Unsteady (The Torqued Trilogy Book 1) (37 page)

“Don’t over think this, Lenny.”

Pfft.
He doesn’t know me very well, does he? That’s all I’ve been doing. Overthinking is my thing lately. Because of that, I slept maybe an hour all night.

Did he regret it?

I literally obsess over every move he made last night afterwards, trying to decipher what his words and touch really meant.

I want to believe being with Red is different, but the truth is, while I know being with Red would be the best thing in my life, it would definitely be the worst thing in his. And not to mention horrible timing.

I knew from the first moment his lips touched mine, I should stop it. Hell, I even tried after he kissed me the night after the Fourth of July party. But damn. When Red looks at me with those dark eyes and took me in like I was the most desirable thing in the world, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. For one moment in my life, I wanted to be with someone who
wanted
me just as much as I wanted him. And for that reason only.

From the time I was a teenager, I had sex for all the
wrong
reasons. I thought being with someone physically was what was expected of me and really had nothing to do with what
I
wanted.

There’s not a moment in my life that I can remember what it was like to be desired in that way.

I remember the night in every vivid detail from the way his rain-soaked skin tasted, to the overwhelming sensation of contentment when he entered me, to the way his deep voice tickled my skin as he whispered how much he wanted me. Even the memories are too much and my skin flushes.

I smile, thinking of him. It was just one night, but there’s something about him I can’t shake.

Rolling over, I contemplate going back to sleep since I’ve only had a few hours, but I
can’t
sleep.

Tyler’s door opens, groggy from last night, no shirt on. It’s then I remember his seizure.

He looks around the room, then back at me before sitting beside me on the couch. “Did the power go out?”

My cheeks flush as I push my bowl away. I can’t eat. My nerves are all over the place. “Yeah.”

He quirks an eyebrow at me and rubs his hand over his jaw. “Did you get in a fight with an oil can?”

I start to fidget. Shit. I didn’t shower last night. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to wash away the remnants of last night. “No. Why?”

“You look… like you did.”

“Shut up. And
you
, bastard…” I slap him on the shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He looks confused and stares at me. “Tell you what?”

“That you have epilepsy.”

He chuckles, like it’s no big deal and reaches for the remote. “Oh, right. I forgot.”

“You
forgot
to tell me?”

“No.” He waves his hand around. “I mean I was so tired the other day, I forgot to take my medication.”

“But why didn’t you tell me you had seizures?”

“I pissed my fucking pants for Christ’s sake.” He shrugs with stiffness, the motion drawing my attention to his shoulder and the back of it that’s black and blue from the seizure. “I didn’t want anyone to know. It’s not a big deal. I’ve had epilepsy since I was like ten. The only people who know are my parents and Red. Mia knows too, mostly because I had to say something when I was hired.”

“So Raven didn’t know?”

“No… it’s not like Raven and I do a lot of talking.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Did she say anything when she brought you home?”

His eyes widened. “Not really. But I don’t remember a lot about yesterday so if she did, I couldn’t tell you what she said.”

I relax into the couch beside him. “What’s going on with you and Raven?”

He sighs and lays his head back against the couch. “I’m not sure. But the fucking sex is amazing.” And then he takes his hands and makes a motion like he’s cupping an ass and thrusts his hips up. “Dat ass though.”

I snort, slapping his shoulder. “Gross. But seriously, you need a plan.”

He winces at my hit. Probably because he’s so sore. “Why? It’s just sex.”

“I don’t think it is.”

“You’re complicating it.” He looks back at the television. “We need to call the sheriff today. We didn’t do it yesterday. He needs to know Ben has a general idea of where you’re at now.”

“I know. We will.”

I know I should be concerned about Ben, but last night is the only thing on my mind.

Tyler glances at me, again. “You should go shower.”

He’s right. Sadly I should.

I spend the weekend in Tyler’s apartment. I even avoid Raven’s request to go to the river and a movie, and then feel badly. I was so scared I’d run into Red if I left that I turned into a hermit. Mostly because if I did see him, I wouldn’t know how to act. Monday was going to be hard enough. Especially when I saw that bench.

THE DREADED DAY arrives. Monday morning, the first time I’m seeing Red since the night in the shop.

The moment I enter, I’m reminded again of the night from the way my body reacted to his powerful grasp, to the sound the bench made with every thrust. My eyes land on said bench, the warmth creeping through me at the memories.

I can hear him come inside the shop, and Colt greeting him. My body is aware of how close he is by the way my heart beats faster when his breath hits my neck.

“Here.” He hands me a coffee, bumping my shoulder. “Thought you could use this.”

“You didn’t have to bring me coffee,” I say, avoiding his eyes. I’m afraid to look at him.

He dips his head, trying to catch my eyes. “I know. I didn’t.”

“Oh….”

He winks, bumping my shoulder again. “Relax. Nova made me get it for you.”

God, I love that kid.

“How’d everything go the other night with that Chevy truck that was in here?” Colt asks, coming to stand next to Red and me. “Did you get the transmission out okay?”

I smile, eyeing Red. “Power went out. We didn’t finish.”

But we did.

Red shifts his feet when Colt looks at the ground and then up at Red with a grin.

Quickly, Red kicks something under his toolbox and when I realize what Red kicked under his toolbox, the condom wrapper, what Colt saw, my cheeks pink with embarrassment.

“Looks like Rawley must have been in here….” Colt gives a head nod to Red. “Naughty things happened in here.”

Red shakes his head and hands Colt a repair order. “Get to work, old man.”

He says something as he’s leaving, but neither one of us catch it.

I’ve never been so happy that Rawley is an irresponsible shit, but I’m not entirely sure Colt believed that was from Rawley, considering it was on the floor in front of
Red’s
toolbox. Pretty fucking obvious, right?

“Sorry,” Red whispers. “I thought I picked that up.”

“It’s okay,” I whisper back, reaching across him for a repair order. “I’ll take care of this one.”

His gaze travels from my head to my toes and in a sense, every movement of his eyes is like he’s touching me again. It sends a shiver up my spine and rush of excitement through me. Not to mention my fucking panties are wet just thinking about Friday, in this shop, on this bench in front of me.

He continues to watch me for several seconds, as if to tease me maybe, or maybe he’s just keeping his distance because he’s having the same reaction.

“About the other night… Red… I just… don’t want there to be any awkwardness.”

He nods once, his jaw flexing as he moves back. Red takes a step forward and speaks softly into my ear, my body trembling in anticipation of his words. “Don’t you dare say it was a mistake.” I wasn’t going to but his expression is pained, a deep line appearing between his brows. “You and I both know it wasn’t.”

Did he think I was going to say that? Well, I did after the kiss so he’d get that idea, wouldn’t he?

His vacant stare holds mine. It takes me a few minutes to rein in my racing heart in order to reply. “You’re right, it wasn’t a mistake. I think we both needed that.”

“Then what were you going to say? What’s the problem?”

I scan the shop and notice Daniel’s watching so I nod in that direction and whisper, “That’s the problem. They see us together. I can’t be that girl.”

Red shakes his head and then turns again to look at me. “Nobody is asking you to be.” He stops and looks away to face the bay doors that are open. His body tenses. “What happens between us is private.” I can hear the pain in his voice, I’m upsetting him.

I take a drink of the coffee he handed me. I have no answer. I have nothing. I can’t even comprehend where in the hell this conversation went. What exactly did I think this was? I knew it wouldn’t be serious. But his expression is telling me something completely different. It’s telling me what we both avoided. That one time where we thought this need, this draw to one another would curb the desire. Well, it didn’t.

“I’m sorry, I just feel like I’m constantly making bad decisions.”

“What do you mean?” There’s an undertone of desperation in his voice. “If you think we’re a bad decision, then I’ll walk away right now and we can both avoid getting hurt. I have a daughter to think about.”

I don’t say anything, and his eyebrows arch a little, as if he is waiting for me to say something. The shop doors slide open and I’m afraid to look behind me because I know the rest of the guys are starting to arrive and the last thing I want is for them to see this.

When I don’t answer, Red’s face loses all the emotion he once had. “For the record,
Lenny
, I didn’t sleep with you because you were easy. I don’t do that. I’ve never needed to. I don’t introduce my daughter to just anyone.”

“Why me, then?”

“Why not?” he asks, immediately stepping toward me.

“I’m just not sure I’m someone you should be involved with.” And I’m not. “My whole life I’ve always made bad decision. For once, I’m trying to use my head and not my heart.”

He hesitates for a moment, as if maybe he thinks I’m not serious. And then he steps back and looks down, laughing.

“Um, what could you possibly be laughing at? Say something.”

“What’s there to say? You’re basically saying this can’t go anywhere between us. When I know damn well you want it to.” And then he stares at me. “Would anything I say change your mind?”

When Red asks that, a wave of nausea shoots through me knowing there isn’t. “I don’t know. I don’t know what any of this means. I know I enjoyed the hell out of what we did, and I can’t look at this bench the same way, ever again.” His voice softens and he blinks slowly, his eyes on the bench. “Then why stop?”

“I’m just scared it’s bad timing for us.” My voice cracks as I hold back tears. Everywhere I go, trouble finds me. I tell myself to walk away from him right now.

Red turns, beginning to walk inside the office and then suddenly stops, his head bent forward. “Then there’s nothing more to say, is there?” I can see him now. His brown eyes bore into mine and there’s a sadness lurking in his face.

Tears well up in my eyes. He’s waiting for me to say something, only I don’t have a response. “Red, I didn’t—”

He draws in a heavy breath and notices Daniel approaching him with a broken hose reel in hand. “We’ll talk about this later.” He picks up a repair order on his toolbox. “Here. See if you can take care of this one for me.” He pushes past me, his shoulder knocking lightly into mine as he removes himself from the room, closed off again.

Well, I fucked that all up, didn’t I? How did me being scared turn into him thinking I didn’t want this. I do want this, so badly, I’m just nervous it’s bad timing with Ben. How can I bring someone into my life when mine is so strung out?

Remember when I said I had a shitty decision button stuck on?

It’s still on. Apparently.

But I can fix this. I can.