Victoria's Challenge (3 page)

“Let’s get one thing straight.
” He turns furious eyes on her. “You don’t
know
me, Victoria. I don’t
know
you!”

“What…
” She takes a startled step back.

“Grow up!
” The stricken look in her eyes just pisses him off more. “I’m a grown man. You have this little fantasy in your mind that I am some kind of hero. That’s
not
who I am!”

“I…
” Victoria’s mind is slow to process what he's saying. Lucas is attacking her. Lucas, her life mate. Of course, she knows him. Of course, he knows her. She made sure of it. She told him everything in those communications… but he hadn’t known she had her pilot’s certificate. He doesn’t know she’s a doctor. How can he not know? A sickening thought begins to grow.

“The communications..
.you never listened to them.” she whispers.

“No.
” His voice is harsh.

“Why?
” She can’t understand.

“I didn’t want
to.” He sees shock enter her eyes before she turns away, looking to the stars.

Rubbing fingers against her
temples, she tries to think, to breath. What is going on? What is he saying? Think Victoria. After he’d left, she’d sent him weekly communications, telling him what was going on in her life, her problems, and her successes. She needed to reach out to the one person she
knew
would always be there for her.

N
ow he’s telling her he’d never listened, hadn’t wanted too. What does that mean? She feels the life draining out of her. He’s never cared about her, not the way she cared about him. Not as life mates. How can that be? He’d been willing to protect her during the challenge, to make
her
his priority. The way Aunt Cassie was Uncle William’s but now….

Tears fill her eyes
. Of course, he didn’t love her. How could he? With her, being
who
she is. She rubs her aching heart, she isn’t Carinian, and she let herself believe it didn’t matter, not to him, that he was different from the others. He wasn’t, why should he be? She didn’t fit with him, didn’t fit in anywhere, she is just too different.

H
e’s right. She doesn’t know him because he didn’t want her too. She built this fantasy surrounding him, them, because
she
needed it to survive. He hadn’t, this is his world, that’s why she’d seen so little of him. That's why she hadn’t been told about his promotion ceremony.

In a tight
voice, she asks, “your promotion ceremony, you asked Aunt Cassie and your dad not to tell me. You didn’t want me there.” She closes her eyes waiting for his response.

“No I didn’t.”

He dashes her last hope.

Lucas watches her body still
. He needs her to understand that he isn’t some childhood hero. He’s a man, with a man’s needs, and he needs her to see him that way. Their entire future depends on her seeing him that way. If she can’t, they will never move forward, that’s all he wants but suddenly everything is going very wrong.

“You’ve been home so little in the last nine cycles, only for official functions you couldn’t get out of. I always thought it was your dedication to the Coalition. It wasn’t, was it? It was because you didn’t want to see me.”

“Yes.
” Lucas tells her and suddenly, it’s as if an invisible wall has dropped between them.

W
hen she turns, her eyes are dry and flat, her voice politely cool.

“I apologize
. If I’d known my presence was keeping you from your family, I would have rectified the matter.” Slowly she walks towards him. “You should have said something sooner. It won’t be a problem any longer.”

Lucas suddenly realizes she’s
truly treating him like a stranger. She’s always let him in, has been if anything, too open with him. Now it’s as if she truly is a stranger. Reaching out, he grips her arm. “Victoria.”

“Don’t
touch
me!” The harshness of her tone has him immediately releasing her. “You have less than four moon cycles left on this tour, is that correct?” She quickly controls her voice and steps out of his reach.

“Yes.
” He clenches his hands, not understanding why she’s asking.

“
Unfortunately, I can’t change the ship I’m on. Had I been aware of your feelings, I would have tried to get on another but I
will
stay out of your way. It’s the least I can do for all the inconvenience I’ve caused you. When your tour is over, you should go see your family. They’ve missed you. Kayden, especially, needs his big brother, now. I have other plans so you won’t need to try to avoid me.”

“What? Where will you be?” Looking into her eyes, he can’t find her.

“That’s not your concern.
” Walking past him she stops at the hatch, she has to know. “The communications… do you still have them?”

“I destroyed them.”

“Good.” As her voice breaks, she rips open the hatch, rushing away before her tears fall.

Lucas has to sit down. What just happened? He scrubs his hands over his face. All he wanted to do was make her see him as a man, not some hero. His anger at her for trying to deal with a troubled student, one whose situation obviously brings back painful memories, made him lash out, hurting her. Something he never meant to do.

He told her more than he’d meant
too, he couldn’t lie to her but the answers made it seem as if he didn’t care at all. What had she said? She would have rectified the matter if she’d known. She thought she was an
inconvenience
to him,
her
, his
life mate
. That she would stay away from
his
family.

Then she
'd shut him out. Wouldn’t let him touch her. Didn’t she realize it was the one comfort he’s had these last nine cycles, to be able to touch her? One he rarely allowed himself and only in a group. She’s never shut him out before. He hadn’t known how badly it could hurt,
really
being cut off from her, being treated as a stranger.

He never listened to her transmissions because hearing her voice made it harder
, not easier. Every time he left her, it hurt a little more, so he stopped going back. But to have her send them… it had meant so much. He’d give her some time, time to settle, then she’d realize what he’d been trying to say and she’d come to him… wouldn’t she?

Securing her hatch, Victoria slides to the floor. Oh God… oh god… what just happened? She’s lost him, lost him? She never had him. All these cycles… just the thought of him had gotten her through so many bad times, but it had all been in her mind, a fantasy. How had this happened?

How could Aunt Cassie have k
ept it from her? She’d known Lucas didn't want her. She’d known Victoria thought he was her life mate. If she knew... Uncle William knew. They kept no secrets from each other.

Uncle William knew she was in love with his son
. He knew Lucas didn’t love her. That’s what he’d meant when he’d said it couldn’t be given to you. Why hadn’t they just told her the truth? Was she that pathetic? The comm ringing has her looking at it blindly. When the recorder engages, she hears her Aunt’s voice.

“Tori
… are you there?” her Aunt pauses. “Well I hope you’re out having some fun. I’m just calling to let you know that I won’t be able to take your transmission as usual. I’m going to be in a meeting, so I’ll call you at 2100 after your last day of teaching for the week. If that doesn’t work, call and let me know, we’ll work in a time. I love you, Tori. Be safe.”

She sound
s the same. How is that possible?

Victoria’s world has collapsed
. Again. Only this time, she truly was by herself. She couldn’t ask Aunt Cassie, could no longer trust her answer. How could she? Not when she was the one who encouraged Victoria to send the transmissions. She’d let her believe Lucas cared...why? Too exhausted to think anymore, she rises to collapse on the bed.

Victoria’s eyes move around the table as she tries to follow the multiple conversations. She walked into Emans, one of several off duty destinations on board the Retribution, alone. Hoping a few hours out of quarters would help her decide what to say when Aunt Cassie called later.

When Jager approached, inviting her to join a table of crewmen, she’d been surprised and found she was enjoying herself, at least until Lucas showed up.

“Victoria would you like another drink?”

“What?
” She turns to the voice and realizes Jager is talking to her.

“Another drink?
” He smiles at her.

“No
… no thanks.” She absently returns his smile, looking at her watch. “I need to get going.”

“What
! No. Stay longer,” Jager pleads.

“I have a transmission coming in at 2100
. Sorry.” She looks at the group around the table. “It was very nice to meet all of you. Good night.” Standing, she walks towards the door.

“I’ll get the drinks, you grab a table,” Dodge tells Lucas.

“Yeah
. Sure.” As Dodge crosses the bar, he sees Victoria walking towards the door.

“Victoria!”

“Lieutenant.” Her cool tone surprises Dodge, as does her address.

“
Lucas and I are having a drink, why don’t you join us.”

“No thank
you. Good night.” Walking by him, she leaves the bar.

Lucas watches Victoria stop to talk Dodge then move on, never once looking in his direction
. He hasn’t seen or heard from her in four days. He’d been so sure she’d come to him, she always had in the past. What is he going to do?

“That was strange.
” Dodge sits down, handing him a drink.

“What was?
” Lucas' eyes are still on the door Victoria walked out.

“Victoria
. I couldn’t even get a smile out of her. She called me Lieutenant.” When Lucas doesn’t reply, Dodge looks at him, he’s been in a crappy mood for days now. He’d hoped that getting him out would help. Instead, it seems to have made it worse.

“What’s going on Lucas?”

“Nothing, look, I’m not in the mood. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Leaving his drink untouched, Lucas leaves Emans.

The comm is ringing when Victoria enters her quarters.

“Chamberlain.”

“Victoria! Hi!” The Queen’s happy tone greets her.

“Hi
. How are you?” At the cool response, there’s a pause.

“I’m fine
. What’s wrong?” Cassandra demands.

“Nothing’s wrong
.” Victoria has been thinking about it all week and decides on the direct approach. “When were you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That’s Lucas has been avoiding me all these cycles? That he requested I not be at his promotion ceremony?” Victoria can't keep the hurt out of her voice.

“Victoria…
”

“You knew!
” Victoria fires at her. “And still you let me make a fool of myself.”

“You’ve done no such thing!
” Cassandra vehemently denies.

“What would you call it?
” she demands. “I told you cycles ago that Lucas was my life mate, and you
knew
he didn’t feel the same way,
knew
he was avoiding the Palace, the boys, because of
me
!”

“Lucas makes
his own choices…” Cassandra tries again.

“You
told Uncle William what I said, didn’t you.” When silence greets her, she knows she’s right. “So for all this time, he knew how I felt about his son.
Knew
it was keeping him away from his brothers, and you didn’t feel I had the right to
know
!” she demands.

“Victoria, what’s going on?”

“Lucas and I had an interesting discussion. I learned a lot. Things I should have known all along. You had no right Aunt Cassie not to tell me
why
he was staying away. You had no
right
to tell the High Admiral what I told you in confidence.”

“The High Admiral?
” Cassandra questions softly.

“When this tour is over, I’m going to spend some time with Amina
. The Major is going to come to the Palace and spend some time with his father and brothers, without having to worry about avoiding me.”

“His father
… his brothers…” Cassandra whispers.

“Yes
. I’d appreciate it if, in the future, you would let me know when the Major is going to be in the Palace so I can limit my visits. It’s the least I can do.”