Ultimate Surrender: The Surrender Series, Book 2 (27 page)

“Yes, you did. God, I remember the day you stormed into your father’s office. You told him to shove your inheritance up his ass and you hoped he’d choke on it. It was incredible.”

“You heard that?”

“I think all of Manhattan heard you. I just happened to be in one of the side offices when you came in. I hope this doesn’t sound condescending but I was so incredibly proud of you for walking away. For standing up to him and making it on your own. You’re amazing.”

“So why did you stay?”

A quick smile flashed perfectly straight white teeth. “I have my reasons, but I’m not ready to share them just yet.”

She bit her lip and tried to think. “I’ve been scared of you the past few weeks, and I wondered what could have happened to you to turn you into the monster who’s been after me. And now, to know it’s not you and almost everything I thought was truth is different? Damn. I’m spinning here.”

“I was so worried this would be awkward and you’d hate me and not hear me out. And I wouldn’t have blamed you a bit if that’s exactly how this went. But I knew I had to try.”

“I can still see a bit of what I loved in you so long ago. It’s still there. Different but still there.” She wondered if it ever left or she was just unwilling to see it because she was so hurt. And alone.

“You’re incredibly gracious to think that, much less say it. I’ve loved you for a very long time. I know we’ll never be close like we were or lovers or anything like that. But I would very much like to be some kind of friend to you.” He pulled out his wallet and extracted a business card from the inside. With a pen he wrote something on the back and pushed it across the table to her. “That’s my cell number. My private cell. And I know I could have called you from that one, but I wanted to say all of this to you in person. Call me sentimental but I owed you that much. So much more,” he added with a sorrowful expression. He pointed to the card as he pocketed his pen again inside his suit jacket. “If you have more questions or just want to chat or catch up or something, I’d love to hear from you. Whenever or if ever you decide you want to.”

Grabbing the card, she flipped it over, glanced at both sides and then tucked it in her purse. Whether she’d ever use it she didn’t know, but it felt like a peace offering that she never expected. As she zipped her purse back up, she responded, “You know, I’ve thought of this moment for such a long time. A moment I honestly didn’t ever think would come and yet here we are. Speaking. I thought I’d be angry, upset, emotional, something. But I’m not. I’m really surprised.”

“A nice sort of surprise?”

“Yeah. I think so. Never saw that coming,” she offered up.

He glanced at his watch. “It’s getting late and I’m sure you have things to do. I’d better get going. Dinner plans or something I can’t remember at the moment.”

“Are you sure you’re happy?” Natalie blurted it out before she lost her nerve. She didn’t know why it was important, but it was.

He smiled again and some of the tension around his eyes seemed to ease. “I’m successful, content. Happy might take a bit more work, but I’ve come this far. You’re a great inspiration.” He glanced over at a glowering Campbell and nodded at him and the baby. “What about you? You sure look happy with your husband and baby.”

“She’s a foster baby actually. Very long and complicated story I’m sure you don’t have time to hear and one I still don’t have all the pieces to.” Why she didn’t correct him on Campbell being her husband she decided to tuck in a drawer marked with a big ol’ question mark.

“But you said her name was Starling.”

“Yes. That’s what her mother named her.”

“Oh.” He seemed genuinely perplexed. “I just assumed…”

“Assumed what?”

“All of the girls in your family share at least one name with a bird.”

“What are you talking about?” Maybe his cheese done slid off his cracker more than she thought.

“Haven’t you noticed? You’re a Swan. Your middle name. Your mother’s name is Mynah, first cousin on your mother’s side is Lory and your grandmother’s name is—”

“Kestrel. Oh my God. How could I have not known that? I never recognized the pattern. Not ever.”

“Happens when you’re too close to something. Pretty sure it started with one of your great-grandmothers. Her maiden name was Canary. She made it a tradition with her daughters and your grandmother continued it. I’m sure it was something you wanted nothing to do with. Can’t blame you for not wanting to know about your mother or her family. They were all horrible, except for your grandmother, who was amazing. I know exactly where you got your gumption from, that’s for sure.” He stood and she automatically stood as well. “I’ll get out of your hair now. It really was good to see you.”

“Thanks for being honest with me. That couldn’t have been easy. And I’m sorry I ever hated you.”

“I don’t blame you. I’ve hated myself but I think I’m close to making a few things as right as I can.” He hesitantly held his hand out and she put hers in it. They held hands for a few seconds and then he let her go.

As he turned to leave she stepped toward him. “Wait, I have another question. Why now? Why after all this time did you decide to find me and make amends?”

“I would have forgotten. Jesus. All this time and I got so wrapped up in seeing you I forgot what I’ve been coming to the clinic to give you. I didn’t want to compromise your position or divulge anything about your life to anyone else so I wanted to do it in person. And it’s…” He didn’t finish but he reached into his coat and pulled out a piece of paper. “I have something for you. Not exactly a present because I’m not certain if it’s a good thing or a bad thing or some combination of them both.”

“What do you have?” She eyed the paper as if it were a snake ready to bite her when she least expected it.

He handed it to her. “That information doesn’t exist for all practical purposes. And as soon as the private investigator verified all of the details a few weeks ago I knew it was time to contact you. Try to make things right.”

She hesitantly took the paper and opened it up. Natalie’s eyes swam with tears. She blinked and they overflowed. “Is this…?”

He nodded. “Contact info on our son? Yes it is. He’s eleven and seems very very happy.”

More tears flowed and she felt a warm pressure against her back. Instinctively she knew it was Campbell and she leaned into him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in tight, kissed her head.

She sniffed and wiped her cheek. “How did you get this? The adoption was closed. My parents made sure that I’d never be able to find him.”

“I’ve learned a few things over the years. Take care, Natalie. Call if you need anything.” He nodded at them, smiled at Starling, then turned and left.

“What happened? What is all of this? What in the world did you guys talk about?”

She kissed Starling’s head and then stared at Campbell. There wasn’t anyone else in the world she wanted to talk to. “Take me home and I’ll tell you all about it.”

He kissed her and hugged her close again. “Deal.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Natalie

“So Wyatt thought he left all of that on your voicemail?” Natalie asked as they walked inside. “I knew that blank voicemail was odd.”

“Seems he butt muted me instead of butt dialed me. I called him as soon as you sat down with Braden to check out his story more and make sure he was legitimate. Plus I sent him a picture of the letter from Wren since he wasn’t there to give it to him.” He shook his head and scowled. “But it seems for all practical purposes Braden is what he says he is.”

“You have eyebrows,” she pointed at him then glowered, mimicking his expression.

“Wyatt says he’s okay and I believe him, but your safety means more to me than trusting anyone else’s opinion. I’ll dig around, Clay’s already on a few things now, and I’ll get some serious feelers out tomorrow.”

“It still shocks me.”

“What? That Braden didn’t do it?”

“No. That I ever thought he did. I know some people can lose their shit and go off the deep end and then some. Others are certifiably crazy, but the Braden I spoke to at the coffee shop is the same guy I loved when I was a girl.” Natalie paused to pet the dogs and then stood back up and looked at Campbell. “Did you just growl at me?”

He moved past her with a still-curled lip. “Must have been the dogs.”

She glanced down at the Papillons who were both on their backs looking for another tummy rub. “Sure it was.” Following him to the nursery, she watched as he expertly unhooked the snuggy carrier and lifted Starling from inside.

The tiny girl was wide-eyed and smiley.

“Starling.”

Campbell glanced at her and then at the baby. “What about her?”

“Here, lemme have her. I’ll get her changed and you can get comfy.”

He blew raspberries on her neck and Starling gurgled and cooed. “Red forty-two, red forty-two. Hut.” Campbell passed the baby off to her as if she were a football and Natalie laughed. He kept going out the door, turning the corner toward their bedroom.

Her bedroom?

She shook her head, not able to process anything else after the evening she had. Instead, she focused on the little ball of wonderful in her hands. Bringing her up close, she kissed her cheek and held her close. “He’s so silly,” she whispered.

“What did Braden say?” Campbell asked from the bedroom.

“It’s one of the things Braden said at the end. He couldn’t believe Starling wasn’t mine because of her name. It threw him hardcore.”

“What about her name?”

“It’s the name of a bird. But so is Wren now that I think about it. Oh my God, and Grouse. It just makes no sense. I know we don’t have any Grouses in our family tree. Well, I don’t think we do.”

Campbell stepped back in the doorway, pulling on a sweatshirt. “So what if they had bird names?”

Had
. Sometimes it was still hard for her to process. Them being gone. She set Starling down on the changing table and pulled her clothes off. “Apparently it’s a family tradition thing with the women on my mother’s side.”

“But Natalie isn’t a…fuck, your middle name is Swan.”

“Language,” she reprimanded.

He chuckled. “Wondered how long it was gonna take you. You made it more than a month. I’m actually shocked.”

“She can hear you. Me. She’s gonna start understanding what we say. Do you really want ‘fuck’ to be the first word out of her mouth?” A pang of wistfulness assailed her. She never heard her son’s first words. Or any words. And she’d been thinking about what she needed to do for Starling for long-term placement. Wondering if Campbell was still going to be around when Starling uttered her first word threw her so hard she had to look away.

Campbell laughed and wandered out. “That’d be epic if we got it on video. Come talk to me in the kitchen. You can put the girlie in the bouncy seat or under the play thing. I’ll make us a drink. I think we could both use one.”

She put the baby in a fresh onesie, scooped her up, and walked toward the kitchen. “It’s called a floor mobile.”

“It’s called a chew toy if the dogs get a hold of it.”

Setting Starling in the bouncy seat, she strapped her in and then sat at the bar to watch her and talk to Campbell. “So every female on that side of my family has some kind of bird name. Some first, others middle, and Braden thought my great-grandmother’s maiden name was Canary and that’s when it started.”

Campbell handed her a beer. “I hate to agree with him, but that is a bit coincidental. I didn’t even see it. Want me to put some feelers out about finding a family connection with Wren?”

Raising one eyebrow, she lifted the bottle to her lips. “And you’re going to sit there and tell me you haven’t already?”

His smile. Damn.

He drew a halo around his head and pressed on. “You named the clinic after who? Your grandmother?” He took a drink and came around to her side of the bar and sat next to her.

She nodded and took a drink. “Kestrel Maternity Clinic. My grandmother just understood me my whole life. She was warm and loving and amazing. She’s the one who set up my trust fund, which is still tied up in legal proceedings thanks to my parents.” She raised a glass to the ceiling. “Gotta love the irony.”

He rolled his eyes and bared his teeth. “What irony? That your parents had the most amazing daughter ever and don’t deserve her?”

It took Natalie a second to swallow because she got emotional. Again. “No. That the clinic was initially named after my grandmother because she wanted to fund it. I’d told her that’s what I wanted to do and she was so thrilled. Said the money would be mine to do with as I pleased when I turned twenty-one. Then she unexpectedly passed away, and I still haven’t seen a penny of it.”

“Yet you still named it after her.”

One nod and then Natalie looked at Starling. “She tried to help me when I was pregnant with my son. She came to be with me. Held me when they took him away. She cried with me. I remember hearing her yelling at my father on the phone. Only time I ever heard her raise her voice my entire life. She was the best thing running in my veins and after she passed I wanted to see her every day. I missed her. Needed her. So seeing her name on the side of the building was my way of getting to see her. Swear she’s there with me. Cheering me on.” She shrugged, not certain why she shared all of that. Talking about it wasn’t something she normally did. Not ever. “Made me happy.”

Campbell wound his fingers through her hand closest to him. “Then that’s all that matters.” He was quiet for a second and then tugged on her hand a bit until she looked at him. “Are you going to tell me about the paper he gave you at the end? Do you really believe he found the adoption info on your son?”

She got up and grabbed the paper out of her purse and opened it up on the way back to the bar. “I want to believe it. Badly. But then part of me panics at thinking about contacting him. His parents? What they must think of me.”

“Are you kidding me? They probably say prayers of thanks for you every night for giving them your child.”

She’d never really thought of it that way.

Of course she had for other birth mothers and the adoptive parents of those mothers’ sacrifices, but never for herself. Not ever. Until now.

“Would you let me look into it? See if it’s legitimate before you reach out to them?”

She wanted to snap at him and say no, snatch the paper and her phone and lock herself in the bathroom to stare at the info for two hours before she got up the nerve to call. But she knew he was right. No question in her mind.

Handing him the piece of paper took some convincing on her part. She’d never shared her son with anyone other than her grandmother. Not Braden. Not her family. Not even Angela.

No one.

He was hers. She’d kept him safely hidden away. Protected. Untouchable.

But as she held the paper out to Campbell and nodded, she wondered if it wasn’t from fear. Of judgment or ridicule maybe.

Whatever had held her back wasn’t there anymore.

And the man in front of her had a huge part in that.

“I’ll be quick. Promise.” He stood.

“What, tonight? Aren’t you tired?”

“Beat. But I know you. You’re not going to sleep a wink if we wait. You’ll toss and turn and I need my beauty sleep.” He chuckled then kissed the top of her head and tilted her face up for one more on her lips.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Thanks.” He wandered toward the back where his laptop was set up.

“Want some company?”

“Naw. You play with the kids and I’ll be quick. I’ll make Clay help me, too. Mwahaha.”

Thinking about contacting Angela to talk it over with her sounded nice but she just wanted some peace and quiet. Some solitude to think. Decompress maybe.

She snuggled on the couch and the dogs jumped up to cuddle in her lap.

No idea how long she sat there.

But everyone was content, happy.

That’s when it happened.

As if she were struck with a bolt of lightning or a two-by-four across the temple. All of the other foster children she’d kept she knew were destined for other families, other paths, other adventures. She would miss them when they were placed with permanent homes or back with their original families, but she truly believed they were going where they were meant to.

With Starling?

She couldn’t imagine not having her. Not hearing her cry when she was hungry. Not getting to see her grow and develop and become the wonderfully amazing girl she knew she was going to be.

Contentment settled in her bones and she grabbed her phone out of her purse sitting on the coffee table beside her.

She fired off a text to Jay.
“Hey you still at work?”

Didn’t take long for him to answer.
“Yep, you need something?”

“Greta still there?”

“Hold on.”
Took about thirty seconds to get his next response.
“Barely. I’m standing next to her. Go ahead.”

“Ask her to make a note for tomorrow to contact my attorney to start formal adoption proceedings for Starling.”
She hovered her thumb over the send button, making sure this was what she wanted to do.

Starling pumped her legs and made the “ooo” face at the mirror on her bouncy seat.

Natalie laughed and teared up and pushed the send button.

“Greta and all the rest of the girls are jumping up and down. There’s lots of squealing and…oh lord there might be tears. Do you have enough chocolate in the building to protect me from the estrogen explosion that just happened?”

Natalie laughed again and texted back.
“Just stand real still and they won’t see you.”

“Better not. If Greta would just get a cell phone that had more advanced functions than hieroglyphics I could still be hunkered in the back missing all of this fun.”

“It’ll never happen.”

“I know I know. But a guy can dream.”

“Thanks for spreading the word for me. Now kick everyone out. See you guys tomorrow.”

“Adios!”

Pushing the button on her phone to make her screen go black, she put it back on the coffee table. Absentmindedly, she petted the dogs and watched Starling, sending up more than a little prayer of thanks.

She gave up one child because she was too scared she couldn’t be what he needed all on her own.

Even after dedicating her life and her ambition to making sure other women didn’t have to make the same choice she had, she’d still almost made it again. The wrong choice.

Yes she was scared of going it alone if…when Campbell decided he didn’t want to play house any more. Scared didn’t even cut it with the ramifications of being Starling’s mother forever. She could mess up, make mistakes just like any parent could.

But the terror and sadness that gripped her, thinking about anyone else being her parent, left her shaken and emotional.

She’d be the best mom she could be and she would love her.

No mother would ever love a child more than she loved Starling.

Loved.

As in already.

As in past, current, and future.

“I love you, Starling.”

The happy little girl kicked her feet and gurgled some more. Same ol’ same ol’ for her, but for Natalie it was monumental.

She hadn’t told a living person she loved them since the day she buried her grandmother.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” she whispered again as she skooched the dogs to the side. Slinking off the couch, she crawled over to Starling, who looked at her as she moved closer. “I love you.”

She wanted her to know she was loved.

The fact that she hadn’t told her until that moment meant she had months of time to make up for. Lots of I love yous. Like millions.

The dogs jumped off the couch and followed soon after and Natalie played with all three of the “kids” until she heard the latch on the door down the hallway click open.

A few seconds later Campbell walked out with a smile on his face. “It’s good info.”

She sorta lay down and mostly collapsed onto the floor next to Starling, which was obviously doggeze for “please jump on me and give me your slobber.”

Campbell brought the piece of paper back with him and joined her on the floor. “I’ll rescue you from the vicious attack Papillons.”

“My hero,” Natalie praised when he scooped them off her face. It took her a second to sit up but she got there. “So, what did you find out? And how did you find out anything in that short amount of time?”

“A magician never reveals his secrets.”

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“And the magician might have friends in every level of places that he can call on to find things out.”

She kept her eyebrow raised.

“How about a huge amount of social media and I have access to databases that can search per state, per territory of state, and down to a particular address or phone number. Think FBI database without the wire-tapping. Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

He shrugged. “I know people.” He stared at her. “And this was important.”

She bit her lip, half wanting to know and half needing to run in the other room to hide in the bathroom. She wasn’t running scared. Not anymore. “So when you say good info does that mean you corroborated the info and it’s sound, or good as in they’re good people and the boy I gave birth to is happy and loved and I made the right decision?” Sort of surreptitiously she covered her mouth and if she’d had a rewind button she totally would have pushed it for a do-over.