Vital (32 page)

“She could save us all,” I said in a whisper.

“Why do you think that?” he asked curiously.

“Half of the war I fight is in my mind. I’m torn between two amazing people I love: Landen with my entire soul, but I feel like I should love Drake, too. If I wasn’t distracted, I would have found a way to end this war long before it began.”

“Aella isn’t what you’re seeking, Willow.”

Holding my calm emotion, I leaned forward and furrowed my eyebrows. “I’m not leaving without my twin; her soul mate needs her.”

Before he spoke, his pale blue eyes danced across my face. “You think that will bring you true peace? That a twin image is your solution?”

“I don’t think – I know she’s my solution,” I said, turning to see if she’d returned to the balcony.

“Listen,” he said, calling my attention back to him. “You should know that there are no endings, only new beginnings. An ending can never truly be reached. True, that moment will be a marked one to be remembered, but it will not bring you the peace you truly crave.”

“Right now, I don’t want peace for me; I want it for Drake. If I can give that to him, I know I’ll be able to help everyone. I can help them because my mind will be focused, clear.”

Nathaniel’s eyes fell to his lap as he struggled with impatience; apparently, I wasn’t understanding what he was saying clearly enough. “Besides,” he said as his eyes rose to meet mine, “you cannot bring soul mates together; they have to find each other.”

I smiled confidently. “I come from a place that knows more about soul mates than you could ever imagine. We lead them to each other on a daily basis. It’s the purpose of my world.”

“So you walk up to a random person and say, ‘It’s time for you to be in love. Come with me; I’ll take you to your mate’?” he asked with a bit of humor in his tone.

“No,” I said, offended by his words. “They tell us when they’re ready to search, and then we guide them on their path.”

Nathaniel raised his eyebrows and grinned, then slowly sat back in his seat. I looked over my shoulder to the empty balcony, then back to him. “Wait, are you saying that she isn’t ready for him?” I asked.

“I’m saying that it isn’t your place to tell Drake or anyone else who to love – or when to fall in love,” he answered.

“Trust me, Drake is ready to be in love. With each breath, he yearns for it.”

“How do you know he’s not yearning for you?” Nathaniel asked, tilting his head.

Struggling to hold my calm, I let out a frustrating sigh. “That’s the problem: he thinks I’m her. If he sees her, he’ll understand it’s not me - it’s her.”

He carefully reached across the table and took my hand. “If you place two people who aren’t ready for one another together, they won’t see each other in that way.”

“Well, we won’t know until we try, now will we?” I said, pulling my hand from him and standing to find her.

I’d made it to the doorway before I felt him reach for my shoulder, then turn me and capture my gaze. “This anger will kill you if you let it.” He looked to my chest to the flower that was sparkling in the sunlight. “This flower is only protecting your heart; it cannot protect you from the emotion you’re feeling right now. The insight to reflect your emotions in the atmosphere is more powerful than you can imagine; you need to stop thinking about what’s at home and focus on how this insight works – focus on control.”

I couldn’t understand why he kept acting like this was my insight; it was hers. Was he telling me this so I’d calm down? So I could be closer to her?

“Listen, I’ve become a master at hiding my emotions – trust me,” I said as I thought of all the fights doing just that had caused between me and Landen.

Nathaniel’s eyes grew curious. “Do you think pushing them down is the right thing to do? That an insight this powerful should be deep in one’s soul?”

I gritted my teeth as I did just what I’d always done: pushed down the anger that was surfacing in my soul. “It’s not my insight, it’s hers – so what’s the big deal? I’ve managed well so far with the way I hide my emotions.”

“Have you?” he asked in an amused tone.

“Do I know you?” I asked before I could stop myself. “I mean, you look familiar to me...you feel familiar to me.”

As his eyes smiled, he looked younger for a split second, but I still couldn’t grasp who he was or who he reminded me of; I was too focused on finding that girl.

“When you have control over your emotions, when you learn not to push them down and not allow them to fester deep in your mind – answers to that question will not escape you.”

“Listen, that’s deep, and I’m sure they’re wise words - but right now I have a one-track mind,” I said as I started to walk past him. “I’ll be calm. Just let me see her...let me talk to her.”

He reached for my arm as I passed him and let out a sigh. I felt him fight with the path he was about to take; it was like he wanted to be blunt with me, but he knew I’d never believe him, so he was choosing to play into my wishes. “I’m sure at this moment she’s in pain from the emotion I’ve seen in your eyes, from the reaction of the atmosphere.”

As I stared in his eyes, I focused on the emotions in the distance. I could feel anger and fear. I could feel the pain he spoke of. I took in a deep breath and let the images of Landen surface in my mind. I imagined that Nathaniel’s pale blue eyes were Landen’s staring back me, that I was home in his arms - that everyone was safe. As the emotion around me shifted to gratitude, Nathaniel smiled at me. “Very good...control...you’re learning,” he said to me.

“You can feel emotions?” I asked him.

“You’re so powerful, everyone can feel you” he answered, sighing. “This experience will be challenging.”He looked out at the valley. “Perhaps distance would be best if you want me to tell you more about this new insight...Aella.”

I nodded once, then he took my hand and led me from the terrace. Once in the wide hallway, I felt the curious stares from the innocent youth all around me. I gripped Nathaniel’s hand and kept my eyes low as he led me further down the hallway that divided the open spaces, then down a wide, winding stone staircase. As people passed by, I’d glance shyly back at them. As they looked to my chest and bowed, I could feel admiration from each of them.

“Why are they bowing?” I whispered to Nathaniel.

“We’ve never met someone like you before.”

I looked curiously up at him. He smiled and squeezed my hand. “You were ascending, and the flower allowed you to stay.”

The staircase ended, and we were standing before a massive open doorway that led to the valley.

“Ascending...do you mean dying?”

He nodded. I struggled to remain calm and not think of the pain that I’d endured before. “I would be dead without this flower?” I asked, reaching for my chest.

“It’s feeding your heart the illusion that your soul mate is near.”

“Is he OK? Tell me he isn’t in pain,” I said, unable to hide my fear.

“What did the Witnesses say to you?”

“Who are the Witnesses? Do you mean those women?” I asked. He nodded, and my mind moved over the pain and focused on what the woman had said. “She asked me if I wanted to stop the pain for the both of us.”

I tried to focus on what Landen had told me about Witnesses that day; I had a sick feeling that because they intervened, it may be too late, that I may now be one of them - forevermore separated from Landen.

“Then if you aren’t in pain, he’s not...nothing is over,” he promised me, as if he could read my thoughts.

As Nathaniel’s eyes moved above me, I followed his stare. The two women that helped me were passing over a balcony above us. They looked down at me and smiled, then bowed as they passed.

“That’s a good sign for you,” Nathaniel said as he took my hand and led me through the open doorway.

“Why is it a good sign?” I asked as we stepped out into the sunlight.

“If they give you their attention, a smile or a nod - then your time is near,” he answered.

Excitement radiated through me before I had a chance to control it. “The time to find my passage? Is that what you mean?” I asked. As the words left my lips, the sun grew brighter - so bright that it was blinding; I couldn’t even see Nathaniel at my side.

I felt his arm go around me, and he quietly whispered into my ear, “I can show you where it is – but that doesn’t mean that it’s time to pass through.”

My excitement left, and loneliness began to set in. It didn’t matter that the water flower was feeding my heart the illusion that Landen was near; I knew he wasn’t, and my soul yearned to feel his energy. The light of the sun began to dim, and within a matter of seconds it was near dark. I realized then that I was letting my emotions run wild and that Aella was reflecting them. I took in a jagged breath and began to suppress an emotion beyond calm; as I did, the sun resumed its normal beam.

Nathaniel smiled at me. “Well done,” he said, looking to the sky, still grinning.

“What do mean you can show me? Do you know what the string is? Are all of you travelers, too?” I asked, struggling to remain calm.

I could see curiosity in his eyes, but he shielded his emotion as he searched for a way to explain this world to me. “ I know of a string and travelers, but that isn’t the passage that will take you back to the world you came from. You must descend; your only other choice is to ascended and leave this life and begin another in a distant future.”

“Do you have a twin? All of you here - are they travelers? How do you know that? Have you spoken to him?” I asked, more sure now than ever that I’d seen him before.

Nathaniel’s eyes smiled, but he never answered me as I looked all around me, trying to grasp where I was. I’m sure my face reflected the utter confusion I was feeling. He took my hand and began to lead me into the valley. “Where are we going?” I asked him.

“To show you the way you must leave,” he answered. I heard his truth and sighed as I walked at his side. He grinned and shook his head in dismay. “Honestly, I expected you to have more questions about this insight of emotion, to be more in shock about finding yourself here, but you seem to not be shaken by your circumstance.”

“Nothing surprises me anymore,” I mumbled.

I heard him laugh under his breath. “That’s an admirable trait; dangerous, but admirable.”

In the center of the valley, a clear stream weaved through emerald green grass. I could see it leading to the base of a large mountain that seemed to be shielding the place where all the young people lived. With each step, I felt myself fighting with anticipation. I imagined myself returning with Aella, and the expression on Drake’s face when he saw her. I also knew that with the pressure of this trial passing, Dane’s name would be redeemed, that he and Clarissa would find their way back to the love I once felt between them, that everyone would be safe once again. Also, Olivia and I would figure out what that song was that her mother was talking about, as well as if it had anything to do with us.

The stream we were following began to widen as we walked. I looked behind us, trying to see where it flowed; it seemed to disappear in the distance. I looked forward to the mountain we were walking to searching for its source, but the water seemed to flow through the mountain itself. A familiar emotion pulled me from my thoughts; it was Landen’s - and he was terrified. I stopped, and as panic began to consume me, thunder rumbled in the distance.

Nathaniel sighed. “Willow, you must control the emotions you’re feeling.”

“You don’t understand – something’s wrong. I can feel Landen...he’s scared...this stupid flower isn’t working!” I said, slapping my chest as another rumble of thunder cracked against the mountains. I began to look in every direction for an image of him.

Understanding came over Nathaniel. “This is my fault; I didn’t prepare you for this,” he said, looking to the stream we were following.

“Prepare me for what?!”

“We’ve been following the river of life. What you’re feeling now has already occurred. When we reach the base of the mountain, we’ll be able to see the present – life as it happens.”

“What do you mean ‘see’?” I asked, stepping closer to the water.

Nathaniel stopped me before I could look into the flowing water. “Listen to me: you are here, your body is there. Imagine what they’re thinking right now. You know you’re safe, but you cannot project the emotions that they’re feeling. Looking into the reflection of that river may be one of the hardest things you’ve witnessed thus far.”

A sick feeling consumed me as my worst fears came to light in my terrified eyes. I had seen more agony than any one soul should witness, so what could be so evil in that stream of water? “My body is there? Where do they think I am?” I asked, imagining the grief I must be inflicting on everyone – on Landen.

“I would imagine that they think you’re gone – or at least very close to being gone.”

“Oh my God,” I said as the emotion of grief took my breath away.

The sky grew angry, and beyond Landen’s emotion I could feel undeniable grief all around me.

“Control, Willow...control,” Nathaniel said over the angry thunder.

“Control? You can’t ask me to push down the way I feel about my soul mate. If you’d ever felt that kind of love, you’d know it’s impossible.”