TRUTH (31 page)

The salty taste increased as I licked, removing the drops of moisture from the tip of his penis. I swirled my tongue around the head, just as I’d been taught, before sinking down and taking in as much of him as I could. He wrapped his hand around my hair, and I increased my movements, bobbing my head up and down faster. Sucking harder.
 

His breathing changed, and I knew he was close. The thought of him coming in my mouth again made me feel a mixture of pride and unease. I understood the first part. Stephan was allowing me to do this for him, to him. He was letting me give him pleasure. The latter confused me. I liked doing this for him.

His hips jerked forward, once, twice, before the taste of his cum hit the back of my tongue. “Swallow.”
 

Working my throat muscles, I swallowed several times, and the thick liquid streamed down the back of my throat.
 

To my surprise, he didn’t release his hold on my head. The pull sent sparks of arousal to my already-heated sex. He held me in place, his penis growing flaccid inside my mouth. He looked down at me, at my lips loosely surrounding him.
 

“I could quite literally sit here all night with you in this position.” His admission did funny things to my insides.
 

Unwinding his hand from my hair, he indicated that he wanted me to sit up. He tucked himself back inside his jeans and reached behind me for the tray of desserts we’d been eating from before. Selecting what looked to be a chocolate ball, he picked it up and then placed it against my lips, indicating he wanted me to take a bite.
 

When I did, I realized the inside was filled with raspberries. He pulled the candy away, leaving a trail of red down my chin.
 

“Looks like you’ve made a mess again, Brianna.”

The sensation of his tongue licking up the sugary treat only added to my excitement, and I wanted more. He fed me another candy, this one filled with peanut butter. Then yet another filled with caramel. By the time he set the tray back on the table, I was on fire.
 

That fire was banked significantly when I saw the next thing he held in his hand. My journal. Was he going to give me another assignment?

He didn’t acknowledge me. Leaning back casually against the couch, he opened the pages and began reading out loud. He started at the beginning and continued to read. This wasn’t the first time he’d read my journal, but he’d never spoken my words back to me in such a way, almost as if he were having a conversation with another person who wasn’t contributing.

Memories of my early days with Stephan returned. In my first journal entries, I’d referred to him as ‘Master’, too afraid to call him Stephan, even if I’d been given permission to do so. In later passages, there was a shift. No fear, and confusion about my feelings for him rather than what was required of me.
 

Then there were more recent entries. Ones where I’d mentioned Lily, Logan, Cal, my father, and even my recent visit to Stephan’s office. At times, I smiled. At others, I was close to tears. If not for the fact that I could remember every detail of my time with Ian and my first days with Stephan, it would be easy to think it had happened years ago rather than months.

I was so lost in my memories that I failed to realize the part the journal we’d come to until he read the words back to me.
 

“ ‘Whore. Bitch. Cunt. Fuckhole. Cumdump. Slut.’ ”
 

The words were like daggers to my heart, each and every one, even though he said them without feeling or emotion. His tone, his volume, stayed consistent from beginning to end.

The emptiness began to creep into the space the daggers created. It hurt too much. I didn’t want to feel.

“ ‘Ten things I like about myself. One, I like my wavy hair. Two, I’m a good cook. Three, I was good in school. Four, I like to read. Five, I like to write. Six, I have made two friends, Lily and Jade. Seven, I’m a good listener. Eight, I like that I can make Stephan smile.’ ”
 

He paused for a moment there and smiled down at me. With each word he read, each of the good things that I’d written earlier, the emptiness and hurt faded.
 

Softly closing the journal, he laid it down beside him and held my face reverently in his hands. “ ‘Nine, I’m happy. Ten, I like that I’m strong and healthy.’ ” We sat there staring at each other for several minutes. It was easy to get lost in his eyes when he looked at me like that. “You are, you know. You are all of those things, love, and so much more.”

The tears were back again, but this time they had nothing to do with sadness. Stephan always made everything better. He’d made my life better. Sex better. He took care of me in a way no one had done since my mom. And he refused to let those men continue to have power over me. Every day he encouraged me and helped me fight my way back.
 

It was at that moment I realized why what I was feeling seemed so familiar. This was what I’d been reading about in all the books Lily had brought me. This connection. This longing. I wasn’t just grateful to Stephan for all he’d given me. I loved him.

Chapter 22

Brianna

I was slightly disappointed when, as we lay in bed on Saturday night, Stephan announced that we’d be going to his aunt and uncle’s for dinner the next day. It wasn’t that I was averse to going. Diane had always been nice to me, and even Dr. Cooper hadn’t been as distant the last time. He’d even laughed at some of the pictures Diane had showed me of Stephan.

I was disappointed because I had hoped Stephan and I would spend the day together. Most of Saturday had been spent working on my assignment. He’d been there, yes, but it wasn’t the same. Plus, it seemed different. Or maybe it was me who was different. Knowing that I loved him had changed things for me. And when he’d entered me, all the things I usually felt were intensified. It was as if my heart and body were confirming what I already knew.

He caught me staring at him as he was dressing on Sunday morning after our shower. I stood in nothing but my bra and panties, clutching my dress. “You all right, sweetheart?”

He pulled a pair of dress pants up his legs and over his backside. The memory of him bending over in the gym earlier and watching his muscles contract . . . Stephan was absolutely gorgeous, and for now, he was mine.
 

“Yes.” I hurried to get dressed before he stopped what he was doing and made me tell him what I was thinking. The women in my books always made it seem like it was a big thing, and they were scared to confess their feelings. It made me think I should be afraid, too. I’d always been honest with Stephan, however, and I knew I had to tell him. I just had to figure out how.

When we arrived at Dr. Cooper and Diane’s house, Jimmy was there but Samantha wasn’t. Jimmy mumbled something about his wife not feeling well. I didn’t hear the entire conversation, because Diane asked for my help in the kitchen. Whatever the reason, I was glad Samantha wasn’t there.

Dinner was good. I only caught Dr. Cooper giving Stephan a disapproving look once, after he leaned over and placed an intimate kiss on my neck. I giggled, which probably drew the attention of everyone at the table, but I couldn’t help it. Diane had a knowing smile on her face, a direct contrast to the look on Dr. Cooper’s. Then there was Jimmy. He seemed lost in his own thoughts and didn’t contribute all that much to the conversation.

Jimmy excused himself right after dinner, saying he wanted to get back home and check on Samantha. Once he left, Dr. Cooper and Stephan went to his study. I helped Diane clear off the table and put the food away.
 

“Have you thought about what you’d like to do for your birthday, Brianna?” While the subject of my birthday had come up over dinner, Diane’s question caught me off guard.
 

“Cal is taking me to a concert.” We were in the kitchen now, putting the leftovers into containers.

“Cal? Is he a friend of yours?”

I stopped what I was doing. She had paused as well, and was watching me closely. Had I said something wrong? “Yes.”

“I see,” she said, going back to rinsing off the plates before placing them in the dishwasher. “Does Stephan know you’re going?”

“Yes. He’s . . . we’re all going together.”

“So it’s just going to be the three of you?”
 

I didn’t understand. It felt like I was missing something. “No. Jade is coming, too. And I think some of his other friends as well. I don’t know them, though.” Then I realized there was something in the way she was standing that made me think she was upset. “Are you . . . did I do something wrong?”

She smiled at me, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Not at all, dear.”

A few minutes later, Stephan walked into the room. He didn’t look overly happy until he saw me. Smiling, he walked behind me and pulled me back against him. “Almost done, sweetheart?”

“Um . . .”

“I can finish up here if you two need to go.”
 

“We’ll be back. I want to take her down by the creek.” Stephan was already guiding me toward the back door.
 

“You two have fun,” I heard her say through the open kitchen window.
 

We held hands as we walked down a winding path through several herb gardens. Being June, everything was in bloom. It was beautiful.
 

As we went farther, the path straightened out and we entered a canopy of trees. It was a warm day but overcast. The shading from the trees as we walked farther into the woods made it seem later in the day than what it actually was.
 

Soon I began to hear the sound of water. Mom and I had lived in the city, so it was rare for me to be near water unless it was a pool. In Two Harbors, however, there was water everywhere. Sometimes, when John had been at work, I had snuck down to the stream that ran not far from his house. It hadn’t been much, but it got me out for a little while. There had been something about the water running freely that made me envious. I could have sat there watching it for hours had I not been afraid John would come home and realize I was gone.
 

“A penny for your thoughts?”

I’d been staring at the ground. When I looked up, we were standing on the banks of the creek he’d mentioned, although to me it appeared too wide for that title. There were at least twenty feet between where we stood and the other side.
 

He wrapped his arms around my waist, forcing me to face him.
 

“There was a small stream behind John’s house.”

“Did you used to go there?”

I nodded. “I liked the water.”

“Come here. I want to show you something.”

Very carefully, we walked along the rocky shore. He helped me jump over a few of the wetter areas, never releasing his hold on me for more than a second. Eventually we came to a small cliff-like structure made up of large rocks. It jutted out toward the water.

He helped me climb up, and we sat with our feet dangling over the edge. I could see the water flowing on both sides as well as beneath me.
 

“This is where I used to come when it got too much for me to handle.” There was a note of melancholy in his voice, and I knew he was talking about missing his parents.
 

“How did they die?”

Stephan didn’t look at me. Instead, he focused on the water. “Their plane crashed on the way back from New York.” He paused. “I should have been with them.”

“I’m sorry.”

He turned to me and smiled, but there was no joy in it.
 

I reached out and touched his face. We stared into each other’s eyes. I understood the loss, the emptiness that he still felt. I wanted to help him, but I didn’t know how.
 

The air grew heavy around us, and he leaned forward. He brushed his lips against mine before cupping my face and deepening the kiss.
 

Although he’d kissed me many times, there was a raw emotion, a sadness that I understood. He was still mourning his parents just as I was my mom. It was something I doubted would ever go away for either of us.

“Brianna.” He moaned against my mouth. There was something in his voice, almost a sound of desperation. I slid my arms around his neck and held on, letting him take whatever he needed from me.

He snaked his hand up under the hem of my dress, lifting my backside. Stephan had barely finished speaking before he raised me up, positioning me farther back on the rock. Moments later, he was on top of me, his weight pushing me against the hard surface. He found my mouth again with his, and he hitched my leg over his hip. His arousal was pressed firmly against me. Only our clothes separated us.

His hands were everywhere, roaming over my clothes and underneath the hem of my dress. I clung to his shoulders, his hair, anything I could get my hands on. I loved kissing Stephan, but our clothes were beginning to frustrate me. I wanted him closer. That we were outside didn’t matter. He needed me, and I wanted him to take what he needed.
 

Our breathing became harsher as the intensity increased. My back scraped against the rock, and I briefly wondered if the dress would survive. He tilted my hips so I could feel more of him, and I forgot about anything else other than him.