Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Golden Plunger Awards (14 page)

Many movie taglines employ the fear factor. Our other favorite scary taglines:

Movie taglines aren’t always out to scare you, though. Sometimes they want to say just enough to get audiences excited to learn more about the characters in the story. These are the best enticements to spend a little time with someone who’s a little different.

They may overstate their case, but there’s no denying these taglines have a point.

Sometimes you need to get right to the point and sum up the entire movie in one short line. It may seem like the easiest way to go, but it’s probably the most difficult to get right. Here are the ones that did it best:

“What does the Academy Award mean?
I don’t think it means much of anything.”

—
Sally Field, after winning the Best Actress
Oscar for
Norma Rae
(1980)

Baboon Jack, the Signalman

Railway guard James Wide earned his nickname, “Jumper,” because he liked to jump from one railway car to another—often while they were still moving. He worked in the town of Uitenhage, South Africa, during the late 19th century, and he did his job well, even if he had an unorthodox way of doing it. But jumping from car to car was a dangerous game, and one day he paid a terrible price for it.

Wide slipped during one of his jumps and got his legs caught under the train. They were amputated below the knees. In most cases, that would have been the end of his career as a guard. Instead, he changed jobs, became a signalman (who used a series of flags to signal to trains that the needed to stop or slow down), and also found help so he could continue to do his job. Who was Jumper’s great assistant? A baboon named Jack.

Wide constructed pegs to complete his legs and even built a small trolley to make it easier to move around. But living and working alone were tough with his disability, and he began to look for solutions. One afternoon in 1881, he found the perfect one.

There are a couple of theories as to how Wide found his baboon friend: One says that he spotted the animal pulling an ox wagon in the town center and pleaded with the animal’s owner to give him up. The reluctant owner was finally persuaded, but he entrusted Wide with the baboon, named Jack, with one admonition:
give Jack “a tot of good Cape brandy” every night, or don’t expect him to do any work the next day. Wide agreed.

A second story says that Wide found Jack as a baby, in a cage at the local market. He bought the animal and brought him home.

Whichever is the real story, the first thing Wide trained Jack to do was push him the half-mile from his house to the train station in his trolley. Jack took to his new job very well.

Wide’s job as a signalman involved listening to the whistle blasts of the passing locomotives. The three tracks were assigned a number of whistle blasts: one blast for track one, two for track two, and three for track three. Four blasts meant the conductor of the train needed the keys for the coal sheds.

Wide didn’t expect Jack to do this job for him, but it turned out that Jack was quite a listener. After only a few days, the baboon had figured out the codes and rushed to get the keys for a conductor who sounded his whistle four times. Wide was astounded but knew he—and Jack—were on to something.

Wide started training the baboon to make the appropriate track changes, too. Jack’s performance was flawless, and Wide knew he had found an assistant who could take on the demands of the tough job.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before Wide’s unconventional assistant was noticed. A local woman saw the baboon working the railways and complained to the authorities. A team of inspectors visited the station to see what was going on, and when they learned the truth, they fired Wide on the spot.

But Wide was never one to give up . . . and certainly not when it came to the job he loved so much. He pleaded with the inspectors to put Jack to the test. When Jack performed the tasks perfectly, the amazed men gave in and admitted he was no ordinary baboon—this was Jack the Signalman. Wide and Jack were reinstated. Jack even received an official employment number from the local government, making him a full-time employee.

Jack was so good at his job that he even looked at the oncoming trains before changing the signals, a sign that he wasn’t just going through the motions. He actually understood the importance of what he was doing. But more importantly, Jack and Wide developed a true friendship. Jack’s loyalty helped him learn to do all kinds of jobs for Wide, including helping to clean the house where they lived in and acting as night watchman.

Jack died in 1890, but he still inspires people today. The Albany Museum in Grahamstown, South Africa, has an exhibit dedicated to him. And a photographic museum recently opened at the site of now-closed Uitenhage station, where locals still marvel at the story of Jack the Signalman.

“I’m speechless now. I, well, I, thank you life, thank you love, and it is true, there is some angels in this city.”

“Marlon Brando very regretfully cannot accept this very generous award. And the reason for this being is the treatment of American Indians today by the film industry.”

“This is one night I wish I smoked and drank.”

“Thank you to Martin Scorsese. I hope my son will marry your daughter.”

Insect Delicacies from Around the World

Gene Defoliart, professor of entomology at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, and publisher of The Food Insects Newsletter, told the
New York Times
, “Nobody eats cockroaches. They’re unsanitary. Kind of disgusting, when you think about it.” Well . . . yes. But fans of entomophagy (insect-eating) universally agree that people who don’t eat insects are missing out on an abundant, low-calorie, easily sustained protein source that has been appreciated for thousands of years.

Ancient Greeks and Romans often ate insects—the latter particularly enjoyed beetle larvae. Today, biting into a fried cricket or spreading a spoonful of ant pâté on a cracker gives most Americans the willies, but people in other countries and cultures eat them all the time. An estimated 80 percent of the world’s population are entomophages—people who consume insects as food. (Yes, on purpose!) Dragonflies, cicadas, crickets, grasshoppers, and giant water bugs are all on a menu somewhere at any given time.

Cultivating insects as a food source has many advantages:

Nutritional aspects make bugs a smart crop, and new demand is making them a cash crop. The
Seattle Times
reported in 2005 that when farmers near Mexico City realized that they could get as much money for trapping and selling grasshoppers as they were spending on pesticides, they began deliberately planting crops as “traps” for the protein-rich insects.