Unsteady (The Torqued Trilogy Book 1) (45 page)

“Nova, go put the snake back where you found it.” I can tell he’s trying to sound authoritative, but honestly, he just sounds nervous. Needless to say, his plan doesn’t work and to his horror, she tosses it in our direction and throws the snake directly at Red. It literally lands on his lap.

In a jerked motion, he jumps up knocking his beer and chair to the ground and flings the snake out of his lap. “THE FUCK!”

It hits the concrete with a slap and slithers to the edge of the grass between the fence and the patio.

I can’t help the look of surprise that has to be so obvious on my face. “Are you afraid of snakes?” I ask, barely able to keep from bursting out in laughter. The thought that Reddington Walker is afraid of snakes is one of the funniest damn things I can think of. He’s easily six two some 200 pounds of tattooed bad boy and here he is looking like he wants to climb on the roof to escape a snake.

“What? No,” he says not at all convincingly, keeping his eyes on the snake as if to make sure it doesn’t turn around and attack.

“He’s lying.” Nova puts her hand on her hip. Sassy little thing.

Red glares down at his daughter, stepping sideways away from the snake another step. “I am not.”

“Okay, well then, pick it up,” I challenge, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Nova giggles, jumping up and down. “Yeah, Daddy, pick it up.”

His gaze falls from mine, and to the snake. “Nope.” And then he walks into the house.

FOR THE ENTIRE day, I stay at Red’s house with him and Nova. We don’t do much of anything aside from lay out in the sun while Red cuts fire wood. When the sun begins to dip down, clouds roll in, peppering the sky with gray, some dark, some lighter as a mist of rain falls.

“It’s about to pour on us,” Red notes, looking up at the sky. “Nova’s gonna be pissed if she doesn’t get her s’mores.”

“Yeah, she seemed hell-bent on them,” I say, smiling up at him as he places another chunk of wood in their fire pit.

He reaches for my hand again and I smile. “And there’s nothing better than a gooey marshmallow between graham crackers with chocolate oozing from it,” I say, trying to tease him a little.

He draws in a whistled breath watching me, shaking his head with his eyebrows raised, as if to say, I’m screwed. “You shouldn’t say those things to me.”

“Why?” I ask, letting out a chuckle.

“Because I have no control when it comes to you.” His hand goes to my bare thigh and higher until it reaches the edge of my jean shorts. “I can’t deny you no matter how hard I try and I’ve only known you a month. I don’t see how that’s possible.”

“Don’t believe in love at first sight I take it,” I blurt out, wanting to slap my hand over my mouth. I feel completely stupid for saying that and immediately realize I said love in that sentence and want to take it back. Only I don’t.

I wait.

I want to see what he’s going to say next.

He turns his head and he stares at the house where Nova is changing her clothes. “I don’t believe in love at first sight,” Red says almost in a conversational manner. “That’s just a fairy tale for romance novels and movies.” He waits, and then asks, “Do you?”

“Do I what?” I’m stalling because I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to answer that. Do I? When I said it to him, I was teasing, making light of the situation. I really meant it when I’d told him don’t think I know what love is. I’ve only ever known what I was told I should feel.

When I don’t say anything, he reminds me of the question. “Believe in love at first sight?”

“No.” My nerves jump a little that I’m talking about this with him. “I guess maybe I don’t. People throw the word around too easily these days. They wanna say it as soon as they lay eyes on someone and it doesn’t work that way.”

He nods, taking in my confession.

“The only reason you’ve never been in love is because no one has ever given you a choice in the matter,” he says and then his eyes find mine again, wanting to see my reaction.

“There’s probably some truth in the matter, but couldn’t you say the same thing about your situation? I mean you said yourself you married Nevaeh because she was pregnant.”

He presses his lips together, weighing his response. “I married her because she was pregnant, yes, but it didn’t mean I didn’t love her and that I didn’t want Nova. She was definitely something I never saw myself doing, the whole baby thing, but once I saw Nova, that all changed.”

Before he can say anymore, I ask, “And you certainly never saw yourself being a single dad, huh?”

“No… never. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” His eyes move from the fire he gets going to Nova in the kitchen with an armful of stuffed animals trying to drag them out of the house with her. When she has them on the porch, one by one, she brings them to sit around the fire with us.

“You’re doing great with her.” I turn in the seat to face him now. “She’s a good kid.”

Red breathes in deeply and then slowly lets it out. His right hand moves from the ax he had been holding and lays it on the ground before sitting next to me on the log in front of the fire. “I’m not gonna lie to you. I loved Nevaeh with all my heart. It wasn’t easy on me. For a while, I thought I’d never move on and then one day, it got a little easier. Didn’t hurt as bad. And then the next… same thing. It’s been two years now and it’s gotten easier.”

“But you’re not over it?”

He shifts slightly, maybe uncomfortable with my question. Though there’s no sun, he squints and I think maybe it’s painful for him. “I don’t think you ever get over that.”

“Do you ever see yourself getting married again?”

“For a long time I would have told you no.” He smiles over at me. “I think about it more now than I did when she died. I told myself she was it for me. I would never love again, but I’m slowly coming aroud to the idea of maybe.”

I smile, realizing I know him a little better now. Like somehow that confession gives me what I’m looking for from him. A little truth. Not that he was keeping anything from me, but I can tell he’s reluctant to say anything to me. Maybe from fear, I’m not sure. “Are you worried about what Nova thinks?”

Nova steps back from her animals, completely oblivious to Red and me talking, and runs inside the house. “I used to be, but I kinda let her take the lead on that. She seems to like you though.” He laughs with a nervous edge and then leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “What about you?”

“I don’t even know where I’m sleeping next month, let alone what I’m going to do.” I laugh, thinking about the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

Red laughs too, raising his hand to scratch the underside of his jaw. “Yeah, well, you at least have a job.” And then he looks at me. “And you have a place to sleep.” I know he’s not referring to Tyler’s couch. By the look on his face, he’s talking about his bed.

“Thank you, I appreciate that.”

He smiles at the song that comes on the radio, giving my shoulder a nudge and when my eyes catch his, I want to drown in their depths. “Wanna dance?”

“What?” I laugh, looking around but thankful for the subject change nonetheless. “It’s raining.”

It’s only a sprinkle and hasn’t stopped Nova in bringing out her entire bedroom.

“Oh, please. When has the weather ever stopped a girl like you?” He stands and extends his hand to me, nodding to the yard. “Come on, get up before I change my mind.”

I let him help me up from the chair. We walk to the middle of the yard where he takes my hand in his.

His hands wrap around my waist drawing my body near. “Thanks for staying today,” he whispers in my ear. “Even though she’s in her own world right now, Nova loved having you here.”

I pull back and shake my head. “You just enjoyed staring at me in the yard with my bra and underwear on.” I didn’t exactly have a bathing suit with me. Hell, I was still wearing last night’s dusty clothes. But when a five-year-old asks if you want to go swimming in her kiddie pool, you strip down and go swimming.

Red raises his eyebrows in amusement. “Well, any chance I get to see you half naked is worth it.” He forces me to lay my head against his chest, his body slowly moving in circles.

“Except in the shop?”

“Yeah, I’m not too comfortable seeing the guys staring at you.” His arms tighten around me, holding me a little closer as I wrap myself around him. It’s good to be with him like this, my head against his chest hearing the gentle rhythm of his heart.

Inhaling, the fresh smells of rain and wet dirt invade my senses. I’ll remember this moment right here, too. I will because while he’s slow dancing with me, the rain starts again and it’s something I’ve never experienced before. As if my heart is telling me to remember this, cherish it because it’s going to be a memory I keep, a sliver of light in a darkness that surrounds me at times.

A slow creeping smile overtakes me, though, formed by visions of what it would be like to fall for him. I imagine it’s similar to this, slow dancing, a gentle breeze, and raindrops like the night’s kisses.

“What do you want, Lennon?”

I take a deep breath. I want a lot of things, but then again, all I really want is what I’ve never had before. True boundless love. “You. I want you, and though it scares the ever living shit out of me, I want to be part of your lives.”

He moves closer, bringing his arms up and cupping my face. “Then what are you afraid of?”

I stare into his beautiful brown eyes. “I’m scared that all of this will come crashing down. I’ve spent my life believing I couldn’t be happy. I’m scared to need you.”

He shakes his head, keeping his eyes locked on mine and then leans forward to rest his forehead against mine. “Don’t be scared.” He pulls his face back and looks down at me. “I’ll keep you safe.”

I smile. “As long as I’m not being attacked by a snake, right?”

He glares. “You just ruined that moment.”

“I told you. I’ve got horrible timing.”

His hand moves from my waist to my ass. “I know a guy who might be able to adjust that for.”

“Daddy, why are you touching Lenny’s butt?”

We both freeze at that moment. Looking at each other with surprise at being caught. Suddenly, Red slaps my ass, and I yelp not expecting it.

“She just had a bug on her butt, darlin’ and I was getting it for her.” I put one hand on my ass rubbing the spot where he just slapped the hell out of me while giving him a look of promise for revenge.

Nova’s brow pinches in thought. “Oh. Well make sure you hit it hard.”

Red looks down at me and smiles. “Will do.”

He convinces me to stay with him again that night, not that it’s all that hard, but he says something when we’re inside his room.

“I kept my head down for a long time,” he tells me. “But with you, I looked up.”

“I’m glad you did,” I say, leaning in to kiss him, just once.

“I’m not going to let him hurt you anymore, Lenny.” He places his hand on my cheek. “I won’t let him anywhere near you.”

For the first time in my life, the promise of his words resonate and settle themselves in my soul. I’m safe here, with him.

Lenny ended up staying the weekend with me, and I can honestly say it was the best weekend I’d had in a long time.

“Daddy, can we go to Mommy’s grave before you take me to preschool?”