Unforgiven (4 page)

“You handled it, so knock it off. It’s done.”

She was shaking her head. “So, everything okay with your wife?”

He pulled out his chair and sat down, glancing at the notes he’d made from the husband’s lawyer’s questioning. “Yeah, fine. Good. She has to have some tests, but I’m sure it’s nothing—and she’s not my wife. We’ve been through this.”

“Oh, yes, you’re just having a baby together. My father would roll over in his grave and have a few choice things to say to you. But then, he was from the old country and believed in traditional values,” she added, as if he hadn’t guessed.

“Erin, I don’t care what your father would’ve thought. This is the twenty-first century.”

She widened her eyes behind her glasses. “I’m just saying, you’re having a baby together, so get married, already.”

Why was he even having this conversation? “It’s not that simple. I asked her, we stood before a justice of the peace. She just didn’t go through with it.”

“Oh,” she said, glancing away. “Well, that changes things, then, doesn’t it?” She appeared surprised. “What did you do?”

Why wasn’t she dropping this? “Why do you think it was me?”

“Oh, your pleasing personality, maybe.” She smiled at him, and he noticed how straight her teeth were.

“You were right about the husband’s lawyer. Chess Kerkwell really did focus everything he had on the financial issues.” Samuel wondered how he’d missed something so vital that Erin had honed in on.

“She gave her husband control of the business and financed it. He was selling boats, and she paid no attention to what he was doing, and he pissed it away, made some flaky deals, mismanaged everything. Receivables were questionable. I’d be mad. She trusted him, and he burned her.”

Samuel was shaking his head, thinking of the young blond their client had married, ten years younger than her. Handsome, a man women fell all over. Samantha had, at forty-eight, what many had lost: she was in great shape, good looking, with dark hair and blue eyes. And she had been composed even when Chess Kerkwell tried to rattle her.

“So why didn’t you cross examine her husband?” Erin said. “I don’t understand how you could mess up like that.”

He’d seen Erin’s face when he’d said they had no questions, surprising the hell out of everyone—but he had his reasons. “Need to control the evidence and what was said. This is a disturbing case, and sometimes the best strategy is to not have a record of what the husband said, considering this is really coming down to a he said, she said.”

“Is it, though?” Erin said. “There’s the doctor’s report of her bruising.”

Samuel sat down in his chair, folding his hands over his middle and leaning his head back, thinking. “No, anyone could make the argument about rough sex. They’ve been married, what, five years? Look at him. Look at her. I mean, no kids, healthy sex life, who’s to say we’ll get the truth of what kinky stuff really went on in their bedroom?”

“What does that have to do with the fact that he raped her? A woman says no, it stops. End of story.”

“Yes, but there are, as you pointed out, a lot of holes in this case, so sometimes it’s better to control the evidence, which is exactly what I did.”

She was shaking her head when his phone rang. He stared at her, and she shook her head again, pulled open the door, and left.

He picked up the phone. “Samuel Wilde,” he said, watching Erin as she strode back to her desk, stopping to talk with an investigator who had placed something there.

“Samuel, it’s Jake.”

Well, that was the last person he wanted to talk to, the one person he held responsible for the tension between himself and his brothers. “What do you want, Jake?” He couldn’t believe that at one time they had been so close, living blocks away from each other, hanging out together almost every night—until Jake had taken his girl.

“I’m calling about Jill. I just called her, and she doesn’t sound well. I don’t know what happened, but I heard her in the background being sick, and she didn’t come back on the line. I’m concerned. Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, she hasn’t been feeling well, is all. We were just at the doctor, and they’re running some tests. I’ll check on her.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Hang on, why are you calling Jill?” Had they been talking again behind his back?

“I called because I think it’s time we find out whose baby this is. I’m done with the wondering and would think you would be, too. I have a life and a girl, a great girl, and I don’t want this hanging over our heads anymore. If it’s yours, we’re done, and Chris and I can get on with our lives and put it aside. But if it’s not, I think it’s time plans were made.”

“What do you mean, plans were made?” He wasn’t sure what Jake was talking about, but he was sure it didn’t mean waiting on the sidelines.

“Samuel, I wish you and Jill well, I do, but if this is my kid, I’m not going to be just a part-time dad, especially since Chris and I are living down in Arizona.”

“You can’t possibly be talking about taking a baby from its mother,” Samuel said. “Seriously, Jake, is this where it’s going to go?”

“Look, Jill agreed to the test. I did some homework. It’s just a simple blood test: you, me, and Jill. She said she’d talk to her doctor, as she had a blood test today. Look, let’s just deal with this first, find out whose it is.”

It was reasonable and made sense, but he wasn’t in any mood to be reasonable. He was still stuck on the fact that Jill was sick and must have hung up. “Look, I’ve got to go. I need to call Jill.”

He didn’t wait for his brother to respond as he hung up and dialed his home number. The phone rang one, two, three times. No answer. She couldn’t have gone out. Maybe something was really wrong. He was starting to sweat when the fifth ring took it to voicemail. He didn’t leave a message but hung up the phone. He pushed back his chair and opened his door.

“Natalie, can you come in here for a second?” he called. He waited for his secretary to come in, and he pulled on his coat, packed up his laptop, and stuffed the notes from the deposition in his attaché case along with the client file.

“Yes, Samuel?”

“I’ve got to go out. Jill’s sick. I’ve got my laptop and the client’s file. I may not be back today, but I have my cell phone in case you need to get a hold of me.”

“What should I tell Mr. MacGregor when he gets back?”

“Tell him I had a personal emergency and I’m going to be working from home for the rest of the day.” He wasn’t sure how his boss would respond, but he hoped he’d understand. After all, Samuel was the only junior associate at the firm with a number of billable hours that rivalled the partners’ combined total, and it was time they recognized his value.

As he stepped into the elevator and pressed the down button, he started worrying. He’d directed so much of his anger toward his family, all the hurt and rejection he was feeling, toward Jill, and now, because of him, she was run down and not feeling well. No, it was time he figured out his priorities. He wanted Jill, or he thought he did, but he needed to figure out what was more important, his brothers or his girl, who was carrying a baby that could be his or Jake’s.

Even though taking up with Deena had sent Jill Jake’s way, the fact that she had allowed another man to touch her, to bring out of her those soft sighs that he knew so well when he was buried deep inside her, was eating him alive. The fact that it had been his brother made it that much worse. Losing Jill had been bad, but losing his family, his brothers, was killing him.

***

“Jill,” he called to her as he shut the door behind him. The apartment was quiet, but then, Jill didn’t make a lot of noise. Even when she worked, the only thing he’d hear would be the occasional soft sigh and the click of the keyboard. But not today.

He lifted the strap of his laptop case over his head and dropped it on the sofa as he walked into the bedroom, and the first thing he saw was Jill sitting on the bed, pillows propped behind her, holding her laptop, with earphones plugged into her ears. She didn’t even see him standing in the doorway, she was so engrossed in what she was doing and whatever music she was listening to. His worry from moments before turned to anger.

“Jill!” he barked, and this time she jumped, looking up, her eyes widening as she pulled the earphones from her ear.

“What are you doing here?” She appeared surprised. “You said you would be late.”

“Well, funny thing. Got a call from my brother, you know, Jake, and he tells me he called you and you were talking to him one moment and then you were gone. He was pretty sure he was hearing you being sick, and then you never came back on the phone. You disconnected and then didn’t answer again. He was worried, I’m worried. I called, too, and you didn’t answer, so what was I to think? So I raced home, and I’m in the middle of a really big case. Why the hell didn’t you answer the phone—and what are you doing, talking to my brother again, anyway?”

She firmed her lips. “Would you like me to answer your demands in order?” She crossed her arms, giving him a look he’d never seen before.

He just stood there and then gestured in frustration.

“Fine,” she said. “Let me see. Yes, I was sick. It’s called being pregnant. I didn’t feel like talking to Jake, so I hung up. I saw he called back again, and I didn’t answer because I know how much it upsets you when I speak with him, so, to keep the peace and not upset you, I’m continuing to walk on eggshells around you, thinking all the time, ‘If I do this, will it upset Samuel?’ or ‘If I do this, will he finally be happy with me?’”

He couldn’t believe what she was saying, making him sound like such an asshole.

She shrugged. Her expression seemed so resigned. “I have a project I have to finish today, and I like listening to music at times. It relaxes me and drowns out the background noise of this empty place, so no, I didn’t hear the phone ring. And just to set the record straight, I’m not talking to your brother all the time. This is the first time I’ve heard from him since I saw him in Phoenix to tell him about the baby, so stop making it sound as if I’m carrying on with Jake. I’m not. He called to ask about getting the paternity test done now. Of course he wants to know. He’s apparently been doing his own homework, and we don’t have to wait until the baby is born.

“He wants to get on with his life and not have this unknown hanging over his head, and he’s right. We need to do this now. Pretending this isn’t an issue and not wanting to know is something we have to stop. I was—no, I am afraid of finding out it’s Jake’s and then learning how you’ll really feel, because deep down I’ve always been afraid that you’ll walk away again. I can’t live like this anymore, waiting for the other shoe to drop, hearing you say you want me but living with your moodiness for months, not missing the way you look at me when you think I’m not watching. I wonder if it’s just a matter of time before you’re done with me forever. I’ve been so afraid of that, so afraid to find out.”

Her voice betrayed how hard she was trying to hold herself together, and then a tear slipped down her cheek. She shut her eyes for a second as if to pull herself together. When she opened them, they were filled with despair and something else, as if she’d lost the will to fight for him. “I can’t do this anymore,” she said. “If you decide to walk away, then just do it. Maybe it’s for the best, because I can’t live with this, knowing I’m responsible for driving a wedge between your family, between your brothers, who didn’t even come to the wedding.”

Why was she saying this, doing this, now? It had to be the pregnancy, that surge of hormones making her crazy.

“Jill, you came back to me after bedding my brother. You never should have been with him, never. He was my brother, Jill!” He slammed his fist on the dresser. Before, she’d have probably jumped, but she just watched him, resigned. She was calm now like she’d never been before.

“I know, Samuel, and you’re right. I shouldn’t have. It just happened. He was there for me after you hurt me. I thought we were past this. When I called you after I left him…we’ve been together ever since, Samuel. You said you loved me, but I’m starting to wonder if it was more that you didn’t want Jake to have me. Do you love me? Me, Samuel.” She touched her hand to her chest.

“You’re in me, Jill. I knew I made a mistake when you left me, when I was with Deena.”

“Deena, yes, the one you picked up in the bar while I sat across from you and watched. Your brother was there at the table with us, and it still hurts knowing that Jake was as horrified as I was. It was deliberate, what you did. It was as if you stuck a knife in my heart. That would have been kinder, I think.”

He could feel his face warm. That was one of the stupidest things he’d ever done in his life, and he’d done some pretty monumentally dumb things that he hoped everyone around him would soon forget.

The silence between them thickened the air with a tension that couldn’t be good for Jill. He hated it. He should say something, anything. She just stared at him, waiting—for what, he didn’t know.

“Since you look good, I’m going to head on back to the office. I have notes to go over, a case to prepare.”

She didn’t even nod as she stared at him.

“Call me if you need anything,” he said.

“I’ll be fine, Samuel. I’m a big girl. You go on back to work. I have my own work to do here.” She looked down at her laptop resting on her legs, then picked up the earbuds and put them back in her ears as if dismissing him.

He glanced once at her rounded belly, at a baby that could be his or his brother’s. Then he backed out of the room, picked up his laptop case, grabbed his keys, and left.

As he waited at the elevator, he knew in the back of his mind that he should really go back in and talk to Jill, to ease her mind and find a way to eliminate her fears, but the problem was that he realized he was as disillusioned as Jill and was starting to question everything. No, maybe this was best for him and for her, some space to clear their heads. Let her calm down and see reason.

The elevator door dinged, and he stepped inside and pushed the button. The doors slid closed. Instead of feeling comfortable with walking away, he felt as if nothing had changed and he was stuck in a repeating cycle. Samuel was a rock star in the corporate world, but his personal life and relationships were the one area where he continued to fail miserably. He didn’t have a clue what he was going to do.