True Blue Cowboy (The Cash Brothers) (14 page)

She stiffened.

“I think I was more than a fling. You know why?”

“Please, Mack. I don’t want—”

He held her hand against his heart. “Because the night we made love in Prescott you looked into my eyes and said I made your dreams come true. Remember that?”

Her cheeks turned pink.

“I’m in love with you, Beth.” He’d said it first. Put his heart out there for her to stomp on if she chose to. He waited, hoping she’d be honest with him.

“You can’t love me,” she whispered.

“Give me one good reason why loving you is a bad thing? When I look at you, I see a million ways you make me happy.”

She caressed his cheek, the warmth of her touch zapping his heart. “I can’t make you happy in the long run.”

“You’re talking crazy. You already make me happy. And I know I can make you happy.” He kissed her temple then her cheek then her mouth. “You watched me sing when you rode the mechanical bull at the bar.” He nibbled the side of her neck. “Love, not lust, made your eyes so soft and dark that night.”

Tears shimmered on her lashes. “Don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“There’s nothing difficult about confessing your love for me, Beth. But I can wait until you’re ready.”

“Stop.” She moved away from him and stood across the room. This wasn’t going to end the way she hoped, but she owed Mack the truth. “Yes, I love you.”
More than I ever thought possible.
The relief that shone in his eyes hurt more than if someone had punched her in the stomach.

“If you love me then you must be imagining a future with me.”

Don’t ask.
“What kind of future do you see for us?”

He grinned. “You go first. I don’t want to scare you.”

She swallowed hard. “I don’t see the same future for us that you see, Mack.”

“What do you mean?”

She’d come to terms with never having children, had even taken a leap of faith by marrying Brad. But her sterility had come back to haunt her, destroying her marriage and sending her down this road of heartache with Mack. And for what? Neither of them came out the winner.

“I’m not cut out for motherhood.” That was partially true, seeing that she didn’t have the necessary biological parts to bear children.

“We haven’t discussed having kids, but you know that family is important to me. I’ve got six siblings and although we bicker and argue, I’m grateful for each and every one of them.”

“I know you are. When you’re with your family I see how much you care for them.”

“Are you worried I’ll interfere with your job?” he asked. “I admire you for going to college and earning a degree, and I’ll support whatever career choices you make.”

The conversation was going too far—he acted as if he’d already proposed and she’d accepted. “Mack, stop.”

His eyes widened. “Stop what?”

“Talking about the future, because...” She cringed. “I said I don’t want children.”

“I know what you said and I can wait—”

“Forever?” Damn him, he was going to make her say it. “Mack, I can’t have a baby.” Her heart felt as if it might explode. “I’m sterile.” The turmoil in his gaze as he digested her words made Beth want to cry.

“Sterile?”

“I developed a severe case of polycystic ovary syndrome in my teens and had to have my ovaries and uterus removed.” She waited for him to respond, but in all fairness, what could he say?

The blood drained from his face and without thinking, she hugged him. There was nothing he could say that would change the course of their future. They stood in silence, wrapped in each other’s embrace. It took more effort than she expected to let go of him first.

After a few seconds, Mack went to the door, pausing with his hand on the knob.

Please don’t say a word
.
Just go
.

Mack granted her wish and left.

Then Beth’s heart shattered.

* * *

“H
I
, M
ACK
. C’
MON
IN
.
Johnny should be here in a few minutes.” Shannon opened the door to her and Johnny’s home—the foreman’s cabin at the Triple D Ranch—and waved him inside.

He heard a cry from down the hallway. “If you’re busy I can check in with Johnny later.” He’d thought about calling his brother but had decided against it. He was too confused about his situation with Beth to share his feelings over the phone.

“Don’t worry about Addy.” Shannon disappeared from the room then reappeared with her daughter on her hip. She wants her daddy.” Shannon held out her daughter. “Your uncle Mack will have to do until Daddy walks through the door.”

Mack had little choice but to take his niece, and as soon as he settled her against his chest, she stopped fussing and smiled.

“You’re a natural with kids, Mack.” Shannon went into the kitchen and finished washing the dishes.

The compliment left a hollow feeling inside him. “Addy looks like you, Shannon.”

“Maybe, but she’s got her father’s stubbornness.”

Mack swallowed a chuckle. Everyone in the family knew that little Addy was as bullheaded and determined as her mama. It wouldn’t surprise him if one day his niece became a better bull rider than Shannon.

The cabin door opened and Johnny walked in. Addy squealed and launched herself toward her father, almost falling out of Mack’s arms. Heart pounding, he handed the baby to his brother.

“Hey, Mack. What brings you here in the middle of the week?” Johnny blew loud kisses against Addy’s cheeks and the baby squealed.

When Mack glanced toward the kitchen, Johnny said, “Shannon, I’m taking Addy outside for a while.”

Mack and Johnny crossed the driveway and entered the barn. Addy began bouncing up and down and waving her arms wildly. “What’s she so excited about?”

“She knows I’m gonna put her on the bucking machine.” Johnny entered the storage room at the back of the barn and flipped on the lights. As soon as he set his daughter on the machine, she waved her arms wildly.

Holding Addy tight, Johnny flipped the switch and the machine gently swayed. Mack watched father and daughter, his chest tightening at the thought of never having a child of his own with Beth—a little girl the spitting image of her.

“What’s the matter, Mack? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“Has Porter mentioned anything about a woman who’s staying at the guest ranch?” He sat on a storage bin in the corner.

“You mean Beth?”

“He did mention her, then.”

“Porter’s exact words were that you had the hots for her.” When Mack didn’t respond, Johnny asked, “Is it serious between you and this Beth?”

Mack nodded. “I’m in love with her. And she loves me, but...”

“But what?”

Saying it out loud was tougher than he imagined. “She can’t have children.” He was grateful Johnny didn’t spout something stupid just to make him feel better.

“Are you set on having your own kids or is adoption something you’d consider?”

Mack had been in such a state of shock after hearing Beth’s confession that adoption never crossed his mind. “I hadn’t thought of it.”

“If I share something with you, you promise not to tell the others?” Johnny said.

“Sure.”

“As much as I loved Grandpa, he was so busy with the orchards he never had time for us kids. I resented him for that. And when Mom came back to the farm expecting another baby, I always hoped she’d marry the man who’d gotten her pregnant because I just wanted a dad. I didn’t even care that he wouldn’t be my biological father.”

“It would have been nice for all of us to have had a father,” Mack said. “Someone to throw the baseball with. Talk about girls with. Tear apart a car engine with.” If their mother had married any of the men who’d fathered his siblings then they’d all have grown up with a father.

“Look at Conway. He didn’t father Mig and Javi, but the boys are loyal to him, and they love him so much. There’s no way the twins’ real father will ever measure up to Conway or take his place in the boys’ hearts.”

What Johnny said was true. Mack could have that kind of relationship with a child he adopted.

“Mack?”

He looked at his brother.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’d be a great dad whether the kid is yours or not.”

“Thanks, Johnny.” Now he just had to show Beth that he was okay with adopting.

What if she still says no and insists you deserve to have your own children?

Then he’d have to prove that it was her he couldn’t live without, and he didn’t want to be a father unless she was by his side helping him raise their son or daughter.

Chapter Thirteen

The minute Mack returned to the dude ranch he headed to Beth’s cabin. He’d done all the thinking he’d needed to do, and now he intended to convince the woman of his dreams that together they could have a rich, rewarding life filled with love, laughter and children.

“Mack,” Hoss called out as he walked past the barn.

“I’m busy.” He lengthened his stride, ignoring the old man’s snicker. Beth answered the door after the first knock. He stepped past her, then stopped in the middle of the room.

It took all his concentration to focus on her face and not allow his gaze to wander over her body. “Did you really believe that telling me you can’t have children would change the way I feel about you?”

Her eyes watered and his tough-guy attitude crumbled. He closed the distance between them and brushed his thumb over her dewy eyelashes. “I fell in love with you before I knew you couldn’t have a baby.”

“It doesn’t matter how you feel about me, because you’re going to eventually want children.” The quivering sigh that escaped her lungs squeezed his heart. “You come from a large family and I’ve seen how much you enjoy being an uncle to Javier and Miguel.”

“Marrying you won’t stop me from being an uncle.”

“One day you’ll want your own children.”

“You’re right, I will.”

The color drained from her face, and Mack rushed on. “There are other ways we can have a family, but we don’t have to make any decisions—” he spread his arms wide “—before I’ve even asked you to marry me.” Mack read the yearning in Beth’s eyes—she wanted the fairy-tale ending he’d dreamed of for them.

“This isn’t how I’d planned to propose to you. I haven’t even bought you a ring, but it’s all I’ve thought about since we spent the night in Prescott. I’ve known for a while now that I want to make a life with you.” He opened his arms to hug her but she dodged him.

“I can’t marry you, Mack. I don’t want children. Ever.”

“Why not? Lots of good kids need parents.”

“You say that now, but you’ll change your mind.”

“Change my mind about adopting?”

She nodded. “We’ll adopt and then you’ll decide later that you want a child of your own and...” She sucked in a shuddering breath. “You’ll ask for a divorce.”

He tamped down his annoyance. “Not all men are like your ex.”

“I didn’t mean to insult you, it’s that—”

“You don’t trust me. You don’t believe my feelings for you are real and sincere.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “I swear, Beth, that my love for you is true blue.” A tear dribbled down her cheek, and he hated that he’d made her cry.

“It doesn’t matter. You deserve to have the chance to be a father.”

“I can have that experience with a child that’s not mine. If you believe it’s all biological, then you’re denying yourself the opportunity to be all you can be for yourself and others.”

She straightened her shoulders. “No, Mack. I won’t marry you. You’ll thank me later when you hold your own child in your arms.”

“And how the hell is that going to happen when I love you?” Feeling his temper give way, Mack decided he had to leave before he said something he couldn’t take back. Without a word he walked out the door, leaving it wide open behind him.

* * *

“I
COUNTED
FIFTEEN
,” Mack said, eyeing the kids who hopped out of the passenger van. He and Hoss stood in the barn doorway.

Hoss squinted at the group. “Glad he brought a couple of babysitters along.” Greg Hansen introduced a young man and woman to Dave—probably volunteers at the group home.

“That kid standing off by himself looks like trouble.” Mack nodded to a teenage boy. He was taller than the others, and his chin jutted in the air, advertising the big chip on his shoulder.

“The little bean-heads tusslin’ with each other seem harmless.” Hoss grinned at the kids tugging on each other’s clothes.

“The rest appear well behaved,” Mack said.

“When’s P.T. deliverin’ the sheep?”

“Noon. One of us should take a group of kids and get the round pen ready for the sheep. The livestock tank needs water, and hay bales have to be set out.”

“I’ll do it.” Hoss spit tobacco juice at the ground.

Mack nudged the old coot. “The boss said no chewing today.”

“Well, hell. I forgot.” The geezer pulled the plug of tobacco from his cheek and wrapped it in a handkerchief then stuck it in his pocket. “After we ready the pen, you want me to show ’em my rope tricks?”

“Sounds good.” Mack checked his watch. “We’ve got three hours to entertain them before the trail ride.”

“What are you gonna do with the lone teenager?”

“He can help me with the horses in the barn.” Mack nodded. “Let’s go meet the group.”

“Boys and girls, listen up.” The supervisor spoke. “This is Mr. Paxton. He owns the Black Jack Mountain Dude Ranch. You do what he says.”

“Welcome to the ranch, kids,” Dave said. “We’ve got some fun activities lined up for you, but there are a few rules you need to follow. Those who break the rules will be stuck with me today, and I’m not doing any of the fun stuff.” Dave leveled a sober stare at the kids. “Rule number one. No one goes near the horses unless Hoss—” Dave pointed to the old man “—or Mack is with you.” Mack waved.

“Rule number two. Don’t wander off. Rule number three. Have fun.” As soon as Dave mentioned the third rule, the kids erupted into cheers.

Dave signaled Mack to join his side. “Mack is the ranch foreman.”

“What’s a foreman?” the young girl standing next to Greg asked.

“He’s the boss of everyone but me,” Dave said. “If he tells you to do something, you do it. If he tells you to stop doing something, you stop.”

“If he tells me to jump off a cliff do I gotta do that, too?” Several snickers erupted after the teen’s comment.

Mack approached the smart-ass and stood toe-to-toe with the young man, forcing him to crane his neck to maintain eye contact. “What’s your name?”

“Ricky.”

“I’ve never had to ask anyone to jump off a cliff, Ricky. Don’t make me ask you.”

At least the kid had the sense to look nervous. Mack appreciated that the supervisor hadn’t intervened and allowed him to deal with Ricky in his own way. “Would anyone else like to challenge my authority before we start the activities?” The kids shook their heads. “Okay, listen up.” Mack motioned to the younger ones. “You’re going to hang out with Hoss.”

Hoss stepped forward. “C’mon, buckaroos. We got work to do if we’re gonna have a mutton-bustin’ rodeo later on.” The boys and girls ran after Hoss, and one of the volunteers joined them.

Mack stuck his finger out again and instructed the rest of the kids to follow Dave, who had set up the steer-roping dummy in another corral. The outspoken teenage boy and one of the girls remained with Greg Hansen.

Mack approached the trio. “Is there a reason she’s not going with Hoss and the other kids?”

The brown-haired girl pushed her glasses up her nose and looked at Mack.

“Katy can’t participate in any of the activities today. Mutton bustin’ and calf roping are off-limits,” Hansen said.

Mack wondered why the girl had accompanied the group to the ranch if she wasn’t being allowed to join in the fun.

“How about if Katy comes with me?”

Mack spun and came face-to-face with Beth. She must have been standing in the shadows observing everyone. “Beth, this is Katy and the group home supervisor, Greg Hansen.”

“Hello, Katy,” Beth said then nodded to Hansen.

Obviously not shy, Katy asked, “What are we gonna do, Miss Beth?”

“Do you like to bake?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never baked anything.”

“It’s easy. I’ll show you what to do.”

“Okay.” Katy reached for Beth’s hand, and Mack caught Beth’s strained smile as the two walked off.

“What am I supposed to do?” the teen said.

“You’re helping me.” Mack walked toward the barn, the teen falling in step beside him. “How old are you?”

“Fourteen.”

“How long have you been in the home?”

“Long enough.”

“Ever take care of a horse before?”

“No.”

“Then it’s about time you learned how.” Mack waited for a sarcastic comeback, but Ricky kept his mouth shut as they entered the barn. “We’re taking everyone on a trail ride later.”

“You got enough horses for all of us?”

“The little kids are riding in a wagon. You and the adults will be on horseback.”

Ricky counted the stalls. “There’s only six horses.”

“The others are in the pasture.”

“I want this one.” Ricky stood in front of the first stall.

“That’s Potato.”

“Dumb name for a horse.” Ricky walked over to the next stall. “What about him?”

“Bim Bom’s a decent gelding.”

“And that one?” The kid pointed farther down the aisle.

“Warrior.”

“I get Warrior.”

Mack struggled not to smile. Warrior was the slowest horse on the trail, and Mack couldn’t remember when he’d moved faster than a trot. “As long as you treat him well, you can ride him.” Mack motioned to the supply room. “First you’ll need to groom him.”

“What’s grooming?”

“Brush his coat.”

“Why do I have to do that?”

“Shows the horse you respect him and helps him decide if he can trust you.” Mack figured the kids in the home didn’t have many opportunities to care for animals.

“Does it matter if the horse likes me or not? Doesn’t he have to do what I tell him to do?”

Yep, Mack was going to have to keep an eye on this kid. “It matters, because the horse outweighs you by more than a thousand pounds, and if he decides to toss you on your head, he will.”

“He doesn’t look mean.”

“Warrior isn’t, but if you mistreat him, he’ll fight back.” Mack rubbed the horse’s neck. “You see that mark on his backside?” He pointed to the scar across the animal’s rump.

“Yeah.”

“He got that from an abusive owner. It took a long while for me to gain Warrior’s trust after he came to the ranch.” Mack stared pointedly at the kid.

“Okay, I get it. Be nice to the horse.”

“If you disrespect him, you’ll answer to me.”

Ricky shot Mack a challenging glare. “So where’s the stuff to groom him with?”

Mack retrieved the kit from the storage room and handed Ricky a currycomb. If he thought the teen cared, he’d explain each tool’s purpose, but the kid didn’t appear interested in listening to anything he had to say.

Once Ricky got the hang of the currycomb, Mack left him alone. Between grooming the other horses and organizing the riding equipment, he managed to walk past the barn opening but never saw Beth and Katy leave the main lodge.

“Who you looking for?” Ricky asked.

“Just making sure none of your friends are getting into trouble.”

“We’re not bad.”

“What do you mean?” Mack asked.

“Everyone thinks just because we live in a group home that we’re the worst of the worst and foster parents won’t even take us.”

Ricky’s comment caught Mack’s attention. “You’re saying that you’re not as tough as you want everyone to believe?”

Ricky shrugged. “I’m tough, but I’m not mean.”

“I believe you.” Mack nodded to the tack room. “C’mon. I’ll show you what you need to saddle a horse in case you decide to be a cowboy one day.”

“Why would I want to be a cowboy?” Ricky dogged Mack’s boot heels.

“You ever been to a rodeo?”

“What’s so special about rodeo?”

“It’s exciting, and you seem like the kind of guy who loves a physical challenge. You’re too big for mutton bustin’ but maybe we can find you a small steer to ride later today.” Mack chuckled. “You can decide if getting bucked off is worth the thrill of the ride.”

Ricky smiled. “Wanna bet I can hang on?”

“Sure. If you fall off, I get your dessert.”

“And if I don’t, you have to take me to a rodeo.”

The yearning for a male role model shone bright in Ricky’s eyes, and Mack felt bad that the kid didn’t have a family. “Okay. If you stay on the steer, we’ll go to a rodeo.”

* * *

“H
OW
OLD
ARE
YOU
?”

Beth was taken aback by Katy’s question as they entered the main building that housed the ranch kitchen. “Don’t you know you’re not supposed to ask another lady’s age?”

“Why?” Katy’s big brown eyes widened. “I tell everyone I’m ten years old.”

“Most ladies don’t like growing old. That’s why we keep our age a secret.” Beth forced herself to relax in the little girl’s presence. She hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep since Mack had asked her to marry him, and she’d turned him down flat. Even now when she recalled the frustrated expression on his face as he stormed from her cabin, she believed with all her heart she’d done the right thing. She loved Mack—enough to let him go. She just didn’t expect it to hurt this badly.

“José?” she called out before entering the kitchen. He stepped from the pantry. “Katy and I would like to bake cookies if we won’t be in your way.” José flipped through the pages of a cookbook before pointing to a recipe, then he left the room.

“Do you like chocolate-chip cookies?”

“I like any kind of cookies,” Katy said.

“Chocolate chip, it is.” Beth rummaged in the cupboards, setting out mixing bowls, baking sheets and measuring spoons and cups. “What temperature does it say to preheat the oven, Katy?”

The little girl squinted at the recipe book. Beth helped her out, indicating the temperature. “Three-fifty.”

After setting the oven temperature, Beth browsed the pantry shelves. “What if I read the recipe and you put the ingredients into the bowl?”

Katy dragged a chair to the counter and stood on the seat. “What do you want me to do first?”

“We need to decide how many cookies to make.”

“A lot.”

“We’ll triple the recipe. That means six eggs go in this bowl.” She set the largest mixing bowl in front of Katy. “Get cracking.”

Katy frowned. “How do I crack an egg?”

Beth thought it odd that a child Katy’s age had never cracked open an egg, but maybe the cook in the group home didn’t allow kids in the kitchen. Beth cracked the first egg and handed the next one to Katy. “How many girls are in the home with you?”