Wanderlust (27 page)

Audrey's reunion with Annabelle was not quite what she had expected. She knew that her sister was angry at her for not coming home, but she had not realized the extent of her fury. Things had changed in the past year. Much more than Audrey had expected. Harcourt's little affair in Palo Alto had been found out, as had his next two affairs with Annabelle's closest friends. And the warfare between them was open now. She had had an affair herself, she told Audrey casually as she sipped a drink in her grandfather's living room. Prohibition was over, and everyone was drinking much more openly now. Annabelle liked going to restaurants with her friends and ordering drinks with lunch, sometimes as many as four, and Audrey was shocked as she watched her. She wandered around like a nervous cat, holding her glass, and talking about the man she had slept with.

What's happened to you, Annie? I haven't been gone that long. Are you that unhappy with Harcourt? It was heartbreaking. Audrey had never cared for him herself, but he had been Annabelle's choice and they had two children after all. Do you think things will straighten out?

Her younger sister shrugged a disinterested shoulder. Maybe. She was wearing a fashionable suit, and Audrey noticed that her clothes were very expensive. One of her revenges against Harcourt was to spend as much of his money as she could, and she was doing a good job of it, from what Audrey could see at that moment.

How's the baby?

She cries all the time. Annabelle's eyes met Audrey's and there was something there that Audrey didn't like, but she couldn't put her finger on it yet. It was as though Annabelle had changed radically in the last year, into a spoiled, nasty girl. All the sweetness of her youth seemed to have disappeared and Audrey was heartbroken to see it.

I'm sorry I didn't come home in time to help you, Annie. Her voice was gentle and she was sincere, but Annabelle didn't believe it.

I'll bet you are. She smiled nastily at her older sister. I hear you had a few good times yourself while you were over there.

What's that supposed to mean? Audrey was still shocked at the hostility in her voice.

Muriel Browne says you were shacking up with some guy in Shanghai.

How nice of her to say that. Audrey began to look angry.

Is it true? Annabelle's eyes glittered meanly as she asked and Audrey shook her head. Not the way they described it anyway. She wasn't shacked up with some guy, she was with the man she loved.

No, it's not.

You must have been doing something over there, and I don't buy that crap about the orphans.

Too bad, Annabelle, because that's just exactly what I was doing.

Is it? Her eyes narrowed as she looked at her sister. I think maybe you didn't want to be bothered with your responsibilities here, so you dumped all of us. You probably hoped Grampa would drop dead and you could cash in when you came back. Rotten luck, he's still around, and so am I. And if you think I'm going to take care of him for you, you're crazy. Audrey got to her feet, horrified at what she was hearing.

What's wrong with you? What's happened in the last year? What happened to the Annabelle I knew? She walked over to her and had to restrain herself not to shake her.

I grew up that's all. Annabelle looked indifferently at the sister whom she felt had abandoned her. After giving her fourteen years of her life, Annie wanted more, and Audrey didn't have it to give her. It was time she stood on her own two feet, but Audrey was appalled at how she was doing it. She was turning into an expensive whore, a bad wife, a rotten mother, and an ingrate.

I don't call that growing up. I call it disgusting. You'd better think twice about where you're going, Annabelle. You're about to destroy your marriage, and probably your children's lives at the same time.

What the hell do you know about that, Miss Eternal Virgin. Or has all that changed now? Audrey wanted to put her hands around her neck and throttle her, but Annabelle was saved by the fact that their grandfather walked in, and Audrey restrained herself. He sensed that there was something heavy in the air, and in order to lighten it, he asked Annabelle if she had seen Molly. Who's that? She looked at Audrey in confusion, and Audrey looked at her with fury barely concealed in her eyes as she stood up.

My daughter.

What? It was a shriek you could have heard through the whole house and their grandfather barely concealed a smile.

I wouldn't exactly say that, Audrey.

She is indeed. There was something intransigent in her voice and face as she looked at him and then her sister.

Where is she? Annabelle couldn't believe her ears, and she flew upstairs to Audrey's room to find the tiny almond-eyed bundle asleep in the basket Audrey had set up beside her bed. Annabelle was back downstairs again in a moment. Well, I'll be damned. Muriel Browne was right, then ' and what's more he was a Chink! Annabelle seemed to gloat over her sister, as Audrey looked at her with empty eyes.

Muriel Browne was not right, Annabelle. Mai Li was one of the orphans I took care of.

I'll bet. She laughed meanly at what she thought was her sister's disgrace, and Audrey watched her as she straightened her hat in the mirror.

Why do you suddenly hate me so much, Annabelle? What have I done to you? There was pain in her voice as she asked her, and her younger sister pivoted slowly on one heel as she turned to look at Audrey.

You deserted me, that's what you did. You dumped everything on me, the house, the kids, the servants, you ruined our vacation, my life ' hell, you even ruined my marriage ' . And it was obvious that Annabelle believed that.

And how did I do that?

You dumped everything on me, and then you left, bang, for a whole year. You didn't give a damn that I was pregnant, that I needed you, that ' She shrugged, What difference does it make?

It makes a big difference to me, Annie. Audrey spoke sadly as their grandfather watched them. When I left here, I had a sister. Now I don't, from what I can see. I thought we were friends, enough so that you would understand that I needed to get away. Those aren't my responsibilities you're talking about. They're yours. But she didn't see it that way.

They didn't used to be.

That's the whole point. It was time you learned to take care of your own life ' Harcourt wants you to ' .

To hell with Harcourt. She tossed off her drink and walked to the door, with a glance over her shoulder at Audrey. Come to think of it, to hell with you, too. You didn't give a damn about me while you stayed away, and now I don't give a damn about you. And as the door slammed behind her, Audrey wondered if she ever had. She walked slowly back upstairs to Molly, as her grandfather watched her.

In the first days back, there were moments when Audrey felt like a total stranger. Two of the maids she had hired for her grandfather before she left had quit while she was gone, and his ancient butler had finally retired. But it was not so much the changes in the household that shocked her, but the changes in the world. She felt as though she had been on another planet for the past year, and now everything was moving much too quickly. Nothing but the sketchiest reports of world events had reached her in Harbin, and none of it told her anything of what was happening in America.

The economy had finally improved, and San Francisco appeared to be in grand spirits when she returned. Her grandfather still complained about Roosevelt, of course, and he thought his fireside chats absurd, but when she insisted that the country was healthier, he only growled and told her to wait! It was obvious to him that FDR was going to cause trouble, albeit of an unspecified nature.

Only days after her return, there were reports of a Nazi Blood Purge in Germany, which exterminated all of those allegedly guilty of plotting against Hitler. There were nearly a hundred of them, and the world was shocked at their summary disposal. On July sixteenth a general strike was called in the States, which began in sympathy with the international longshoremen. Nine days later Austrian Chancellor Dollfuss was killed, and Berlin denied any involvement. On August second, Germany's President Hindenburg died, and in a little over two weeks Adolf Hitler was voted into the presidency, although he retained his previous title as Der F++hrer. Air France had been formed, and in the States, both American and Continental had appeared. Several new trains had sprung into being, though none of them as elegant as the Orient Express. And all in all, Audrey's head swam just trying to keep up with it all, and catch up on what she had missed during her lengthy absence.

But more than anything, she herself seemed to have changed. She felt less involved in life here, and San Francisco suddenly seemed terribly insular and provincial. People gossiped all the time, about each other's wardrobes and husbands and dinner parties, and somehow Audrey couldn't seem to get involved in it anymore. She couldn't even make the pretense. All she could think about was Charles, but he had steadfastly not answered her last two letters.

And whereas before she had gone through the motions and made the social rounds from time to time, now all she wanted to do was keep to herself and stay home with her grandfather and the baby. He noticed it too, and at first he just thought she was tired from the trip, but he began to watch her more closely as July drew to a close. She'd been home for more than a month by then, and had looked up none of her old friends. He wondered if she had fallen in love with someone during her trip, and he prayed that it was not some Oriental. He still worried at times about the baby, but she did not appear to be Eurasian, she had marked Oriental features, and he had to admit that she was awfully appealing. She was a happy, smiling, little thing and Audrey never let her out of her sight, and he persisted in calling her Molly.

It amazed her to realize how many people suspected the child was hers, not that she cared. The people with small minds thought she had stayed away to give birth to an illegitimate Chinese child. It amazed her to think they would even think of that. She hadn't even considered that before she came home with her.

Annabelle did not come to the house again while Audrey was there, although she read in the papers that she had gone to Carmel with friends. And their grandfather didn't question either of them, although he knew of the rift that had come between them. But Audrey never complained, and she was too busy moving everyone to the lake for him. He only wanted to spend a few weeks there this year. He was more easily tired now, and he was afraid that he wouldn't feel as well in the altitude. He was eighty-two years old now, and he had slowed down a great deal in the past year, although his opinions were just as strong. And when they got in their first violent argument over Earl Grey tea one morning at the breakfast table, Audrey sat back in her chair and laughed, and she looked happier than she had in weeks.

It's just like old times, isn't it, Grampa? She remembered their battles about Roosevelt just before she left and she looked benevolently at him as he concealed a smile from her.

You're no smarter than you were a year ago. But then, running around the world like a fool never did anything for Roland either. At least he was smart enough not to come home with any foreign brats. But there was no meanness as he spoke, and Audrey didn't bridle as she might have a few weeks before. She had watched him play with the baby when he thought no one was around, and he delighted in her little cooing sounds, and insisted that she had already said his name. She said, Gramp, Audrey! I know she did ' bright little thing ' . He thought Audrey had taken on a tremendous burden in bringing her home though, and when she tried to describe the fate she would have had to leave her to, he felt sorry for them both, Audrey for what she had taken on, and the child who would never be accepted in the States, or so he thought anyway.

She'll grow up as my own, Grampa. But that was just what he feared.

He shook his head slowly, as they talked about it one night, up at the lake. It doesn't work like that. And even if it does, no man will marry you now. They'll all suspect she's yours.

Would that make me so terrible if she were? She sounded tired now. One had to fight so many things here, prejudice and selfishness, and what everyone said all over town. In China it was so much simpler worrying about bandits and floods and running out of food or clean water. Life seemed so much more complicated here. But she had already begun to forget the difficulties of her life in Harbin, the terrors, and the agony of helplessness and loss when Shih Hwa and the others died ' her sorrow over Ling Hwei ' all she remembered now were the little faces she had loved so much ' the little ones ' and Shin Yu. She wondered so often how they were. She had sent another draft to the American Bank in Harbin as soon as she arrived, to provide for anything they might need, but it seemed so little to do for them. How can people begrudge Mai Li a decent life here, Grampa?

Because she's different than they are, Audrey.

He spoke quietly now. That frightens some people a great deal. Not everyone has the open mind you do.

I'll be there to protect her, Grampa. Just as she had been there for Annabelle, for as long as she could. And he patted her hand.

I know you will, child. Just as you are for me, and Annie, and everyone. You're too good to all of us. It was the first time he had ever said that to her and she was touched by it. Your heart is too big. You ought to start thinking of yourself now, Audrey.

She laughed softly in the clear mountain air, as they sat on the porch in rocking chairs looking up at the stars. Don't tell me you're worrying about my being an old maid too.

He smiled. It wouldn't do any good if he were. He knew her too well, and she would do exactly what she wanted with her life, particularly once he was gone. And there weren't many men who would have been big enough for her, big enough in mind and in heart and in spirit. He glanced over at her as they sat and rocked, and he saw the beauty that had sharpened in the last year. She was more than just beautiful now, there was something about her that glowed from within. She was striking and suddenly very, very lovely.