Vintage Volume One (22 page)

thirty-eight

The next night, I kept my distance from Parker. He was still essentially my bodyguard, but he didn’t exactly have unlimited time to watch over me since he had a band to meet with and his own shit to take care of. My dad had put George on me, too, but that meant my dad was unprotected by his head of security. I didn’t like that idea since I didn’t trust Jadyn’s intentions, so I tended to stick close to my dad as much as I could. That allowed Parker to get done what he needed, it kept my dad from having anxiety attacks when I was out of his sight, and it allowed me to keep an eye on Daddy’s new bride.

I didn’t watch Flashing Light from the trench during the second sold out show at Madison Square Garden, even though my heart was there with him. I needed some time away from him. Everything was happening too fast.

I did, however, want to watch my dad perform. Since he needed his credentials, I didn’t have the option of watching from my favorite spot in the trench. Instead, I stood next to my least favorite person in the world, Jadyn Snow, on the side of the stage.

Her arms were crossed against her chest as she bobbed her head to the music.

I glanced out at the crowd during Black Shadow’s first song. The audience surged forward as one, hands and middle fingers and devil horns held high in the air. Part of the chorus in the opening song called for the entire crowd to shout “Hey!” at the same time, and they did so with enthusiasm. New York really was a great city to experience a Black Shadow show.

The hair on my neck prickled as I felt someone’s eyes on me. I focused on the faces in the crowd from my spot on the side of the stage. Some faces were drunk, and some were smiling. And then there was one…

One that was familiar.

My heart raced.

It couldn’t possibly be him.

I squinted to try to see better, and when our eyes locked for one brief moment, it was confirmed. Damien Williams was attending the Black Shadow show in New York.

“Damien?” It was quieter behind the stage than on it, and Jadyn shifted next to me. She couldn’t have heard me. Could she?

It didn’t matter. It wasn’t like she knew who Damien was.

“Damien!” I yelled, and then I turned to run after him.

I had about a million questions for the man who’d left me in the middle of the night without an explanation. For the man who’d taken my emotions when he left.

I wasn’t interested in reconnecting. I had enough complications in the relationship department. But Damien had been an important part of my life for a long time, and I wanted hug him, to touch him. To know that he really was alive and okay.

But as I turned to chase after him, Jadyn grabbed my arm.

I turned toward her with a vicious glare.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“None of your business.” I ripped my arm away from her.

I turned back to the crowd to spot Damien again before I took off after him, but the face where his had been seconds before was replaced with new faces.

I scanned the area around where I’d seen him. I studied each face individually, focusing intently on every single one, squinting and narrowing my eyes to see better. But I never spotted him again.

Fucking Jadyn Snow. If she’d never grabbed my arm, I would’ve been able to run after him, to find him and to see him and to talk to him in person again.

Instead, I lost him.

I stayed on the side of the stage for the remainder of the show, studying the crowd and trying to spot him again. But he was gone. Again.

And I would never know if he’d really been there or if my imagination had just been playing tricks on me.

From New York, we headed to Boston, which was a short bus drive, and then the next show would be two nights later in Raleigh. The drive from Boston to Raleigh was a little over twelve hours, and that was if we didn’t stop. We were set to take off in the early morning, so Parker and I would have some time to kill.

The Boston show went off without a hitch, and I decided to attend the party after the show, a laidback affair for the bands and crew after the stage was broken down. Sometimes the after party was held at a bar if someone was sponsoring it, but more often than not it was just a gathering back by the tour buses.

Vinnie had invited some women with “luscious tits” to check out the Flashing Light bus. Parker stood chatting with Mikey, Fitz, Garrett, and one of the guys from Pure Adrenaline who I had yet to meet. I thought about how much time Parker had lost out on with the guys because of me. The men of Flashing Light were an incredibly important part of Parker’s life, but I hardly knew anything about them. I hardly knew anything about that part of who Parker was.

In fact, I really didn’t know much about Parker at all.

I blamed myself, though. I’d been so busy being mad and holding grudges that I hadn’t taken the time to get to know the man behind the guitar.

I meandered between the buses, finding my dad sitting on a camping chair next to Johnny and Carlos. All three of them had red solo cups in their hands, and I chuckled at the cliché playing out before me of rock stars getting drunk after the show. There were a couple of empty chairs next to my dad, so I plopped down in the one right next to him.

“Hey, CC,” my dad said. Carlos and Johnny both nodded in my direction.

“How’d it go tonight?” I asked.

“After doing this for nearly twenty-five years, it’s pretty amazing how it just never gets old,” Johnny said. My dad and Carlos made noises of agreement.

“You see that kind of longevity for Flashing Light and Pure Adrenaline?” I asked.

My dad answered that one. “Flashing is one of the most talented young bands I’ve seen in a while. Both Fitz and PJ have the voices, and Vinnie and Garrett kill that bass. It’s impressive.”

“Pure’s good, too,” Carlos said. Johnny and my dad nodded, but none of them gushed about Pure Adrenaline the way my dad just had about Parker’s band.

Vinnie jumped down from his bus, helping two women get down behind him. “You miss those days?” I asked, cracking a smile at my dad.

He shook his head and grinned wickedly. “Who said they’re over?”

I laughed, and then I grabbed the drink out of my dad’s hand and chugged down a few sips.

“Jesus, Dad! What the hell are you drinking?” I sputtered.

“Everclear and soda.”

“Are you sure there’s soda in there?”

He laughed. “I thought you had my kidneys, kid. Gotta break you in better.”

Johnny and Carlos got a hell of a kick out of our bickering, and I didn’t like that they were laughing at my expense.

I passed him his drink back and stood.

“Aw CC, don’t go,” my dad said, pulling my arm toward him. I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll be back.”

I wandered around the parking lot filled with buses, my eyes automatically moving over to Parker. He was still deep in conversation with Mikey. Just as I wondered if he was thinking about me, if he sensed that I was near or if he figured I was safe with everyone around, he glanced up and met my eyes. I saw a small smile reach his lips as his eyes returned to Mikey.

I felt George’s eyes on me, too.

But I had the sensation again like someone else was watching me, too.

Despite the crowd around me, I was alone. I felt the isolation in my heart.

But even as that thought struck me, I acknowledged for the first time that I actually was truly alone. I’d been on my own but hadn’t really felt it. I cut people completely out of my life, and then Parker waltzed in and made me feel like I was part of the human race again.

I wanted to be near him again, to feel his arm around me. I wanted to feel like I wasn’t alone, because even though he was giving me the space that he assumed I needed from him while I was safely under the watch of my dad, a piece of me was missing when I wasn’t in his arms.

I wandered back toward my dad when the sensation that someone was watching me became overbearing. Just as I approached the three men who were still chatting, Jadyn came down from my dad’s bus and walked up behind him, grabbing his shoulders between her hands to massage his neck. I almost barfed, but I managed to keep it down. I wondered for a second if it had been her who had been watching me.

Instead of sitting down to watch my dad’s new wife throw herself over her husband, I bid everyone goodnight.

As I started to walk away, I heard my dad’s voice. “Can I talk to you for a second, CC?”

I turned back toward him, and he stood, disentangling himself from Jadyn.

He took a few steps toward me, and I snuck a glance at my stepmother. She looked like she wanted to murder me for pulling my dad’s attention away from her.

Another tick mark in the negative column for the new Mrs. Price.

My dad pulled me away from everyone so that we could have a private conversation. We were standing by the front of his bus, the bus all the way on the end, away from everybody. From where I stood, I could see just about everybody who was part of the tour. It was a good group of people, yet I was clearly an outsider among them.

“Are you doing okay?” he asked.

I shrugged silently.

“Can you do something for me?”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Can you just have a talk with PJ? He filled me in on what’s been going on between you two.”

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, right. I was sure that Parker told my dad that I couldn’t seem to share a bed with him without fucking him. I was sure he filled my dad in on every dirty detail about how I ran hot and cold and wanted him to bang me one minute and wanted him to stay the hell away from me the next minute.

“What exactly did Parker tell you about our relationship?”

“I know that it was getting serious, CC. I know that he fell for you. I know that he didn’t want to, that he tried to resist it, that he tried to stay away and protect you from a distance. I know that he’s suffering right now because he’s trying to give you space.” He ran a hand through his jet black hair as he paused.

He looked me dead in the eye. “And I know you. I know you don’t hold grudges. I know that you’re trying to protect yourself from getting hurt, but I’ve known PJ for a long time. I have to appeal to you on his behalf.”

My mouth dropped open in shock. “Are you seriously meddling in my love life right now?”

He sighed and rubbed at his jaw. “You’re forcing suffering on both of you because you’re being stubborn. Look at it from his perspective. Give him another chance to prove to you that he’s worthy of you. There aren’t many men in this world who I’d give my approval to, but he’s one of the good ones.”

My dad pulled me in for a hug, and I felt his warmth. I felt his sincerity. And it was time for me to believe that everyone around me simply had my best interests at heart. None of them had intentionally hurt me.

And maybe that chat with my dad was all I really needed to see things a little differently.

He headed back to his wife, and I wandered around a little longer.

I was between the Flashing Light bus and the Pure Adrenaline bus when I heard voices. They were off to the side and they were talking quietly, but it was loud enough for me to overhear. Obviously neither had heard my quiet footsteps between the buses.

I made out Vinnie’s voice. He sounded angry. And then I heard Parker’s voice, too.

“You’re always running to her.”

“Shut up, Vinnie.”

“If it’s because of Gideon, I’m fine with it. Just don’t tell me you’re in love with her.”

“Fuck off.” Parker’s voice was light despite his words.

“So that’s it. You actually want her.”

“I don’t have to explain myself.”

“You’re right. But I miss the old Parker.”

“Sorry, man. But he’s gone.”

“She must have a magical pussy.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but she sure does.”

I chuckled quietly to myself and headed back to my own bus. I’d heard enough to tell me that Parker’s feelings for me were genuine. What he was telling one of his best friends confirmed my dad’s sentiments about him.

Hank stood outside the bus I was sharing with only Parker.

“Ma’am,” he greeted me.

“Hi, Hank. I think I’m ready to call it a night.”

He smiled, and then he punched in the code to unlock the door. He was like a pseudo-bodyguard.

I heard the door close behind me, and I walked around the bus. I settled in on the couch and flicked on the television. I flipped through the channels twice before shutting it off.

I wished my mind was as easy to shut off as that damn television.

Parker and I had slept in separate beds since the Four Seasons in New York. It was at my insistence, but after the lecture my father had just delivered to me, I was certain I was really only punishing myself.

Parker had given me the space I needed, although he’d been nearby pretty much all the time. It was comforting, but I was making it awkward. If we were actually together, it would have been so much different.