Underworld (Dark Passage) (19 page)

I push myself just a little closer to the house. For a
moment I hesitate trying to calm the pounding of my
heart. Then I make the last few steps toward the
window and look inside. I stand there in shock.
Confusion at first and then waves of grief passed
through me like waves of water on the beach.

The figure standing in the entryway between the
rooms is Jen. She is wearing jeans and a white blouse
that is red with blood. She’s hung from a green
striped utility rope and her face bulges unnaturally.
Her skin is gray and her tongue protrudes out of her
mouth. It is so disturbing that I cannot take my eyes
off of her. Her hair is gleaming in the light and
behind her I see a woman dressed all in black. Her
skin is stretched tight across her face and her head
looks like a skull. Her dark eyes are alight with fire.
She is talking to me in a monotone voice.

“You should not have left them here a
lone. You
knew they would be in danger and you chose to help
Lisa and David instead. I can bring her back if you
only agree”.

I turned away from her and placed my hands over my
face. Tears flowed down my cheeks and great sobs
wracked my body. Jen was the best friend I could
have asked for and always there when I needed her
help. She had her entire life ahead of her and now
she is gone. We would never laugh together again,
never sit up all night and talk about our problems and
never see each other grow old. My life with Jen
flashed before me from when we were little girls until
the time I left the cave. I sift through the memories
and the something shouts out to me.
“No one ever really dies. They just go somewhere
else”.

With that, I opened my eyes, and wiped my face on
my sleeve. The vision of Jen rocked me to the core
but I know now she was trying to warn me just before
I found Tyler. Jen looked terrified as she waved me
toward the mountain and seemed to be begging me to
hurry. I had a sense of impending darkness and fear
of what was coming.

I don’t remember kicking my heels into Jast or the
rocks that flew beneath his hooves. Tyler had held on
tighter despite his weakened state and we ran up the
mountain as though our lives depended on it. I could
hear something behind us. The sound suggested that
whatever it was came with great force. I could smell
death very close and did not look back for fear of
what I would see.

Arrows flew past and
I leaned low on Jast’s neck to
reduce wind resistance. Then I felt something hit the
back of my head and dampness trickled down my
neck. I didn’t need to feel my head to know I was
bleeding and thought only of getting to the mountain.
Jen had been showing me the way and I knew it was
our only chance. I shouted for Tyler to get my knife
out of the saddlebag.

I could feel him fishing around in the saddlebag and
then heard a snap. His hand touched my arm and then
my hand felt the coolness of the ivory handle.
Anathema grew instantly warm in my hand and I held
it up in front of me. A great light is illuminated and I
held the blade to the sky.
Jast is in full flight and
crashing through brush as he races the last couple
hundred feet to the mountain.

The side of the mountain is just in front of us and then
I feel a sharp pain as an arrow penetrates my thigh.
The ground shuddersbeneath Jast’s hooves and I
could feel him collect himself and spring forward and
upward. The mountain was coming at us at break
neck speed and then we were passing through the
exterior as though it were made of water.

Jast landed on a cobblestone road on the other side of
the rock and his hooves rang out as he galloped
onward. I was bleeding badly and there was no
feeling in my thigh. I clung tenaciously to
consciousness feeling the life go out of me as the
blood flowed out of the wound. I was thinking only
of getting to safety and trying to stay alive. Maybe
she was still alive.

I want to put my hands over my ears and shut
everything out. I remember the night Jen and I sat on
the porch swing of the old white house sipping wine.
We sat watching the waves crashing to the shore on
the beach. Talking about how wonderful it would be
to start over with John out of her life. My only friend
true friend was Jen. All she ever wanted to do was
help people and make their lives better. This is how
her life is snuffed out.

The image of her hanging from a rope is an open
window in my mind. The rope around her beautiful
head as her body twirls slowly around. Her hands
bound by rope and her long hair mingled with blood.
The colors sparkled in the garish light of the great
room.

A cry rises in my throat, a wild, pathetic cry that
rocks me to the core. My eyes are blinded by tears
and I let myself slip fromJast’s back. I hold onto the
mane, press my face into his neck and sob. I cry for
all the things that have been ripped away from me.

For Jen who has been my family, for my sister and
brother taken so young, for gramma June, for the
people who are suffering on the outside and I even
allow myself to cry for me. Searing pain rocks my
body and I am overwhelmed with sadness. Hot tears
come in blinding succession until I a can cry no more.

I am empty inside, except for a deep sense of hatred
and revenge that gives me something to hold onto.
The desperate hatred is softened by the feeling that
Jen would not want this for me. At the core of my
hatred, is evil; so great, it will never be contained,
once it is loosed within me. I will never allow myself
to succumb to the hatred I feel inside.

My mind is exhausted and my body ravaged. I am
fading fast and yet I no longer care. Then from the
depth of my soul, comes a light. It penetrates the
darkness and shines over all of us. It is as bright as
the sun and as pure as a summer rain. Someone is
calling my name in the distance and I am oblivious.

Some dark, unseen thing grabs me and I am yanked
by my hair backward. It lifts me off my feet and the
breath is sucked from my lungs. Terror floods my
mind and I try and scream for help but words do not
come. A burning sensation rips through my body
and I began to lose consciousness. A harsh, whispery
voice speaks in an unknown language and then many
voices join the first. My eyes are open but there is
blackness all around me. I can sense many entities
around, and hear them emitting a deep growl, as a dog
does, just before attacking.

Then I see a man. His skin is pasty white and his
head bald and slightly misshapen. In sharp contrast
his eyes are as black as night and looking into them I
can see pools of dark water. He is tall and thin as a
scarecrow but large boned. A feeling of oppression
comes over me and I know that I am going to die.
The man smiles faintly and his eyes dance with light.
I hadn’t noticed before but he holds a short, twisted
dagger. I can’t make sense of what I am seeing and
then he speaks.
“What do you do”?

“Excuse me”? I say, confused by his question. My
head is spinning and the growling behind the man
grows louder. There is impending doom all around
me and then the darkness erupts with voices. They
all speak in low tones in languages I have never heard
before. The proximity and direction of the voices are
impossible to determine. They seemed to come from
everywhere but nowhere in particular.

Something swoop low overhead and I feel the wind
from its wings. The voices became quiet and fire
springs up all around. The heat from the flames is
intense and I step back instinctively. The man with
sickly white skin is joined by thousands of shadow
figures and they approach me.

I sink to my knees and wrap my arms around them.
My eyes close and I retreat to some hidden place
inside my mind.I have been here before and recognize
the place. White light shimmers all around me and I
sense peace and a great power. I focus on the light
and call it into myself. An intense surge of power
enters my body and rests inside me like a vault of
gold ready to be spent. I feel pure energy. Every
cell and every molecule inside me is alive and I am
aware of a chorus of a million voices. Unbelievable
ecstasy courses through my blood and I feel a pure
presence envelope me. It feels as though the million
voices are part of me and I become aware of a rushing
wind all around me.

The light suspends me in time and I can see my body
lying on the ground next to a figure. Standing apart
from the shadows his face was averted from me. I
sensed his goodness around the violence of the
tortured souls all around. He didn’t speak but his
voice seems to whisper to me and my senses are
soothed. I shield my thoughts, an automatic
protection learned over the years, and yet, I want him
to know me. The faint scent of rain and spice is
familiar and brings back a memory locked away long
ago. Then he turns, and I recognize the man from the
forest, who helped me when I was dying. His thick
eyelashes and faint smile touch me from somewhere
deep inside. The urge to reach for him is so strong
that it awakens a feeling of terrible conflict. His mind
reaches out to mine and surrounds me with comfort.

The sound of rushing wind becomes so loud I can
hear nothing else. Enormous power and strength lifts
me up and I am carried away from the darkness. The
sinister shadows fade away like an eerie mist and the
screams of countless souls rise as one. The voice is
that of the sickly looking white man.

I wake as rays of dawn spill onto my face. Still half
asleep, I feel an arm around my waist and a warm
body next to me. There is breath on my neck and my
hair is partially underneath the body next to me. I am
momentarily confused by the unfamiliar presence.

Tyler put his arm around me and pulls me closer. His
lips touch my hair and I remembered the last night we
were together. Pulling into the parking lot of Fred
Meyer in his Volvo sedan and parking at the far side
of the lot. He was stone cold sober even though we
had just come from Salty’s. We had danced, shot a
few games of pool and shared appetizers. All in all it
had been a great night but something had been off
with him. Something I couldn’t quiet put my finger
on but nevertheless he was acting strange.

I was putting on lip gloss before we went into the
store to rent a couple movies. I checked myself in my
mirror and saw him watching me from the driver’s
seat. He looked uneasy and flicked a glance into the
parking lot as though looking for someone. He looked
as thought something was going on that he was
holding back from me. We had been dating for
almost 2 years and I thought I knew him as well as I
knew myself. My heart speeds up and I suddenly feel
lightheaded. Something is definitely wrong.

He had dropped me off at home not long after that
and I watched his tail lights disappear into the night. I
expected him to call when he got home but the call

never came. In fact, I didn’t hear from him for weeks.
It was as though hedidn’t exist, and then suddenly, he
was dating someone else. We had never had a
problem or even a fight and I was blindsided. The
last time I had seen him had been in the woods when I
was attacked. He was silent and avoided my eyes
when I screamed for him to help me. He looked sad
but did nothing to help as I lay in the snow being
assaulted. Thinking to myself
, this isn’t really
happening to me.
He had taken my heart and thrown
it away like trash on the side of the road.

I blinked hard to keep the tears back. Tyler was
asleep and I could feel his steady breathing on my
back. The last thing I thought would ever happen was
to be lying like this with Tyler. If only he had helped
me that night in the woods. So much has happened
since that last night at Fred Meyers. I had become a
shell of my former self and hooked up with people
who were no good. Dragging myself through the
motions of each day and fighting to hold onto life. I
shudder as I recall those dark days. I recall the terror
and the humiliation of everything that happened. If I
hadn’t had Jen to pull me throughit’s difficult to say
what would have happened to me.

I’d known
Tyler from around school since we were in
the 8
^th
grade. He was the boy that every girl wanted
to date. Someone like Tyler was off limits to a girl
like me and yet he made me part of his group when I
most needed someone. He taught me to laugh, to feel,
to belong, to love and to be loved back. With Tyler at
my side I proved them wrong. He was my other half
and we even shared a passion for horses. We could
finish each other’s sentences and then we were no
more.

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw. I was no
longer that girl and had learned to survive on my
own. I took a deep breath. I had never considered the
possibility of talking to Tyler again let alone lying
next to him. My eyes fall to his forearm wrapped
around me. I feel somewhere between indifferent
and wanting to leave this place and ride away. I want
to pull away from him and leave but I am
immobilized. I find myself wondering what will
happen if I leave him behind. My stomach turns and I
can’t believe I am even considering taking him with
me. I turn my head and look outside.