Wanting It All (The Passion Series Book 1) (15 page)

Lukus looks away.  He should be relieved and happy that his best friend is smart enough to fight for his marriage, but until this very minute, Lukus hasn’t been willing to admit that he’d hoped Markus would still want out and leave Brianna available, for him.

‘
Don’t be an asshole, Mitchell.  They love each other.  Back the fuck out of this.’

“Hey, I’m not going to say jack shit.  In fact, if you hadn’t woke up to realize what the hell you’re losing by now, I was coming out here to bang some sense into you.”  

Markus manages to sit up, but his eyes are closed and he still looks queasy as Lukus continues. “I really like what you’ve done with the place.  You know, you’re going to have seven years bad luck from the broken mirror.”

Markus finally opens his eyes.  He’s able to focus now and has turned his sights on his best friend. “Cut the damn small talk.  What happened last night and how is she doing?”

Lukus doesn’t reply immediately. Instead he walks over to the stereo and shuts it off before heading to a chair opposite the couch and sitting down. “Why don’t you go take a shower and we’ll talk after.  I’ll make you some food.”

“Stop stalling.  What the hell happened to my wife?”  Markus’ tone is accusatory.

“Hey, nothing happened to your wife you didn’t ask to happen and don’t forget that.  You left her there – alone - with two men who were going to whip, paddle and humiliate the shit out of her.   How could you do that to her knowing what the hell she’s been through in the past?  The least you could have done was warn me.” 

At Lukus’ angry words, Markus grows pale.

“I told you everything you needed to know.  You didn’t need to know all the shit about Jake.  If she was so traumatized by what that asshole did to her, she should have called the police when he showed up at the salon, not jumped in a car to meet him at a hotel to fuck the afternoon away.”   The pain in his voice is evident.

Both men are silent for a moment.

“You really screwed this up Markus.  I love you like a brother, but from the minute you met that woman you’ve done one thing after another to fuck things up and I’m done letting you get away with it.”

“What? You’re saying it’s
my
fault she cheated? Jesus Christ, Lukus!  How the hell did she get you wrapped around her little finger so fast?  Wait… I forgot.  That’s what she does.  She cries that soft, vulnerable cry and blinks those big brown eyes, or laughs that cute little giggle of hers and it melts your damn heart.  I should know.  I’ve seen her do it to every man I’ve ever introduced her to.”

“Is that why you never let me meet her before?  Why you didn’t even invite me to your wedding?  We were like brothers, Markus.   Do you know how ridiculous it is that I just met her for the first time last night?”

Markus stumbles to his feet to walk towards the wet bar across the room.  He throws his next insult over his shoulder.  “Oh, for Christ’s sake.  Are we going to have this argument again? I had my reasons for not introducing you.  I thought you understood that.”

“I never understood… at least not until today.  Would it have killed you to explain it to me back then?  It took all of ten minutes of talking with Bri to figure it all out.  I would’ve understood.”

“Yeah, right.  You were already so angry with me for the way things had ended with Georgie that I knew you’d give me grief over what I had to do to get Brianna to trust me.”

Lukus is relieved when Markus grabs a bottle of water from the small refrigerator in the bar area instead of a drink.

“I resent that,” he says.  “What have I ever done to make you think I wouldn’t have supported you marrying Brianna?”

“Are you kidding me?  After all the shit you gave me after Georgie left me?  You can’t help yourself.”

“That’s completely different.  You crossed the line with Georgie.  I did to you what I would have done to any Dom in the club who’d done what you did.  You blew through her safe word - not once, but twice.  You hurt her, Markus.  Were you really surprised she left you?”

Markus takes a seat at the far end of the couch away from the foul smelling mess on the floor.  He looks totally defeated as he sits quietly, unable to look his friend in the eye.  When he finally does, it looks as if he may cry. “I regret losing control that night more than you’ll ever know, but Georgie didn’t leave me because I blew through her safe word.  She was ready to leave me long before that.  That was just the final straw.  I’ve been thinking about it all night.” He takes a swig of water.  “I finally had to take a fucking Ambien just so I could finally shut my brain off.”

He shakes his head.  “It’s so damn funny, you know?  I lost my first wife, who was a professed submissive when I married her, because I was too dominant for her.  I demanded her submission in all things because when we met that’s what she said she wanted. But when it came down to it, she was a part-timer who couldn’t live the life.   Then I fall in love and married her polar opposite – a woman who’s afraid of dominance, a woman who needed to be protected and pampered.  Brianna wanted all the things Georgie never did.  I’ve been like a damn puppy dog with her.  Anything she’s wanted I’ve given her. And you know what?  I loved every single minute of it.  There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Brianna. But after all that, she ends up hurting me worse than Georgie ever did.”

Lukus is furious and his raised voice lets his friend know it.  “You’re such an ass, you know that?  All these years, you haven’t been paying attention to me at all, have you?   I’ve been trying to guide you, but you just had to do it your way.  I thought after Georgie left you’d finally wised up, but you didn’t get shit.  You’re still clueless about what it takes to be a Dom.”

Markus’ face is beet red as his defensiveness kicks in. “Oh do tell me, Master Lukus.  I don’t recall you being with the same sub for longer than three months in a stretch… ever.  So what the hell makes you some relationship expert?”

Lukus is up on his feet and closes the distance between them in just a few seconds.  He grabs Markus’ shirt and pulls him close so they’re only inches apart from each other.   “You listen here.  I don’t know jack about being married, but I know everything there is to know about what makes a good Dom. And buddy, I hate to tell you, but you suck at it.  You’re truly no better than Jake is and honestly, right this minute, I think Brianna deserves better.”

Markus’ face clouds with anger. “Fuck you, Lukus.  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not her Dom.  I’m her
husband
.  There’s a difference.”

“For some people, maybe, but not for men like us, Markus.  Brianna
needs
a Dom.  She
wants
a Dom and you totally let her down.”

“That’s bullshit.  You should have seen her shake just thinking about what that asshole did to her.  Even months later she was still a nervous wreck.  We didn’t even have sex for the first two months we dated which is a lifetime for me.  I waited for her to be ready because she was special.”

“Well, finally.  Something we can agree upon.  She is special. She’s very special.”  Lukus’ voice is shaking with emotion that even a stranger would pick up on.

Markus’ eyes narrow at his friend’s words.  He stumbles to his feet and shouts in his friend’s face.  “What the hell?  Did you fuck my wife?”   

The old friends are only inches apart from each other as Lukus yells back.  “Screw you, Markus.  I did
not
fuck your wife… but you know what?  I wanted to.  I might have even done it too if she would have let me, but she loves you so much she wouldn’t hear of it.” 

Markus uses both hands to shove Lukus backwards.  “You sonofabitch!  I can’t believe I was stupid enough to leave her there with you.  I should have known you wouldn’t be able to keep your dick in your pants.”

Lukus rushes back up on Markus and retakes him by the collar of his stained shirt to bring him only inches away again.  “I’m going to let that one go because I know how upset you are right now and I’ll be damned if we’re going to let anything come between us again.  I meant it when I said you’re like a brother to me, Markus.  So… as your brother, I’m obligated to help you, even when you’re acting like a complete asshole.”  

Lukus roughly pushes Markus back against the couch cushion and steps back away from his friend.  “Now you sit there and you listen.  Keep your fucking mouth shut until I’m done.”  He starts pacing. He needs to gather his thoughts because he has the feeling he’s just going to get one shot at this before Markus kicks him out.

He finally decides the best path is the truth. “Did Brianna ever tell you how she met Jake?”

“What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Answer the damn question.  Did she…”

“Yeah. She said it was at some BDSM club downtown.”

“So, you knew then that she had at least some interest in learning more about the D/s lifestyle?”

“Well sure, but that was before that asshole abused her and made her hate it.  He made her afraid of the lifestyle.”

“I know she told you about what he did back then, but did you ever talk about what she’d seen in Jake in the first place?  What she was looking for at the clubs?”

Markus looks confused by the line of questioning.  “No.  I didn’t want to bring anything up that would upset her.  She made it clear in the beginning she was afraid of rough play and I knew if I wanted to be with her I’d need to give up being a Dom.  At first I thought it would be hard, but honestly, she made it easy.  She’s so responsive and loving.  Georgie always told me I couldn’t be a romantic to save my life.  I bet she would shit bricks if she could see how romantic I am… was…with Bri.”

“So Georgie complained that you weren’t romantic?”

“All the time. But, fuck - I was still going for partner in the firm back then.  I was working eighty hours a week. She should have been happy with the great sex, the money, the house, and the trips with her sisters.  But it was never enough with her.”

“So, you at least admit that just because a woman wants to be a sub it doesn’t mean all she wants is to be paddled, tied up and fucked while being a slave to cook and clean your house?”  Lukus’ tone is only half joking.

“Stop being such an ass.  You know that’s not how I define a good sub, Lukus.”

“Do I?  That’s exactly what I saw you do with Georgie.  You didn’t really give anything of yourself to her.  You provided for her, sure and you dominated her sexually in the bedroom.  But did you ever think that maybe - just maybe - she needed some of the same things you’ve been giving to Brianna the last three years?   You’re right about Georgie wanting to leave you before.  I could see it.  All she wanted was more of your time, Markus.  She needed you to
see
her.  To
love
her.  To
cherish
her.  All you did well was dominate her and try to buy her.”

“As riveting as this walk down memory lane is, what the fuck does this have to do with Brianna?”

“It has everything to do with Brianna because you went from one extreme with Georgie to the opposite extreme with Brianna.”

“Bri should have been happy with all she had, too.  I didn’t just give her money, the house, and the salon.  No.  I didn’t repeat the mistakes I made with Georgie.  I gave her so much of myself.  Why wasn’t that enough for her?  Why wasn’t
I
enough for her?”  

Lukus picks up on the quaver in his friend’s voice and knows how raw Markus’ emotions are running right now as he once again faces the fact that his wife cheated on him. 

“I almost understand why Georgie left,” Markus continues brokenly. “Almost.  But Bri, I gave her my heart and she fucking stabbed it.”   Several tears spill from his eyes to run down his cheeks.”

The sight of his friend’s distress softens Lukus’ anger.  “Listen, Markus. I admire you.  I truly I do.  I never understood how you could just walk away from the lifestyle like you did, but I know now it’s because you truly love Bri.”

“A lot of fucking good it did me.”  He’s wiping the tears from his cheek, disgust showing on his face for his own weakness.  “You have the right idea, Lukus.  You don’t get tied down with one woman who can gut you.  I should have followed in your footsteps.  I could be fucking a different woman every night at the club like you.”

Lukus lets out a long sigh.  “Believe me, after thirty-four years, this being single shit is not nearly as much fun as it used to be.  Don’t envy me. I’d give anything to have what you and James have.”

“You mean what I
had
.”

“It’s not too late, Markus.   Do you still love her?”

A wave of pain washes across Markus’ face. “I’ve never loved anything or anyone so much.  I feel like half of me died yesterday.”

“She didn’t die,” Lukus says.  “She’s alive and more importantly, she refuses to give up on you and your marriage.  I pulled out some pretty heavy-duty punishments that should’ve made her a simpering mess within an hour and she blew through them all.  You have no idea what you have, do you?”

“Other than an adulterous wife?”

“Markus, she went with that asshole because she had to.  You left her no choice.”

“Have you lost your mind? What did I do that made her choose Jake?”

“While Jake is obviously a goddamn prick, it doesn’t change the fact that Brianna has deep submissive tendencies.  It’s why she went to the BDSM clubs years ago in the first place. And while Jake deserves to be in jail, he did help Brianna in one way.  He helped her discover she’s a pain slut.”