War Torn Love (68 page)

             
He left me there alone so vulnerable in the bathroom, lying nude on the cold floor. I was shaking, in shock from what had just happened to me. He had been so rough with me, he tore me on my insides; I could not physically get up, I was not feeling right. I had never felt like this after making love. Trembling I felt my hand down there; it was a mixture of him, and my blood. Realizing this I really started crying. He also penetrated me in my anus it hurt so badly. My face swollen from where he had struck me. I had a bloody nose, and a split lip, from being struck by both him as well as his wife.

             
I just laid there and cried. After about an hour or so, I finally made it to my feet. I did not like the person staring back at me in the mirror, I felt so dirty. I realized that I needed to get back to the girls. I tried cl
eaning myself up the best I can
I was slightly bleeding still.  I hurt so bad, I had to be gentle with the washrag. He had hurt me so badly if I had been in the real world, I would have had to have seen a doctor. I felt so disgusted.

             
I eventually made my way back the room, to the girls, I crawled into bed, and I was shaking. I began holding onto them both of them and watching them as they slept. At least I knew that the three of us had this one night together, and now there was no way I could possibly sleep, not now, not after all this. I would never be right again. As I lay there in bed, I wanted these memories to be over with; I just wanted to fail to remember it all have it all just erased from my memory, but I knew that was not humanly
evening possible. I would never forget this. I wished I could kill him. I thought about not getting to my husband, now knowing he was going to be put to death, I know he would have done his best, and done anything to win that fight tonight. The guy must have been much bigger than him. Therefore, I hold no grudges, which would be completely wrong. The thought of him perishing all alone, not hearing me tell him that I love him. I also worried about what was to become of my precious girls and I after tonight, I was genially now very worried, I feel like I had failed us all. Like there was something, I could have done. I had promised my dear sister with whom I have thought about every day.  I would take care of her daughter.  I fear there was nothing more that I could do now. And maybe in some small way I failed her.

             
This evil place was going to once again claim, and completely snuff out the entire family, including me, as if we had never even existed. The Nazis will win once more!

             
At the point of my deepest amount of despair I was feeling. I chose to turn too our God I prayed all night. I came to the realization what comes of tomorrow, comes of tomorrow, I guess so I so thought!

             
I had no idea just how evil of man I had been raped by

Chapter Twenty-three

             
  
“Concentration camp- Auschwitz II”

             
The three of us were unexpectedly woken from our sleep, not that I had received more than an hour’s worth of sleep. The soldiers showed up at least an hour before I normally needed to otherwise be up, then I remembered why…! Soon as I saw them, I knew exactly what this had meant. I think the girls were in shock by this, startled to see the soldiers just standing there watching us, waiting upon us! We were told to get ourselves up, the soldiers were yelling at us. They yanked us out of bed. The three of us were then asked to follow the guards now standing inside our tiny room. Like we were given any sort of choice in the manner. It was simple, we either went along, or we got shot.

             
My daughter was visibly upset! I picked her up into my waiting arms in hopes of calming her. And not setting off the anger of the soldiers being dressed at us.

             
I whispered in her ears, “Sweetie it’s going to be ok, you need to try and calm down. Could you do that for Momma?”

             
“Yes Momma, I understand, I will be a good girl!”

             
“Thank you sweetie!

             
We walked right down the stairs, and without stopping inside of the house, as we began walking across the front yard - I just so happened to turn my head, and looked back for one final glance at the house, memories of this place I certainly cared to forget. There standing in the window, I noticed there was Colonel Hoess, peering through the living room window. I could never forget that cold bastard had a icy smirk on his face as he glared down on me.  I nearly threw up when I spotted him. I think he thought that it was rather funny. He knew he had total power over me. If I showed him how visibly upset I was, I played in his hands. I was not going to give him the satisfaction, other than smiling. I dreaded that there was absolutely nothing at all I could do to get back at him, to somehow gain revenge on him for what he had done to me, as well destroying my family. I was still very sore from him raping my. He purposely went out of his way to hurt me last night. He was sending me away before his wife woke, so she would not find out what a monster he was. I felt so violated.

             
I cannot lie, at this particular moment; my thoughts were wandering towards my husband, was he too being marched off to face a possible death sentence, all alone?  At the same time, I knew that he would be worried about me.

             
We were then taken to a different camp, this one was called, Auschwitz II. I had looked up and read the sign above us as we were walking through the front gates. This turns out to be the most horrible, most evil place a Jew could possibly be sent too. This was the deadliest of all the camps here. I did not know that then, I soon would.

             
It was early morning so, the sun was just starting to rise up over the rooftops - the new arrival of Jewish prisoners had yet to arrive from the cattle train had just arrived, this was a load of Jews from Hungary. I looked at the masses just innocently standing there; at first glance. They still had all their hair, and clothing. I could distinguish the way that they seem to be looking at me. I think seeing me, and others like me were really starting to scare them, they were really - frightened.

             
We were not being allowed to halt - we went ahead and walked right on by. I observed the poor souls as we walked by them there was no way to avoid it. Their looks penetrated me. They all looked so frightened, with the expression of complete helplessness written on their poor faces. I felt bad for all of them, for what was about to come for them, but at the moment, my own life was shattering all apart in a million different little pieces, I could not exactly worry about them. I was not even sure if
the girls or I
would be alive by the end of this day.

             
It was abundantly clear we now were not in good graces with the higher ups responsible for our safety and well-being. We were being taken to a location were the Jews that had just arrived were having their personal belongings being taken away from them, more directly robbed. I thought back when my own family went through this exact same sort of thing. I will never forget how bad I had felt, and how quickly afterwards my family was completely destroyed. When one person was deciding the fate of thousands of Jews, playing God at our expense with one man’s decision.

             
I was in shock when I found out the girls this time were being forced to work, or they would be shot!

             
The girls and I immediately had to start working. Our new job was the daunting task of gather up these poor people’s personal belonging, with such items being gathered as suitcases, clothing, shoes, jewelry, money, and children’s toys, everything was fair game in our collections. Then after we gathered their things up into cart, we pulled along with us. We then manually rolled the cart  through the mud into a warehouse were we brought the many different items we managed to collect, and then we began sorting out the different possessions into distinct piles, which depended on the items that was collected, that I would shockingly see towered so high. Imagine a pile of eyeglasses at least fifteen feet high and at least thirty feet wide. You do the math, just how many people could that take to create such a pile. I knew everyone of these people were now, or soon would be dead. I began crying when I first saw just how large the different piles were for the first time, it was eerily weird to say the last. Then I had discovered the pile I was informed was only a week’s worth of gathering. After that, I numbed myself to the thought, it was a survival mechanism. The largest piles were that of all the many different assorted pairs of shoes.

             
It was not just clothing being gathered by the Nazis as spoils of war. We also gathered many pairs of eyeglasses, and usually the Jews coming from all over Europe were each carrying with them, such as a
suitcase
packed with the last of their personal belongings left in the world, having already left everything else behind. And now
even these last few things were being robbed from them, so that they were being stripped of all fundamentals. There was even a couple of Jews carrying set of pliers. What they would do is had the waiting Jews standing in line. As the Jews, carrying the pliers ordered them to open their mouths wide, so they could inspect their mouths. They used the pliers to grab hold, and rip out any gold filling. With no concern if it would hurt them. They were also inspected for any jewelry, which to was taken from them - wedding rings, necklaces, earrings, and bracelets.

             
The people in their worst hour began to cry, both the men and women, and many children, all so scared, and upset after all that had been happening to them. If they got to out of hand, the Nazi soldiers would severely beat them, some were even killed, mainly just to make a point, set an example.

             
I was having a rather thorny time looking at these Jews and seeing them for what they truly are. I almost had to black out all their faces, their voices altogether, so I did not had to see or experience all the pain. There was so much, it was thick like oxygen. One had to be careful not to be intoxicated by it. Or you would be done for.

             
As sick as this all sounded, I know I am ashamed, but to keep from completely losing it, letting this place get the best of me, I had to act like the Nazis, not see any of my own people as people, God forgive me for this, but if I did not, there would be no way I could possibly get through any of this. How could I face them otherwise, when I knew the actual truth of what was going to happen? I knew the secrets of this place. The secrets the Nazis hoped to keep
under wraps from the Jews that were being held here. I toyed with myself on whether or not it was fair to warn any of them, or not warn them. I guess deep down, in the end it would not make any sort of difference. The result was going to be the same - I guess if I had to do it all over again, I would had preferred not knowing, at least then I could had kept a small measure of hope alive.

             
So many of these lovely people that surely were guilty of no crime whatsoever, tugging on my arm, all begging me to tell them what was going on at this place, they had no idea. I was always being watched like a hawk with at least one gun pointed at me so if I attempted to do anything stupid, I was warned I would be shot, or if I was to tell them the truth, they would shoot me. The Nazis wanted desperately to keep the secrets of this place, a secret, so I just smiled. So I said absolutely nothing, it pained me dearly to remain silent on this manner.