True Blue Cowboy (The Cash Brothers) (12 page)

Tonight would be the only time Mack could squeeze in a visit to the farm. “I’ll head out there later.” He’d ask Beth to go with him.

“We’ve got company.” Porter pointed into the distance.

As Hoss’s truck drew closer, Mack spotted Beth behind the wheel. His heart stumbled, then regained its balance and beat hard inside his chest. “Take a hike, Porter.”

“We’re in the middle of the desert.”

Mack grinned. “Go look for water.”

Porter picked up the post digger and went off to dig.

When Beth stopped the truck, Mack approached the driver’s-side window. “Mornin’.” She looked so damned good—probably because he hadn’t been this close to her in days.

“What’s Porter doing?” she asked.

“Staying out of earshot.”

“Why?”

“So I can do this.” Mack stuck his head through the window and planted an intimate kiss on her lips.

When he pulled away, she fumbled with the picnic basket on the seat next to her. “I brought lunch.”

“Thanks.” He loved that his kisses made her blush. “How would you like to go with me tonight to see Conway and Isi’s girls?”

“I’m afraid I’m busy.”

There had been no hesitation in her answer and Mack was surprised she didn’t want to see the newborns. “What are you doing?”

“Filling out a job application,” she said.

“Where?”

“In my cabin.”

“No, where’s the job located?” he asked.

“San José.”

“California?”

“Yes, California. I have to find a job. I can’t live at the dude ranch forever.”

February first was two days away—the month had flown by. “You can spare a few hours to visit a pair of cute babies, can’t you?”

“I’m sorry, but I—”

“Mig and Javi miss you.” He knew Beth had a soft spot for the boys, especially Javi, who had latched on to her when they’d spent the night at the farm with them. “Don’t you want to hear what they think of their new sisters?”

She cracked a smile, then it quickly faded. “I’m sure the boys love the babies.”

“Come with me.”

“I can’t.”

Can’t?
“Sure you can.” He motioned to the fence. “As soon as Porter and I string the rest of the wire, we’ll leave.”

“I really don’t think—”

Mack leaned inside the window for a second kiss, but Beth stiffened. “What’s wrong?”

She wouldn’t make eye contact with him and he got a sick feeling in his gut—she was pulling away.

He tugged off his leather gloves, then grasped her chin and turned her head toward him, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Isi wants to thank you for helping me with the boys. Please come with me.”

His stomach twisted tighter as he watched the struggle in her eyes. She really didn’t want to go with him. He tried to back off, but fear that he was losing her wouldn’t let him. “I’ll knock on your cabin door when I’m ready.” He didn’t want to give her a chance to say no again, so he grabbed the picnic basket and said, “Thanks for bringing us lunch.” When he moved away from the truck, she took off like a bat out of hell. Mack walked over to Porter. “Beth brought us lunch.”

“Yeah, it looked like she wanted to give you more than food.”

“Jealous?” Mack grinned even though deep down he suspected Beth was serious about putting distance between them.

Porter opened his mouth but nothing came out. Then he scowled and muttered, “Shut up.” He fished a sandwich from the basket and took a huge bite.

“We’re finishing this fence pronto,” Mack said.

“Eager to see the babies?” Porter asked.

“Sure.” That was partly the truth. But Mack also felt a desperate need to keep Beth within arm’s reach. Yes, she’d been honest with him from the get-go, claiming that she’d consider all her options when she searched for a new job. But it hurt that after the time they’d spent together she still wasn’t ruling out moving away from Yuma. And him.

Chapter Eleven

“They’re beautiful girls, Isi.” The infants slept side by side in one of the cribs. The nursery walls had been painted pink and sported a paper border of dancing ballerinas. A pink rug covered the wood floor, and both cribs, a rocking chair, dresser and changing table had been painted a glossy white. The room shone with love.

“They’re precious,” Isi said, “but I know from experience that they’re a lot of work the first few years.” She motioned for Beth to follow her, and the women returned to the kitchen, where Isi made tea. “I can’t believe I’m done having children and you haven’t even begun.”

The innocent comment sliced through Beth, and she dropped her gaze to the dark liquid in her mug.

“I guess that’s what happens when you have two babies at once,” Isi said.

“It’s nice that Miguel and Javier will help look after the girls as they grow up.”

Isi set a plate of cookies on the table. “Help yourself. I have four canisters of homemade treats in the freezer.” She raised her hands in surrender. “Why is it that everyone brings you sweets when you have kids, and that’s the last thing the boys should be eating so much of?”

Beth’s face heated and Isi laughed. “Your box of candy doesn’t count. That’s for me. I don’t share chocolate.”

Beth had wanted to bring Isi a welcome-home-from-the-hospital gift but the only place to buy anything on the way to the farm had been the gas station convenience store in Stagecoach where she’d purchased the box of Valentine’s Day candy.

“Are you always this quiet?” Isi asked.

Beth couldn’t very well tell Mack’s sister-in-law that she was jealous of her or that she’d give anything to trade places with her. “It’s been a long day, and I’m tired.”

“Wait until you have your first baby. Then you’ll really know what tired feels like.”

A squawk from the baby monitor on the counter interrupted them. Isi bolted from her chair. “They’re hungry again.” She offered an apologetic smile and left the kitchen.

The back door opened and Miguel appeared. “Where’s my mom?”

“Upstairs taking care of your sisters.”

He eyed the cookies on the table.

“Would you like one, Miguel?” Beth pushed the plate toward him.

He reached for a cookie but stopped and looked at Beth. “I gotta wash my hands, don’t I?”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

He went into the hall bathroom. While he washed up, Beth poured him a glass of milk.

“Thank you,” he said when he returned to the kitchen and sat down. He shoved half a cookie into his mouth then mumbled, “You can call me Mig.” His eyes strayed to the monitor when one of the babies whimpered.

“What do you think of your new sisters?”

“They stink.”

Beth laughed. “I thought babies smelled sweet and were soft and cuddly.”

“They smell like poop.” Miguel shoved the rest of the cookie in his mouth and swallowed. “You should see my dad’s face when he changes their diapers.”

“What does Bandit think of the babies?”

“He sniffs them a lot, but he’d rather play outside with me and Javi.”

The dog was one hundred percent loyal to the boys. Beth suspected that as the girls grew older, Bandit would pick playing soccer over tea parties.

“What’s Javi up to?” Beth hadn’t seen him since she and Mack had arrived at the farm.

“He’s in the bunkhouse playing poker with Uncle Porter and my dad.” Miguel grabbed a second cookie. “Uncle Porter says Uncle Mack’s never here to play anymore. He’s always at the dude ranch.”

“Oh?” Was Mack choosing to stay at the dude ranch because she never left? Beth worried he was reading too much into their relationship.

And whose fault is that?

“Aunt Beth?”

“Call me Beth, honey.” She didn’t want the boys to get the impression that she and Mack were a couple—at least not long-term.

“Do you like my uncle Mack?”

“Of course I do.” What was there not to like about the cowboy? He was handsome, fun, sexy, hard-working and he loved his family. In her eyes, Mack was darn near perfect.

“Uncle Porter says Uncle Mack’s got the hots for you. What does that mean?”

Ugh. This is exactly why she hadn’t wanted to go with Mack to the farm. Getting too close to his family would make it all the more difficult to move on—to wherever the future took her. “Your Uncle Porter should keep his comments to himself.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.”

“I know!” Miguel sat up straight in the chair. “It means Uncle Mack’s gonna marry you, right?”

An ache spread through Beth, and she had to swallow twice before she found her voice. “No, honey. Your uncle and I are not getting married. We’re just friends.”

“Hey, Mig.” Mack’s voice drifted through the screen door. Had he been eavesdropping on the porch?

The door opened and Mack’s sober expression answered her question. “Go check on your brother.”

“Javi’s playing cards with—”

“Then go play cards.” Mack scowled. “Now, Mig.”

The boy grabbed two cookies. “They’re for Javi,” he said, scooting out the door.

“Let’s take a walk.”

Beth had known she couldn’t avoid this conversation forever and she was ashamed that she hadn’t been better at resisting the urge to be with Mack. But she’d convinced herself that they were both just having fun and had blocked out the voice in her head that claimed there could never be a long-term commitment between them. Mack held the door open and she stepped onto the porch. He clasped her hand. Funny how his warm grip gave her the courage to do the right thing—break his heart.

As he led her across the yard, she asked, “What happened to Bandit’s doghouse?” There was a chunk of wood missing from the overhang and it listed slightly to the right.

“A bad storm blew through here last summer. The winds picked up the doghouse and slammed it into Conway’s truck.” Mack didn’t offer any details about the incident.

Beth peeked sideways at him when they entered the orchard. The nerve along his jaw pulsed angrily, and a queasy feeling gripped her stomach. This was all her fault. Her first mistake had been waiting for Mack outside the Number 10 Saloon, which led her to going to the El Rancho Motel with him. Her second mistake had been staying at the dude ranch after she discovered Mack worked there. And her third mistake had been accompanying him on the drive to Prescott and spending the night in a hotel with him.

So many mistakes...

He veered left onto a narrow path at the edge of the grove. “Where are we going?”

“To the graveyard.”

Graveyard?
Fifty yards in the distance she spotted an iron gate. As they approached the enclosure shaded by a large pecan tree, she counted four markers. “Who’s buried here?”

“My grandparents, mother and Dixie’s daughter.”

Beth gasped. “I didn’t know your sister had had another child.”

“She miscarried a baby girl and named her after our grandmother.” Mack entered the family plot, walked over to his mother’s grave and pulled a weed next to the headstone. He motioned to the far corner of the enclosure. “Lucky’s buried there.”

“A family pet?”

“Grandpa wouldn’t let us have a dog when we were kids and we never understood why until Grandma Ada told us that when Grandpa had been a teenager he accidentally ran over their family dog, Buster. Grandma said he was so heartbroken he never wanted another one.”

“How did Lucky end up here?”

“My brothers and I were hiking in the desert when we spotted the dog. He was skin and bones. We snuck food out of the house for him and made sure he had water, but he kept his distance from the farm.”

“Did you ever get him to go home with you?”

“No. I think Lucky knew our grandfather wouldn’t welcome him.”

“And your grandmother never found out you were feeding a stray?”

“She knew, but she felt bad that Grandpa wouldn’t let us have a pet so she turned a blind eye to what we were doing.”

“Were you ever able to get close to Lucky?”

“Not until he was dying. Johnny found him lying behind the barn, barely alive. That was the first time he’d ever come near the property.”

“That’s sad, but he was fortunate that you made his last days better.”

“We took turns sitting with him until the end. Then we carried him out here and buried him.” Mack smiled. “I remember Grandpa coming into the house for supper one day and mentioning a suspicious-looking mound in the graveyard. When he asked us kids if we knew anything about it, Grandma said she’d planted wildflower seeds to brighten our mother’s grave. We figured then that Grandma knew we’d buried the dog.”

“What did your grandfather say when the wildflowers didn’t appear?”

“Funny thing,” Mack said. “That spring the graveyard was overrun with flowers.” His expression grew serious. “I didn’t bring you out here to talk about Lucky.”

The short reprieve had ended—now she had to face the music.

“Why did you tell Mig that you and I are just friends? You know there’s a lot more going on between us than friendship.”

“Mack, I’m sorry if I led you to believe our relationship was more than...than—”

“What, Beth? A fling? A temporary affair?”

The oxygen seeped from her lungs, leaving her head spinning.

Say it.

If she loved Mack she had to let him go—for his sake. The past few weeks, a tiny part of her heart had begun to believe he might learn to love her enough that he’d be willing to give up fatherhood. Then they’d taken care of the twins the night Isi gave birth and he’d shown her how much he enjoyed his nephews. The way he’d joked with the boys while they took their bath had touched Beth deeply. And Mack never lost his patience with the twins—it was as if his nephews had been as much his sons as his brother’s. It had saddened and hurt Beth to watch him interact with the boys because it reminded her that even if they stayed together, she’d never be able to watch Mack be a father to a child she gave birth to. If there was ever a man meant to have his own children it was Mack. Beth wanted him to have that family, even if it was with someone else. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“I thought you understood.”
Oh, God, why was this so hard?
“We’ve had a lot of fun together but—”

“I was your rebound guy? You used me to scratch a sexual itch?”

He didn’t have to make what they’d shared sound crude. Eyes burning she fought tears and forced the lie from her mouth. “Yes.”

His eyes sparked with anger then he looked away, clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides.

She hated that she’d hurt him. “I like you, Mack. You’re—”

“Like?” He glared at her. “I feel a lot more than like for you, Beth.”

His words hardened her heart—she had to do this. “I’m leaving Yuma at the end of February.” And in case he was wondering... “Whether I get the job in San José or not.” She couldn’t remain in the area. Her heart would break to pieces if she ran into him and another woman—or worse—him and his child.

“Seriously?” Mack spread his arms wide. “What we shared was nothing more than a fun time?”

She hated that she’d hurt him, but if she told the truth—that she’d fallen in love with him—he’d squeeze past her defenses and claim more of her heart than he’d already stolen. And it would take little effort on his part to convince her to give them a chance. Then when she told him she couldn’t have children, he’d feel sorry for her, and the last thing she wanted was a man staying with her out of pity. No matter how deep Mack’s love for her, eventually he’d change his mind about wanting children, and she was determined to spare them both that kind of pain.

“Mack—”

“Is it because I’m in the band? Are you afraid I’ll stray?” She opened her mouth to deny the charge, but he spoke over her. “I’m done with the band.”

“You can’t quit playing your music. You’re too talented.”

“I don’t need a band to play my music. Besides, all of us are moving on with our lives.” He closed the distance between them and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, his fingers lingering against her cheek.

She savored his closeness, knowing there would be no more gentle caresses from him.

“The ink on your divorce papers wasn’t even dry when we met, but I know what I feel for you. I’ll wait as long as I need to until you’re ready to take the next step with me.”

His declaration broke her heart in half. Why was he making this so difficult? “There isn’t going to be a next step, Mack.”

He released her. “I don’t understand.”

“You’re not listening to me.” If she wasn’t brutal, he would see through her. “I never wanted anything more from you than a temporary affair.”

Mack picked up a rock from the ground and threw it at the trunk of the pecan tree. “I thought you were different. You may not dress like a buckle bunny but you’re as self-centered as one.”

She deserved the insult and a whole lot more. “It’ll be dark soon,” she said. “We’d better return to the dude ranch.” She couldn’t look him in the eye, so she edged past him and walked along the trail by herself.

When Mack entered the yard a few minutes later, he said his goodbyes and acted as if nothing was wrong. They made the ride to the ranch in silence, except when Mack asked if she was hungry. She declined the offer to stop and grab a bite to eat, and when he finally parked in front of the ranch office, she couldn’t escape the confines of the pickup fast enough. Once she entered her cabin, she locked the door—in case Mack decided to plead his case once more.

She fixed herself a cup of tea then flipped on the TV. She’d survive this. She’d survived losing her marriage. Losing her job.

Losing Mack was another one of life’s disappointments she’d survive, too.

Then the tears came—not a few, but a river of grief poured from her eyes.

* * *

“Y
ER
AS
FULL
of venom as a rattlesnake in August,” Hoss said.

Mack ignored the coot and stabbed the pitchfork into the soiled hay, then flung the clump of manure into the wheelbarrow outside Speckles’s stall.

“You gonna keep pretendin’ I ain’t here?”

“Leave me alone, Hoss. I’m pissed as hell, and I don’t want to be messed with.” Two days had passed since Beth had ended their relationship, and he’d yet to make sense of it.