Vicious (7 page)

“I got us some beers,” she said, pulling them out of her bag. “I just want to get drunk.”

“Same.”

We claimed our spots on deck chairs and sat out underneath the night, away from the noise inside. A few people were outside, but they were quiet for the most part
. Connie and I huddled with our jackets on, and the beers were still icy cold for some reason and were practically frozen to our hands. I kept drinking and drinking but didn’t feel myself getting drunk which must have been due to the cold. But when I stood up to head to the bathroom, I suddenly felt it hit me, as if all of a sudden weight was lifted from my shoulders and everything looked bright. I let out a small laugh and held onto the doorway to steady myself before going in hunt of the bathroom.

There was a line, and I found myself chatting to other girls who wer
e waiting. I was being friendly; that was most unlike me. But Ewan walked past me and all the good the beer had done disappeared almost instantly. His eyes flicked to me, and he gave a smirk before sticking out his tongue and flicking it at me.

My stomach heaved, and at just that moment the bathroom door opened and a girl
walked out. I pushed past her and made it to the toilet just in time to empty the contents of my stomach. I convulsed with disgust as my body revolted against any façade that I tried to put on. I was a joke. I was weak and powerless. My life was a joke, and it was unravelling at a faster rate now. I pulled my knees to my chest as tears poured out of me, and I let out a raw wail as I clawed at my hair, tugging at it, wanting to feel that pain.

Someone banged on the door
, and that stopped me. I had to get out of here. I staggered to my feet to catch a glimpse of myself in the water spotted mirror. My eyes were red, my hair a mess and my skin a sickly white. I looked tragic. I was tragic.

I tried to smooth my hair down and brushed away the last of my tears as someone banged harder on the door and swore at me. F
inally, I pulled it open and ignored the nasty comments that were thrown at me. I walked past them, feeling untouchable and almost ghost-like. Everyone else was laughing; everyone else was happy. I felt like a walking wailing banshee of misery, alone and alien.

I headed outside, not to where Connie and I were sitting before, but down the side of the house. I collapsed against the fence, sitting on the hard concrete path that was cold beneath me. But I didn’t care.
I was in shadow, with any of the weak moonlight that was about cut off by the overhanging roof. I put my head in my hands and tried not to cry again. The thump of the music inside beat dully in my head as its rhythm seemed to whisper,
loser, loser, loser.

“I know,” I told it.

“Are you crazy now? Talking to yourself?” My head darted up in alarm. Damon lounged against the fence, beer bottle in hand as he stared down at me.

“I think so,” I muttered.

He watched me for a second, before sliding down to sit beside me. He passed his beer to me, and I took a sip, and then another as it washed away the acrid, bitter taste of vomit. That was better. I passed it back, but he didn’t drink from it. He just let it rest against his outstretched, jean- clad thigh.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” I asked. I didn’t care about acting like a clingy, desperate girl. I didn’t care about rejection.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t know you wanted me to talk to you.”

I screwed up my face at him. “What? That’s a stupid thing to say. What girl wants someone to screw them and then pretend that they don’t exist?”

He stayed silent for a second as if thinking about what he was going to say, finally, he said, ”You don’t seem like most girls though. You seem to like being by yourself, you’re…cold. It’s hard to know what you’re thinking…” he trailed off, and then took another sip of his beer as if he couldn’t think of anything better to do with his mouth.

“I’m not cold,” I said quickly. “There are a lot of really good things about me, you know. I’m actually warm and very nice.” I cringed at how desperate I sounded
as his mouth quirked into a smile.

“Relax. I wasn’t saying those things to be a prick. I was just being honest. You want me to lie to try and get you into bed again?” He was watching me, waiting for my reaction.

I shrugged and stayed silent. His small smile widened to a grin, and he leaned in closer to me. “Without sounding like a complete pig, you are really good in bed. And warm, definitely warm. That’s one warm body you have there.” His breath was hot on my cheek. “I’m sorry I ignored you all week. Let me make it up to you,” he said softly. His lips were pressed to my cheek, and then they moved to the corner of my mouth. I sat still and just concentrated on breathing. “Violet…”

I turned and kissed his smiling mouth with ferocity. His hand came up to cup my cheek. His hand was so warm that I fe
lt like I could melt beneath it and that the ice would drip away until it became torrents of water and all that would be left underneath would be my hot, beating heart. And that was nothing compared to the heat that I was feeling inside me, purely from just the touch of his lips. I ran my hands through his hair and pulled him closer toward me. I wanted him inside me.

As if reading my mind, he pulled back. “Do you want to get out of here?”

I nodded, and he helped me to my feet, never letting go of my hand as he led me to the front where his car was parked. “Let’s go back to my place,” he said.

I shook my head. “No, I want to be outside, I want to be underneath the moon.”

He stared at me for a second. “Okay, Violet. Wherever you want to go.” His hand rested on my thigh as he pulled the car onto the road and headed out of town. “Have you ever been to Lake Brennan? It’s pretty, and it’s quiet.”

I rested my head against the head re
st. “That sounds nice. Anywhere that the moon can see me is where I want to be.”

If he thought that was weird, he didn’t say anything. He just rubbed my leg and continued to drive. Brennan was where the rich people lived. The shoreline of the lake was dotted with hou
ses that were accessible only through locked gates and long driveways. Unless you had a boat, then you could walk right up onto their lawns and ruin their view.

“I feel like we should be arrested for just being here,” I whispered excitedly
as we pulled to a stop outside a driveway with intimidating iron gates.

“Nah, people only come here really in the summer.
Besides, we’re not breaking into their house. Come on.” Damon pulled my hand and helped me climb over the gates. It was surprisingly easy with all the fancy filigree ironwork creating perfect foot and hand holds. I felt a sense of accomplishment as I climbed down the other side. Hand in hand, we ran toward the house. It was white and tiered, just like a wedding cake. Just like he had said, we didn’t break into the house. Instead, Damon led me to the boat shed which wasn’t locked. A small dinghy was tied there, rocking gently in the water. Damon had obviously been there before, because he went straight to the cupboards that were high above the water and pulled out blankets. He untied the boat and offered a hand for me to jump in before he pushed us away, and we were suddenly out on the lake.

He pointed to the moon. “There’s your moon. It can see you now.”

I leaned my head back to look at it. There were no stars, only that moon, bright and pure in a velvet sky. “It’s beautiful,” I said dreamily.

“You’re beautiful,” he told me, taking my attention with his lips. Everything felt just right at that moment. I had this wonderful boy kissing
me; the world was quiet; the moon watched over me, and the unravelling had stemmed for the time being.

I helped him take off my clothes, the cool wind bit at me but I felt invincible. And when I was completely naked,
and I felt ultimately beautiful, I straddled him, kissing down his neck, and down his chest after we removed his clothes together. He shivered slightly under my touch, but once I took him in me, that was his only concern. He smiled against my skin, and gasped as I worked my magic. He squeezed me tightly to him as if I might float away and up to the sky if he let go.

“Violet, Violet, Violet,” he kept repeating, as if my name were the mantra to keep this moment stretching on forever.

I kept laughing after we finished and pulled my clothes onto my body that I could tell was even flushed in the dark. We rowed back to the boat house and put everything back where it belonged.

Damon rolled off me, breathless. “Shit, Violet. You wear me out.” Then he let out a laugh. “I like you wearing me out.”

I propped myself up
with my head on my hand to looked down at him. “Don’t blame your horniness on me. Some days I swear all you are is a walking penis.” I leaned down to give him a peck on the lips.

In the two months that we’d been doing
this
I had found myself craving his touch. At school, I would duck under his arm and relish it when his hand would slip into the gap between my jeans and top, stroking the skin there. At parties, there was barely a moment when a part of him wasn’t touching me. It was like there was a shield over me. The guys treated me with respect, even Ewan, and girls kept their distance. Belonging to Damon, in a way, made me feel untouchable, coveted, and
special
.

I spent the majority of my time at his house. Diana just blew smoke in my face and said, “Once a whore, always a whore.” But more or less, she left me alone. And more importantly, so did Ewan.

I didn’t know what I felt for Damon. No love, because I was sure that I wasn’t capable of that. Addiction was probably the right word. He was strong, and he protected me, even if he didn’t know it. And what he felt for me? I wasn’t sure.

“Get dressed. You need to drive me to the mall.” I gave him a shove before reaching for my clothes. I was supposed to meet Connie in ten minutes.

He groaned as he got off the bed. “You need to buy me an energy drink or something. I could sleep all day.” He pulled his t-shirt over his head. I couldn’t help but smile slightly; even in this rumpled state he was still cute.

In the car, he kept one hand on the
wheel, while the other slid under my skirt to stroke my inner thigh. “Your skin is so soft right there.”

I frowned at him. “You say the weirdest things.” But I was still pleased. We strolled hand in hand through the mall as we headed to the food court to meet Connie. She was sitting at
a table by herself, reading a book.  She raised her head and waved at us. I lifted my hand to wave back—

A cold, icy mess hit me in the head. I sucked in a breath as I stood there in shock.

“The fuck?” I heard Damon say, but he was drowned out by the woman in front of me.

I forgot the discomfort of the ice sliding down my neck. I forgot how to speak.

“You bitch!” David’s wife, or widow now, stood in front of me. She was seething. The heat coming off of her was enough to make me melt into the green slushy puddle I was standing in. “You vicious little whore,” she breathed. “How can you walk around like you did nothing wrong?” Her teeth were bared, ready to chomp at me until I was an unidentifiable, mangled piece of nothing. Her hand flew at me, nails out, and I blocked her easily. But then we made eye contact, and I saw everything in those eyes. I dropped my hand. Her nails flew again, and I did nothing. They came down my cheek, tearing my skin and gouging my flesh. I didn’t react. I just stood there unable to rip my eyes away from hers.

“
Hey! back off, lady,” Damon was saying beside me. His hands were in fists at his side as he moved between us with his chest against hers. Connie joined him, pushing in front of me.

“Yeah, he won’t hit you because you’re female, but I will!”

Laila’s eyes narrowed as she looked at them. “She drove my husband to suicide! We gave her everything, and she took it upon herself to ruin him.” The last word was a sob, and more sobs overwhelmed her. Fat tears freely dripped down her red cheeks, and she wrapped her arms around herself and sunk down to the floor, right in a puddle of the green slushy as she sobbed loudly. She was thinner than since I’d last saw her. Always a healthy weight before, she was now shrivelled and old. Leon was standing above her; I hadn’t noticed him before, and instead of comforting her, he was just staring at me with eyes that wished I were dead.

A small crowd at formed around us, and a security guard pushed through. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Nothing.” I shoved through people blindly, aiming for the entrance. I practically ran for the doors; everything was coming down on me, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Only once I was through the automated doors did I bend over and begin to suck in deep, desperate breaths. A rasping noise was coming from my throat while my heart beat so hard I was sure it was about to fail.

“Violet?”
Damon wrapped his arms around me to stop me falling.

“I can’t breathe,” I rasped.

“Just calm down,” he said soothingly. “You can breathe. Okay?  You can.” He cupped my face to make me look him in the eye. “Just look at me and breathe slowly. In and out.”

I followed his instructions
, and the crushing feeling in my chest lifted. I tried to blink away the tears, but they kept coming. They fell uncontrollably.