Undercover Professor (12 page)

The audience hooted and hollered and Drew closed his eyes in pain. Shit, he knew that would come back to haunt him. His editor had approved that?

The lights burned through his lids and he felt his stomach churn. Thank God Lucy wouldn’t see this interview. His heart twisted for a nanosecond as he realized how fast she’d dump his ass if she knew this was why he was in town. The thought of betraying her almost made him want to puke.

Taking a deep breath, he snapped his eyes back open. This was why he was in town. To promote his article and his workshop. Even if it was off the mark, he had to hook the audience and make a swell of interest for the press. But now that his research was done and the thesis was out there, he could be honest with Lucy. Finally. It was the first thing he’d do when he got off stage. But it wouldn’t be just words, an empty apology. He’d rewrite the article, he’d fix this. Make it right. Be better, for Lucy. He promised himself.
But for now, sell it. Sell it for all you’re worth.

Puffing his chest up and squeezing the Barbie twins closer, he drawled, “Oh, come on, Dunn. I think every guy out there, no matter how advanced his, um,
skills
might be—” he raised his eyebrows, “—every guy could use some tips on how to beat level seventeen.”

The response of the crowd was crystal clear. They loved his title, even though Jessica was trying to skewer him. She knew as well as he did that their audience’s demographic wanted exactly what his article advertised.

They went to a commercial break with the crowd screaming, the twins jumping up and down in excitement and him smack-dab in the middle of the chaos.

He was here to do a job. Drum up interest for the article. And if he had to sell sex to get them to listen, that’s what he’d do. Except this time he had a great message. Something real to base it on. The old bait and switch. He’d rope them in with the sex and pop them with a one-two punch of reality before they saw it coming.

* * *

Jessica stalked off the set for the break and her sidekick hurried over for introductions to Ali and Kristy, the twins.

The lights came back on and Drew had time to regroup. He’d sell the shit out of this article and this presentation. And the second his foot hit the sidewalk, he would dial Lucy and explain he was everything she wanted. With a side bonus that he was head over heels in love with her.

She would, no doubt, be ecstatic.

He pasted on a grin and prepared to brazen his way through the rest of the interview while mentally rewriting his article. The resources were right in front of his nose, he just had to use them for the right purpose.

* * *

Lucy sat at the Dirty Goat, missing Andy more then she realized. His flowers had started to wilt and she had trimmed down the stems, hoping to savor a little of the feeling she got from them.

He was perfect. Thoughtful. Loved his mother. Brought her flowers. Rocked her pants off with dirty talk. His bedside skills made her quiver. Plus, he made her laugh, he made her think and, fact was, he just made her happy.

Of course, there was the small matter of her list. But waking up the morning after he left, she realized it didn’t matter. Not anymore. So what if he didn’t have a job, or he lived with his mom? Both of those were temporary. He was getting phone calls all the time about job offers.

And he was up-front about most everything, except his job situation. He asked for her trust. She willingly gave it. The rest of the list was mostly superficial anyway.

Socks with sandals, pishaw. Who really cared?

She was going off the list, and she was happy as could be, falling in love. She’d take him as he was, and maybe try to nudge him into a job that paid the bills.

She sighed. The freefall of love was irresistible and she understood Becca even more than ever. She glanced at her phone, checking if there was a missed call. Nope, just a photo she’d taken of him down at the lakefront as they watched a storm roll in. His hair tousled, a cocky smile on his lips softened by the look in his eyes as he watched her line up the shot in her cell phone camera.

He was cocky and he smirked too much, and he was totally fixated on these unhealthy games. Even though every outdoors suggestion she made he was up for. He actually seemed to love getting out of the apartment. Maybe she should put that on her next list of items. Loves sports. Kind to children and the elderly. Kind to nutty Becca. And most of all, kind to Lucy.

Andy could check off all those qualities. Maybe she could get rid of the list and just build her life with Andy.

The thought took her breath away. This was everything she had dreamed of. It was so simple.

“Hey, Lucy.” Bartender Craig hurried down the long bar, looking nervous. “Remember I told you some guy was in here asking about you?”

“Yeah, why?”

He turned the volume up on a TV and changed the channel to match a TV down at the end of the bar. “This is the guy.”

There stood Andy, with two blondes in teensy bikinis bouncing against him, grinning like a cocky bastard.

The banner at the bottom of the screen read “Dr Drew Sullivan, PhD, professor at Portland, Oregon—Online gaming sociologist.”

Lucy pressed her fingers to her mouth in horror.

The hostess of the show looked pissed. “So, you really think helping geeks and gamers get laid is a noble cause?”

“Is there anything
more
noble? The female brain is so complex and intricate. You ladies have these whip-smart changes and diversions. The average guy needs a guidebook to keep up. The geeky guy, who spends his time studying online gaming? His brain just doesn’t work that way.” His words weren’t horrible, Lucy gave him that. But sandwiched between the two sets of bouncing boobs as he was, nobody really heard what he was saying. The crowd hooted and the hostess rolled her eyes.

“You like to think that you’re going to
shatter
these myths?”

“Shadoobie,” Lucy murmured, echoing the Rolling Stone song. She watched Andy’s lips mouth it at the same time. Her heart in her throat, she strained to listen over the chatter of the bar.

“Are you the man to crack the froufrou female brain and trick her into giving up the goods?” Jessica continued.

“I didn’t exactly say that.”

The television audience hooted.

“But there are certain things all women have in common.” The camera zoomed in close to his face, the shaggy beard gone, a dangerous, sexy-looking scruff in its place. His jawline seemed so strong, his hair had gel in it, his eyes sparkled, he was all fired up from the argument.

Or maybe they twinkled as he thought about banging both the chicks hanging on his every word at the next commercial break. He winked at the camera. The bastard actually winked.

The male host broke in to ask the next question. “So this is what your three part series in
Wired
magazine will be on, as well as your presentation at Comic-Con?”

“Exactly. Breaking it down and giving guys a glimpse into the female gamer mind. And hey, if that gives him a little leg up to getting into her panties? Well, if I just help
one
gamer get laid, then I’ve done my job.”

“You’re despicable.” The female host broke in, nearly spitting venom. “And my heart breaks for any woman who falls for your steaming pile of shi—” Jessica’s cohost slapped his hand over her mouth at the last second. The hatred shooting from her eyes at Andy was clear. Correction,
Doctor
Drew Sullivan. The crowd screamed as they cut to break.

“Dr. Drew Sullivan.” She tried the words out loud, choking a little.

No wonder he’d laughed at her when she suggested community college. Her fingers itched to Google him now that she knew his real identity. It was like he was a superhero, except his cause was getting dudes laid, instead of saving the earth. How fucking noble.

“That’s the guy, huh,” she muttered. “Dr. Drew Sullivan.” She tried it again. She didn’t choke on it this time. Just left a bitter taste of burned heart muscles and a pain in her liver that only tequila could fix.

“Yeah, that’s him,” Bartender Craig said. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him when he was in here. I loved his series last year on how gaming translates to a new social society. It was a fascinating read.”

“Wow.”

“Hey, do you know him or something? I think I still have my
Wired
magazine, I’d love to get his autograph.”

She shook her head. “Nope. I don’t know him at all. Not at all. Hey, let’s do some shots.”

* * *

Back in her apartment, Lucy immediately Googled him using the job title from the broadcast. The shots hadn’t had the right effect on her. She was wobbly on her feet and her vision was bleary, but her anger pulsed through her veins like a snake, choking all the air off. She had been made a fool of. He had lied. And it was over.

She clicked angrily on the link for Dr. Drew Sullivan. Pages upon pages of photos and tabloid articles and magazine articles rolled down her screen.

Sure enough, there were all the dirty details.

Much-lauded professor, department head, hundreds of quotes and tons of articles in assorted gamer or techie magazines. So he had been the professor she’d found the first time she Googled. She continued the torture, digging through tons of photos of him at various fundraising functions for the university.

Plus charity functions. Each photo had him in a fancy suit. Some had him sipping champagne, caught in conversation with another professor or an author, or even a semifamous person.

She scrolled over one with him and the author of her favorite series at a book signing. Each had a hand clapped on the other’s back, laughing. Drew was so handsome, tan and happy, it took her breath away.

“Well. There you have it, then.”

Lucy calmly turned off her computer, dried her eyes and made her way unsteadily to the bathroom to throw up.

Chapter Twelve

The multiple voicemail messages he’d left were promptly deleted. Hearing his voice just ripped open the wound in her heart again and again, and she found herself snarling as she killed the messages. She didn’t even want to hear the lies he had cooked up now. His flight returned on Friday afternoon, and she would not be there to pick him up. He hadn’t planned on it anyway, since she was at work.

However, she didn’t expect to see him show up at her door with a pizza, a flat gift wrapped in brown craft paper, tied with a big red bow, and a bottle of wine that evening. She had hoped he would figure out that it was over and they wouldn’t have to have this conversation face-to-face. Sure, it was the wimpy way out. But no dice. Apparently having a PhD didn’t make the man any smarter.

She opened the door, mentally bracing herself. After three days of kicking her own ass for being so stupid, she wasn’t about to go down this path again. He looked so good, so big and strong. Just like in the press photos, she reminded herself. Except his eyes twinkled with laughter as he stood there, a sexy grin on his face. His beard shaved off, leaving just the two-day scruff, he looked even more handsome then on TV.

He swept in, dropped the items on her table and wrapped her in a big hug. She tried to hold herself stiff, but damn, he smelled so good. He waited for a moment, his nose buried in her neck, as though he was breathing for the first time. He looked tanner, bigger somehow.

“Lucy, so good to see you. Did you get my messages? Never mind, you were probably busy, right?” She nodded dumbly, emotions overwhelming her. She wanted to just ignore it, to forgive him. Just let it go, and let her dreams fall into place. She wanted to throw her stupid list out the window and accept that he was the man of her dreams. He was perfect, and she could just overlook this one little lie. Teensy-weensy, in fact.

“Here, I saw this in Portland and I thought of you.” He pressed the large flat package into her hands, watching her with excitement. She sightlessly ripped off the thick brown craft paper and dropped the bow to the floor in a pile. Turning it over, she found a framed vintage poster from the ’70s of a Rolling Stones concert. Mick looking sexy and sweaty, his chest puffed out in a classic Jagger pose. Keith stood with a huge grin on his face, leaning into a guitar riff.

“Wow. It’s perfect.”

Asshole, it
was
perfect. And she was not perfect. And she couldn’t let that part of herself disappear into the glossy fairy tale.

He grinned, his teeth gleaming, perfect and pearly white, and set it down next to the wall in her kitchen, giving her another big hug before bustling into the kitchen, pulling out plates and wineglasses for them.

“I’m shattered,” she whispered as she stood awkwardly, watching him bustle around so comfortably in her kitchen. Like he was at home. But it was a lie. She took a deep breath, not willing to wait another moment.

“So, what should I call you now? Andy. Or should I call you Drew? Professor Sullivan?”

He slowed his movements.

“I’m a little confused. Maybe you could clarify for me? See, I don’t have a college degree yet. Maybe you could walk me through it.”

He stood silently, staring at the napkins in his hand.

“I mean, it’s not a hard question, is it? What. Is. Your. Name? Certainly not something you would need to
lie
about.” She laughed, the hysterical edge rubbing her soul raw. “Oh, wait...”

He set down the napkins, still silent. To his credit, he didn’t try to smooth over the lies. He didn’t try to stutter out excuses or breeze past her emotions. He didn’t call her a silly girl, or tell her how perfect life can be now.

“And tell me, Dr. Drew, what do you do for a living?”

His shoulders hunched a little. “I take it you saw the show.”

“Yes. You sleuthed that out, huh?”

He looked at her, a sad, pleading look in his eyes. “Please, Lucy, just let me explain?”

“Oh yeah, I really want to hear this.” Her sarcasm left a bitter burn in her throat. She thought her heart had broken enough already, but seeing him in her kitchen, his entire presence mocking her heart, she snapped.

He opened his mouth.

“No, you know what, you son of a bitch?” She quivered with rage, seeing red as he snapped his mouth shut and stepped closer. “You know what? I don’t care. There was no reason that you had to lie to me. None.”

“I didn’t want to lie. If it helps.”

“It
doesn’t
help. I can’t believe what an idiot I was, to fall for you so hard. I
knew
you were bad news. I knew it. You and your sexy smile and your tan lines, and your fancy watches, and your goddamn white teeth and your laugh. Jesus, how I fell for you.”

He gripped her arms and she twisted away. “You think it was one sided? I’m so in love with you, I can barely focus.”

“What, while blonde bimbos toss their boobs in your face? And ex-girlfriends interview you on TV?”

He shook his head helplessly. “That’s not what happened. I mean, it is, but I’ve changed. You’ve changed me.”

“But yet, you couldn’t tell me? You couldn’t trust me enough to let it slip that, oh, hey, you’re a famous professor in Portland, and you have a really good job and probably are laughing at me about the community college thing.”

“No, never. I didn’t laugh. I don’t, I won’t laugh—”

She put her hand to her cheek, staring at him wide-eyed, tears burning. “I bet you did, didn’t you? I bet you and your stupid friends all got a good laugh out of that.” She puffed her chest out, deepened her voice. “‘Check out this idiot, she tried to push community college on me, can you believe it, Dr. McBrilliant and Professor Plum?’” She kicked at the Rolling Stones poster, a gratifying crack of the glass sliced through the room. A fracture slid from top to bottom, splitting Jagger and the rest of the band.

“No, no I would never laugh at you, Lucy. Listen to me. I love you.” His voice broke.

She sobbed out a breath. “Is that supposed to fix things? Three little words and
poof
, it’s all better?”

“No, it’s not supposed to fix anything. I wanted to tell you. Right away. And then again, later. And every minute we were together. I wanted to tell you I could be everything for you.”

“Do you think I need someone to be everything for me? I need to be fixed?”

* * *

“No! I mean, I know you want certain things in the men you are with. And I can be everything. We can do it together, we can be so happy. Don’t you see, Lucy?” His voice broke again and he felt his eyes burning as tears streamed down her face. Her nose turned pink, her cheeks got blotchy. It wasn’t the cute pouty cry he was used to with manipulative females, she was breaking in front of him. Her heart was breaking.

Because of him. His own heart wrenched in his chest. He had made this mess, he had broken the most important thing in the world to him, and he had done it knowingly, willfully.

“Was this all during the time you were writing articles on how to get chicks to bang you? Because I saw the gossip pages, I don’t think you have any trouble with that, Professor Hotpants.” His nickname was spread through the school gossip news.

He pressed his hands to his face, brushing back his hair, frustrated. “That was all in the past.”

“Sure, except the presentation you have coming up, on that particular topic. And, oh yeah, the three articles in
Wired
magazine. In the past.” She snorted. “God, you just can’t stop the lies, can you? Just go. I can’t even see you without getting madder at myself. Just go.”

It would be so easy to go, to just walk away. But he couldn’t. Not with her eyes clouded with sadness. Not without trying harder. The woman he loved was in pain, and he had to try to fix it.

“I can’t go. Not without telling you my side.”

“Okay then, mighty Doctor Sullivan, please, enlighten me.” She took a deep, shuddering breath and blew her nose indelicately on a tissue, glaring at him as though she hated him more than anything right then.

“I had to lie to Becca. And then to you. And then, because Dell played, and your friends played, I couldn’t risk my name being connected with the research. And if the press found out, there’s no way I could do the research. I didn’t know how much of Becca’s story was true, maybe she did have some friends who gamed. And I wanted to tell you, I swear, I did. But then I met some of your soccer teammates, they couldn’t know. Todd, my agent, told me I couldn’t, not until now. I love you, please, you have to believe that, at the very least.”

“The article. The presentation. It all comes back to putting your fame and your future ahead of anyone else. Doesn’t it? Love doesn’t mean jack shit to you, because if it did, you would have put it, put
me
before your fame. At the very
least
.” She took a huge, quivery breath, her eyes blazing. “At the very least, you would have told me. You would have been honest. I deserve that. I’m worth that.
At the very least
.” She hung her head, tears leaking out of her eyes again.

He put the pieces together. Slowly, his brain pulled back up their conversation about her ex-boyfriend. The one on
Island Survivor
, who cashed in on his relationship with Lucy to win the game. Her mom, with her first love from high school.

“I’m not strong enough. You’re just making it worse, you jackass. I can’t forgive this. I can’t forgive you. I have worked
so
hard to pull myself up and I refuse to let you, or anyone else, push me down again.” She slumped against the counter. “I can’t listen to you and not wonder if you’re lying again. And I keep hearing that hostess, making fun of me.”

“Not you directly.” He moved up behind her, touching her back. She shrugged off his touch.

“No, but everyone will think it.” She sagged. “I’ll think it. Please, just go. Just go away. Go be with your fancy friends and your fake-boob girls and your money.”

“I don’t want any of that, I just want you.”

“Yeah, well, you should have thought of that weeks ago. Take your pizza.” She picked it up and just about flung it at him. “Leave the wine.”

He backed up, pushed out the door, feeling helpless in the face of her heartbreak and not knowing how to fix it.

“Lucy, if I could go back and do it again, I would. I’d do it right.” He dropped his head against the door, knowing she could hear him. “I asked you to trust me, just a little bit,” he whispered. Knowing he didn’t deserve her trust or her forgiveness.

He had lied. And he had pursued a vapid lifestyle full of cheap fucks and easy decisions. He slid down the wall, not wanting to leave his sentry outside her door.

Becca peeked her head out the door down the hall. He stared at her with unseeing eyes.

She stepped out with her arms crossed. Heartbreak clouded his vision, and he knew he deserved any harsh words she threw at him.

“I’m sorry, Becca. I’m so sorry.”

She sighed. “Is that pizza?”

He nodded.

“Come on. Let me educate you, Dr. Drew Sullivan.” She held her hand out to help him up, and he followed her obediently into her apartment.

* * *

Drew sat quietly in the delicate, wrought-iron kitchen chairs in Becca’s apartment, listening as she filled him in on Lucy’s heartbreak.

“I shouldn’t even bother. I mean, it’s not like it will matter, she’ll never forgive you.” Becca slipped a slice of pizza onto a plate and poured herself a soda.

“You don’t think she’ll cool down and I’ll have a chance to explain?”

“Explain what? You, my friend, are guilty. You lied your fool head off. For fame. And that, out of all the rules, is the one she won’t ever forgive.”

“Tell me,” he whispered, needing to know. “Is it about Kevin?”

Becca gave him a strange look as she ate. “Did you meet him? Sort of.”

How she could forgive the job, the apartment, pretty much anything. But lying to her was the one thing she wouldn’t let drop.

Becca filled him in on stepdad Kevin. Her mom’s death, the disaster Lucy had become in Nevada and how Becca and Aunt Ruby had pulled her back to Milwaukee. She confirmed exactly what he had suspected about the lying boyfriend.

* * *

A week later he was gone. She had thrown herself with blind determination into her exams and was finally on her way down to the coffee shop to enjoy a book.

Sitting alone in her apartment, with just her thoughts and memories, irritated her too much. Just as she was heading out, the apartment super called. They had to come into her apartment and do some quick maintenance on some pipes—was she okay with him letting them in? She agreed, curious because she hadn’t had any trouble, and headed out in the elevator anyway.

The door swooshed open on the next floor down and she glanced up. Susan hobbled carefully to the elevator and Lucy held it for her. Workers were in her apartment too.

“Hi Susan. How are you feeling?”

“Oh so much better. I can’t believe how long this recovery is taken, but I’m able to do just about everything on my own now. Drew went back to Portland a few days ago.”

Lucy nodded and caught the sideways look Susan gave her. “I’m really glad you’re up on your feet again.”

“Yep. Modern medicine is such a marvel, don’t you think?” She sighed, leaning against the back wall. “I’m just lucky Drew could come and stay with me, otherwise I would have had a much harder go of it.”

Lucy nodded again.

“And the dear sweet boy, he bought me a washer and dryer so I don’t have to go down to the laundry room anymore.”

“Wow, that will be really convenient.” How much did Drew tell his mother? Obviously Lucy wouldn’t be the one to gossip about her son to her face. “I’m saving up for one right now. Just have to pay for school first, you know?”

“Of course. School is so important. I remember when Drew first told me his major, I just about laughed at him. But I supported him one hundred percent. He’s worked so hard to get where he is.”

Lucy’s ears buzzed, but she smiled politely.

“Do you know, when he first started he was in school full-time, plus working two part-time jobs? The kid slept about four hours a night, just to stay on top.”