Unrequited (38 page)

I Love Dick
(Kraus), 194

Imlay, Gilbert, 190–93, 195

Inferno
(Dante), 144

insecure attachment style, 109–10

intermittent positive reinforcement, 46–47

“Intimate Letters” (Janáček’s string quartet), 7

inverts, 73

Iustus’s wife’s story, 67–69

Jack (Emma’s crush), 216, 217

Janáček, Leoš, 7

Jane Eyre
(C. Brontë), 75, 193

Janey’s story, 44–47, 49, 52, 57

Jerry’s story, 152–53

Jim (object of unrequited love), 78–80, 85, 87

Johnny (Maria’s husband), 59–60

Joseph (object of unrequited love), 113–17

Jung, Carl, 91–92

Jung, Emma, 91–92

Jungian psychology, 58, 91–92, 175, 188

Katherine’s story, 35–37, 38

Keith, in
Some Kind of Wonderful,
42–43

Klebold, Dylan, 179

Knowles, Beyoncé, 7

Kraus, Chris, 194, 195

Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 219

Kundera, Milan, 18

Lachmann, Suzanne, 126–27

Ladies’ Home Journal,
122–23

Lady Gaga, 11–12

Lane, Edward, 74–75

Langhinrichsen-Rohling, Jennifer, 148, 149, 152, 154, 159

Lannon, Richard, 108–9

Larter, Ali, 7

Lasdun, James, 154–56, 159–60

La Vita Nuova
(Dante), 7, 20, 21

Lawrence, in
The House of Mirth,
16

Layla, in
Layla and Majnun
(Persian fable), 196

Layla and Majnun
(Persian fable), 196

Lefroy, Tom, 197

Legally Blonde
(musical), 183

The Legend of the Lost Cause
(art piece), 144

Le Morte d’Arthur
(Malory), 22

Leno, Jay, 121

lesbianism, 73, 74, 132, 175, 200–204

Les Misérables
(Hugo), 96

Letters
(Wollstonecraft), 192, 193

letting go, 208–31

     Amalia’s story, 213–14

     author’s story, 208–9, 220–21, 222, 228–31

     cognitive behavioral therapy, 210–12

     Emma’s story, 215–17

     
epiphanies, 212–13

     Lina’s story, 225–29

     Melissa’s story, 223–24, 225

     Rina’s story, 214–15

     social attachment, 222–25

Lewis, Thomas, 108–9

L’Histoire d’Adèle H.
(film), 98–99

The Life of Henry Brulard
(Stendhal), 22–23

Lily, in
The House of Mirth,
16

limerence, 76, 80–82, 84–86, 87

Lina’s story, 225–29

Linehan, Marsha, 217

The Line, crossing, 113, 117, 144, 149

Little Mermaid (character), 161–62, 163, 164

The Little Mermaid
(fairy tale and musical), 162, 163, 164

Lombardo, Michael, 178

Long Island Lolita, 6

Lorne (object of unrequited love), 54–55

The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.
(Waldman), 87

Love and Limerence
(Tennov), 76, 80

lover’s high, 83

lovesickness, 64–92

     Alice’s story, 88–92

     in ancient Rome, 67–69

     Antiochus’s story, 69–70

     author’s story, 64–67

     cures for, 69, 70, 71, 72

     defined, 66–67

     Dido and Aeneas, 68

     Galen’s diagnosis of, 67, 69

     Iustus’s wife’s story, 67–69

     limerence, 76, 80–82, 84–86, 87

     male vs. female, 69–72

     during Middle Ages and Renaissance, 70–72

     neurochemistry of, 82–83

     in 19th century, 72–76

     pharmaceutical treatment of, 85–87

     reemergence of, 77

     in romantic practicality era, 77, 81, 84

     Samara’s story, 78–80, 85–86, 87

     shaming of women, 67, 71–72

Lucy, in
Peanuts,
230–31

Luke’s story, 150–52, 153, 154

Madame de T., in
Slowness,
18

Maggie’s story, 112–13

Majnun, in
Layla and Majnun
(Persian fable), 196

Malory, Sir Thomas, 22

la manie du doute,
64

Marazziti, Donatella, 83, 95

Maria’s story, 59–63, 102, 209

Marissa’s story, 173–75

Marius, in
Les Misérables,
96

marriage, 49–51, 86

Marry Him!
(Gottlieb), 84

Mars, Bruno, 132

Martin (object of unrequited love), 128–31

masochistic zone, 127–28, 129

masturbation, 86

Mating Intelligence Unleashed
(Geher), 102–3

McMillan, Tracy, 99

medications, 85, 86, 87–88

Melissa’s story, 223–24, 225

Meloy, J. Reid, 29, 125, 127, 130, 144

Merida, in
Brave,
162

Middle Ages and Renaissance, lovesickness in, 70–72

Milesia, virgins of, 72

Millay, Edna St. Vincent, 142

misogyny cure, 72

Mitch’s story, 157–59, 160

monomania, 73

Monroe, Rachel, 179

motivational paradox, 57

Mrs. Robinson’s Disgrace
(Summerscale), 74–75

murders, stalking, 7

My Life
(Duncan), 198–99

Myspace, 170

narcissism of unrequited love, 118–40

     Amber’s story, 125–26

     author’s story, 118–19, 136

     Carolyn’s story, 132–36, 219

     Dante and, 21

     frozen state, 126–27

     Lisa Nowak’s story, 121–23, 124, 125

     pathology of, 125, 144, 149–50

     Renzo’s story, 137–40

     sacrificing of self to, 119–21, 123, 124–25, 139–40

     sense of entitlement, 130

     suicide, 131–32, 134–35

     Tillie’s story, 128–31

     two sides of narcissism, 126–28

narcissistic linking fantasy, 29

narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), 127–28

NASA’s stalking incident, 121–23

Nasreen (cyberstalker), 155–56, 159–60

national courtship system, 50

National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence (NIPSV) survey, 146

Neely, Carol, 72

Nehring, Christina, 24

neurochemistry of love and attachment, 77, 82–83, 85–86, 124

Newland Archer, in
The Age of Innocence,
16

Nicholas and Alexandra, 41–42

Nikki’s story, 169–72

NIPSV study, 146

Nordegren, Elin, 149

not yet
relationships, 18, 30, 34, 38, 42

Nowak, Lisa, 6, 121–23, 124, 125

NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), 127–28

Obsessed
(film), 7

obsessional relational intrusion (ORI), 9–10, 109, 147

obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), 81–83, 211

Oefelein, William, 121–22, 124

Oliver (Lina’s friend), 226–28

On Death and Dying
(Kübler-Ross), 219

online relationships, 33–34

On Love
(Stendhal), 23–25, 37–38

On Prognosis
(Galen), 69

Opposite to Emotion Action (CBT tool), 212

orbital-frontal cortex of brain, 198

orders of protection, 158, 159

ORI (obsessional relational intrusion), 9–10, 109, 147

Ovid, 189

oxytocin, 83, 95–96

Paper Bag Princess (character), 162

parasocial interaction, 177

parental investment theory, 101

“Part of Your World” (song), 164

Patricia’s story, 141–45

Peanuts
(comic strip), 230

Peter (Emma’s teacher), 215, 216–17

Phaon, 189

Philip, in
Dear Lemon Lima,
181

phrenology, 73–74

Pickhardt, Carl, 172–73, 175

Pinson, Albert, 96, 97–98

Plato, 30

Plyades (object of unrequited love), 67, 68–69

Poehler, Amy, 44

pop culture and unrequited love, 47

Portinari, Beatrice, 20–21

post-traumatic stress disorder, 159

pothos,
188–89

Powell-Lunder, Jennifer, 172

Prenez soin de vous
(Calle’s art installation), 193–94

preoccupied attachment style, 109–10

pre-relationship stalking, 107

The Price of Salt
(Highsmith), 203

Prince Eric, in
The Little Mermaid,
161–62

Princess Knight (character), 162

protest response, 108–9, 110, 111, 113, 116–17, 130

Psycho Bitch, 116–17

psychology

     attachment theory, 48, 108–10

     cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), 85, 210–12

     dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), 217–18

     evolutionary, 101–3, 106–7

     Freudian, 127, 194

     goal-linking theory, 57–58, 130, 212

     Jungian, 58, 91–92, 175, 188

     limerence, 76, 80–82, 84–86, 87

     of male victims, 152–54, 159

     of narcissism, 126–28

     of pursuit behaviors, 100–101, 145–46, 148

     of relationship violence, 146–50

psychopathy, 86

Puccini, Giacomo, 186–87

pursuit of men by women, 93–117

     Angela’s story, 104–6, 108–11

     attachment theory and, 108–10

     author’s story, 93–95

     as common occurrence, 100–101

     cross-dressing as means of, 96–99

     crossing The Line, 113, 117, 144, 149

     cultural discouragement of, 99–100, 101–2

     evolutionary psychology and, 101–3, 106–7

     hormonal changes and, 95–96

     Maggie’s story, 112–13

     Sylvia’s story, 113–16

rage, rejection and, 117, 124

rape culture, 154

Rapunzel, in
Tangled,
162

rejected

     brain-scans of, 83, 109

     depression in, 110–11

rejecters, understanding, 47–49, 51–52, 54–55, 56, 136–40

rejection

     and rage, 117, 124

     usefulness of, 58–59

relationship education programs, 229–30

relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder, 81

Renaissance and Middle Ages, lovesickness in, 70–72

Renzo’s story, 137–40

reward center of brain, 195, 196

Richardson, Nick, 156

Rick (object of unrequited love), 213–15

Rina’s story, 185–88, 214–15

Roberto (object of unrequited love), 26–29

Robinson, Henry, 74–75

Robinson, Isabella, 74–75

Roger (Sally’s crush), 182–83

Romanticism, 73, 75–76, 131

romantic obsession.
See also
unrequited love

     addictive nature of, 124

     development of, 3, 145–46

     ending of.
See
letting go

     selfishness of, 26

     as spiritual and creative force, 72–73, 188–89, 194–99

romantic practicality, era of, 77, 81, 84, 111, 132

Rome, ancient, lovesickness in, 67–69

Rosenfeld, Barry, 217

Roy (object of unrequited love), 125–26

The Rules
(Fein and Schneider), 25

Russell (object of unrequited love), 30–33, 34

Ryan (object of unrequited love), 52–54, 55–56, 57–58

Sabourin, Genevieve, 11

Sally’s story, 182–84

Salmacis, Hermaphroditus and, 154–55

Samara’s story, 78–80, 85–86, 87

Sand, George, 97, 98

Sappho, 188–89

Schaeffer, Rebecca, 7

Schroeder, in
Peanuts,
230

Scott (object of unrequited love), 60–63

script of unrequited love, 39–63

     author’s story, 39–41

     cost-benefit analysis, 53–55

     dating culture, 50–51

     in films, 42–43

     goal-linking, 57–58

     Janey’s story, 44–47, 49, 52, 57

     Maria’s story, 59–63, 102, 209

     Nicholas and Alexandra, 41–42

     rejecters, 47–49, 51–52, 54–55, 56

     Sonya’s story, 52–54, 55–56, 57–58, 219–20

     Taylor Swift song and video, 43–44

secure attachment style, 110

secure base for exploration, 108

Seleucus (King of Syria), 69–70

self-expansion model of love, 57

serotonin, 83, 86

sexual abuse during childhood, 109

sexual intercourse

     as cure for lovesickness, 69, 70, 71

     religious rules on, 60, 86

Shakespeare, William, 96

Sharon (object of unrequited love), 201–4

Shaver, Phillip, 48

Shipman, Colleen, 121

short-term mating strategies, 106

Sina, Ibn, 210

Sinclair, H. Colleen, 145–47, 149, 153

Sir Lancelot, in
Le Morte d’Arthur,
22

Slater (object of unrequited love), 89–91, 92

Slowness
(Kundera), 18

Snow White (character), 162

social attachments and letting go, 222–25

social media

     creating fake accounts, 170–71

     crushes and, 165–66, 177–79

     fangirl ethos, 178–79

     romantic obsessions and, 133–34

     stalking and, 11, 151, 152–53

soft stalking, 9–10, 109, 146

Some Kind of Wonderful
(film), 42–43

“Someone Like You” (song), 197

Sonya’s story, 52–54, 55–56, 57–58, 219–20

The Sorrows of Young Werther
(Goethe), 131, 134

Speller, Katie, 178

sperma,
buildup of, 70, 72

spinster artists, 197

Spitzberg, Brian, 9, 57–58, 229

Staël, Germaine de, 131

stalker films, female, 6–7

stalkers, female.
See
gender pass for stalking; Nowak, Lisa

stalking

     author’s story, 1–3, 148

     childhood trauma and, 109

     cyberstalking, 155–56

     definition of criminal stalking, 146

     gender pass.
See
gender pass for stalking

     
by Lisa Nowak, 121

     male victims of.
See
gender pass for stalking

     orders of protection, 158, 159

     pre-relationship, 107

     progression to, 145

     soft, 9–10, 109, 146