Unsteady (The Torqued Trilogy Book 1) (40 page)

His chair screeches against the tile. “Fuck you.” And then he leaves. Immediately, Raven leans across the table to high-five me. “Knew that’d get him to leave.”

I look at her expectantly. “What do I make?”

“Spaghetti.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” Raven pushes herself away from the table and to the kitchen drawers near the microwave. She digs through a large cookbook and pulls out small white notecard. “Make this recipe.” And then she reaches for her purse on the edge of the kitchen chair she was sitting at. “Let’s go to the store. I’ll help you make it.”

I look down at the card in my hands and the neat handwriting. There’s no name on it, but with the ingredients, I gather this is some kind of special recipe. “Where did you get this?”

“My mom.” She shrugs, nodding to the door. “Let’s go.”

I stand and follow her out the door. “Where’d she get it?”

We’re at her car now. “Not sure. It’s Red’s favorite though.”

Her car doors unlock when she clicks the button. A breeze kicks up, fresh cut grass moving through the air. I breathe in deeply, the warm summer air on my back as I get inside the car.

You can do this, Lenny.

When we reach the stop light, Raven stares at me. “So this ex of yours… he’s really after you?”

“Yeah, he is. I mean, I knew he’d come eventually. He’s always been abusive, just more verbally than anything but then he hit me… so I left that night without telling him.” It’s weird telling Raven all this because I never open up to anyone in fear they’ll think less of me. But then again, talking with Raven came naturally. “I filed for divorce and then a restraining order, and that pissed him off even more.”

“That’s crazy.” Raven gasps as we pull into the parking lot of the grocery store down the street from her house. “What an asshole.”

“Pretty much.” I pick up the recipe card. “Man, this looks complicated.”

I’M RIGHT. IT is complicated. I mean, the damn thing called for cinnamon. Who puts cinnamon in their spaghetti sauce is beyond me.

I’ve never thought of myself as a cook, but I can certainly follow a recipe and it usually turns out pretty good. My problem is, deep down, I know who’s recipe this is. I know I can’t fuck this up.

“I know he’s an ass most of the time, but my brother really likes you.” Raven tells me as we cook.

I didn’t know it, until now, but maybe that was my intention all along coming over here to talk to Raven. Something clicked. I can have this. I just have to be careful, right?

When I have the spaghetti done and placed inside one of Mia’s dishes, I wrap the top with foil and take a deep breath. Raven hugs me tightly from behind when I’m at the door, careful not to squeeze too hard that I drop the dish. “It’s going to work,” she whispers. “Call me later and tell me how it went.”

“Thank you for helping me. I’ve never had a friend like you before, or a friend at all.”

She winks and slaps my ass. “Go get him, tiger.”

I don’t know what he’ll say when I show up, but I’m trying this time. I think what scares me the most is falling in love with him, because it’s heading there. I know it is.

I don’t know how to love. All I’ve ever been is property: of the state, of Wes, of a tattoo artist using my body as a canvas… of Ben. My strength and weakness at times is my shield. The way I force myself not to love anyone.

Mostly because the purest, most natural aspect of a child’s life, unconditional love, I’ve been denied. That’s why it was easy to fall for Ben and his lies because I didn’t know any different. I was never given the basic form of love nor did I understand how to accept it when someone showed me they cared.

NOVA MUST HEAR me pull up, because she’s the first one out the door and directly followed by Red grabbing the hood of her sweatshirt to pull her back inside the house. When he sees it’s me, he lets her come outside and greet me at my car.

“Lenny, it’s you.”

I open my door leaving the window down. “It is me.” I reach across the seat for the spaghetti, my peace offering. “I brought you guys some spaghetti.”

Nova’s eyes light up. I’ve missed her smiling face so much this week. Red kept her away from the shop, probably for good reason. “How did you know that’s my daddy’s favorite food?”

I smile and kneel down to her level tucking one wild curl behind her ear. “Wild guess.”

“You must be psycho.”

“You mean psychic?”

“Yeah, that.” She motions over her shoulder with her finger. “Daddy’s inside.”

He’s not. He’s standing on the porch with his hands buried deep in his pockets.

“We’re going to the races tonight to watch Daniel.”

Crap. I should have known they had plans.

It takes me a minute to meet his eyes. I’m too focused on his appearance in jeans and a T-shirt with a baseball hat on backwards, his arms of steel crossed over his chest.

In his eyes, there’s a war. It’s the simple lift of his brow that lets him know I’m not welcome. But I stay because it’s him and even if he doesn’t know it, he needs me here with him.

Well, I’ve certainly fucked things up, haven’t I?

“I’ll leave. I just wanted to bring this by.” I push the dish forward and he takes it.

His eyes rake over my body, lingering on my shorts. Of course I wore his favorite shorts. His left hand raises and scratches the side of his scruffy jaw, his knuckles cracked and bloody. “What are you doing here?”

I hesitate because he’s so intimidating with the way he stands there, eyes boring on mine, waiting for my apology. “I know… I hurt you. I just—”

A sigh rolls off his chest. “I’m
not
hurt,” he interrupts.

“Yes, you are.”

“He’s kinda cranky,” Nova remarks from her place beside him, looking up at her dad with wide innocent blue eyes.

A mocking smirk plays at Red’s lips. “Nope. Not cranky… or upset.” And then he looks down at Nova. “Hey, darlin’, go grab your jacket so we can leave.”

He turns around too, and takes the spaghetti inside. I stay on the porch, fidgeting with the hem of my jean shorts, afraid to move. I’m such an idiot. I should have called first. Leave it to me to just
assume
I could show up.

Just when I’m thinking of turning around and leaving, Red comes back outside. “So that’s it?” he mumbles, pushing himself from the wall he’s leaning against, refusing to sit down.

“I don’t know.” I’m caught off guard by all this, his intensity and the lowness of his voice directed at me.

“Say it then.” His head turns to me, his eyes narrow. He stares at me for a second, much longer than I would expect him to before his gaze drops.

“Say what? That I’m sorry? I am.”

“Lenny!” Nova comes barreling back out with her coat. “Come with us!”

My gaze cuts to Red to see what he might say about that. He’s tight-lipped and quiet, the clench of his jaw the only movement seen.

Yep. I’ve pissed him off again. Now it’s becoming an hourly occurrence.

He looks at Nova. “Go grab your blankie too.”

She huffs out a breath. “You’re doing this on purpose.” And then she steps back in the house.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Ben?” he asks when Nova’s out of earshot.

I swallow down my embarrassment, ignoring the churning in my gut. I breathe in a deep breath, my eyes on my feet because looking at Red in the eye is hard for me to do after everything that went down in the last week. I hurt him. “I didn’t tell you because when I first met you, I didn’t think it was any of your business. I wasn’t even going to tell Tyler, but I needed a job and I had to explain it to him. I made a huge mistake being with Ben, and it wasn’t something I wanted to advertise. Then I found out about Nevaeh and I didn’t want you involved more than ever. And then we….” I motion between us. “And then I was scared because I have feelings for you and I didn’t exactly go about it the right way. I wanted us to work. I just didn’t see how we could with Ben still in the mix.”

Nova pops out of the house, curls bouncing all over the place in a wild mess. “Let’s go!” And then she grabs my hand. “Come with us!”

Drawing in a deep breath, I know what this means. If I get in this car with them, this is the moment everything changes. It’s me saying I’m part of this. I’m committing to the both of them. It’s me opening up to Red in ways I’ve never let someone in before.

I’m ready to do that, for both Red and Nova.

I can’t walk away from them. I’m scared, sure, how could I not be?

I look back over my shoulder at Red as Nova pulls me to the car. “Do you mind if I come?”

He shrugs, reaching in his pocket for his keys. “No.”

I get why she didn’t tell me about Ben. I do. She had her reasons, and I understand them, especially given our backgrounds. I have no idea the reasons why she left her husband, and I’m not sure I want to know at this point because I’d probably kill the motherfucker given the chance.

My mind has been in overdrive ever since the sheriff came by the shop. I keep coming back to one thing. I’ve been at a standstill for two years, never moving forward, just stuck in the past. With Lenny, she makes me want to take a step. I know my feelings for her run deeper than I initially thought, and for that reason, maybe that’s why she’s sitting next to me. She took a big risk coming to my house, and I’m taking one by forgiving the fact that she was scared.

There’s still so much about her I don’t know, but the truth is, at this point, I’m willing to look past that. I don’t know what I feel exactly, but I know I have to find out. Besides, with the way my daughter looks at her, I don’t really have a choice.

As I make my way back to them, two beers and a root beer for Nova, they both smile at me.

“Have you ever been to a race?” I ask handing Lenny a beer. Nova’s seated directly in front of us with her mouth full of candy. I set her root beer in front of her and take a seat next to Lenny.

“Nope.” She pauses, taking a drink of her beer. “I mean, I’ve been to drag races and a few motorcycle races.”

I nod to Nova. “I bring Nova as much as I can, at least once a month.”

Lenny watches Nova for a moment as she stands up and points her finger at a race car that takes the checkered flag, and then flips him off. “She seems to love it.”

Lenny had just taken another drink of her beer and spits it out at my daughter’s crassness. “She does. She gets a little into it.”