Until Forever (Women of Prayer) (4 page)

Jessi managed to shake her head between sobs, and the nurse rolled up her sleeve and administered the sedative. It was a couple of minutes before Jessi’s breathing became noticeably slower. Even with the medication she was unable to control the tears, which were flowing at a slower yet constant rate.

Nurse Jacobson, concerned for Jessi’s well being, asked, “Is there someone we can call who can sit with you while you are waiting for Ethan to come out of surgery?”

Jessi covered her face with her hands and breathed deeply. “Aunt Merry. Yes, Aunt Merry. She’ll know what to do.”

Jessi gave the nurse the phone number and waited in the private waiting room she had been shown to. She couldn’t sit, so she paced back and forth from one end of the room to the other, not thinking, not praying, not anything. She was barely managing to breathe. When Aunt Merry walked into the room she wrapped Jessi in her arms and closed her eyes while her own tears slipped down her face. When every tear possible was spent, Jessi explained what the doctor had told her. She wasn’t sure of the technical terms, nor did she remember his “relatively minor” injuries. She did remember his head injury, the blood clot, and the surgery that was now being performed to drain the fluid off the brain. She also remembered him being in a coma and possibly never waking up. Everything else she had been told, including the hope the doctor had tried to convey, was a blur. “Oh God, what am I going to do?”

Sometime later, after Jessi slipped back into a habit of pacing, stopping, staring at walls, and then pacing again, the surgeon entered the room.

“Mrs. Jensen, I’m Doctor Phillips, Ethan’s surgeon. The surgery went as we had hoped. We drained the fluid that was accumulating, repaired the damaged tissue, and inserted a drain for any fluid left as a result of the surgery. Ethan is in the recovery room now, and you may go in and see him for a few minutes. He is still under anesthesia and still in a coma, so he will not be responsive. We still encourage you to quietly talk with and touch Ethan, maybe hold his hand or rub his cheek. Reassure him; let him know you are here and waiting for him to wake up.”

Jessi followed Dr. Phillips to the recovery room where Ethan had been placed. She had been given five minutes to see her son. Five precious minutes. It wasn’t enough. Her eyes welled up when she saw the tubes coming from everywhere. Bandages were wrapped around his head. His left arm was in a cast, and there were bruises and scratches on his face. He was the most beautiful child she’d ever laid eyes on. She tried to maintain control; Ethan needed to hear her being calm. “Hi, Ethan, it’s Mommy. I’m right here beside you, baby. How are you feeling?”

She lightly rubbed his cheek with the backside of her hand, being careful so she wouldn’t cause him any more pain than he had already endured. Her darling baby boy. How could she have let this happen to him? This was not where he belonged. He should be outside kicking his soccer ball or riding his bike. He was always so full of life and energy. She could barely keep up with him, and then not for long. Looking at him now, she had to wonder where that little boy was—the little boy who loved Spider-Man and anything with wheels; the little boy who could eat pizza for every meal. Her little boy. The one she loved more than life itself and would gladly trade places with were it possible.

“You and Daddy had an accident, sweetheart, and you are in the hospital,” she explained, hopefully calming any fears he might have. She didn’t want him being afraid and not understanding where he was. “The doctors are doing a good job fixing you up so you can come home with Mommy. As soon as you are all better, Mommy will go to church with you and Aunt Merry, just like you wanted me to. But first you have to wake up and get better so we can all go together, okay? I love you, Ethan. I will be here waiting for you to wake up.”

An ICU nurse stopped and motioned to Jessi that time was up. She wasn’t ready to leave him.

“Sweetheart, I have to go out for a little while, so you can rest and get better. The nurses are taking good care of you while you sleep, and Mommy will be right outside your room waiting for you.” She bent down and softly kissed his cheek and rubbed his nose with hers and whispered, “Until forever, Ethan. I will love you until forever.”

Jessi returned to the waiting room, where Aunt Merry was waiting for her. Aunt Merry didn’t ask any questions, for which Jessi was extremely grateful, although she did offer a vending machine cup of coffee. For this too Jessi was grateful. She couldn’t think of stomaching food, but coffee was a welcome sight.

She was told she could visit him every hour for five minutes until he was removed from ICU recovery. When he was moved to his room, she would be able to visit with him as much as she’d like.

Aunt Merry waited until Jessi had settled down in a chair to broach the subject she was thinking about. Sitting down next to her, she looked at her favorite person in the whole world, in her world. If at all possible she would take every ounce of pain Jessi was experiencing and put it all on herself. She hated to see the child hurting. Still, she had to ask. “Jessi, have you called your mom yet? She needs to be told.”

Jessi looked at Aunt Merry with an almost puzzled look. “I hadn’t even thought of it. She wouldn’t have time for us anyway. She never has before. Why would this be any different?”

“Jessi, you need to give her a chance. At least call her and let her know her grandson has been in an accident. If you want, I’ll call her for you.”

“Do what you feel is best. I don’t know anything anymore.”

Aunt Merry patted her knee and rose to use the telephone. A half hour later Jessi’s mom, Patty, came walking through the room. Aunt Merry wasn’t sure what to expect when she arrived, but it sure wasn’t what happened. Jessi took one look at her mother, and she cried out and ran to her. In the half hour it took Patty to get to the hospital, she found a maternal instinct that she had beforehand lacked. “Oh, Jessi. I’m so sorry. I’m here, sweetheart.”

They were the words that Jessi had needed to hear her entire life. Jessi clung to her mother, crying. “Mom, I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make him better. What do I do?”

Even though Patty didn’t have reassuring words that would make Ethan all better, her touch seemed to soothe Jessi nonetheless. She continued to hold her daughter close. “I don’t know, baby. I just don’t know. We could pray, Jessi. That’s all I know.” Patty had never been a godly woman and wasn’t sure she wanted to risk being called a hypocrite, but at the time it seemed a good thing to say.

Jessi nodded her head in agreement, thinking of her own conversations with God, promising him anything if he would just heal her little boy. Deep inside she knew it was more bargaining or bribing than praying, but it’s where her heart was at the time. Patty stayed with Jessi and became the protective mother that Jessi so needed.

Jessi felt drained, depleted, and completely void of any feeling besides desperation and utter hopelessness because she wasn’t able to help her son. She had finally settled into a comfortable chair to wait for her next five minutes with Ethan when two police officers walked into the waiting room. She correctly assumed that they needed to speak with her, but she did not have the energy or the will to rouse herself from her resting place. She knew that eventually someone would notice she had not asked about her husband, nor had she gone to see him. She supposed this would be the time to disclose the whys.

“Mrs. Jensen?” the female officer asked, looking straight at Jessi.

Jessi took a deep breath and slowly started to rise from her chair when her mother spoke up and crossed the room to greet the officers. “I’m Jessi’s mother. Is there something I can help you with?”

The officers looked at each other. “We’d like to talk with Mrs. Jensen about the accident.”

“Well, as you can guess, my daughter is in no condition to talk with you about anything. She’s had a major trauma, in case you hadn’t heard, and I’m not going to let you upset her any further.”

Jessi walked to where her mother stood and put an arm around her. “It’s okay, Mom. I have to hear it sooner or later anyway.” She looked at her mother with more love than she had thought possible. “But thanks.”

Jessi looked at the officers. Patti, still by Jessi’s side, reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. She stayed by her daughter’s side and continued to support her through everything she was told. Eventually Jessi would need to give all her thoughts and feelings voice. For now all she was capable of dealing with were the voices in her head. Aunt Merry was wise enough to know this, and her mother was learning. Jessi greeted the police officers with no more than a nod. Not even her eyes could smile.

“Mrs. Jensen, we are sorry to be bothering you right now, but we would like to fill you in on the accident details. Your husband had a head-on collision with a tree. When he arrived at the hospital, they administered a sobriety test, and his blood alcohol level was .14. If someone’s blood alcohol level in the state of Oklahoma is .08 or higher, they are considered legally intoxicated. Mrs. Jensen, your husband is going to be charged with DUI as well as vehicular assault. This will be his third DUI charge. He is looking at probable jail time as well as considerable fines. We have witnesses at Pappy’s Bar that said Mark had had four beers and had a couple of shots during his one-hour visit to the bar. During that time, Ethan either crawled out of his booster seat to wrap up in the blanket found on the scene, or he had never been in his seat. Upon impact, both passengers were thrown through the windshield. Mr. Jensen landed in the ditch, and Ethan landed on the road. Mr. Jensen drug himself from the ditch to Ethan’s side. They were both transported to Baptist Hospital via ambulance. We are sorry to have to give you this information at this time, Mrs. Jensen, but as soon as Mr. Jensen’s medical conditions allow, he will be taken into custody. We didn’t want this to come as a shock to you on top of everything else that is happening.”

Even though Jessi was not surprised by anything she heard, it still breached a part of her reality that she didn’t want to deal with. “It isn’t a shock to me, officers. In fact, it would be a great relief knowing he’s someplace my son will never be. As far as I’m concerned, when you lock him up, don’t ever find him again. He should never see the light of day. Is there anything else you feel you must share with me?”

“No, ma’am. We just wanted to give you the details. If you have any questions for us or need any information at all, please don’t hesitate to call.”

The officer with the nametag “Officer Wells” on his shirt handed Jessi a business card with his name and phone number on it. Both police officers turned and left.

Once again the tears fell, and Jessi buried her face in her mother’s shoulder. It felt good to have a mother, even if it was a little late in life.

Every fifty-five minutes of waiting gave a person a lot of time to think. Jessi had been wondering how Ethan was thrown from the vehicle when he knew he wasn’t to be out of his booster seat in the car. Now it made sense. He had gotten cold, and she had put a blanket in the car just for that purpose. She remembered the day she had carried it out to the car along with other emergency items for cold weather. Ethan had watched and questioned his mom, “Mama, why are you putting all those things in the car?”

Jessi had explained that the supplies were for emergencies. If they broke down in the cold weather, they would need water, and they would need the blanket in case they got cold. They would also need candles and a flashlight. He remembered the blanket was for getting warm in the cold—something intended for good, destined to harm.

Jessi finally decided to face her husband. She knew it had to be done sooner rather than later. Later would probably be wiser, as she hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours. She was tired, hungry, impatient, and desperately praying for a miracle from a God she had refused to serve. Later might be wiser, but later wasn’t happening. She stood up from her seat. “Mom, Aunt Merry, it’s time I see Mark. Now that I know what happened, I have to get it over with. I’ll be back in a little while.”

Both women wisely stayed where they were and let her go alone.

She had to face him now, today, or not at all. Jessi walked to his room. When she walked through the door he was lying on his bed with his eyes shut. That was easy, she decided, and started to go back out into the hallway when she heard his voice.

“I’m not sleeping, Jessi. I can’t sleep because my mind won’t let me, and if I do fall asleep my nightmares won’t allow me to remain sleeping. I’m surprised it took you this long to come and see me. What, am I not important enough for you to take a few minutes out of your busy schedule to come see me?” He opened his eyes and turned to look at her.