. Davy could feel the pain vibrating off Gavin, echoing through the sparse studio, bruising his own heart.

“It may seem weird, but Carmen was always jealous of me. She
made
me call her Carmen. She tried to fit in with my friends. She hit on the guys, which was humiliating. She hated that Ray and I were so close. She’d bitch for days about how I had it so much easier than her; how everyone loved me and that even her own dad liked me more than her.” Gavin stopped pacing and stared at the ground, running his fingers through his hair while he gathered his composure. “She was so pissed when I came out. Not because I was gay, but because my friends were accepting, Ray was accepting. She was furious, but she didn’t show it to anyone. She acted like the cool, accepting mom.”

Gavin sat back down on the couch but didn’t look at Davy. He hugged himself, and Davy ached with the need to touch him but thought better of it.

“She really didn’t have a problem with me being gay—she just had a problem with me. So I stayed. I hoped she’d change, and I guess I had developed a guilt complex. She’d blamed me for her drinking for so long that I felt like all those DUIs were my fault, all the broken relationships. She even made me feel guilty for having a boyfriend that didn’t leave me.”

“You don’t have to say any more.” Davy was dying for Gavin. Gavin’s pain was like an entity taking on its own life the more he talked.

“No. I want you to know.”

Davy didn’t know why Gavin was sharing so much, but he let him finish.

“I figured even with my savings and trust fund it’d be best to at least finish up at the local community college, plus I could still be with Max for two more years before we headed off to a university. I could save money and be with my ‘high school sweetheart.’” Gavin put air quotes around the latter and snarled the words. “Well, Max was a huge closet case. His dad was a total dick, but we were together for three years. Until the summer after our freshman year of college. His dad had started figuring out we weren’t just friends, and Max started getting the idea maybe he should get a girlfriend. He always said it’d be easier if there were just a girl that looked like me. I always took that as a weird compliment, a safety net for our relationship.”

Davy didn’t know how because it shouldn’t have been his first guess, but to his horror, he guessed the next part of Gavin’s story and was nauseous before the words came out of Gavin’s mouth.

Gavin sucked in a breath as if he were diving into the deep end and forged on. “I came home to find my mother and Max fucking on the couch.”

Davy felt as though the wind had been punched out of him. And it hadn’t even happened to him. Who did something that sick?

“I’ll give it to Max. At least he had the decency to look as guilty as he should have. He tried to apologize for months. Honestly, I loved him, but who can forgive their boyfriend cheating with their mom, ya know? And Carmen? She said I’d had it too easy and it was about time I learned I couldn’t get everything. I packed my shit that night while she was out getting drunk and caught a really expensive flight out of the local airport and came straight to Ray’s. I even left my car behind. I didn’t care. I just wanted to get the hell out of there forever.”

Davy stared at Gavin. He had no clue what to say to Gavin’s admission, but he understood being gun-shy after that. He probably had never spoken to another person about this, and here Gavin was trying to be someone Davy could be with.

“Oh my God, Gavin. I’m so sorry.”

Davy thought
Fuck it
and pulled Gavin to him. Gavin was so obviously wrung out that he didn’t even fight against Davy’s embrace. They sat silently for a long while; Davy pretending he didn’t know Gavin’s trembling and the wetness on his shoulders were evidence of Gavin silently crying. Davy had never felt as though he wanted to rip someone apart limb from limb, much less a woman. But if he saw Carmen Walker right then, he might do just that.

When Gavin had quieted, Davy kissed the top of his head and said, “I’m so sorry, Gavin. You didn’t deserve that. I just hope you know I’ll be here, okay? I am here. I know I made that dig last night, but I meant it when I said I want us to be together and I’m so happy to know you for as long as I get to know you.”

Gavin looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, and Davy almost cried himself when Gavin sniffled pitifully. “I’m sorry I dumped all that. I’ve never told anyone that. I didn’t even tell Ray about Max.”

“Probably best. He’d have killed her, I’m sure. You mean the world to him, Gavin.”

Gavin smiled. “Yeah. He’s the greatest.”

“You’re pretty great too.” Davy kissed Gavin’s last remaining tears away. Davy felt privileged to see him like this. He hated it, but he was so glad to be the person Gavin finally released his burden on.

“Did I scare you off?” Gavin asked.

“You mean the part where you proved how strong you were or the part where you trusted me with something that hurt you so much?”

Gavin shook his head sadly. “The part where I showed that I’m not a badass. I’m just like her. I—”

“Stop right there, Gav. You are nothing like her. You’re kind and you treat your friends well and you never stopped making up to me any wrong you felt you’d done to me. I could fall for you, and it’s scary because everything scares me a little. But maybe we can be scared and strong together?” Davy was convinced he could do just that if Gavin was onboard to give it a try.

Gavin smiled a watery smile that made Davy tremble.

“I’m falling for you too, Soda Shop Boy.”

Davy rolled his eyes at the nickname and kissed Gavin on the lips. He didn’t know how he had done it, but he’d brought a smile back to Gavin’s face. He liked being strong for Gavin, though. He hoped he could live up to Ray’s request to be around for Gavin when Ray was gone.

Davy was beginning to think he might always want to be around for Gavin Walker. And that thought wasn’t very scary at all.

D
AVY
SEEMED
shocked but pleased when Gavin stuck around to at least be introduced to Davy’s uncle Drew. Drew had to have known something was off with Gavin’s mood, but he’d been polite and kind. Gavin was surprised how close the man was to their age. The man had been as surprised as Gavin when Davy introduced Gavin as his boyfriend, but like Gavin, Drew had seemed happy to hear Davy was dating someone.

Gavin had no clue why he’d dumped all his garbage on Davy. He felt guilty and vulnerable to the point of being raw, but he also felt light. Ray had shared some of his burden, as had Gavin’s friends. They had all been so great, but Davy—Davy was this unexpected safe place. It had been so easy to share his most humiliating, heartsick moment.

Gavin was coming to find that even in his shyness and awkwardness, Davy was a force of nature with a surprising, quiet strength. As much as he didn’t want to trust how he was feeling, he’d seen the moment when Davy had opened his heart to Gavin, and Gavin had felt his heart tether to Davy’s.

It was fucking scary. But it felt right. Gavin needed a moment to get his thoughts about it together, so he’d bowed out after introductions and drove around the city aimlessly for hours before returning home. He’d steeled his resolve to dive headfirst into what had developed between himself and Davy. And if there was one thing anyone could tell you about Gavin Walker, it was that when he made up his mind, he was stubborn and fought to stay on that path. And the path to Davy had way too much hope on it to make him want to wander off. Gavin was out of his depth. He had gone years without getting emotionally involved with someone in the way he was with Davy, but he had Davy now, and he didn’t want either of them to be alone anymore. More than anything, Gavin didn’t want to hurt anymore, and he didn’t want anyone else to use or hurt the pureness that existed in Davy.

Gavin knew getting to this point had taken a push or two, but he’d meant it when he told Davy he cared about him. Gavin knew that for certain when Davy said he cared too. Gavin had almost flown apart from the joy of the confession. He was filled with hope. Hope… and love.

Gavin sat for a long while in his truck, staring at his grandfather’s house, unable to move at the realization of how much he really had fallen in love with Davy. Not that Gavin was quite ready to say those three words, but the truth was undeniable. They hadn’t just had sex. They’d made love. And it had made Gavin feel more wanted, more special than he knew how to comprehend.

Gavin was finished fighting. He hoped Davy was finished too. But he could wait it out, either way. After all, look how long he’d waited just to get Davy to have a coffee with him, even when Gavin didn’t do “coffee” and all it implied, unless coffee was a metaphor for a blowjob in the bathroom.

Gavin shook his head as he scolded himself for being such an idiot. And he felt okay admitting he’d acted like an idiot and done exactly what he’d not wanted. He’d let his mother continue to affect his life from a million miles away. And wasn’t it shocking how quickly he became that self-aware?