Walking in the Shadows (15 page)

“Oh, well, that stinks. I got an awesome Coach purse—so cute!” Lily replied, looking over her shoulder. The mermaid
shook
her head and Lily’s face turned red
.
“I should get going. Naria looks like she’s getting anxious.”

“Alright…”

“See you after vacation!” Lily began to walk away, and I turned back to the clothe messenger bags. I couldn’t resist purchasing the faded brown leather messenger for Tad, but I couldn’t do it with Lily spying on me. When I glanced over my shoulder the store was empty with the exception of the store clerk who was, from the sound of it, playing Angry Birds on his iPhone.

I
knew
there was something
odd about what had just happened.
I questioned why the red-head hadn’t come to talk to me with Lily, and why Lily had followed me in the first place.
I knew after I embarrassed her in Knightley’s class that she had it out for me, but had no ammo. Maybe
that’s what she was looking for.

It was
times like these when I wished I could be the social butterfly that I used to be
.
Then I wouldn’t be driving
with nowhere to go and no one to see. I had to be truthful, even as a social butterfly I had felt lonely. As the popular girl there wasn’t many people one could trust, and there was so much time taken up keeping up the false façade. Now it wasn’t that much different. The only difference was that I wasn’t popular anymore; I was practically invisible. Even as an invisible person I was still keeping up the façade that I didn’t care.
I felt
helpless;
I didn’t wish to be back in my home town. I wanted to be
in Amherst,
but with things a bit different. 
At the moment
that would never happen
,
so I kept driving with nowhere in mind. Before I kne
w it I had driven
to Cambridge and was parking at the bookstore
—the bookstore that I had met Tad in.
I felt my stomach jumble into knots as I walked passed a car that was all too familiar.

“Nice rims,” I commented
to Tad
,
who was sitting with a latte,
and
a
pen in one
hand and
hair in the other.

He looked up wi
th a smile as he leaned back in his chair
.
“Teachers
’
bonus.”

“Yet you still can’t af
ford to buy a better sou
rce of scholarly transportation,
”
I observed
,
kicking his bag in relief that no one else had thought of the same gift as I had.

“Nah, this works just fine,
”
h
e said
,
putting his hands behind his head.

I sat across from him and leaned forward
.
“You look like
a
loser carrying that piece of crap around.”

“Most pe
ople don’t pay attention
to my scholarly transportation,
”
Tad retorted
,
leaning forward as well.

“Oh, I know
.
Jaz
is too busy trying not to trip over her tongue.”

“Why does she demand to be called
Jaz
?”
Tad asked
,
rolling his eyes.

“
Jasmine
is old school and she’s too cool for that.”

“Ha, too cool for school?”

“That’s
lame,
”
I replied
as I leaned away from him
,
heat flowing
in
to my face.

“Thanks,” h
e replied
,
looking back down at the paper and tossing the
pen onto it
before continuing
, “You remember Mark
? The ki
d you scared by saying hi to
a couple weeks ago?”

“Yeah
.
”

“This is his essay
,
and I don’t know how
to get through to the kid. He’
s missing every single point I wanted him to get.”

“That’s why you look so frustrated? Maybe
you’re looking at it all wrong,
”
I suggested
,
reaching across the table
and turning the paper to me
.

“Well, you alwa
ys seem to get what I am saying,
”
Tad said with a shrug.

“That’s because you and I a
re so similar…we think the same,
”
I answered
,
staring at the paper
,
but not seeing.

“I know that’s why we are so…that’s why this sucks…”
h
e mumbled with a sigh
.

“Maybe he’s not wrong in the way he’s thinking, but he just has a different way of thinking? The teacher becomes the student?”
I added before turning the paper back to Tad
.

“You’
re too smart,” h
e commented
,
shaking his pen at me
.
“I think you may be right.”

“What brought you here? I thought you said you d
idn’t
come here anymore?
”

“I could
say the same for you? I don’t know.
..
I just ended up here. You wouldn’t answer my texts or my calls on Christmas
,
and I just kept thinking about you
,
and I wa
nted to get away and here I am
—
another place where all I see is you.”

“I’
m sorry
…”
I whispered
as I looked down
at my hands.

“W
ould you do me a favor?” h
e asked
,
tilting my chin up with his index finger;
I nodded my head
.
“Stop trying to save me from saving you?”

“What do you mean?”

“If I want to see
you and
you want to see me
because you know we both need tha
t—
just let it happen?”
h
e insisted
wit
h a crooked smile, but the depth of his blue
eyes showed that he was serious
.

“I don’t want to risk—”

“We’
re both adults
here
.
I think
we can see each other if we want
.
”
Tad cut me off
,
shaking his head.

“Tad
,
that’s not the way it is tho
ugh. I’
m your student and you’
re my teacher and you could very well lose your job.”

“Listen, I know the risks. If I know you need me I don’t
care about them,
”
h
e snapped as his face reddened.

“Well, you should,
”
I retorted
crossing my arms. I wanted him to save me from myself, but how could I let him?

“I miss y
ou and it hurts me to know you’
re all alone. What did you do on Christmas?”
h
e asked
,
his jaw line tightening.

I looked away
.
“I did stuff.”

“Like what? Did you go see
Kirsten
?”

“Kind of,”
I replied.

“Kind of? Wai
t
—
you di
dn’t go to work did you?” h
e asked
,
and when I didn’t answer
, “That’s why you didn’t answer my texts?”

“I was trying to sta
y distracted,
”
I defended myself.

“My d
ad missed
you;
he thought maybe we would save him from Cathy again.”

“I’m sorry.
Can
you wish him a late Merry Christmas for me?”

“Yeah, he says the same,
”
Tad replied
,
his voice flat
. It was
the tone he reserved for students he was irritated with.

“Don’t be mad at me…please?”
I begged
,
my eyes washing over his stressed face
.

“I should have just come over.”

“We’re together now?”
I commented
,
smiling at him.

“So you got
tired of your e-reader?” h
e asked
,
getting up and tossing his coffee cup out.

“
Sometimes I like a book in my hands
,
I guess, but I don’t really have a room for a ton of them
,
so the e-reader is still good,
”
I replied
,
watching him as he came to sit back down.

“You want to grade some papers for me?”
h
e asked with a wink.

“You’re an idiot!”

“You
said we think the same,” h
e hinted with a smirk
.
“You want something to eat or drink?”

“I could go for a latte and a raspberry streusel.”

“Nothing typical for you,
”
Tad laughed.

I shrugged.

“It’s
snowing
out,
” Tad observe
d when he returned
,
nodding over my shoulder as he handed me my treats.

“
First one of the year
—
bet
it’s
going to be
heavy. I didn’t watch the news,
”
I responded
,
looking out the window.

Tad pulled out his
iPhone
before replying
.
“Yay for us.
It’s supposed
to be two inches an
hour. W
e might get snowed in here if we don’t leave now.”

“I think we’
ll get
snowed in even if we leave now.
I got you
something for Christmas.
I want to give it to you before we go
.
”

“Enjoy
your food first
. It’s n
ot coming down too bad at the
moment anyways,
” Tad said
,
taking his seat.

“How does the R32
drive in the snow?”
I asked as I took a bite of the pastry.

“It’s all wheel—tons of fun,
”
h
e teased
with a smile
.

“Nice, I suppose you race people still?”
I reprimanded,
tryi
ng to keep my brain functioning against that smile.

“Only people who think they can beat me, but I leave them in the dust bef
ore it could ever get dangerous,
”
he
replied
,
watching my expression carefully
;
he knew I wouldn’t be happy.

I crumbled
up my napkin and flung it at his head
.
“For such a great teacher your head sure is empty.”

“I’d like to open up the TDI
on the highway,
”
h
e commented
,
rolling his eyes.

“And I’d like you to stop acting like
you
’
r
e
invisible
to cops.”

He smiled
waving his phone at me
.
“I have radar
.”

“Seriously, does your brain just magically disappear when a pretty car comes around?”
I shook my head at him knowing that nothing I could say would change it.