Uncovering Officer Smith (The Discovering Trilogy #2) (35 page)

I glance up to see April’s bright green eyes. “April?”

“What are you doing here? Work?”

I pause. “Kind of.”

She looks at the door across from me. “
She’s
here, isn’t she?”

I nod, shifting my gaze back down to my feet. She moves to the wall beside me. Our shoulders touch.

“Go talk to her.” She nudges me with her shoulder.

“I tried.”

“I see. Is that why you’re out here?”

I nod again.

“I’ll keep an eye on her. Maybe you should go home and get some rest.”

“There’s more I have to tell her.”

“Maybe, now isn’t the time.” Silence falls between us. “Plus, you need a shower.” She sniffs the air.

I finally crack a smile. “I was a little preoccupied.”

“I’ll make sure she knows that.”

“Thanks, April.” Reluctantly, I walk down the corridor with only a glance back at the door Becca is behind. Maybe April is right.

I wake a little while later alone in the hospital room. Immediately, the door swings open, the handle smacking against the wall. A flash of red hair whizzes past my vision.

“Becca?” Meggie is at my side in a matter of seconds. Her hand slips under mine.

I turn to face my best friend. “I’m so sorry, Bee. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I feel like this is my fault. If only I had gone with you, I would have watched and made sure you were okay.”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down.” I shake my head. “It’s okay.”

“No, no, it’s not. I knew you were going through stuff and I wasn’t there for you.” Tears glisten behind her green eyes.

“No, it was me,” I interject. “I was so mean. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know.”

“Forgive me?” I mumble, sucking back tears of my own.

She nods. “Me too?”

I nod and before I know it, she pulls me into a sobbing hug. We sit like that for a while before she pulls away.

That’s when the inquisition comes. She asks me about what happened and what I did. Honest to God, I can’t remember. It seems like everything is a little hazy. I remember Tom, Cole, and a kiss. But with who, I couldn’t say.

When I woke up, the only thing I remember are Tom’s words. “You’re a lost cause.” They still bring tears to my eyes.

That just makes Meggie’s next words feel like salt in an open wound. “Bee, I’m worried about you.”

“About me?”

“I’ve done a lot of things – well, a lot of people. But one thing I’ve never gotten involved with is drugs. I’m worried about you. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

“Megs.” I pull her face up to look at me. “I’m fine. I can stop whenever I want.”

Her eyes linger on my face. “Can you?”

Two simple words but they silence me.

Meggie stays with me for a few hours, bringing me homework I’m backed up on and the usual gossip. She told me Tom feels terrible and he was the one that told her I was in the hospital. Ever since then, he’s been at our dorm every time he hears her unlock the door to check if I had returned.

I hate to see what I have to face when I get back home.

My parents and Beddy return later. Their clothes smell like food and they hush as they enter the room to see me eating rice pudding for dinner.

“Dear, we’ve decided to leave tonight. Your father has to work in the morning. Bedford will be here to take care of you. If you need anything, call him.”

“Got it, Mom.” I roll my eyes, pretending this pudding is anything else.

“And I’m going to check in on you too,” Bedford adds.

“I got it. I’m not going to do anything stupid.” Even as I say the words, I have a feeling they are a lie. My fingers are already twitching, my mouth drying at the thought of disappearing again. I want to blame it on John Smith, but maybe it wasn’t what he had done to me at all. Maybe I’m just a bad egg.

Today is my discharge day. Bedford brought me new clothes and I’m fully changed into jeans and a sweatshirt when the nurse comes in. Her green eyes shine as she hands me a clipboard of all the discharge paperwork I need to complete.

“Are you excited to leave, Becca?” Her cheerful disposition is different to me.

“I’m just excited for real food,” I mutter, flipping through the pages.

She laughs a real laugh. “I hear that. Well, just remember there are still some effects of the medications we had you on to reverse what you took. Expect some dizziness and dry mouth. Don’t operate heavy machinery like a car or a bulldozer or something.” She chuckles at her own joke. I sign the few pages and wait for her to continue inspecting me.

I smile. This nurse is different, kind, even.

“Those marks from the tape and needles will heal. Keep hydrated and I would avoid alcohol for a little while.”

“Why?” I snap suddenly.

“Just might make these symptoms worse.” She shrugs.

“Oh.”

“Are you okay, Becca?” She maneuvers her head to glance up at me while she checks my pulse with her finger.

“Yeah, why?”

“I meant like, are you okay to head home? Would you like to talk to someone?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Okay.” She nods, but her tone tells me she doesn’t believe me.

“Why don’t you think I’m okay?” I blurt out when she turns her back to me.

The nurse turns to face me again. Those green eyes are not so friendly this time. “I’ve heard this isn’t your first time using such… drugs.”

“Who told you that?”

“The officer that brought you in.” Her eyes watch me as her words sting me.

“Well,
he
knows nothing.”

“
He
seemed to know a lot about you.
He
might have even cared a little?”

“That guy cares nothing for me.”

She takes the clipboard from my hand. “I highly doubt that. He was wandering the hall outside your room for a few hours yesterday.”

“He was?” The surprise must be apparent on my face because she smiles. She caught me.

She nods. “I just think you should keep an open mind.”

“I need to close my mind. It was opening it that got me into trouble in the first place.”

“Well, Becca, I think you just need to decide what you want, what you
need,
and everything else will just fall into place.”

“I hope so.”

She smiles at me again, her hand on the door. “Good luck, Becca. Have a big hamburger for me.”

The moment I arrive home, I dive back into schoolwork. That’s just what I do. It’s all I know. Quickly, I try to catch back up to speed with all my work and avoid every party that comes my way. Bedford stops by unannounced twice a week – usually on a Friday night – to make sure I’m not getting into trouble. Meggie even stays home with me a few nights. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the two were in cahoots.

At school, I keep my head down and my pen writing at all times. I only go to classes, the library, and the cafeteria, never socializing anymore. There is always that temptation, but there is also something else—Embarrassment. I don’t know how many people saw my lifeless body enter that ambulance, but the gossip made its way around the small campus. Sometimes, I even hear a snicker or two when people pass me.

I’m sitting in Abnormal Psych when I feel Tom’s eyes from across the room. Up until now, I was happy he hadn’t attempted to talk to me. I have a feeling that is about to end.

The class ends and I zip out of class with my books between my hands. Stuffing my pen into the ring of the notebook, I speed walk toward the cafeteria.

“Becca! Hey, Becca!”
Oh, no.

I turn to face Tom chasing me across the campus. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“About what?” I mutter.

“Why haven’t you tried to talk to me?”

“I’ve had a lot to do.” I head for the cafeteria doors.

He opens it for me. “Have you been avoiding me?”

“I’ve kind of been avoiding everyone.”

“I’ve noticed, but why?”

“I just need to get a grip on things.”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with what happened with
us
, does it?”

Ugh
, I increase my pace, heading for the buffet of food. I knew this was coming and knew what I had to do. Why can’t I seem to find the words? He follows me close, waiting for my response. After picking up a turkey sandwich, I turn around to him. “No, I’ve just been in a funk.” My eyes return to the pile of pre-wrapped sandwiches.

“I’ve known you for two years now and never seen you like this before.” Tom’s hand is warm against my shoulder.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been like this.”

“It’s because of him, isn’t it?”

“Who?” I turn, playing stupid.

“You know who. That Smith guy.” He turns me now to face him. His eyes bore into me from behind those dark glasses. “I told you he would do this. I warned you.”

“I know. I should have listened.” My gaze drops.

“Because of him you can’t be with me?” His voice is soft, small for a tall guy like him.

“I don’t want to be with anyone right now.”

His hands release me. “So, it’s true then. Nice guys do finish last.”

A thick football player wearing the team’s jacket dissects the space between us as he reaches for a sandwich. He adds, “Only because he makes sure she finishes first.” The player winks at me before walking away.

Tom watches him leave in disgust. Then his eyes are on me. I know what Meggie meant now about Tom behind Clark Kent. There’s intensity in those blue eyes of his that even glasses can’t hide. His look holds my attention, begging me to respond but all the words that come to mind don’t seem to make sense.

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You’re making that face again.” Tom’s gaze drops, releasing me. “So you choose him, then. Even after
all
of this.”

“No, I choose myself – I’m a lost cause, remember?” I slip out of his grasp, swipe an apple off the table, and move past him and into line.

I choose to eat lunch by myself on the hill. It’s still comfortable out, but not so warm as to be bustling with students—The perfect combination to think. I haven’t had a moment to myself since the hospital. With Bedford constantly checking in and Meggie’s eyes following me every time I leave for the library, I’m starting to feel suffocated. I’m not going to lie – I crave a high. Just to lose myself in a blinding blur, with not a care in the world: no hurt in my heart, no worry about being behind in school. But every time I even think about it, I see John’s face when I woke up in that hospital room; so disappointed. No wonder he left me. I’m weak. I gave into temptation.