Trust (Blind Vows #1) (4 page)

~ Chapter 6 ~

They took the news a lot better than I thought they would, once they realized I wasn’t joking.  I explained the whole thing to them and they listened attentively.  My older brother was married with kids and I knew they wanted the same thing for me.  I made them promise to keep it to themselves.  I didn’t want the Kerrigan’s knowing, only wanting immediate family and my closest friends in attendance.  Reluctantly, they agreed.

“So, what happens if on paper you’re a match, but in person you’re not?”

“We have to agree to give it a good try for two months.  After two months we have to decide whether to stay married or to get a divorce.”

“Wow.”

“I know it’s a lot to take in.  I trust the panelists and that they have my best interests at heart.  It’s all about trust, in them and in him; whoever he is.”

“More like blind trust.”

“You could say that.”  ‘

“I just wish we knew something, anything, about him.”

“Give me some credit, Dad.  I’m picky and the panelists have my mile long list of wants, desires, and dislikes.” 

“I sure hope so!”

I smiled at my Dad and then asked the inevitable.  “Will you give me away?”

Standing up, he embraced me, “Of course.  No one else gets that privilege but me.”

Heading back to the city, Stacey, Jaime, and I were meeting to go dress shopping.  I had no time to waste.  I probably should’ve invited my mom, but I think she needed time to decompress everything.  They said they supported me, though it’s not what they had planned for me. At least they knew enough to know that their plans for their little girl weren’t the same plans I had for myself. It wasn’t necessarily what I had planned either, but something about the whole thing felt right, like divine intervention or fate.

A majority of the wedding plans were taken care of for me.  I just had to find a dress and be to the church on time.  I didn’t even know my groom’s name and I wouldn’t know it until I met him at the altar.  I must have been out of my mind.  How was it that the panelists didn’t have me committed?  Maybe they figured marrying me off to a complete stranger was better punishment.

Stacey and Jaime met me at the retail bridal salon and we started pulling dresses off the racks.  Jaime was even more supportive than Stacey was.  We’d all been friends for a few years, having met in college.  Jaime was almost nine months pregnant by then, with her first child.  The father, her college sweetheart, Beau, though they weren’t married, yet.

“So when is your baby daddy going to put a ring on it?”

“Hell if I know, but he better hurry up.”

Stacey and I shared a glance, knowing that Beau already had the ring.  What the hell was he waiting for?  I found a dress quicker than I thought possible.  The three of us shed some tears, Jaime more than me and she blamed the hormones. 

“I can’t believe you’re doing this!”

“I know!  I’m so excited and ready for this.”  Hesitating, I add, “I just hope he likes me.”

“Girl, are you crazy?  You’re smoking hot and you’re a keeper.  Any man would be lucky to have you.  Speaking of, what the hell happened between you and Heath?”

“Heath?!  Kerrigan?  You hate Heath!”

I glared at Stacey after Jaime’s outburst.  “Nothing happened and it was MONTHS ago.”

“So something did happen?”

“No!”

“You sure about that?”

“YES!  He’s like a brother to me.  Gross!”  If Heath could use that excuse then I could too.

Jaime bought what I said with no question as I avoided eye contact with Stacey.  “Alright.  Time for you two to find a dress.”  Their heads popped up, what looked like disbelief on their faces.  “What?  Really?  Come on.  Who else would I ask to be my bridesmaids?”

After I paid for our dresses, insisting to pay for theirs given the circumstance, Jaime headed home.  Stacey offered to pick up dinner and I took the dresses home to my place.  We were beyond fortunate that no altering of the dresses was necessary.  Even Jaime found one that accommodated her baby belly.  I’d be lucky if she didn’t go into labor at the wedding.

The next couple of weeks flew by.  Almost every evening was filled with either working out, my girlfriends, or my parents.  Friday, the week before my ceremony I had a group of girls over at my place for a mini bachelorette party.  I was gifted with negligees and naughty items of all variety.  Sex toys, lube, condoms, were just some of the basics. 

The next day I had my last meeting with my panel of experts.  We had been talking for several minutes when Dr. Phillips asked something I wasn’t expecting. 

“Lucy, what if it turns out to be someone you know?”

I started cracking up at the ridiculous thought and realized Dr. Phillips was serious.  “I, wait what?”  I looked to each of them.  “Are you serious?  It’s someone I know?”

“You know we can’t confirm or deny that.  Would you still be open to the possibility if it was?”

I felt myself begin to sweat and became nervous.  Honesty, it was the best.  “Well, if it’s one of my ex-boyfriends I don’t think I could.  There were reasons we ended our relationships.”

They studied me intently and just when I was about to ask another question, Dr. Phillips reassured me, “Lucy, we meet hundreds of people over the course of a lifetime.  We really are confident about the match we’ve selected for you.  Obviously you’re both from the same metropolitan area, so there’s always a small chance that you’ve crossed paths with him.  I hope you’re as excited as we are.”

Taking a shaky breath, I felt a little more at ease.  “You had me scared there.  I’m not sure my dad would allow me to marry any of my ex-boyfriends either.  So, there’s that.”  I clasped my hands together and said to no one in particular, “I just hope he’s as invested in this as I am.”

They all smiled back at me.  “Your match is a good man.  I think you’ll agree once you meet him.”

“Ugh.  You’re killing me!”

“Very soon!  Enjoy your last few days as a single woman.  The next time we meet you’ll be married!”

I met Stacey at a jewelry store that night.  I wanted to get my future groom a gift and I wasn’t sure what to get.  We looked at watches, cuff links, tie clips, and rings.  I didn’t have any idea if he even liked jewelry of any kind.  Then gold, white gold, platinum, or tungsten?  So many decisions!

“I give up.  I need to think about this.”

I left empty handed. 

After a lot of thought, I went back a few days before the wedding and picked out his gift.  Then I headed to the store and picked out a card.  Once I was home I sat and stared at the card for far too long before the words came to me.  I hoped he’d appreciate my sense of humor and if he didn’t, then we were probably doomed.

~ Chapter 7 ~

That Friday night I checked into the hotel where I’d be getting married the next day. I got a better night’s sleep than I had in several weeks.  I felt at ease and at peace.  In less than a week I would be on my honeymoon and hopefully, falling in love.  Ok.  Maybe love was pushing it.  I’d take deep like, too.

That night my dreams were filled with my childhood and teen years.  But mostly of
that
summer and I hadn’t had that dream in so long. 

My family, along with the Kerrigans always spent a few weeks together at the Kerrigan’s summer cottage.  It was the Fourth of July and Will and Heath had just graduated high school.  Will was still as dreamy as ever.  I hadn’t talked to him since Christmas and he was more attentive to me that summer than he ever had been before.  We took strolls together to the lake and swam together.  If he knew I had a crush on him, he was playing it cool.

That night we planned to watch the fireworks with our families.  Right when they started, he took my hand in his and I was overjoyed.  I let him lead me away from where our families had blankets spread out on the beach.  Leading me to a copse of trees, he sat down against the trunk of a tree and pulled me down to sit between his legs. 

I had never been so close to him before and wasn’t sure where or how to sit.  Gently, he pulled my back against his chest and told me to relax.  He pushed my hair off my neck, sending chills down my spine.  I could feel his breath against my ear and a flush began to creep all over my entire body.  His fingers drew lazy circles over my arms, causing goosebumps to fly all over my body.  He smelled slightly sweaty due to the summer heat, but his cologne was present.

“Lucy?”

“Hmm.” 

I tilted my head back and met his chocolate brown eyes.  I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing.  His hand moved over my cheek and down the sensitive skin of my neck, and I couldn’t help but close my eyes.  His other hand was at my waist and gently squeezed.  This was it.  William was going to be my first kiss…and my last. 

I waited longer than I figured I would and opened my eyes.  He was still staring into my eyes and then he asked, “Have you ever been kissed, Lucy?”  I just shook my head.  “Good.  No one’s kiss will ever compare to mine.”  I didn’t understand his meaning until it was all over. 

My stomach was convulsing like crazy.  Every little touch from him was amplified.  He leaned in a little closer, our noses practically touching, and I closed my eyes.  His breath smelled of cinnamon and just before his lips touched mine, he traced his thumb over my bottom lip, pulling it down slightly.

“Soon they’ll be swollen...”

His soft lips met mine and my heart swelled.  Cinnamon breath and the smell of William filled me up.  Nervously, I reached for his body, not sure where to put my hands.  Placing them on his chest, his muscles flexed under my hands.  He licked at my lips and I opened my mouth to him.  He tasted of cinnamon, too, and I licked back.  Shifting closer to me, I felt his hardness at my hip and moved against him.

Panting, he pulled back, “Careful, Lucy.”

“Sorry.  Did I hurt you?”

Smiling, he said, “No, quite the opposite.”  The fireworks finale began and he asked, “Come with me?”

We got up and I followed him, knowing I should’ve told my parents, but not caring anymore.  We made it back to the house long before anyone else.  He took me to the room he was sharing with some of his brothers and we sat on the bed.  It wasn’t long before I was laying on the bed next to him.  Our arms and legs tangled in one another while we frantically made out.

He fondled my breasts through my shirt and I moaned at the wonderful feelings it sent through my body.  He sucked my bottom lip between his teeth and commented on my swollen lips.  “Told you they’d be swollen.”

Smiling, I turned my face away from him, still embarrassed at what we were doing.  “We should stop before everyone gets back.”

Groaning, he began kissing my neck.  “I don’t want to let you go, Lucy.”

“So don’t, but we have to be careful.”  He didn’t say anything and I knew he was leaving a hickey on my neck.  “William…”

His head popped up and he looked confused.  He blew out a hard breath, making me nervous and said, “Lucy, I need to tell you something.”

Before I could hear what he had to say, O, his younger brother came bursting through the bedroom door and shattered my world. 

O took in the scene in front of him and said, “Sorry, Heath.  I didn’t know.”

I felt sick.  I scrambled away from whom I thought was Will and glanced between them.  Looking to O I demanded, “This is Heath?”

“Lucy…”

O, laughing, responded, “Of course it’s Heath.  Will has a girlfriend.”

Without another word, O left the room, closing the door as I jumped off the bed.  Straightening my clothes, I left the room knowing Heath was right behind me.  I ran past my parents who waved, none the wiser to my predicament.  Making my way to the tire swing outside in the back yard, I stood there not sure where to go or what to do.  I was so hurt.  This whole time, days and days, I thought I was spending time with Will.  Hell maybe I was, but it had been Heath the whole time tonight.

“Lucy, please let me explain.”

I don’t know if it was my body’s idea of a warning or of helping me to gain closure, but I woke with a smile.  I chose to believe it was my body letting go of all the dreams I had as an adolescent.  I was an adult, getting married, and it was time to make new dreams and to let go of my childish ones.

Lying in bed, I rolled over and looked over my wedding dress that was hanging off the closet door.  I was getting married.  I was getting married?  I was getting married!  With a smile on my face, I stretched out like a cat under the covers.  My mom, Stacey, and Jaime would be there soon and I needed to shower.

Staring at myself in the mirror, in a robe and my wet hair piled on top of my head, under a towel, I took a deep breath.  My stomach growled just as room service knocked on the door.  Opening the door, the attendant walked the tray to the table by the window and placed it down.  I handed him some cash from my purse before he left. 

It was too quiet.  Streaming music through my phone, I sat down to eat. 
The Words
by Christina Perri
was filtering through the room and listening to the lyrics brought tears to my eyes.  What the hell was I doing?  I wanted the love and passion and romance that every relationship deserved.  And I had no way of knowing if I was going to get that with my match.  I mean, they knew that those things were important to me, but it was no guarantee that my match would evoke those qualities.

A knock came at my door.  Opening the door, I was relieved to see Stacey and Jaime.  They took in my appearance and frazzled state and ushered me to sit, each flanking me.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” 

“I, it’s just, here.”  I replayed the song for them and we sat and listened.  “What am I doing?”  I was on the verge of hyperventilating as they tried soothing me.

“Lucy, if you don’t want to do this, just say the word.”  Jaime was rubbing my arm and I saw Stacey’s reaction to the statement. 

“No.  Lucy, I know you.  You want this and yes, it’s not conventional, but it’s you.  You’ll make this work and so will he.  I mean, come on!  Look at you.”  I grimaced at her, knowing at that exact moment I was a train wreck.  “Ok, don’t look at you, but you’re amazing, beautiful, funny, kind.  I’d do you!”  We laughed at that.  “He’ll treasure you and you’ll treasure him.  If he doesn’t, he’ll deal with me.”

Jaime chimed back in, “and me!”

“I’m so scared.  What if he’s fugly?”  I tried smiling and their laughter was contagious.  “Or horrible in bed or only wants head?”

“Well, if he’s got a nice dick then give the man some head!”

Jaime snorted as I laughed in response to Stacey’s remark.  “Oh, my God!  I lived without orgasms for over a year dating Randy.  I can’t do that again.”

Chuckling, Stacey replied, “Well, his name should have warned you.  He was a ‘Randy’ boy and wasn’t concerned with your well-being, just getting himself off.”

I shook my head at her, smiling.  I covered my face with my hands and groaned.  “Who does this?  I mean, if he’s doing this as a means to find a wife…”

There was another knock at the door and Stacey got up to answer it.  If it was my mom, she was early.  I recognized the secretary from all of my appointments with the panel that interviewed me.  Waving her in, I removed my towel and threw it into the bathroom.  She handed me a small box and a card.