Victoria's Challenge (7 page)

“Yeah.
” After finishing a second glass he leans back closing his eyes, god he feels so weak, so drained.

“You will be for a while.” Startled he looks at her, he hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud. “Magnes will be over soon. He’s going to monitor you for the rest of the day, help you eat, things like that.”

“I don’t need a fucking babysitter!
” Angry eyes meet hers.

“Well you’re
damn well going to have one!” Standing, she has to walk away. This isn’t the way to handle Lucas.

“Damn it
, Victoria…”

“Look
.” Turning back, her eyes are flat and shuttered. “There are things I can’t or you won’t let me help you with. Like using the bathroom, drying from the shower but you’ll let Magnes. He’ll help you with that and help you eat.” She holds up a hand to stop him. “Real food but he’ll need to cut it for you. Feed you. I don’t want those splints moved. Do you hear me? Eat as much as you can. Your body needs it. Rest, your body needs that too. Later tonight, I’ll give you your second treatment.”

Lucas pales at the thought of going through that again
. She’d told him a minimum of two weeks, that’s fourteen treatments.

“Don’t think about it
, all you have to do is get through today, just today.” She knows what he's thinking.

“Like that helps
,” he replies sarcastically.

“It will
. Just today, concentrate on today.”

“Where are you going to be
today
when all this is going on?” he demands, realizing he wants her with him. She comforts him.

“In the classroom, it’s a school day.”

“Victoria, you’ve been up all night.”

“I’m fine.
” A knock on the hatch stops him from arguing. “That’s Magnes.” Opening the hatch, she lets him in. Giving both men detailed instructions of what she wants done, and
not
done, while she is gone she reluctantly leaves.

In the following days, they develop a routine, treatment at night, someone staying with him during the day. Victoria’s getting very little sleep, but she’s pleased with the results she’s starting to see. She isn’t having to splint as strongly between treatments. Lucas is starting to move his fingers on his own without needing as much pain medication during the treatments.

“You’re doing
well.” Victoria is on his sixth treatment, glad there will be no school tomorrow.

“Screw that
! Fuck! Just cut them off.” Lucas swears.

“So the new las
er system…” she prompts.

“What?”

“You were talking about the new laser system on the Blades.” Trying to distract him as she works on a trouble area.

“Who cares!”

“You do, it saves lives. Come on, talk to me Major.” Finally giving in, he starts and to his surprise it does help. So does laying his head against her back, listening to her heartbeat, soaking up her calm.

“There
, done for the day. Let’s get you up.”

“I can do it myself.
” Watching to make sure he’s okay, she stands in the bathroom door but instead of the bed, he heads to the couch.

“What are you doing
?”

“I’m tired of lying in that
damn bed.”

“Okay.
” In the bathroom, she cleans up for the night. Returning, she can tell he’s frustrated.

“What can I do for you?
” It’s out before she can stop it.

“You can leave me alone
. I am so fucking tired of you being around all the time!” It is killing him. Being around her and not being able to touch her. Never having her say his name. Being treated like a sick child. Watching her wear herself out while he lies in a bed sleeping.

Paling
, she sucks in a sharp breath. That cuts, cuts deep. She thought she knew what to expect, she’s done this treatment before, but never to someone she knew, someone she loved. For him to say that...she’s survived so much but she’s not sure she’ll survive this.

“I’ll give Dodge a call.”

“Do that
and then get the fuck out!”

Walking carefully to the comm
, she connects to Dodge. After confirming he’d be there within the hour, she disconnects. Lucas lays his head back, closing his eyes, shutting her out. Opening them when the comm rings again.

“Chamberlain
. Dr Selfridge? No, just finished up the sixth treatment.” Frowning she leans back. “The results?” Lucas watches her mind work, sees the slight smile. “That’s really good, the overall?” Whatever she is being told, she likes then she loses her smile.

“Fine
. It’s what I expected. Handling it. If it becomes a problem, you’ll be the first to know.”

Lucas finds he wants to know what questions she’s answering.

“I’ll be doing that shortly, there’s a friend coming over. What?” Now she looks at him. “I don’t know… if you think it will help, I’ll ask.” Putting Selfridge on hold, she looks at Lucas.

“Are you up to talking to Hot Dog
? He’s having some problems. Dr Selfridge thinks it will help him to touch base.”

“Give me that thing!
” Lucas starts to rise.

“Sit!
” The brittleness of her tone has him freezing.

“Doctor
? He’s willing. I’ll put him on.” Walking over, she carefully readjusts the headset to fit him, moving the mic closer to the full lips she wants to kiss. Forcing her hands not to linger, she moves away.

“Hot Dog! How you doing man!” Lucas forces his voice to be upbeat.

“Been better.
” Is the disheartened reply.

“Yeah
, I hear you there.” Lucas agrees.

“So how many torture sessions have you been through?
” Lucas raises an eyebrow. This isn’t what he expected.

“Just finished number six
,” he tells him.

“I’m on two
. Fuck man, I know she’s like your sister and all that, but if she was here I’d happily break her neck.”

“Hot Dog…
” Lucas is horrified.

“That fucking manipula
tion machine she helped design, if the Regulians had it, the Coalition would just fucking surrender!” The rage in Hot Dog's voice has Lucas stunned.

“Come on
, it can’t be that bad.”

“Not bad
! They put you in this room, hook the machine up and leave you screaming.”

“You’re not getting pain meds?”

“Like they fucking help!”

“You’re not being monitored?”

“Like they care, they try to get you to
talk
about stupid shit. Tell you to just think about today, worry only about today. Fuck that!” Hot Dog is all but yelling.

“Listen to them Hot Dog, it works, it helps.”

“The fuck it does. What the hell do they have you doing that you can say that! Are you on some kind of special machine! I bet the great Zafar’s son gets a special machine, that’s why they shipped me out!”

“No
Hot Dog, no machine. Victoria’s doing what’s called manual manipulation. It’s what they used to do before the machine.”

“Really
! Good! I hope it kills her just like it did that other one!”

“What the
fuck
are you talking about?” Lucas’ eyes shoot to Victoria.

“They stopped doing that manual thing because
it was too
hard
on the poor doctors. Some shit about not being able to cope with causing so much
pain,
as if they know what real pain is. Three cycles ago, one of the interns’ self-terminated over it.”

“What!”

“Yeah, well good riddance.”

“They’re trying to help Hot Dog.”

“Fuck that!”

“Major Zafar?”

“Yeah, who am I talking to?”

“This is Dr Selfridge
, I took the headset from Hot Dog. I’d hoped talking to you would help. Victoria says you’re making remarkable progress, handling the manual manipulation extremely well. I know it’s the tougher road to take. I’d hoped you’d be able to convey that to Hot Dog. That he would understand that this is part of the process, but he’s too caught up in the pain right now. I hope this doesn’t set you back, a person’s attitude in the recovery process is as important as the treatment itself. Tell Victoria, I’ll contact her later.” Lucas can hear Hot Dog screaming in the background before she disconnects. Hooking the headset with his brace, Lucas rips it off his head, throwing it across the room.

Picking it up, Victoria sets it on his desk then turns to answer the hatch.

“Hello Lieutenant.”

“Victoria
. So how’s the old man?”

“Tired of looking at me
, needing some man time.”

“You sure he’s not brain damaged?
” Dodge smiles at her. “I’d never get tired of looking at you.”

“
You’re such a sweet talker.” She gives him a tired smile. “He’s on the couch. I’m going to go get some things done then I’ll be in quarters. Buzz me when you’re leaving and I’ll come back.”

“Victoria, I can take the night shift
. Go sleep.”

“You’re sure?”

“You're exhausted. I’ll call if there are any problems, promise.”

“Yeah, okay I could use some serious rack time
. He’s had his pain shot. It should get him through until morning, if not, call.”

“I will, go.
” Pushing her through the hatch, he closes it in her face. Walking over, he drops into one of the chairs, assessing his friend.

“You’re looking better than I thought you would.”

Lucas watches
as Dodge flirts with Victoria, sees her smile at him. She never smiles at
him
anymore.

“Oh I’m just
great
! Having the time of my life. Thanks.”

“See that bump did nothing to change your attitude.”

“Fuck you Dodge.”

“Yep, same old Hawk.
” Lucas tries to make a fist and grimaces. Letting out a deep sigh, he sinks back into the couch.

“This is killer
, Nick. I thought I was tough, that there wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, but this… I’ve got at least eight treatments left. I don’t know if I’ll make it.”

“You will
. One day at a time.” Dodge nods his encouragement.

“That’s what Victoria says, today is all that I have to get through.”

“Good advice. Take it.”

“I was just talking to Hot Dog
. He’s not doing so well.”

“That’s not what I hear.”

“Fuck, Nick, you should have heard him. He was screaming, saying stupid things about Victoria.”

“He has to blame someone, focus on someone
. Sounds like Victoria’s it. Once he gets further along in the treatments he’ll start seeing things more clearly,” Dodge says knowledgeably.

“How would you know?”

“You don’t remember, do you?” He raises an eyebrow at Lucas.

“Remember
? Remember what?”

“My brother,
Tanner. He was in that fire about three cycles back. I was gone for two moon cycles.”

“Shit
, I’d forgotten. Is he doing okay?”

“Yeah, he is now
. He wasn’t in the beginning. He had seconds on his hands and arms, like you. Stupid kid was pouring fuel on wet wood to make a fire, it exploded on him. It took twelve hours before anyone found him, by then the burns had spread. They lifted him to Camotes.” Nick looks at Lucas. “By the time I got there, it’d been a week. They had him bandaged like you for a
week!
I had the joy of watching them remove them. His fingers were bent so badly, I couldn’t look at them. They started rehab that day. They were still doing the manual manipulation then. They had to strap him down to do it. The things he screamed. He knew swear words
I
didn’t even know. They had to restrain
me
from going in to stop the doctor working on him. Fuck, I wanted to kill that Doctor.”

“
Back in his room, he begged me to just kill him. Fuck Lucas, I considered it. How was he supposed to take that? Later, I’m sitting outside, trying to figure out what to do, and Victoria sits down next to me. I unload on her.” Nick raises remorseful eyes to Lucas. “Shit, what was she fifteen, sixteen max? I reamed her as I’ve never reamed anyone in my life. She just sat there and took it. When I was done, she started telling me what was happening, why it was happening, what still needed to be done, if Tanner as going to be able use his hands again.”

“Then she told me they were working on a new protocol, and she’d like to try it with Tanner
. It involved the administration of different meds at different times to help control pain, having his hands submerged in a special solution during the manipulation to help ward off infection and speed up muscle regeneration.”

“She was honest with me Lucas
. Told me it would hurt like hell. That there was no way around it. The muscles and tendons in his hands were badly contracted. There was no guarantee she’d be able to get them back to normal, but she’d do everything she could. Do you believe that, after I just tore into her, she was still willing to help.”

“That’s Victoria.”

“Yeah it is. Anyway, she took Tanner on. Every day for eight hours, she worked on him. I don’t know how she did it. I never made it through a whole treatment. Couldn’t take seeing him in that much pain. After about three weeks, it was starting to get better and I run into Victoria and Selfridge arguing in the hall. Selfridge was demanding she stop the treatments. I couldn’t believe it! You know me, I jumped in yelling, telling them they couldn’t stop. Selfridge slammed me back, made me look at Victoria’s hands.”

“What?”

“They were raw Lucas. The solution that was helping Tanner hands, was eating
hers
. Then there’d been a self-termination. A twenty two-cycle intern couldn’t take it anymore. Selfridge was worried about Victoria. Victoria argued back she was fine and would wear gloves, but she wasn’t stopping. Fuck that girl is a sight to see when she’s defending what she believes.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, she worked him, worked him hard. Tanner hated her, it never fazed her, or things he said. By the time I left, Tanner was feeding himself.”

“It took him
two
moon cycles to feed himself again?” Lucas can’t hide his astonishment.

“Yeah.”

“But he understands now why she did what she did.”

“Yeah, but Lucas, while he understands, he’ll never
thank her, never consider her a friend.”

“That’s…”

“The way it is. I tried to get him to thank her before I left, fought with him about it. He wouldn’t, so I did for him, telling her that one day he would too. She got this really sad look in her eyes for a minute, then she told me flat out, that no, he wouldn’t. He’d always associate her with pain, and you don’t thank someone for giving you pain.”

“But she helped him.”

“I know. I’m just glad she doesn’t remember me reaming her.”

Lucas looks at his friend
, deciding not to tell him Victoria remembers
everything
.

Victoria finally surfaces at 0700. She’d known she’d been tired but really,
ten
hours. Climbing out of bed, she heads for the comm. No, Dodge would have called if there was a problem or he had to leave. Turning, she heads for the shower, letting the heat sink into her sore muscles. It’d been a while since she’d done this much manual manipulation. Usually if it was needed, it was only for a treatment or two to get the patient ready for the rehab machine. Looking at her arms, she’s happy to see only a few raw spots, all above the glove line. That was to be expected.

Drying off
, she goes to work on her hair. It is always such a pain to get through. Someday she’ll have the nerve to chop it off but not today. When her stomach rumbles, she dresses and heads to get something to eat.

“Hey Chamberlain! Long time no see!” Jager sits down across from her.

“Hey Jager
. Yeah, I’ve been busy.”

“So I heard
. Helping your brother.”

“He’s
not
my brother,” Victoria stresses.

“Right
… So you free tonight?” Hopeful eyes look at her.

“Don’t know yet
. Why?” she asks, taking a bite.

“Got a group going to Emans
.”

Chewing
, Victoria thinks about it. Might be a good thing for her to get out, give her some perspective, and give Lucas some space. He’s recovering remarkably fast, she’s not sure he’s even going to need fourteen treatments. Looking at Jager, she realizes he’s waiting for her response.

“What time
? I’ll try to make it.”

“I
’ll come pick you up.” His eager voice has Victoria looking at him. Shit, he was interested. Pausing, she looks at him, really looks at him. He’s attractive, in a blond sort of way. He’s thin and only 6’4”, short for a Carinian, but nice looking and nice too. Maybe it was time for her to start looking back.

“Thanks
, but I’m still not sure I’m going. What time and I’ll see if I can make it.”

“2000
. I’ll save a dance for you.”

“
We’ll see.” Looking at the time, she stands. “I need to get going. Later.”

“I learned a few new words last night.” Dodge looks at Lucas as he feeds him.

“What?
” Lucas asks after he swallows.

“You talk in your sleep
or should I say, swear and bitch.”

“I do not!
” Lucas denies.

“Tanner did it too
. They said it’s the mind trying to process the pain.”

“What’d I say?”
he demands.

“I don’t think you want to know
. It’s a wonder Victoria hasn’t gagged you.” Lifting the forc, he waits while Lucas ignores it.

“She’s heard me swear
before.” Lucas watches him.

“It wasn’t the swearing, it’s what you were saying about
her
.”

Lucas pales
his mind racing.

“What
was I saying?”

“Lucas…”

“If I’ve been talking for the last eight nights, I need to know what she’s hearing.”

“Look, she knows you don’t mean it.”

“Did Tanner? What am I saying?” he demands.

“Stupid shit like ‘why don’t you just kill me’ and ‘this is the thanks I get for protecting
you’. Shit like that.”

“She never said a word, not one fucking word.
” He has to move, standing he paces.

“Did you think she would
? I’m sure she’s heard it all before.”

“Not from
me
. Not about things from her past, things that happened between
us
. Fuck!” A knock on the hatch saves Dodge for having to say more. Opening the hatch, he finds Victoria on the other side. Perfect.

“What’s wrong?
” She pushes past Dodge to find Lucas on the far side of the room, looking pissed a half-eaten meal on the table. “Do you need pain shot?”

“No.”

She looks to Dodge for help. He just shrugs at her.

“He slept through the night
. Has had a shower. Ate most of first meal then got pissy.”

“He tends
too. What else?”

“I’m standing right here, ask
me
.” Lucas hates them acting as if he’s not in the room.

“Right,
” Green eyes pin him before she turns back to Dodge. “No fever, unusual pain?”

“Not that he said
. You look better.” Even Lucas can see she looks rested.

“Feel better, thanks for the help.”

“Anytime. Do you want me back for the night shift tonight?”

“Can I let you know
? I’m thinking we might be able to remove the splints tonight.”

“Really
! So soon?” Dodge asks.

“Yeah, he’s responding to the treatments really well
. How’s Tanner doing?”

“Good, really good, full use.
” Dodge looked shocked she remembered.

“That’s good to hear
. I’ll let you know by 1600, is that soon enough?”

“That’s fine
. Later Lucas.”

“He didn’t think you’d remember.” Lucas watches Victoria closely.

“Remember what?
” She walks over to his plate. “You need to eat more.” She reprimands him.

“I’m fine
. Tanner, him.”

“Why wouldn’t I remember?
” Giving up, she cleans up the plates, putting them on the tray.

“I think it was more hoping you wouldn’t, wouldn’t remember him reaming you.
”

“He just needed to vent, it didn’t mean anything.
” Turning she looks at him. “So are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?
” Moving he stops inches from her.

“Tell you what?
” Victoria’s breath catches, she can barely think when he is this close.

“That I’m talking in my sleep.
” If he hadn’t been watching so closely, he’d have missed it, the flash of intense pain.

“It’s common, the mind…”

“Is dealing with the pain,” he interrupts. “Yeah Dodge told me. Why didn’t you?” Raising a braced hand, he touches her cheek with his knuckles. Her green eyes widen, before she steps away.

“There was no reason too
. You have the right to say whatever you want.” Her throat tightens at his touch.

“Not when it hurts you.”

“I’m fine, Major.” Stepping away, she takes a deep breath. He’s gotten her stirred up she needs to settle, to keep her mind clear and focused.

“
Stop calling me fucking Major! You know my name!”

“So you had a good night without additional meds
?” She ignores him.

“
Victoria…”

“Let it
go, let me do what needs done. Please.”

It’s the
please that stops him, letting him know she’s more upset then she’s letting on.