Watch Me Walk Away (7 page)

“Then there’s Stuart. We had sex last night. Bad sex but sex none the less. What do I do about him? He’s a nice guy and we might be good together eventually. Do I throw him away, because according to Deb, Bobby still loves me?” I run my hands through my hair. I start twirling an end with my hand. “I need to call Stuart soon. I texted him on the train saying I wasn’t feeling well. He was expecting to try and make up for our less than stellar start to sex. He has been after me for almost a year and when I am finally with him my head is all taken up with someone else.”

She turns me so I am looking at her. “How bad was the sex?” She smiles and tilts her head.

I laugh. “He got off. I finished in the shower after he fell asleep. And of course the shower featured a fantasy about Bobby.”

“Well you know what, I think you have done enough soul searching for the moment. You need a real drink and John did say he was taking us out tonight. So go wash your face and change your clothes, make yourself presentable and we will grab something to eat and get my guy to get us drunk.” She stands and pulls me up and pushes me towards my room.

I turn around as I get to my door, “Can we go to the Wharf? I really need a tea and they make the best on the island.”

“Sure if you want to relive our underage drinking who am I to say no? I will call John and set it up. He is DD tonight so you and I are ordering a pitcher or three.” She grabs the phone, “Go on get dressed.”

Yeah a pitcher of Long Island iced tea is just what I need. I haven’t been to the Wharf for almost five years. Jodi and I had our first iced teas there when we were sixteen or seventeen. If our parents ever knew we were regulars down there they probably would have grounded us for life. I wonder if Tom is still behind the bar, I hope so, his teas were the best.

I take a shower and do my hair and makeup. I put on skinny jeans and a tank top with a billowy see through top over it. Then I bite the bullet and call Stuart.

“Hey how are you feeling?” he asks.

“Better thanks. I took a nap and just got up,” I lie. I can’t tell him what happened, how would I even start? “What are you up to?”

“I’m about to go out to watch a game with Scott and Keith.” They are co-workers of his that he socializes with. “I can be late if you want to talk.”

“No you go and have fun. Jodi and I are going to pick up something to eat then we were thinking about a movie. I’ll call you tomorrow, have fun.”

“You too, I’m glad you feel better I was worried about you. Tell Jodi she needs to take good care of my girl,” he laughs.

“I will relay the message,” I snicker. “Good night.”

“Good night, baby,” he says and then hangs up. Ugh what is it with guys calling me baby. I will have to put a stop to that.

God that was awkward I really hate lying. I don’t think he thought anything of it. Stuart is the kind of guy that takes things at face value. He doesn’t really ask that many personal questions, he will listen when I talk and he comments but never really digs into anything. We have never had a deep discussion on anything that I didn’t bring up.

Can I really see myself with him in the long term? I don’t think so. He is a here and now boyfriend I could not see ever marrying him. He is not who I would want for the father of my children. Maybe I should just make it a clean break now before he gets more invested.

I am not going to think about this now. I am not sure how many of these feelings are real and how much is because of the things I learned this morning.

I grab my bag and head out to the living room. Jodi is sitting and watching the news. “Ready?” she asks.

“Yup, let’s go.” I grab a jacket and start for the door. “Where are we going to eat?”

“I was thinking Sayville Pizza?” she says.

Yum. “Good choice. Is John meeting us there?”

“No we are going to meet him back here after and he is driving the rest of the night,” she says following me out the door.

Chapter Nine

The pizza was great! There are few places that can make me feel like I am home and Sayville Pizza was one of them. My mom and I got pizza from there almost every Friday night after my father left. I still think of Friday’s as pizza night.

We dropped our car back at our place and are riding in John’s car on our way to the Wharf. “So are the two of you just going to drink all night and leave me to carry you both back home?”

Jodi turns and looks at me and we say at the same time, “Damn Skippy.”

“We promise not to throw up in the car, but other than that we cannot be held responsible for anything that comes out of our mouths tonight. I am planning to drink until I can’t think anymore,” I say.

“Do I want to know what brought this on?” he asks.

“Probably not but I have a feeling that once we get through our first pitcher of tea I will probably tell you anyway,” I say.

“Well as long as it doesn’t involve me beating anyone up for you I will be happy to listen.” He looks at me through the rearview mirror. I think he knows who has put me in this mood but John is the type of friend that will wait until you bring a problem to him. He doesn’t press if you are not ready to talk. What he doesn’t realize is that I know a lot more than he thinks I do.

Hopefully Jodi will stay just sober enough to stop me if I start ranting too much. I have not been really drunk in years and I am not known for my good sense when I drink. I don’t want John to go back to Bobby and tell him what I know or that I was so upset I drank my way into oblivion. Although I think Jodi has enough influence on him to keep him quiet, at least for now.

John parks the car and we get out. The Wharf is on the outlet to the bay and the smell of water hits me as I am walking to the door. The house I grew up in is on the river that leads to this outlet and I miss living on the water. Being able to just taking off in a boat and the feel of wind in my hair. Bouncing on the waves or just throwing a line out to fish and reading waiting for a hit. Or just lying out on the dock, you get the best tans lying on a dock. I can’t wait for summer to come around so I can get back out on the water. Maybe I can find someone to take me out tomorrow, I will have to bundle up since fall on the water can be cold but it would be worth it.

“Jodi does your father still have his boat?”

“No he sold it a few years ago,” she says grabbing the door. “He never used it and the dock fees were starting to go up every year.”

We walk in and the memories come back hard. I spent so much time in this little bar. There is a bar on the left with a few tables on the right. The fireplace in the back is roaring and the side room is open so you can sit and look out onto the water. Fishing and nautical equipment line the walls. The bar is lined with rope as are the stools. It was originally a fisherman’s bar and quite a few still come in after a day on the water but the night belongs to the younger crowd.

Tom is behind the bar and he does a double take when he sees me. “Lisa, holy shit girl it has been forever since I saw you last. How have you been?”

I walk up to the bar and stand on the foot rest to reach over and kiss his cheek. He is in his fifties and always treated us like his kids. He was always looking out for us and making sure that we either had a sober driver or he took our keys knowing that Jodi’s house was only a half mile down the road. “I’ve been good, Tom. How are you? Looks like things haven’t changed much around here.”

“Nothing ever changes here,” he says. “If I know you, you want a tea right?”

“You’re right, nothing ever changes. Give us a pitcher. John, what do you want?” I ask turning around.

“Just give me a Bud, Tom,” he says coming up and shaking Tom’s hand. “I am the designated driver tonight so these girls can enjoy your tea.”

“Well I will make sure that I limit you then,” says Tom. He turns and starts getting our pitcher ready and I look to see if I know anyone else here. The Doors are playing on the sound system and I don’t know if it is the jukebox or WBAB the local rock station. At some time tonight I am sure someone will come in and start playing the few dance songs Tom allows on the jukebox but he prefers classic rock so he plays BAB more often than not.

I don’t see anyone I know but it is still early, just past nine and this place doesn’t get going before ten. By that time I plan on having a buzz on and I am glad we got here early it means we will have our choice of tables in the back room. The most sought after one is the one right when you walk in by the windows because then you can see both the bar and the back room. You see everyone coming in and everything going on in the back room. There is no other entertainment here. No pool tables or even a dart board, you come to the Wharf to drink and hang with friends. Although the tables all the way in the back have seen their share of make-out scenes. And I have starred in a couple both with Bobby and Steve.

Tom brings our pitcher, a couple glasses and John’s beer. “Do you want me to start a tab for you?” he asks. The other good thing about a local bar, you don’t have to show a credit card. Tom knows we’ll settle up before we leave.

“Please,” I say grabbing the pitcher. John grabs his beer and Jodi takes the glasses.

As we make our way to the back room Tom says, “It’s good to see you here, Lisa. You’ve been missed girl.”

I turn and smile at him. Yeah I missed this place too. Jodi snags the table as we walk in the back room and puts the glasses down. Then she grabs the next table and pulls it over. “What are you doing?” I ask.

“Just making sure we have enough room,” she says. “I called Patty and told her we would be here. God only knows who she called. She is in total party mode since last night.”

Bench seats go around the outer walls of the entire room. I slide into the corner to stake out my spot, the prime spot. When we first started coming here there was no way I could get this spot. The person in this spot was always the one to pay homage to when you walked in. I don’t know who has occupied this spot lately but it’s mine tonight. Jodi and I owned it our whole senior year and I am taking it back.

I pour the tea into the glasses and that first sip, heaven! Now you have to understand that a Long Island iced tea is five different liquors plus sour mix and coke. If even one of the ingredients is off the whole thing will taste horrible. But when you get a good one, it tastes just like iced tea and you have no idea how fucked up you’re getting until you stand up. I have on occasion in this very bar tried to stand up to go to the bathroom only to fall back into my seat not able to move when a minute before I was holding an intelligent conversation. It can hit you that fast and it will if you’re not careful. I mixed some up for a party once in college and luckily everyone was from my apartment complex because no one made it more than a hundred feet from my door. People were sleeping on lounge chairs by the pool because they couldn’t make it to their doors. Thank God no one fell into the pool.

The three of us are alone for about twenty minutes before Patty and April show up. “I thought this was a girl’s night,” screeches Patty. “I didn’t invite any guys. John you will just have to leave.”

“Oh no,” I say putting up my hand. “He’s the DD for tonight so Jodi and I can finish a few pitchers. He stays.” There is no way either one of us is driving tonight and we don’t live right up the street anymore.

“So why are you planning on getting shitfaced?” April asks. “Does it have anything to do with a certain tall, dark and handsome man?” Jodi kicks her foot. I am not ready to talk about this yet. I need to be at least into the second pitcher before I bring him up.

“We’re just reliving some old times,” Jodi saves me. “Go grab yourselves a glass and we’ll share but John is only driving us so drink at your own risk. And the next pitcher is on you.”

April goes to the bar as Patty sits down. “I see you grabbed the table. Good job. I wonder how many kids we’re going to piss off by being here. Last time I was here there was a new queen and she is really bitchy. She looked at me like I was an old lady or something. Hell I haven’t even had my ten year reunion yet.”

Jodi asks, “Were we bitchy when we sat here? We just wanted to know what was going on. We might have been nosy but we were never bitchy.”

I nod my head. We were always friendly with everyone and Tom would tell us if someone was back from college or whatever and we would always give up our table. And we usually had seen them before and kind of knew them. Our group included people two years ahead and behind me so one of us always seemed to know others even if they weren’t with us. The only time we had to worry about giving up the table was around the holidays when all the college kids came home and we were all busy with family stuff then anyway. Times do change I guess. We will see if “miss bitch” tries to make a scene. I have never seen Tom ban anyone but I don’t think he would take too kindly to someone harassing us. Not that we can’t take care of ourselves. If needed we can all pull off bitch.

A few other girls come in that I haven’t seen in forever and our table fills up. I see John texting and wonder if he is calling in reinforcements. Sitting at a table with seven girls intent on reliving high school hijinks and what we have heard about classmates is probably grating on his nerves. I don’t think he has actually opened his mouth to speak in almost an hour. Our third pitcher is getting low and I need to go to the bathroom so I ask Jodi and John to let me out. John says he will get the pitcher, I think he just wants to get away from us for a while.

I stand up and only feel slightly light headed. Still good to drink more, not staggering floor is still even and I don’t even mind the line for the bathroom. I take out my phone and see that I missed a call from Stuart. Well I can’t call him back from here he thinks I don’t feel well and if I call him now I will probably tell him the truth. The only problem with that is I don’t know the truth yet. I don’t know what I am going to do about my love life.

As I am walking back from the bathroom I notice Brad walk in. I feel bad that we didn’t really get to talk yesterday. There was a time that I told him everything. We used to sit on my dock, throw a line in the water and just talk for hours. He got me through my parent’s divorce and I got him through the fact that his parents didn’t love him as much as his older sister. I went to his lacrosse games and he came to my horse shows and then to the plays in high school. My mother was convinced that we would end up together but he was always my brother and I never felt anything other than that for him. I pretty much screwed up our relationship the night we lost our virginity together. Brad thought it meant I was ready to see him as more than a friend when all I wanted was to show Bobby my virginity meant nothing to me.