Twist of Fate (18 page)

"We're outside." Her cheeks were pink from the hike, and I'd like to think from something else too.

I peered around. "It's just us, Paige."

She shook her head, but pulled back.
 

I sighed, letting the knapsack fall off my shoulder to pull out some sandwiches that I picked up before I grabbed her. "Paige, I kind of wanted to talk to you about something, but I'm not sure how you're going to react."
 

She reached out for the tuna sandwich. "What did you want to talk about?"

I looked over the mountain, taking the view in for a quick second, before letting my eyes rest back on her. "Us. I wanted to talk about us."

She stopped mid bite to look at me. She looked like a deer in headlights, and panic hit me that if I went through with it, and she turned me down, I'd freak. I blew a out a breath, deciding on how to continue. "I just want to make sure you know that you can count on me. I care about you a lot. And, I guess I just wanted to make sure you're okay with all of this? Me?"

She hadn't looked at me for the last two minutes, but when she lifted her face, she smiled. "I care about you too, Ben. Of course, I'm okay with you."

I didn't say everything I wanted to, but at least I knew Paige was not pissed at me.

"Great! Now that we have that all cleared up, you ready to head down soon?"

She took the last bite of her sandwich, crinkling the paper into a ball. "Sure."

"You feel like getting dinner later, maybe catching a flick?"

She grabbed onto a rock for support, leaning over her shoulder to look back at me. "Sounds great. Ellie took off already, so you could come by later. We could order some pizza, or whatever?"

I came up behind her. "You order the pizza, I'll grab a movie."

It was eight o'clock by the time I made it to her dorm. I would have been there earlier, but I started to have some freaky panic attack about showing up. I hated rejection, and I was almost positive it was going to happen if I made a move again. But, it was killing me not to. I wanted her more than I ever wanted anyone.

When she opened the door, my heart skipped a beat. Paige was in short shorts, a tiny little top where the straps were so thin, I could probably rip them apart with my teeth. I held up the movie I grabbed from Jack's box under his bed. I went with horror this time, hoping it might entice her into my arms from being too scared.
 

"You sure you don't want anymore pizza?" I asked, because there was only two pieces left, and I was still hungry. She nodded her head. She had the covers pulled up to her chin, as she leaned back on a few pillows she propped up behind her head.
 

"You look ridiculous. Are you really that afraid?" I look over at the T.V. at Nightmare on Elm Street.
 

"I hate this movie. I saw this year's ago."

I scooted next to her, slipping my arm behind her neck. "Come here." Paige snuggled up so close to me, I could smell the coconut from her shampoo.
 
It was impossible to restrain from myself anymore. I wanted to finish what I started on the hike, even if she cut me off again, I needed to try.
 

I looked over, only seeing her nose and eyes peeking out of the blanket. Slowly, I reached across to remove the covers from her face. She glanced over at me, and I was positive she felt it too. I knew by the look on her face, she was expecting this. Whether she wanted it or not, I wasn't sure. "Paige, I'm gonna kiss you right now. Please don't stop me this time."
 

She bit softly down on her bottom lip, but nodded.
 
I dropped my head down to meet her lips slowly as I stared into those eyes that I loved. I reached up grazing her lip with my finger, unable to take my eyes off of her. "You're so beautiful, Paige."

Then unable to wait any longer, I crashed my lips onto hers without caring if she stopped me. I wanted her tonight, even if she was only willing to give me a few minutes of her love. I needed this moment with her.
 
My hands slipped under her shirt, she shivered, but didn't stop me, so I moved it up a little more until I reached the lace of her bra. She was kissing me like tonight was our last night on Earth. I waited for a second to push it further, see if she objected, tasting her, but she didn't. I cupped her breast with my right hand, turning her body with mine with the other. I pulled her on top of me, not wanting to let her go. "I want to see you. Take your shirt off, Paige," I begged.

She shook her head, gnawing on her bottom lip again, but sat up, straddling me. With one swift movement she yanked it over her head, dropping it on the bed.

I was stunned. I hoped she would feel comfortable enough with me, but I didn't think she'd do it. "Jesus, Paige. You're perfect." My lips found hers once again, but I didn't stay there too long. I couldn't. I trailed kisses slowly down to her stomach, then back up again, kissing her breast through her bra once before slowly lifting it. Paige shuddered as I let my hand wander lower to unbutton her shorts. Her hands were running through my hair, as she made small little gasps that were about to send me over a damn cliff any minute. "I want you so much, Paige." I whispered, tangling my leg around hers. Her shorts were unbuttoned, her shirt off, her bra somewhere buried in the blankets.
 
Her eyes were closed, they had been for a while which started to make me nervous.
 

"Hey, look at me?" I whispered.

She lightly shook her head, like she wasn't going to, but opened her eyes anyway. "I can stop if you want. We don't have to."

"Why would you ask that now?"

"To be honest, I can't tell if you want this, or if you're enjoying it. That's all."

She shifted off of me, reaching down to grab the blanket, then covered herself up. "It's not that. It's not you. I'm sorry. I do think I want to stop."

Me and my frigging conscience.

"Paige, what's wrong? I thought you wanted this. I was sure before I made a move. At least I thought I was sure. You need to talk to me so I can fix this."

She got dressed much to my dismay, because to look at her the way the moonlight was coming in, seeing Paige naked was something I wouldn't soon forget. She sat down on the edge of the bed. "It's not you. I promise. Sometimes I want you so badly that I think about it all the time, but then other times." She hesitated to look at me, but I couldn't look at her anymore, so I stared down at my hands. "Just say it, Paige."

"I don't want to be the one to hurt you. Not after everything you told me about Simone."

"What? That's what you're afraid of?"

"I can't lose you, Ben. And if we do this, what if something happened, and we split and then it's over. Our friendship-everything. I can't."

I sat up next to her. "Paige I don't want you to worry about my heart, and how I'll react if we don't make it. I only want you to try."

A tear escaped her eye, so she wiped it thinking I didn't catch it. "I thought you didn't do love or relationships?"

"I don't." I grabbed her hands, hoisting her to a stand. "But, I'll make an exception for you."

"I..." Paige turned to the loud laughter coming from the hallway.
 

"What?"

"Forget it." She nudged me with her shoulder. "Hey, I wanted this too. I just need a little time to figure a few things out, okay? I'm not trying to be a prude or lead you on, or anything."

I smiled, even though I wanted to beg her to stop thinking so hard. "No worries, P. I'll still be here when you're ready."

PAIGE

Chapter 23

Once home at my father's, I thought I'd be able to relax, but who was I kidding? Every waking moment seemed to be a reminder of our climb, his lips, his words. After a week of continuos talks, texts from three thousand miles away, and some very cute pictures, I panicked after hearing from my ex-roommate from school. Apparently, Carson had been bringing my name up at a party when she had been walking by. Unfortunately, he saw her, and walked away. But she mentioned that she overheard him tell someone he wasn't going to stop looking for me. That he hadn't.
 
That one thought scared the hell out of me. I stood in front of the mirror in my room for hours, picturing the marks he'd made that night. As much as I wanted this relationship with Ben, I knew I couldn't get involved. Not now. I would not put him at risk.

I realized that if I'd let what happened on our hike and in my room happen when school started up, it would change everything.
 
And, I wanted it to change. I did. I wanted to be with Ben, but flashes of Ben and his reputation, or flashes of Carson hurting him, kept my desire for him kicked to the curb. It killed me to tell him that I thought we should just be friends over the phone that one night, but he agreed. I could hear the disappointment in his voice, and I don't know why, but I was expecting an all out argument. There was nothing, but him asking me if I was sure that's what I wanted. And digging up all of my power, knowing he couldn't see my tears, I answered, yes.

***

It was another Thursday night, and yet another party at the Pi Kapps frat house. The pledges were allowed to throw their own party tonight, and invite any girl they wanted, which meant the house was packed with one too many girls looking to not go home alone. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Ellie begging me to go when she saw the flyers posted all over campus. It was not like she hadn't been there before, she knew her options as far as the guys went. A few girls had tried to befriend me seeing as I was the cousin of one of the hottest frat boys of Pi Kapp, thinking maybe I'd put in a good word. So not happening. The last thing I wanted to do was be responsible for setting Tommy up with a one-night stand.

I mean, I knew he liked to have his share of fun with girls, but Tommy wasn't a total manwhore. Unlike, someone else I knew. I wished I could figure Ben out. On the phone he seemed to get everything I'd said, and he understood everything that I'd been through. I just didn't know what was going on with him since classes resumed.
 
Ever since we'd gotten back from break, Ben constantly switched back and forth from being hot to cold whenever we ran into each other. One minute he couldn't get enough of being friends, the next minute he'd tell me he was busy, or he was meeting up with a girl. I hated it. I was jealous, but I tried really hard to keep our friendship in tact without him knowing my true feelings even though it got uncomfortable more than once.
 

I was just about to grab another beer when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder, and immediately regretted acknowledging her. I had assumed it was Ellie, since she disappeared ten minutes ago, and I knew she'd be right back. I certainly wasn't expecting one of Ben's ex-tramps to be standing in front of me with a very judgmental face, eyeing me up and down.

She smiled widely, but it was fake from the start. "Hi! Paige, right?"

I studied her for a brief second, trying to figure out what she could possibly want with me before I answered. "Yes," I said slowly.

She stuck her hand out, so I took it reluctantly. "I'm Michele."

A lightbulb instantly registered. So this was Michele, the one that Ben actually went on more than one date with. How could I forget? "Right, Michele. I've heard of you."

Her eyes instantly lit up. "You have?"

I grimaced, knowing I might have just said too much, but she continued, "So, listen, I know this is a really stupid, but I've had a few beers, and maybe a couple of shots, just so I could come over and ask you something."

Great! Here it goes. I took a step back, quickly glancing around the room for any sign of Ben or Ellie to help me get out of this. But, of course, Ellie ditched me and was in the corner not paying attention to anything besides the guy whispering in her ear, and Ben was still M.I.A.

"Umm, sure. What's up?"

She scrutinized me for a second. "Did you know Ben and I are dating?" She giggled, then corrected herself. "I mean, I was dating Ben." Her face changed demeanor after that, and I was almost positive she was either looking to create a scene, or she was about pick a fight.

"I'm not really sure where you're going with this," I answered honestly, because quite frankly, I was the last person who was going to convince Ben to date some psycho.
 

She huffed, then got in my face like I was the one annoying her. "Ben and I were doing just fine until you came along." Her hands reached out, flipping my hair.
 
"And, more than once I've heard your name pop up, and how Ben puts you on some fucking pedestal."

I laughed out loud. "That is not true!" I yelled a little louder than I intended, but then took it down an octave when I saw a few people watching us. "We're just really good friends."

She poked me in my chest this time. "Friends? I didn't realize friends slept together night after night."

I could feel all eyes within a few feet watching us, and I saw a few guys tapping shoulders to make others aware of the little cat fight going down. "Listen!" I poked her back. "I don't usually like to be mean, but you're starting to piss me off. Just because you open your legs when a guy gets you on your back, doesn't mean that I do."

We were now nose to nose, and to be honest, I was a little nervous, but I refused to back down. I'd never, ever been in a fight, let alone spoken to anyone like that. I hated confrontation, and violence. It wasn't my thing, but I wasn't going to let it stop me now.